Tammi's World

Warning - Personal Rant

**Updated Tuesday, May 1: I have never taken down a post in the three years that I've been blogging. I will not start now. I'm wishing I hadn't posted this after a night of thinking about it. However, I did, so it stays. I did, however, move the meat of it below the fold.

I'm breaking my own rule. Usually if I'm really upset about a personal issue I keep it to myself. And, while I am going to blog about what happened to me today, I'm also not going to put out all the details. They would hurt another person that I love very much, and I'm not willing to do that. Actually, that's what has caused the problem in the first place.

You see, if something is really private I'm not really gonna put it out on the flippin' internet. ESPECIALLY if it's something so personal I can barely talk about it.

And THAT is the crux of the matter.

You see, in this personal life of mine, I have some "issues". Issues that are painful and on-going. As I said, they revolve around someone I love. They are not issues that are easily resolved, so instead of talking about them (aka wasting time) I just deal with it. Do I deal with it correctly? No. Probably not. But, I'm me, and I just do the best that I can.

So anyway, I hadn't talked to a friend of mine in a long time. Couldn't figure out why. So I called her to find out. When we actually got to have the discussion this evening on my drive home, I couldn't have been more surprised over what transpired. I was completely blind sided.

Now, let me just put this out there. I am a selfish person. Really. I am. I will NOT do something that will cause me undo pain. Not gonna do it. Nope. No way. No how. And that is pain in any form. Physical, emotional, spiritual. I'm not real fond of hurting so I do a pretty damned good job of avoiding it all together.

That being said, there is one thing I am NOT. And that is stupid. NO one can say that I am with a straight face.

And what I was being accused of was not just selfish. It was hurtful, irresponsible, mean and down right cruel. Most of all, it is something only a stupid person would even THINK about doing. THAT is Just Not Me.

So, anyway, back to the story. As my friend was outlining just how selfish and hurtful a person I am, I found myself speechless. And the only thought going through my mind was "She doesn't know. She doesn't know all the facts." I couldn't tell her without putting the other person in a bad light, and that wasn't going to happen. Hell, if I was going to do that I could have avoided the whole mess in the first place.

And then, as she continued to berate me as if I were a 5 year old, I got mad.

Now folks, let me tell you something. You put me in the corner, usually I'll come out swinging. One way or another. The swing I choose in this little skirmish was silence.

How Dare She Judge Me. How Dare She. I even told her she didn't have all the details. But I also made it clear why I was unwilling to put them out there. But - and here's the kicker - she's known me for 30 years. THIRTY F*CKIN' YEARS and she couldn't even ASK me my side?!?!? She just assumed that she had all the facts - even though they are out of character for me - and made her judgement.

I cannot tell you how angry I am. Ok - hurt. I'm crushed. Beyond words at this point.

During the end of the conversation I told her that in hindsight I did make a bad decision, but there was nothing I could do. And I wasn't going to enlighten her on what she didn't know. I couldn't. But if this is what would be the ending of a 30 year friendship, that's really a shame.

She said "But I didn't say this was the end of our friendship".

I thought - No, but it is. She crossed the line. Big Time.

I don't ask for much. I'm pretty low maintenance. I need few things. Trust, loyalty, communication and honesty. Respect is pretty high on the list too. But seriously, don't judge me. I'm open about who I am, in real life. I know I'm not perfect, but then I dare one single person to step up and tell me they are. I'll call you out on that one in a heartbeat.

But I don't expect someone who shares a history like we have shared, all those years, so many laughs and tears, to not even give me the benefit of the doubt. To not even ask me. To just decide I'm that different of a person than the one you've known all this time. That's unacceptable. 100%

I'm done. There are no second chances when it comes to that.

Off and Runnin'

Is it some kind of an omen if your alarm clock stops working literally 3 minutes before it's due to go off on a Monday?

Good thing I've been waking up early on my own volition. I just did realize the damned thing didn't annoy me this morning and looked to see what was going on. I'm just hoping it's not trying to tell me anything.

It was a good weekend. Hell, it's was a damned good weekend. I hung out with friends, rested, puttered, cooked, made a very yummy chocolate toffee pie. So I should be eager to start my week.

Yeah. Not so much. It's going to be busy as hell. I'm taking Wednesday off to see a man about a tooth, get a replacement social security card and FINALLY get an Illinois drivers license. (I figure when I've been somewhere 2 years it means I'm probably gonna stay awhile. Might as well go ahead and make things official.)

And then Friday? Friday I head back to DC. I'm goin' to the MilBlog Conference. And I can hardly wait.

But before I can go play with the other bloggers, I'm gonna have to get my work done. I have one more longish post on my day at the Pentagon and the organization that arranged it. I have a few more funny stories about that day also. I have actual real life work related things that I thought maybe I ought to finish up, you know I really should do something to earn that paycheck I get 'couple times a month. And....

The list goes on and on and on and on.

But damn. Life is pretty flippin' good right now, can I tell you?

Try and Imagine

In case you missed it there are a couple of posts I want you to check out over at Acute Politics.

VBIEDs at the Gate kicked my ass. Seriously.

And if you haven't already read Falluja Road, you need to do that right now.

Both of these posts give us a glimpse into what our Men and Women are doing over there. What they are dealing with. It's just a glimpse, but we need to look. To understand.

These types of posts are what drew me into blogging in the first place. I was looking for news. REAL news. Truth. Understanding.

Notre Dame = Class

Say what you want, but sometimes my boys from ND just make me ever so proud.

Yesterday Brady Quinn, ND Quarterback, was drafted by the Cleveland Browns. Now, I'll be honest. There are a dozen teams I'd rather see him play for. But - who am I? Just a fan. A die hard fan, but just a fan none the less.

Now, as this article states, it wasn't an easy day for Quinn at all. I understand pride, and his was taking a real beating.

"Still, this was Brady Quinn, the Notre Dame quarterback, the face of college football, and NFL teams were humbling a really nice kid who handled the humiliation with a lot of class and maturity. It was painful to watch him suffer."

I'm glad he's going where he wants. I'm thrilled his dream came true. And I'm happy for the Brown's fans. They got a good QB. He'll be ok. He'll do just fine.

Afterall - he played at Notre Dame. And THAT means somethin'.

A Welcome Home

Yesterday was rather fun. First I have to say it was a BEAUTFIUL day. I sooo wish I had had the chance to go for one of those long endless drives, but alas - I am a grown up.

ANYway....we had us a little party yesterday afternoon. It was in honor of the return of our local gypsy, T1G. A few of us bloggers got together to chat, drink beer, eat fried food and give him shit. It was a GREAT way to spend the afternoon.

Richmond, with her two lovely daughters were there when T1G and I arrived. Now, I gotta tell you.....I just love her daughters. Richmond's great too - but man she has some wonderful girls. We all greeted each other and got settled in while waiting for our pitchers of beer and snicky snacks. Not long after we ordered THE Blogfadda arrived. It's always a pleasure to get the chance to spend some time with Harvey. We missed TNT, but we'll make up for that later!

Food arrives and talking and joking commences when who should appear?!?!?! Raging Mom! I couldn't have been happier. She said she was going to TRY to make it, but she's one busy lady! I really wasn't counting on it. But she made it. And we were all so glad.

Anyway - It was a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Friends, beer, food, cheesecake. No, really, we had cheesecake. Turtle cheesecake. Oh - yeah, we were at Hooters, so the guys got their version too, but that really didn't do all that much for me......

Here's a couple of photos from the day.

Par usual, no one but RM was listening when I said PICTURE TIME!! but I took the damned thing anyway. I don't get it. I talk and talk and talk, and no one ever listens......

Here's our Guest of Honor, the Wandering Gypsy. It sure is good to have him back home again!

These are the lovely ladies (starting on the left) Richmond and Raging Mom. Time spent with these girls is always a GOOD time.

This one may be tough to see, but it's Richmond's youngest daughter, showing the Hooter's Girls how to hula hoop. She's gooooooddddd.....

So yeah, as you can see, it was a good afternoon. Beer, friends, laughs and food. What's not to love?!?!?!?!

Oh, and here's a great picture of Harvey. I snuck this one past his "security" just for you!

I'm A Bad Bad Girl

During the drive back from the "shindig" yesterday, T1G and I were havin' a discussion. Well, actually he was givin' me shit, but with us that actually constitutes a discussion.

ANYway, we were "discussing" the fact that I'm not always "on time" for work. Now....I do have to admit, I have a little issue with actually being in my office, at my desk, in front of my computer at a set time that is determined by other folks. I've always had the issue.

I'm not late for sales calls. And I usually run on "Lombardi Time" (15 mins early) for everything else. It's just something about being tied to a desk at a certain time that causes me........problems.

T1G seems to think I have a problem with authority. I started to argue. Then I realized.....Shit! I do.

It's why I do what I do folks. I'm a firm believer in NOT setting yourself up for additional stress or failure. Life is hard enough without doing that to yourself. So - I try to take jobs where there is freedom.

When I worked from the house, I was up and at it by 7:00am. Yes, I was often still in my jammies, but 7:00am was the LATEST I would get started. And I usually was workin' on something as late as 10:00 at night. But no, I didn't punch a clock.

The last job I had was a problem. I'd be up, nice and early. But I just couldn't get out of the house. I'd push that envelope just as far as I could. 8:03. 8:10. 8:30 - oops, got in trouble that time. 8:15.

Presently? I just have to hit our morning meeting once every 5 weeks. It's a Thursday, and I'll be honest. It's a struggle. But I do it.

I like making decisions. I like having accountability. I like setting an agenda. Hell - let's just say it like it is.....I like control. Period.

I'm not in the military for a reason. Can you just see me at morning revelry? Can you? I'd be wandering out, 10 minutes late with a cup of coffee and a cigarette danglin' from my lips. Yeah, probably not a good career choice for me.

So I'll admit. Here for all to read. I, Tammi, have a problem with authority. That, and I tend to fall asleep while driving in the wee hours of the morning. But mostly? I have a problem with authority.

But that doesn't make me all bad, does it?

Saturday Question

Today's Saturday Question is multi-tiered.

Why not? It's Saturday. We've got the time. Plus....well, it's my blog. My Saturday Question. Basically, it's whatever I want. :-)

So...anyway....tell me. Do you LIKE Bagels? If not, why not. If so...what's your favorite kind? And how do you like to eat them.

I'm havin' me a spot of breakfast right this minute. It's a raisin bagel. Lightly toasted (yes, really) with a dollop of cream cheese.

Now - raisin is the only kind of bagel I'll eat. Don't care for the others. Raisins make everything yummy in my book. Normally, I eat them untoasted and naked. The BAGEL naked, not me. Plain. Nothin' on.

But today, I'm just feelin' like a little crunch. Some warmth.

Yeah. A lightly toasted raisin bagel with a smidgen of cream cheese. Not a bad way to start the day.

So it's your turn. Talk to me about bagels.

Hands on Opportunity

I'm having the hardest time telling people why Thursday was so very special to me. Why it was so important. Words just fail me. Completely. I find myself stuttering and pausing, because I just can't express myself.

And I can't speak for everyone. Only for what it meant to me personally.

You see, I've been a life long supporter of our Military. But I also know I just don't have what it takes to do the job. So.....I do what I can.

Someone asked me the other day how I know so much about what's going on right now. I asked them how they COULDN'T know. If you say you support our Military, how can you NOT know what is going on around them? When 9/11 happened, when those bastards came to OUR house and attacked, we went to war. At that point you choose. You're either in or your out. I was in. 100%. It was whatever needed to be done to support those men and women putting EVERYTHING on the line for our freedom. Our safety.

But I've been frustrated. There wasn't much I felt I could do to make a difference. Oh, the blog has helped. I've helped to raise money, I've spread the word. But nothin' that I could DO. My talents are limited. Seriously. I don't sew. I don't craft. I have to work, so I can't take much time off. I wasn't able to find a way to DO anything that said Thank You. That showed how much I appreciate what is being done for me.

Until Thursday.

I had the opportunity to spend time with some children of the heroes of this nation. I was able to give those children a few hours of laughter and joy and self expression. And I saw it in the parents' eyes. They got it. They appreciated the fact that we truly cared about their babies. About their families. About them.

And I helped to create memories. Memories that will be there in the dark night or when times get rough.

There was a Daddy with his three princesses. Adorable. Each girl made her frame just as special as she was. When they were done Daddy admired each one and said "They're perfect". I can take them with me next month." One of the ladies in the booth didn't understand. He simple said, matter of fact "It's my turn to rotate."

He's going into harms way, and he'll be taking frames that his daughters' made for him on a day they got to spend together.

And I got to help make that happen.

Finally, I got to do SOMETHING. Finally I got to say THANK YOU. I got to say it face to face.

I've still so much I'm trying to put down, but words are just failing me right now. Instead, I'll share what has to be my favorite picture from that day.

When you first look at it, you see a sweet boy showing us his creation. To the right is his proud Mama. That's very special.

But look closer. To the left is a Daddy with his son. An embrace and a whisper. Behind? Another Daddy with his boy. The picture is full of special moments. Smiles. Pride.

It's a picture that shows just a smidgen of what I saw that day.....

Mrs. Robinson???

Funny thing happened....ok. Never mind. That line is just TOO tired to use.

However, I do have a quick funny story.

While on the tour yesterday I had "an encounter". wink wink

One of the escorts for our group was responsible for the station of the tour that talks about the new memorial planned.

As I walked up to his station I had to smile. There he stood, so tall and proud and handsome in his uniform. I caught his eye and reminded him he had been the one to bring my group into the courtyard that morning.

He got a big smile and confirmed my memory. So we started a bit of a banter, just talking about the day and such. Then the Mayor of Spokane WA and his group came up and the Sailor gave his presentation.

He was efficient, thorough and very good at what he does.

So when it was over, I told him. We chatted some more and headed out on the rest of the tour.

After visiting the Memorial Chapel, we had to go to the elevators across from his station.

As we waited, he and I were chatting. Then it happened. He asked if I wanted to meet for a drink while in town next weekend.

OK. Now wait a minute. A handsome man in uniform just asked me out.

Hell - a MAN actually asked me out.

I don't remember the last time that happened.

I smiled and winked and thanked him as I got on the elevator.

Folks - I think he was half my age.

So...a handsome man in uniform that was half my age asked me out.

I'm pretty sure that has NEVER happened to me before.

I'm not kiddin' folks - it was one HELL of a day!! On more levels than you'll ever know.

Moving beyond words.....

I'm hoping to get some additional pictures from Thursday's event honoring the Children of our Military Families from some of the girls at work. And I'm tryin' sooo hard to get my thoughts and feelings down. That will be a pretty long post so what I'm planning on doing is splitting off some of the stories of the day out.

I don't want to cloud THAT with my personal stuff. It's too important.

BUT - that being said - Holy Crap! I spent yesterday at the Pentagon!!! Me! Tammi.

Most everyone who knows me knows how damned excited I was. I mean really, think about it! Combining two of my deepest passions - children and the military. I was over the top.

Even as tired as I was that morning, there was such a spring in my step. Got dressed in my jeans and white shirt (required) and took what I needed out of my purse. I had read NO large bags, and given I had taken my travelin' purse I just wasn't going to take any chances.

I met up with the team in the lobby where I find out that we're taking the Metro. Now, I have to tell you....my metro experiences have not been good. At all. I was not real thrilled with this plan, but majority rules so I sucked it up and followed along.

It rocked. Clean. Efficient. Quiet. Now, will I take it by myself next weekend at MilBlog Conf.? No, no I will not. I am NOT missin' a minute of that, and who KNOWS where I'd end up alone!!! But this was a great way to travel.

As we come out of the station one of the ladies in the group we were meeting asked where we got our coffee in the station?

We didn't. We got it in the hotel.

Seems that's kinda sorta illegal to take liquids on the metro in DC. We had no idea. And honest to pete, if they had signs up, I wouldn't have seen them anyway - I was consuming my first cup of coffee.

It was at that point I looked at the ladies I was traveling with and announced that from there on we obey EVERY SINGLE RULE. I was NOT getting thrown out of the Pentagon. A football stadium? ok. Pentagon? No way in hell.

They all agreed that would be a bad thing.

Anyway.......we meet up with our very handsome escort and start towards the entrance. I felt my heart start to beat a bit faster.

I was going to the Pentagon. Really. I was almost there.

All around us are suits and uniforms. Everyone looked so......smart. Crisp. Confident.

Now, I'm honest enough to admit I'm rather vain. Especially when I'm traveling. MOST especially when it's to a place like this. But yesterday we had to wear "the uniform". It was going to be a busy day and we needed to make it easy for the children and their parents to know who was who.

So there I was, hair in a headband, dressed like 50 other people. Minimal make-up, tennis shoes (which I hate) and a big honkin' name tag that one of our designers made. Folks....it had glitter on it for cryin' out loud!

Anyway, as we gathered in the room awaiting our instructions I just had to laugh. Talk about NOT blending in to your surroundings.

But I didn't care. I was at the Pentagon.

They hand out our packets that include ANOTHER name tag, this one made like a daisy, a red apron and some other chachkeys. Then it's off as a group to the courtyard.

Here's the funny part. As soon as we got into the building I got quiet. I mean really quiet. My heart was beating, and all I could do was look around. Realize WHERE I was. Who I was walking around with.

And as we were escorted through the hallways I realized my eyes were misty. Now, we didn't get to see much of anything, and they were moving us at a pretty fast clip. But still. Every where I looked were things I wanted to stop and read. Study. Enjoy.

Eventually we got to the entrance to the courtyard. As we came out on the landing overlooking everything all I could do was smile. A sea of uniforms. And a smoking area. See folks - I meet more people while grabbin' a cigarette than anyone would ever imagine. It's kind of a bonding experience - social outcasts, huddled around a small container, feeding their filthy habit. Yeah - we bond.

Anyway - we got everything set up and then took a stroll around the courtyard. A lot of construction goin' on, but still....a beautiful setting.

During the day they were giving abbreviated tours for the group. Since the grand tour was scheduled for Friday I wanted to jump into one of these. Hey - a tour is a tour. And who knows if I'll ever have this chance again.

It was basically a tour of the 9/11 Memorial Hall. Sobering. Heart wrenching. Full of hope.

I have always thought we tend to NOT talk about the terrorist attacks that occurred in Washington on that day. I don't know if it's because it was a "Military Target" or what, but I've always felt we didn't bring that part of the day up as much as the other. And I remember sitting at my desk and watching that unfold. When I heard they had attacked our Pentagon, I felt shear, absolute terror. That is the most secure building in this country. If she can be attacked NO WHERE is safe. And the loss......oh dear Lord, the loss.

So yeah, it was very emotional for me to be in that hallway. In the chapel. To read the names and stories of the victims. I had the honor of meeting a gentleman who was a survivor of that day. And to watch him interact with our escort. The look of respect on the young man's face as the gentleman told us his story. More moving than I can find words for.

While I didn't get a Dog & Pony tour, what I did see, those I did talk to.....unbelievable. Unforgettable.

So.....we went back out to our station and went back to work, helping those children make crafts and telling them how special they are.

WOW. What a day. We had over 400 children, from what I understand. And it was amazing at how well behaved these little heroes were. Seriously. The only meltdown I witnessed was because a little boy refused to leave our table until he had drawn a picture on his frame of me. He wanted to take home a picture of me. Damn it, it chokes me up right now tryin' to write this out. His Daddy was tryin' to get him movin' along to make room for someone else, but he wanted to finish that one part. So I posed as if Rembrandt were painting my portrait, and he finished. And each and every time he saw me for the rest of the day, he waved and hollered "There's MY lady".

Yeah, it was a very special day.

To end this post with a bit of a laugh - here's me after it was all said and done. In my "Crafty Get-Up".

Wopperjawed apron, gaudy buttons and all. Hell, I even LOOK crafty!!!

What A Trip!!

Whew. I made it home. And trust me folks, it was not a sure thing.

My trip to DC and the Pentagon was......incredible. I've got some pictures, but honest to goodness, the meat of those will have to wait until tomorrow. But I will say this much. It was one of the best days of my life. Without a doubt.

But tonite, tonite I'm just so glad to be back in The Belfry.

Let me tell you about the travel part of this whole adventure.

It started out Wednesday afternoon when one of the secretaries shows up in my office asking how soon I can be ready to leave.

Seems our flight was delayed. Then canceled and they were booking us on THREE other flights to make sure we got out. We needed to leave NOW.

Got to O'Hare, checked in and waited. Now, the lady I was traveling with isn't as much of a Road Warrior as I am so I was sorta kinda the lead. She just asked that I make sure she's where she needs to be when she needs to be there. I got her all settled in at the gate and......left her there. I needed at least one cigarette cause I knew it was gonna get hectic.

And I had it all planned out. Dash out, smoke, come back through the super secret security line I found and voila. No harm. No foul. And it was all perfect - til I discovered my super secret security line was closed.....

But, I made it back in plenty of time. We finally took off around 8:30 and made it to DC just fine.

Got off the plane and looked for the shuttle to the hotel. Hmmmm. Not arriving for another 30 minutes. Cab.

My partner in crime asked a shuttle driver from another hotel where we needed to grab a cab and he said he'd drop us off. No problem.

Except he dropped us at the wrong hotel. Schleppin' luggage that late at night after a full day was not exactly how I wanted to spend my evening, but hey. You do what ya gotta do.

Up at 5:00am and left for the Pentagon at 6:30. Like I said, a great day, and back to the hotel.

Now - because of all the booked flights INTO DC, we didn't have a flight out. Yeah, we didn't know when or how we were getting back to Chicago.

Turns out we managed to get on the same flight as the others from our team, so we were pretty pleased. Until we found out at noon that our flight was pushed out.

Shit.

Then it was pushed out again.

Damn.

After the event we hightailed it to the airport. Couldn't check in.

Hell.

Finally, stood in line to see what was going on. We got split up. I talked to the ticket agent and got on the next flight out. Scheduled for 4:30, but pushed to 5:30. WooHoo!!!!

My team? Standby or wait til Friday night at 8:30.

As we wait to see what will happen they announce that, due to weather in Chicago, we're REALLY gonna be late. BUT, there's no where to hold the plane. So the plan was to get everyone loaded up, and leave the gate. Then sit for 3 hours. Yes, THREE HOURS. I grab some water, chips and cookie - dinner - and a book, just in case. Yeah, looked like it was going to be a very long trip home.

It ended up we only sat for an hour. Got back to Chicago, where I got lost trying to find my car in the parking garage, and finally made it home at 10:00.

I'm exhausted. But so glad I went. I mean really....when you start your day off the way I did, how could it NOT be a great day?!?!

This little one started my day off with a hug. Seriously - how can you look at that sweet doll baby and not KNOW it was worth every effort to be there?!?!

Pork is the enemy

Oh. My. Goodness.

I saw this over at BlondeSagacity this morning.

One ham sandwich = Hate Crime?

"Ham is not a toy"

I can't even begin to express my...disgust? Outrage? Frustration?

Oh hell, pick a word - or combination of them. That might BEGIN to express my thoughts.

And I can promise you - my house would be considered a temple of satan, with all the pork I serve.....

Go. Read it. Follow the links.

What in the HELL are we doing??!?!?!?!

Note to Self:

You might have the hair straightener too hot when you actually burn your neck WITH YOUR HAIR!

For cryin' out loud......

Headin' Out

I didn't trip. I didn't fall.

Everything went fine yesterday. Well, the Lunch Show anyway.

The rest of the day? Yeah, let's just say there wasn't a lot of laughing comin' from my office.

The streak continues.

BUT...today. Ahhh today. Lots of impossible deadlines that I will just miss and then at 4:00 head to the airport.

Tomorrow is the DC celebration for the Month of the Military Child. At the Pentagon.

WooHoo!!!!

The camera is packed and we've been told we can take pictures. Now, I had to laugh when folks were complaining that we can only take pictures of the event itself. WTF are they thinkin' if they assumed we'd be going to THE PENTAGON while we are AT WAR and they could walk around takin' pictures of the place?!?!? For cryin' out loud.......

They are expecting a lot of media and it's going to be filmed to send over to the troops. We're expecting a huge turnout.

I wasn't going to take my laptop, but I think I might after all. I'll post a recap with photo's when I get home tomorrow night, but just in case there are delayed flights and such I don't want to be without the 'puter. That would constitute a disaster in my book.

My plan is to stay in the background as much as possible. Let's face it folks, most of those kids can craft better than I can - they don't need my help. No, I'm planning on just making sure they have what they need, that they are enjoying themselves and take the time to thank their parents. To let them know we honor the sacrifices their families make for our freedom.

Now, if I just don't come across as some mushy sappy patriot. Oh wait. I am. Oh well.

Tomorrow morning at this time I'll be having breakfast in DC. Lunch at the Pentagon.

Never in my wildest dreams.........

Kick ASS!!

You've got to click over to MilBlogs and check out THIS story. Re: Lynch-ing

A woman receives the Silver Star. First time since WWII.

THESE are the stories not being told.

So spread the word.

Typical

I just realized the two titles I have for the posts this morning, strung together, are a very typical Tammi-ism.

Kinda like the day I said "Just call me Miss Communication".

**shaking head**

Figures....but it did make me laugh. ;-)

I Did It To Myself

I keep talkin' and talkin' about balance. I want balance. I crave balance. Yada yada yada.....

Now, anyone that knows me, knows that's more than just being able to walk across a room without falling - although that would be nice too. No, I'm talkin' balance in my life.

I realized something as I, once again, lay awake in the middle of the morning. 3:00am seems to be my golden hour anymore. But, as I lay there, reviewing my day yesterday and planning for today, I realized I've got it. I have balance. And it's my own fault.

Let me explain.

Last week rocked. I had time to focus on issues and I was knockin' 'em out like they were flies in a kitchen. This weekend? A wonderful, relaxing time. Putterin', cleanin, catching up with friends.

Yesterday? Holy mother of all things sacred. To say it sucked wet socks would be the understatement of the century. I dealt with lost shipments, missed shipments, late quotes, bankruptcy, firings, hirings, backstabbing - it was like I was living in a soap opera, for cryin' out loud.

Well this morning it hit me. It all balanced out. I couldn't have had the fabulous week I did last week and not expect ANY bad.

But I couldn't help but wish the weeks had been reversed. Today? Today my company's largest customer is coming. It's a very big deal. It's VERY important that everything go just right. Oh, I'm not really involved, as they aren't MY customer. But still, I gotta do the "Lunch Show", so I'm just a bit worried that my whole Balance Theory might actually come into play.

Damn folks - it's true. You really do have to be careful what you wish for! Now let's just hope I don't trip and fall during the show. That's ALL I need.......

My WHAT was clogged?

I figured since I posted the question begging for help I'd let you all know we figured out what was wrong with the laptop.

As I had said, Zonker called and walked me through a few things and, while it didn't FIX it, we did narrow the field down to what the problem could be.

T1G stopped by Sunday (it's so nice that he's back home - btw) and brought his laptop. As I figured, his connected just fine.

We had it narrowed down. It was my laptop.

So the IT guy stopped by my office to see how things went over the weekend and I explained. I swear to Pete I saw the light go on in his eyes.

Tammi, You need to flush.

Dude! First that's kinda personal, don't cha think? Second - what the hell are you talking about?!?!

Seems it's a simple matter of "ipconfig /flushdns". Voila! I can surf, blog, work........amazing.

So, it's fine. It's all fine. And I feel a bit better now. I was afraid I screwed something up, but it's just a "maintenance" thing.

Thanks Zonk and T1G!! Thanks to you two, I actually looked and sounded like I knew what I was doin'.....

Flush. Huh. Whodda thunk.

Do You Feel the Love?

The drive in this morning was rather....unremarkable. Seriously, I remember little of it at all.

EXCEPT - they announced that Pittsburgh PA has been determined to be the most romantic city in America.

* Marriage rates VERY high

* Divorce rates 2nd lowest percentile in the country

* Flowers sales #1, showing that love is blooming

* Candy sales #2, only proving what a sweet deal it is to live there.

The rest of the list?

2. Salt Lake City/Ogden, Utah
3. Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill, N.C.
4. Providence, R.I. - Fall River/Warwick, Mass.
5. Charlotte/Gastonia, N.C. - Rock Hill, S.C.
6. Hartford, Conn.
7. Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minn.
8. Rochester, N.Y.
9. Dallas, Texas
10. Houston, Texas

So any of you lookin' to relocate, you might want to keep this list in mind.......

Monday?

In, out, in, out....deep breaths.

Focus. It's all about the focus.

Monday. Damn it all.

And you know it's gonna be a PITA - oh, I'm sorry, and Opportunity for growth - yeah, whatever. It's gonna be a PITA when the bags under your eyes are so big they actually HURT.

Yeah, sleep was NOT my friend last night.

Oh well, you can't win 'em all.

It was a nice weekend. Now, it's time to gird up and get 'er done.

But I sure could use another week or so of cookin' and chillin'........

BTW - ladies? Yeah, if you're feelin' a bit blue - do NOT watch The Lake House. Period. I don't care if it has a happy ending or not. Stupid, fantasy, completely unbelievable. NOT a movie for a pensive mood. Not. At. All. I watched it twice this weekend, and cried both times. Dumb movie....(Damnit, now I gotta buy it)

A Jump Start

Seems a good enough way to start the week.

The song silly, not the powder!

For cryin' out loud.......

Fly High Angel

Horrible news.

One of the Navy's Blue Angel's crashed while performing at the Marine Corp. Air Station in Beaufort, South Carolina this past weekend.

The crash happened as the team was performing its final maneuver. The team's six pilots were joining from behind the crowd of thousands to form a triangle shape known as a delta, but Davis' jet did not join the formation.

Debris - some of it on fire - rained on homes. Eight people on the ground were injured, and some homes were damaged.

Lex has a post introducing us to the pilot a bit.

My prayers go out to the family of the pilot, the Blue Angels' squad and their families and the civilians who were also involved.

Too Much

My poor brain is in overload. Seriously. And I would love to be able to blog about it. I have to work through the issues, and I am tired of making my friends listen to my circular thoughts.

But - I can't. Not right now. So instead, I'm going to just push some of the other crap out here on this page to make room. Hey - it's a matter of survival at this point. Survival of my sanity.

So, I did manage to get a lot of work work done yesterday. I created a couple of new programs, tweaked a few others and did some research on Drug Stores (don't ask).

About mid-morning I started a pot-o-sauce. A BIG pot-o-sauce. 4lbs of meat and 2 gallons pot-o-sauce. Yeah, I made some sauce.

All day I could smell that bad boy simmering. Holy Cow.

And you need to know, for some reason the smell of a good red sauce just makes me crave chocolate. One day, I had a pot goin' and had the ABSOLUTE need to make a batch of fudge. And damn, let me just say, nothin' on earth tasted as good as a piece of fudge and a spoonfull of sauce. One, then the other. Back and forth. Fudge. Sauce. Fudge. Sauce.

Oh. Sorry. Where was I?

Oh, yeah, I remember. So - keeping that in mind, I had to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies. Now WTF am I going to do with a huge batch of chocolate chip cookies? I gave a dozen to the land lady. Another dozen to her daughter. Oh, and since I had to taste test the sauce, I had a few myself. Hey! It works better that way.

Anyway.......Sauce is simmerin', work is clickin', munchin' cookies. And the phone rings. A blast from my past, as it were. A blast that left my mind reeling. Twisting in the wind. That's it. No more work for me. I couldn't focus fer shit.

TV is my savior. I discovered a new series on Showtime (gotta love that On-Demand) The Tudors. Fun stuff - at least to my mind. I watched every episode and all the background clips. Finally a show I want to follow. That was a very nice surprise.

So, despite the laptop issues, a mind overfilled with schtuff, and a phone call that rocked my world, it was a pretty good day.

Well, until I slipped when putting my pan of lasagana in the fridge. Yeah, Oh - I saved the pan. I'm just afraid to lift the foil to see just how much damage I did. I figured I'd save that for today. You know - spread out all that fun over the WHOLE weekend!

Think before you speak

I haven't been watchin' the news. Well, to be honest, I haven't watched much since I moved up here, but lately - it's been even less.

So I didn't know about that whole Alec Bladwin voicemail til I saw AW post on it the other night.

Three words came to mind right away. F*ck You Baldwin!

Seriously, you leave that on a voicemail? To a child? YOUR child???

Then I see in the articles I'm reading he's issued an apology. Says it's not his fault. It shouldn't have been leaked.

Ok - I agree. Voicemails are private. BUT....when you put yourself out there as a "Celebraty" AND you engage in a really bitter custody battle? Yeah, shit's gonna happen.

Now, I've raised kids. I KNOW it's hard work, it's frustrating - they can and will push your buttons. BUT.....and here's the key........they are KIDS. You are the adult in the situation. Some self control is called for. Even *I* know that.

Those kids I raised? Yeah, they weren't mine. But I treated them with respect. My nieces and nephew? They are enough like my sister that they can put me over the edge in a nanosecond - but you don't talk to them that way. Period.

Not in my book anyway. You want respect? Earn it. Share it. Deserve it.

I've got more to say on this....but I'm waiting on an email from my niece. Than I'll give you a glimpse inside the mind of a child and show you exactly how voicemails and temper tantrums can effect a young one.

Bastard. I didn't talk to my dog like that. Can't imagine doin' that to a child.....

Busted

All excuses aside, with this past week bein' so busy I just didn't get around to blogs like I usually do.

So this morning, bein' up before the damned birds, I had the chance to visit a few of my favorites.

You cannot imagine the amount of laughter THIS post brought about. Hell, I think I woke my deaf landlady up.

Holy Crap - 'Neck....I don't know where you found that, but I'm afraid you might be right. If you only knew.......

Kick his ass indeed. Ohhhhhh.............

Excited!

This is the week!!!

Damn, I am sooooo excited!

Add in the idea of this....

....and I'm lookin' at a pretty damned good week!!!

Saturday Question

Spring has officially Sprung here in THE Valley. It's supposed to be a glorious weekend. If yesterday is anything to go by, it sure will be.

I'm trying to think of a Saturday Question. Something to celebrate that my windows are all open, a wonderful light breeze is wafting through, blowing out the staleness of winter. Something to welcome this long awaited weekend.

So today's question is this - What says SPRING to you? (Spring as in season, not "boing", as I know some smart ass would be tempted to say.)

I'd like to say Spring is the beautiful tulips that are everywhere I look. I'd like to say it's that fresh shade of green that only comes this time of year. Hell, I'd like to say it's the sound of children finally playin' outside, after a winter of being cooped up.

But no. For me Spring is the smell of fertilizer. The sight of farm equiptment lumbering down the road. The sound of tillers.

It's funny, for the last 10 years I've hated spring. Really. It's one thing I loved about Florida - I never had to deal with Spring, it doesn't really exist down there. But since moving back to the Heartland I find myself looking forward to it. Those first warm days, the sunshine that just LOOKS different. Brighter, more intense. On my way to work this week I got caught behind a big ole tractor. And I had to smile. It's here. Spring. Finally. And I'm glad.

So tell me.....what are your favorite signs of Spring?

Clueless - UPDATED

I had plans for this weekend, damnit! It was all laid out so perfectly.

When I left the office yesterday I had met with our IT guy because there are things I wanted to get done today.

You see, I'm having trouble with my laptop. The wireless is not getting to the internet. It tells me it's connected to my Linksys, says it has a VERY strong signal. But all I get is the 404 error page. This started happening at AW's house last November. It works at the airports, but no where else.

So I told the IT guy yesterday it was VERY important that I really need him to see what I've done wrong. The wireless works for other folks, why not me? And it used to work just fine for me.....I can't figure out what happened. I haven't changed anything at the house. It's gotta be the laptop.

He checked things out, made a few changes and said it was "all fine". That phrase right there should have told me something. Cause it's never good when *I* use it.

Anyway - I took him at his word, packed my stuff and headed home. As I was hunkered down on the loveseat with my pizza and wine I fired my baby up.

Nothin'. Just that damned 404 error page. I should get serious credit for the fact that I didn't see how far I could launch the thing off the deck.

So now my weekend is screwed up. Last night I had the hardest time sleeping. All I could think of were the projects that are all due on Monday. Projects that will not be done.

The plan was to putter a bit this morning, put on a pot of sauce, and work. Clean a bit when I needed to step away from the numbers then get back at it.

Sunday? Lasagna and movies. A little more puttering, but nothing too bad.

My main thing was to bust it today and get this stuff done.

Now, I'm kinda stressed. Kinda really stressed. And I'm frustrated that I can't figure out what's wrong. I know it's something simple, but I don't know how to fix it. I used to be able to figure this stuff out, but I haven't had to deal with the "new technology" so I'm clueless.

It was the perfect plan. The perfect balance (for me) of work and relaxation. Now, I'm already 4 hours behind schedule and pretty much out an entire nights sleep. So that would mean I'm cranky, sleepy and frustrated.

Not really the frame of mind I wanted for this weekend. So if anyone out there can help this tech-tard figure out why her laptop won't connect to the internet I'd really appreciate it. Cause at this point, I've got no idea........

UPDATE: ZONKER to the resuce. Sorta. That sweet guy - yes, I'm still talkin' about Zonker - called me to help me figure out what the hell was wrong. While we didn't get it fixed, per say, we do know that the damn thing is connected, it just won't recognize NAMES of websites. Only IP addresses. Doesn't get me any closer to getting my stuff done, but at least I know what to tell the IT guy. Thanks Dude. You're the best.....

That Damned Theme Song

Ok. That's over.

Back in the office, puttin' out a few fires, then I'm outta here a bit early today. What the hell?!? I deserve it.

Anyway, the call went fine. Great? No. Really good? Not really. Just fine.

But I had to share this little story, as I know most of you that know me will just get a chuckle.

We get done with the call and my rep and I are gonna head to someplace to grab a bite to eat and regroup. I'm on the phone with the office machine-gunning follow-ups off to the girls before they leave my weak mind.

My rep is driving her truck and I'm followin' in Lana. Talking, talking, driving driving. We get to Steak and Shake, park go in and finish up our meeting.

Now, this is Naperville. I don't spend a lot of time in Naperville. She....lives there.

So, we get done and part ways. I head to the ladies room, cause it's about an hour's drive and I've had 96 cups of coffee and 103 diet cokes already today.

I get out to the car, get settled, start the engine and realize.......I have no earthly idea where I am.

None.

Not what road I'm on. No which way I need to go on that road. What road I need to go TO. Nothing. All I'm sure of is I need to find my way to 88 EAST. From there I'm golden.

I put the car back in park and just laughed. Hell folks, I'm not proud, I'll admit it. I laughed so damned hard I had to go back inside and pee.

And before you say it - I tried to ask directions but none of the staff spoke English beyond the menu.

Well, as evident by the fact that I am sitting in my office, I did figure it out. Actually, I got lucky. But that's not the point.

The point is......oh, hell there is no point. It's just a part of who I am. ;-)

And Breathe

I have had one hell of a week. Seriously. Every problem turned out to be a gift. This has been one for the record books, let me tell you.....

This morning I'm heading to one of my largest accounts. It's local, so that's nice.

Big presentation. For Christmas '07. The last one for this year. Hell - right now we're presenting Easter of '08 to just about everyone else. It's no wonder I don't know what day or year it is anymore.

So I'm all gussied up in my very stylish new suit. Have been havin' a pretty damned good hair week and I'm locked and loaded. Everything is ready. models, samples, quotes...and it's as close to perfect as a mere mortal can make it. Then an afternoon in the office and two glorious days off.

Let's say that together. Two. Glorious. Days. Off.

I've got a pan of lasagna just beggin' to be made and a house that is screamin' for attention.

It's all yellow.

Have a great Friday y'all. Here's hopin' mine stays as good as the rest of the week was.

Idiotic

Like the majority of American's I was heartsick to hear of the tragedy at Virginia Tech. Horrible. My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and their families.

Like the majority of American's I've talked with or read, I was furious to see that NBC and most other MSM organizations were playing the hell out of the "package" the killer mailed.

I hated to see it was out there. Outraged to know it was the "Breaking News".

I had no plans on writing on it. I honestly felt I have nothing to offer.

But then I saw this article during my afternoon read. 36 California Schools Under Lockdown.

I want you to read the article so I'll only point out the things that yanked my chain the hardest.

Seems some 28 year old drug addict decided to threaten A school out in California. Threatening to "make Virginia Tech look mild". But he didn't say which school so all those poor children were locked down. Afraid. Parents. Terrified.

Further down in the article it mentions the huge amount of copy-cat threats that have been happening nation wide.

But I'll bet dollars to donuts those idiotic bastards that have been playin' the hell out of the shit, and that's what it is SHIT, from the killer at VT will not even have a GLIMMER of an idea that THIS IS THEIR FAULT!! If they would stop playin' that crap, stop giving that mad man any "glory" it wouldn't plant the idea in as MANY heads as it is. Oh, some one some where would think of it all on their own. But.....for shits sake, this guy is flippin' INFAMOUS.

I won't watch one second of that shit. I won't. And I won't write one more word about it. But I just had to get this out of my system.

It flat out makes me sick.

You Won't Want to Miss This

Did you hear the news? Did you?

There's a pretty big shindig goin' on at Wolf Park this week-end.

Wolves. Live Jazz. All sorts of cool stuff.

I can't go this weekend, but I'm goin early next month. I can't wait. One of my favorite "retreats".

Anyway - head on over to Laughing Wolf's place and get the details.

And then get there if you can. You can't imagine how cool it is.......

We All Need A Laugh

One HELL of a way to start the day.

Seriously.

You'll want to read this.

A Quiet Evening

Nothing that was on TV last night was what I wanted to watch. I was rather restless, didn't even feel like blogging.

So I hunkered down on the love seat and started to flip through the channels. As I checked to see what movies were just starting I noticed 84 Charing Cross Road with Anne Bancroft and Anthony Hopkins.

Now, it didn't really look like anything I'd like, but I was immediately drawn in. And I couldn't NOT watch.

It tells the story of friendship. A friendship of words. Bancroft's character, Helene Hanff lives in NY and Hopkins' character Frank Doel, lives in London. The story begins in the late 1940's, while England is still struggling to recover from the war. Doel works in a used bookstore and Hanff, a writer, is a lover of old books.

Their friendship spans decades. They never speak. It's all via letters. Precious, handwritten letters. The kind you take time over. Time to write and even more time to read.

And it recorded history. Events, thoughts, feelings. History. Forever captured in the words on a piece of paper.

It was a wonderful movie. No, no action. No romance - not really. Oh, I think they each had crushes on each other. But it was all fantasy in that vein. No, just a shared love of literature and books. A comfort that comes from reading each other's thoughts and humor.

It made me think about how long it's been since I've lingered over a letter. How long it's been since I really took TIME to communicate with someone. I used to write a lot of letters. I really enjoyed the process. Pages and pages. It's always been easy(er) for me to write about things close to my heart. I really don't do so well talking about that stuff.

When email first came along, I treated it like letters. I'd take time. I'd communicate. Lately, I don't do that so well. I'll jot a note, but most of the time, not so much. Oh, I think of doing it often. And I LOVE getting notes and letters from those I care about. Hell, if I'm honest I have a folder in my email where I save those that are most precious to me. And like a letter, I often pull them out and re-read them. But somehow, it's really not the same.

But this movie? Oh, it was wonderful. It was sweet and charming. And it made me think. Not of war or sex or heaven or hell. It made me think of people. And the bond of friendship. Communication and how very precious that is.

I think I'm going to dig out my old stationary. It might just be time to write a few letters.

Didn't Bother Me

I am a sales manager. I manage not only accounts but people also. My team is spread out all over this country. My customers? The same.

I'm sure you've heard me say a time or two that I travel a bit. It's part and parcel of the position.

I have a cell phone (and I'm not afraid to use it). Hell - I just about live on the damned thing. I have a laptop. It allows me to work from just about anywhere.

I also have a Blackberry. A handy device. We only have ours set up for email and the Internet, since each rep is responsible for their own cell phone.

Can I tell you how much I hate that damned Blackberry?!?! Hate it. H.A.T.E.

Let me explain.

Back in the good ole days when I traveled, if you had a question or needed to get me some information you'd call my cell phone. Now, I am not a dumb girl. If I'm in a meeting or not able to talk I simply do not answer my phone. In fact - at the office my phone is on vibrate and when I pull into the parking lot of a customer I turn the damned thing off. But I have voicemail and I check it most regularly.

If you need to ask/tell me something that isn't urgent you could always send me an email. Remember, I have a laptop. I check my email. I will get back to you.

Works pretty good, at least for me.

Now, with this Blackberry thing, I can get emails immediately. All the time. Any where. I will say, it is kind of nice that I can browse the Internet while sitting someplace, without pulling the laptop out, but honestly? Yeah, not that important to me. I can wait to do that. Nothing on the Internet is THAT urgent for me right now.

And it's made people incredibly rude. Even RUDER than with cell phones. Believe it or not.

I cannot think of the last meeting I was in that did NOT include folks sitting there browsing through their email while they are supposed to be participating. And I can assure you, it's not all new email. They use the time to "clean things up". Hello?! We're in a meeting for a reason. Let's focus people!!!!!!!

And there is no escape. None. You can now be accessed anytime and anywhere. No longer is it acceptable to say "I'm sorry, I'm in a meeting. I'll take care of it later". Immediate response.

I'm sure in some occupations that's important. For me? Not so much. It's not a life or death situation. You don't need an answer from me at 10:00pm or in the middle of a management meeting. I promise, you really won't like what you hear.

So I don't play by the rules. I refuse to.

My cell is on most of the time. I look at the caller ID (unless I'm really preoccupied) and after I get home from the office at 7:00pm if it's work? I don't answer. Period.

My Blackberry is in my purse. The battery needs to be charged. I'll charge it this weekend for my trip on Wednesday. Other than that? I don't use it. Hell, until I started just carrying it with me, I forgot it and the girls had to FedEx it to me several times.

That's why I sorta kinda thought it was funny as hell that the Blackberry "Network" was down and everyone was freaking out. It was one BIG BIG deal!!

For me? Not so much.

Balance people. It's all about the balance. Plus, even with all the responsibility I have at work, I'm really not THAT important. I want my team to make decisions on their own. If I do my job correctly and efficiently, my customers should be alright reaching me the "old fashioned way". You really don't need at access me 24/7. Not for work anyway.

So, while you'll probably see me luggin' around my old laptop, walking around with a headset talkin' on the phone, you WON'T find me scrollin' through some hand held torture device when you're tryin' to talk to me. I'm paying attention. I'm an old fashioned kind of girl.

A Salty Tale

I love homemade soup. My favorite? I'm really partial to cheesy potato soup, with ham.

But that's usually a weekend meal. Not somethin' I can throw together when I don't get home from work until 6:30.

Well, not always. While shopping this weekend I picked up a package of Bear Creek Cheddar Potato Soup. Tonite....was the night.

So, in my discussion with Richmond (who is a wonderful cook, btw) on the drive home, she suggested I use chicken stock instead of water. What a great idea!!! So I did.

And I added an entire package of chopped ham. I like a lot of meat in my soup...what can I say.

It said from package to table in 25 minutes. PERFECT. Put the stock on the boil, poured in the mix and added the ham. I do not use salt, so I just pumped up the volume with some spiced pepper.

Well, woman cannot live on soup alone. I had to have bread. And I wanted hot from the oven crusty rolls. Unfortunately I didn't think ahead and all I had were the Pillsbury dinner rolls. Damn. Soft. I wanted crusty. Duh....brush the tops with a beat egg.

8 mins for the rolls.

Finally - everything is ready. A good, feels like homemade meal, even after a full day of commuting and work.

The rolls? Were great. Most excellently crusty. And, I'm a dunker so I'll say the first few bites of the soup were fabulous especially since I dunked the very yummy rolls in it.

But after the first few bites of soup I realized it was very VERY salty. My bet is the ham. I should have thought of that, but I just love ham and potato soup...and since I never salt anything when I cook I didn't even think about the fact that the mix must have been "pre-salted".

Yeah, really salty. Really REALLY salty.

Oh, I finished my bowl. I learned that lesson long ago. But I'm a little disappointed in myself.

Still good. I'd still recommend it. But I'd skip the ham. Oh and for heaven's sake - DON'T SALT THE SOUP!!!!!

I Got This Email.....

.....and it cracked me the hell up. I'm still cleaning the soda off my monitor.

I just had to share!!

Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada ."

Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall around Afghanistan , Iraq and Iran with all believers of Mohammad inside and all Jews, Americans, and other infidel forever outside our precious state.

"Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries..

The American engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall".

The Genie explains , "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds these countries... ..... it's virtually impenetrable. Now what is your wish?"

The American engineer smiles and says, "Fill it with water."

Pooooof! WORLD PEACE !!

Exactly!

Johnny_Oh calls 'em like he sees 'em on the VT shooting.

But I have a feeling the MSM ain't gonna pay one bit of attention. Hell, look how they went on and on and on about Anna Nicole, for cryin' out loud. And this is a REAL tragedy. Yeah, they're gonna milk this for all they have.

Great post Johnny!! It's good to see you postin' again!

And if you get the chance, hell MAKE the chance, head over to Lex's place. He has 2 posts up that are MUST READS in my mind. Unbalanced and The Larger Issue.

These are two perfect examples of why he is one of my daily reads. And has been for over 3 years now.

I'm Very Excited

I've got a pretty big deal comin' up.

Next week I get to go to the Pentagon and help in the DC celebration for Month of the Military Child.

There have been a few posts up over at SpouseBuzz I think you should read but, I have to admit, I'm rather disappointed that there hasn't been more hoopla over this. I mean, seriously. Think about that for a minute. The children of our Military deal with deployments, missed birthdays, interrupted weekends, constant moves, death - all without a say. They have no choice. None. All they can do is cope.

They deserve to be celebrated. And the parents deserve a day of seeing their children being honored, having fun, creating something.

Hopefully next year will be bigger and better. More locations across this country need to participate, and I'm already thinking of ways to help encourage that.

But, I got sidetracked. I'm going to the Pentagon. Next week. They are expecting between 3,000 and 6,000 children. At the Pentagon. Next week. I'm going to be there.

This is going to sound just weird, but I'm soooo excited. I'm going to the Pentagon. This is bigger than anything I've done. I don't remember the last time I was this excited to go somePLACE.

But I just hope I don't embarrass myself. My first time at McDill I just walked around with this goofy smile on my face thanking every single person that would make eye contact. I couldn't seem to help myself.

Wait. That didn't embarrass me at all. It bugged the hell out of the guy who took me, but I was fine with that.

Guess I need to rephrase my worry. I hope I don't embarrass the folks I'm travelin' with.

But then again.......I don't really care. I'm goin' to the Pentagon.

My Mind Ran Wild

Driving to work yesterday I heard some very distressing news on the radio.

Japanese toilet maker announces Bidets may catch fire.

OK. Just think about that for a minute.

It's a fancy toilet. How in the hell can it catch fire??

But then, thanks to my very UNengineer like brain, the details just weren't important. The how and why didn't matter. What did matter were all the phrases that ran though my mind like a marquee sign in Times Square.

* Give's a whole new meaning to "burns my ass"

* Ohhhhh fire cracker

* Hot Sn*tch (fill in the blank, I don't want to be googled for THAT one!)

* Fire in the hole!!!!

* Fire balls

* Smoked sausage

I was crackin' myself up. And actually, the list goes on and on. But I'd rather know what YOUR first thoughts were.

Come on.....I know you want to. Y'all are GREAT at these things.

Chicken Shit or Chicken Salad

Some days, no matter what you do, nothin' clicks. It's like the timing belt is off on your life.

And some days, no matter what you do, everything clicks. You couldn't screw up if you tried.

This morning? I got out of the house late. Not in a very good mood, I might add.

Traffic? What traffic?

Had a call from a rep this morning. Huge, important sales call? The customer hated everything. Everything we showed them. HOWEVER - they did have some ideas. Ideas we're going to be able to pull off fairly easily. To the tune of 3x the original forecast for that particular event.

I have this itty bitty customer down south. Oh, they could do great numbers, they just don't. They just called and ordered EVERYTHING I sent to them for Halloween. 4x the amount they did last year.

I'm sitting here at my desk afraid to move. But then again, I'm thinkin' I'll stop and buy a lottery ticket on my way home.

Shhhhh, don't tell anyone, but I'm thinkin' I'm havin' a pretty damned good day.

I Will Be Heard

Ok - this is NOT funny.

I don't know WHO changed my password over at Google, but I can't leave any flippin' comments.

Not Happy.

Not happy at all.

So - Raging Mom? Yeah, I love the hat. Really. I do.

Everyone else on Blogspot? Yeah, I'll get this figured out....don't you worry.

I will NOT be silenced.

For cryin' out loud....they've been tryin' to do that my whole life. It sure as hell ain't gonna start now!

Announcing........

So I get an email late last evening.

Yeah! Email!! And not even spam!!! Gotta love that.

Huh. It's Entitled "I've Spawned" and I see it's from RSM.

My first thought was - What the hell is goin' on down there in that Cabin in the Woods? Then, as I read through, I see he's been stayin' out of trouble....sort of. This is all about blogging.

And is most excellent news indeed.

RSM has himself a BlogSon. He's told us some great stories about this guy they call Viking Medic. I remember thinking he sounds like someone I'd like to know. I wish I could find the posts with those stories - you'd love 'em. I know you would.

Anyway - I was very excited about this news. We need new, fresh, insightful bloggers. And a Southern Gentleman? (And if RSM say's he is, I KNOW he is) A decorated Combat Medic from the Nat'l Guard? Yeah, I'm thinkin' this is exactly what we need.

So I click over. The blog is called The Quest for Valhalla.

The first post I see made me smile. You gotta love a guy who writes a post entitled "Why I Date Older Women". Seriously. OK - I Do. But then again, I'm rather biased, thankyouverymuch.

And the picture on his sidebar is of Soldiers. With a Really Big Gun!!!!!

WooHoo!!!

In all seriousness, Welcome to the Blogsphere Viking Medic.

I look forward to what you have to share.

He's on the 'roll folks. Check it out!!!!

Morphing

I've always said I want to be Maxine when I eventually grow up. You know, fiesty, says exactly what's on her mind, sets her own fashion trends.....

Well, whether I'm ready or not, I think the transformation is in progress.

Let's start with this. THIS is the perfect Maxine-ism....

Huh?!?! You're already seein' it aren't you???? The resemblence is there, and pretty damned strong.

Well, I think I've finally taken the next step. Let me explain.....

I have often made a pretty big point about me and my love of bein' barefoot. Well.....I live in the flippin' North now. WAY up north.....it get's kinda cold up here a few months of the year. My little tootsies get a bit chilled.

So for Christmas my niece-in-law bought me these...

I have to admit....I love 'em. Warm. Comfy. My feet don't feel "closed in". Plus they're really really cute! And I'm not even a cat person.

And, if the truth must be told......

.....they look really good with my jammies!!

But they soooo look like Maxine Slippers.

Oh, hey? You all right there? Maybe you better take a deep breathe and look away from the monitor. I guess if you're not used to it, it does look like a long way down from that angle. ;-)

Subtle Hint?

Hmmm.....got this via email this morning.

I think someone's trying to tell me something......

Soundtrack

The death of my friend has hit me on several levels. Pretty hard.

He was the same age as my father when he passed. Younger than I am right now. Wow. Wow. I just can't seem to get past that.

And he lived his life. He had a beautiful wife, a career in which he was very respected. He had his "i's dotted and his t's crossed".

I. Do not.

To be honest I never figured I needed to. It's just me. Cuz knows she is getting my barrel chairs and the other stuff? Insurance money is spelled out and the rest can just be sold or given away.

But after being there to help plan the service for Charlie, seeing all that needed to be done, even WITH his preparation, the light went on. The service wasn't for him. It was for us. And I owe it to those in my life, to make it easy.

So, in typical Tammi fashion, I started planning.

One of the most difficult parts I helped with for Charlie was the music. T wanted music that represented HIS life. Now, I knew him. But that was about the hardest thing I've ever done.

And I started thinking........damn. I wonder what folks would play for me? What would I WANT them to play?

So I'm putting together a soundtrack of my life. It's hard. I'm trying to balance respect for my family and my love of music. It's different. It's not a playlist, per say. It's not what I have on my iPod, not by a long shot. But still.....it's me.

What about you? What would YOUR soundtrack be like? Try listing it out. And be serious. I think you'll surprise yourself. I know I am.....

Reminder

Did any of you see the PBS Documentary last night, America at the Crossroads? Last night was the first installment, Jihad. It left me speechless. Pissed, scared and speechless. It talked about the beginnings of Al Qaeda. How it came together. Who these bastards are. I often found myself sayin' out loud - Shit I didn't know that.

And personally? I want to know and understand my enemy.

Tonite's episode, TD from Acute Politics will be featured. At 9:00 eastern time is the segment Warriors, at 10:00 Operation Homecoming, Writing the Wartime Experience.

Seriously - this series looks to be incredible. I was a bit "nervous" about the agenda on this, I'll be honest. But when you see phrases like this: "Contrary to stereotypes, this generation of Army volunteers is better educated on average than the U.S. population at large. And, for many of the American men and women in Iraq, the strongest motivation is a need to serve and feel part of something bigger than themselves." - I figured I'd give them a chance. I'm glad I did.

Don't miss it. I know it just started, but if the other 10 parts are like the one last night it should be required TV. I thought it was just that good.

Yellow

When this song first came out I just couldn't hear it enough. I still really enjoy it.

It's about friendship. And devotion. It's about true caring.

My friend Joyce and I adopted the phrase "It's all yellow" as our own. To that we added "Come to the light" and we discovered it perfectly described how we felt.

Come to the light. Come to a place where there is no judgement, nothing conditional. Just be. You are accepted and loved for who and what you are.

It's all yellow. No matter what, who, why, or where it'll be alright. You are not in it alone, no matter what you think or feel.

When they announced the lay-off's at Tropicana, man I thought I was just done. Just about every friend I had was tied to that company. And I knew, having done this before, that no matter what intentions you have, things change. Interests shift, soon conversation becomes more difficult. And after a while, even the closest of friends drift a bit. Things Change.

I figured, as I always did, that all I had to depend on was myself. I'm all I've got. So I bottled up all that fear, and anger, and self pity. I melted from the inside.

But I wasn't in it alone. I had my haven. I could Go To The Light. My place to just be. To laugh if I wanted to, vent if I needed to, or even just sit and listen when I was too drained to do anymore.

When my heart would be smashed into pieces, or even just my ego got bruised, I'd hear "It's all yellow, just come to the light". And I would have to smile...knowing it was going to be alright in time. Everything heals, we all move on, it's just a matter of time, patience and support. That's all.

I hope you have a place of light. A place where you can go and just KNOW that you are wanted. You are cherished. You are appreciated. We all need that - and it's not an easy place to find.

And remember.....with your real friends, those that love you the most.....it's all yellow.

Dream Come True

I've mentioned a time or two how very much I love goin' to the grocery store. Actually, it's not the goin' I love....it's the groceries.

I love food.

I love to plan menus. I love to shop for it. I love to cook it. And I really love to eat it.

I love it.

So.....I realized, while tryin' to figure out what delights I would conjure up this weekend, that I had a problem. All I had in the house was OJ, spoiled milk, 2 pieces of bread and a dozen eggs. Folks? I'm good, but I ain't that good.

The solution was obvious. It was payday week and I had no plans for my Saturday afternoon. I was WAY past due a trip to my favorite Yankee grocery store. (and yes, Publix will always be my very favorite grocery store. Period.)

But I was going to do things different this trip. You see.....I have a dream. A dream where I walk through the grocery store and buy what ever my heart desires. Don't look at prices, don't preplan so it's easy to cook. Just buy what ever I want.

And that is exactly what I did. Ohhhhhh it was heaven.

Today, fried chicken (recipe from AW) with mashed potatoes, biscuits and peas. Oh, and I made a cobbler for the first time in a way long time.

I've got pork roast, sour kraut, beef roast, London broil, stuff for lasagna, manicotti. Veggies that will just curl your toes. The makings for meat loaf, fresh hot rye bread, pies, this other really yummy chicken dish I make.....the list just goes on and on.

The hardest part was, well - other than carryin' everything up to The Belfry - deciding what to make first.

I love the fact that I'm not traveling for another week and a half. And then, only over night. This makes a month or more home. A very welcome break.

And I got food in my house. Lots of yummy stuff just waiting for me to put it all together.

I know....I'm just weird. But hey - at least I keep myself out of trouble this way!

A Great Start

Ohhh I had forgotten....

Today is Rose Day in THE Valley.

The Lion's Club sells the most beautiful bouquets of roses every year around this time.

Last year, bein' unemployed and all, my Landlady bought me a batch.

This year - in her words...You're Workin'. You're Buyin'.

How can you argue with that logic?

Anyway....early this morning there was a knock on the door and there she was. Complete with my beautiful roses.

I figured, it bein' Saturday, and many of us not having the best of weeks, I'd share them with you.

So.....here you go! Enjoy!!!

**And yes.....that is a burning candle first thing this morning. It's the weekend. I'm Tammi. It's what I do.....

Help Needed

I have a favor to ask. I need some help folks, and I'm more than willing to admit, I'm WAY out of my league on this one.

Let me explain.

I have an idea. BUT I can't finish the details.

Does anyone out there speak IM? You know that new, abbreviated language out there that everyone uses for text messaging and IM'ing? I need a list of cute phrases, in that code, complete with translation.

I can't go into to many details, but suffice to say - this is really cool. And if I can pull it together y'all will have been part of something NEW and HOT and FRESH. And I'll share everything once I don't have to worry about "opsec" for want of a better word.

So - either leave me a list in comments or email me at tammisworld@gmail.com I would really appreciate your help.

Best Laid Plans.....

Well, it SHOULD have been a great evening. Really. Everything was in place.

I had to work a bit late - I didn't want to drag EVERYTHING home with me - so I got home a bit later than I like, but avoided all the traffic. Not a bad tradeoff if you ask me.

As soon as I walked in the door I preheated the oven and got the pizza ready. First bottle of wine chilled and open. But there was somethin' "not right" about the wine. Usually it's one of my favorites, but last night? Not so much.

Oh, I drank it. You can bet on that. But it wasn't what I wanted...

Anyway - I settled in on the loveseat, determined to have a relaxing evening for a change. I figured the wine would make me sleepy and I just wanted to put EVERYTHING out of my mind for a bit. A mini-vacation as it were.

Looking for a movie, I see Catwoman was on. Huh. Haven't seen that one yet and it seemed like a perfect choice. As the first Halle Berry kicks ass scene got underway I congratulated myself on my insightfulness. After a while though, I realized something. Here's this movie, with an incredibly beautiful woman dressed in this GREAT leather outfit, complete with whip, and every flippin' commercial was for some "Male Enhancer" product. Seriously. What's up with that? I'll tell ya, if that movie didn't get your attention, I'm seriously thinkin' those products probably wouldn't do it either.

But, I digress.

That movie finished, as did the first bottle of wine so I started round two.

Wine still not what I was wanting. I'm going to have to make a trip to my favorite winery this week and pick up a case or two...But I mustered through.

Next movie choice was Just Like Heaven, one of the few "chick movies" I really like. Maybe it's because, while not a Doctor busy saving lives, I can relate to the lead character waaaayyyy too much.

So, there I am hunkered down on the loveseat....movie, wine, cigarettes....and I realize my day seems like it was last week. I've accomplised part one of my goal. I'm completely relaxed and not worryin' about foam, or glue or psyco teddy bears or anything. WooHoo.

I get a bit sleepy so I tidy up and head to bed. That's when it happened.

I could smell smoke. Seriously smelled smoke.

I got back up and checked to make sure I was a responsible smoker. No, no problems there. I checked the bedroom. No, nothin'. I even checked the bathroom to see if I had left something plugged in. Nope.

But I noticed the bedroom was really smokey. Irratating my eyes. Now I was getting worried.

I stepped outside and then I realized what it was. Wood. New, wet wood. As I look around the quiet neighborhood I see where one of the neighbors must have been using the fireplace or woodstove. And, since I'm in The Belfry and it's hotter than hell in my room, I had the fan in the window. Drawing all that shit right in.

Damn.

Now, I will tell you - I've got a bit of a fear about fire. Not my favorite thing. And with there only being one way in or out of this place, yeah - let's just say my evening of peaceful slumber was shattered.

Oh, eventually I slept. And this morning I awoke to the sound of that damned diesel truck next door. As I glanced at the clock I had to smile. It was 7:30. Yeah......it's ok. Today really IS Saturday.

WARNING!!!

I got a frozen pizza and two bottles of wine.

I'm goin' in, and it might not be pretty.

You have been warned...........

Pony Up!

I've mentioned several times I attended a Mennonite college. Now, I've also mentioned that the Mennonite religion is one of pacifism.

Yeah, I stuck out like a sore thumb, why do you ask?

Anyway- I have one very vivid memory from my time there. Well, one that I'm willing to talk about right now anyway.

It was a sunny day and I was in my Business Management class. We were about half way through for the day when all of a sudden a group of men in suits showed up. They walked en-mass to the front of the class and stopped in front of our prof.

They then proceeded to inform him that he was under arrest for NOT PAYING HIS TAXES. As they were escorting him out of the room he announced that as long as one dime of his taxes went towards the military he refused to pay.

In true liberal fashion, the school was scandalized. Shocked. Outraged.

So was I.

However, that is where the similarities end. I couldn't believe, even at that age surrounded by all that propaganda, I couldn't believe that someone thought they had the right to live in this country with all of our freedoms and opportunities and NOT support the military that kept that all possible.

Now remember, this was the early 80's. The Reagan Era.

What did the majority of the student body and teachers do? They staged a mass protest (of course they did). On the steps of the local courthouse/jail. They held signs in support of this Prof. He was heralded a hero.

He and they made me sick.

Yes, they made me sick. And the memory itself still has that effect.

So I see today that this is not an uncommon practice. Huh.

Well I say this - you don't like it.....LEAVE. You want the rights, priveldges and opportunities? Well, ya gotta pay to play folks.

And yes, I do feel VERY strongly about this. I paid some heavy cost 25 years ago, and continue to do so today because I feel so strongly about this. And you know what? It's another price I'm willing to pay.

Today

She is one of my closest friends.

They are one of the most amazing couples I have the privilege to know.

Their family is a part of my family.

Today they celebrate a pretty big milestone.

Happy Anniversary AWTM & your DH. Here's to many many more!

Not Enough

Sometimes "I'm Sorry" is just not enough.

In my mind, it is not enough that the prosecutor apologizes for destroying the lives of those Duke Lacrosse players. Or the lives of their families.

It's not enough that the university apologizes for it's actions.

It's not enough. Not nearly enough.

But you know what? After all these young men and their families have gone through, nothing will make up for that. NOTHING.

All we really have in this life is our reputations. Seriously. Everything else can come and go - but our reputations last long after we are gone. How we are seen, how we are remembered.......that just doesn't go away.

This is exactly why I guard what reputation I have so jealously. I mess up plenty on my own, but you let someone decide to "help me along" and I can promise you it won't be pleasant for them.

And I try to keep that in mind regarding others. It's a part of that whole "Golden Rule" thing.

But this tragic situation? Yeah.....it's just wrong on every level. And while time will soften some of it.....nothing anyone can do will ever be enough to make it right.

You Feel Lucky?

You aren't superstitious, are you? Well, just in case.....I've got a few suggestions to make today go a bit smoother for y'all......

* Ok......so don't be cattin' around today.

* And be careful that you CLIMB the ladder of success not just walk under it.

* Watch out when you're reaching for the salt. No sense tempting fate! Hell, you need to be just as careful about the pepper!

* And I don't care how upset you get over bad hair or the way those jeans fit - be careful with that mirror....

The list goes on and on and on and on. So - if you are superstitious, here's the things you'll want to avoid today.

If you're not? Good for you.

As for me.....I'm gonna do what I normally do today. But I do think I'll stick to eating cereal and not do any home repairs....you know, just in case.

UnReal!

We've all experienced bad medical care.

I know we have.

Well THIS takes the cake.

I'm sittin' here speechless.

UnFlippinBelievable.

?

I was thinking last night.

I've sold steel - yes, even some of the magic "melted" steel.

I've sold orange juice.

I sold personality profiles. I really enjoyed that one, because my role was to teach the VPs and HR folks how to use those profiles to coach and council their employees. How to help them move into and flourish in positions they would enjoy, based on who they are. Yeah, it was fun. Well, especially because I get to stand in front of a group of "high powered execs" and say This is what I'm gonna need for you to do...

For a while I sold those three wheeled bikes. Yeah, those trikes for adults. Didn't do so well......my territory was Alaska, Michigan, Indiana and Ohio. Kind of limited biking in Alaska (surprise surprise) and other than the Mennonites and Amish in IN and OH, not a huge demand for those bad boys.

I sold pool supplies for a very brief time. Hated it. Oh, I did well with heat pumps for the pools, but I just couldn't "get into" the other stuff. Didn't care....

I sold mattresses. That was fun. And difficult. But fun. Well, except for my boss, but hey, nothings perfect.

I did industrial products again. Hated it. HATED IT.

I've sold a lot of stuff. And the stuff I did the best in are things I still use. My fridge? Tropicana OJ. Every day. My mattress? Simmons. Bought AFTER I left the company. I use the theories I taught every day in my current position. Guiding, encouraging, redirecting......

The things I didn't do well in are things I "just don't get". Things I can't get excited about. THAT is why I love consumer products. I use the stuff. I know people that use the stuff. (well, except for the whole dressin' your teddy bear part....) That's kinda cool.

What am I getting at? I have no earthly idea. It was just on my mind. I figured I need some room for the stuff I have to do today, so I better get it OUT of there and free up some space.

Kinda like a hard drive. In a very old computer. That freezes up. And crashes.

Damn, is it Saturday yet?

*#$^#@ %&#^Q

Ok - I know in my post from this morning I said I was "ok" with old man Winter throwin' us a curve ball.

Well....I lied.

It took four, FOUR hours to get to work. Not because the roads were that bad. Really, they weren't great but they certainly weren't that BAD.

No, it was because people drive like flippin' morons. M.O.R.O.N.S.

Why yes, I am in a rather pissy mood today. Why do you ask???

In fact, my mood is so bad that I packed up a good portion of my office, just because I couldn't stand to look at that crap. CRAP. CRAP. It's all CRAP.

What am I refering to? What STUFF could possibly grate on my nerves that bad?

Well, I'll show you (in the extended entry) but you have to promise me you'll brace yourself. I just can't be held responsible for any trauma this picture causes......

You can't say I didn't try to warn you.................

Seriously, I know I sell this stuff, but who actually DRESSES their teddy bears? And in ballarina outfits? For cryin' out loud.......

Last Hurrah

The rain came last night. And with temps dipping into the low 30's even the 20's not a good sign.

And, as you would expect the rain turned to snow. Not as much as I was worried about, just a couple inches, but still. Rain, ice, snow.

It's almost the middle of April. I figure this is Winter's last hurrah. So I'll give him that. But Damn.

And that got me to thinkin'. In typical Tammi fashion I "personify" the seasons.

Summer? Female. I picture her in those long flowing gowns from medieval times. Dark green with a white cape. Long blond hair. Ageless, but smiling.

Fall? Male. I see him as a young man. Dressed in brown, again medieval flavor to the clothing. Almost like a scarecrow, now that I try to describe whats in my minds eye. Playful, full of fun.....

Winter? Male. Old man with long flowing white hair and beard. No - not Santa-like. "Royal" like. And, excuse the phrasing, with a cold expression his face. No smiling, a twinkle in the eye the denotes mischief, but still cold. Cruel.

Spring? Female. Young, with long dark flowing hair. A smile that lights everything. She is wearing a gown, similar to Summer but in those pastel colors.

I know, it's just weird to do this, but I've always personified "things". It's part of the active imagination I'm blessed with.

So anyway - I figure last night Winter looked at the calendar and realized his time was just about up and panicked. He hadn't created nearly enough havoc this year. He needed one last blow-out. So he locked the door - hell, barricaded it - and went to work. Pulled out some of his best stuff.

And today we pay the price. I can just see him, sittin' in his chair, satisfaction written on his face.

Bastard.

I just hope he enjoyed himself, cause this is IT for this winter. I'm puttin' my foot down!!!

Must Read

Now Mrs. Who knows how to RANT!!

Poetry. Pure Poetry.

You owe it to yourself to read this.....

Oh, and while I'm at it, Randy has about the funniest picture posted I've seen in a long time. Check it out!

A Glimpse

Random thoughts of a communter during the morning drive.......

* Damnit. Should have skipped that last cup of coffee.....

* Get off my ass you jerk. I'm doin' 80 and there's no way to move to the other lane. Don't make me slam on my breaks!!!

* 2 words. Hands. Free.

* Ohhh really gotta pee....

* Why am I in the "fast lane" goin' 15 mph?

* What grown man drives a VW Bug with a huge pair of yellow smiling lips painted on the hood?

* I soooo gotta pee.....

* OMG - this line of traffic NEVER ends!!!

* I cannot believe I'm blogging on my way to work.

* I need some new/improved CDs - badly.

* Note to self: shit - they closed the "fast lane".

* Who actually defines what is considered "classic rock"? This crap sucks!

* Thank GOODNESS it's not raining......my bladder is killin' me!!!

* Crap. Siren + slow traffic.....not a very good sign.

* 45mph? I can only hope!

* MOVE IT! Move It! Move It!! A right hand turn is NOT rocket science.

* I wonder if I can actually make it from the car to the bathroom with my dignity.........

Fooled Myself

I slept pretty good last night. Lately, that hasn't been the case. Lately I'll wake up after an hour or so just freaking out. Work deadlines missed, personal crap, something. But it just hasn't been a nice easy sleep for a while now.

So last night I hit the hay hard.....and slept. Straight through to what I thought was 5:00.

I sat up and looked at the alarm. Hmmmm only 4:30. Ok. Oh, wait! It's Saturday. Hell with this - I'm sleepin'.

And sleep I did. For about another hour, that actually felt like a whole 'nother nights sleep.

Then I got up, wandered into the kitchen, hummin' and smilin'. Ahhhh a nice easy morning. Hot coffee......

Then I heard it. A diesel truck starting. WTF?!?! I looked at the clock. 6:00.

The only time that truck starts at 6:00am is......Monday through Friday.

Shit! It's only Tuesday!!!! It's not Saturday!!!!! SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know which is worse at this point. The scramblin' to get ready or the fact that I really have no idea what day of the week it is.......

**QUICK NOTE TO SELF: Do NOT attempt to "trim" your bangs when 1) you have only had 2 cups of coffee 2) you are running late 3) WTF am I doin' with scissors in my hands anyway?!?!?!??!!

Ouch - that one DEFINETLY left a mark. What the HELL was I thinkin'.......

You Decided....

You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now. But no....I keep lettin' y'all choose those really important things in my life. You know, the name of my abode, now the theme song for Lana.

So, the winner is: They Got Lost, by They Might Be Giants. Suggested by the sweet? SarahK

Now, I didn't know the song, so I had to do some research. Damn. I was hoping for something Hot and Fast and Upbeat. But......you have spoken.

I figured if this is gonna be the song, I ought to "personalize" it a bit, so my changes are in italics under the original line.

That was not as easy as I thought it would be. By the third verse that damn syntax was makin' me crazy. In fact, I keep catching myself talkin' in that rhythm! Ouch.

And while I was looking for that song, I came across THIS song. Figured I might know a person or two who might enjoy it.....

Just Ask

Everyone needs a little help at some point.

Someone to help us see things clearly, or put everything into perspective.

We've had Dr. Ruth. We've got Dr. Phil. Well now the blogosphere has their very own - Contagion Therapy.

That's right folks, Contagion is doin' his part to help make this world a better place.

His first installment is here.

So if you have any burning questions or just need a nudge in the right direction........and are desperate as all get out then send your thoughts to Contagion. Let him sort them out for you.

Heaven help us all.......

Dingus Day

It's Dingus Day!!!! WooHoo!!!

I don't know why I'm so damned excited, it's not like I'm going to be celebrating it or anything, but every year...the Monday after Easter I wake up with a smile.

Dingus Day. If you've never heard of this holiday I'll save you clickin' over to my old site for my feeble explaination - I'll repost my very first Dingus Day post here.

originally posted Monday, April 12, 2004

Now, I am fully award it's not JUST a political drinking holiday, but hey - it's all anyone every explained to me when I'd ask....and frankly, that works for me. (I am a simple girl at heart)

Actually, from what I understand it all started years and years and YEARS ago, celebrating the fact that Lent is over and life resumes without any restrictions.

There is another reason to celebrate Dingus Day. The fact that Pam of Pamibe starts blogging again! WooHoo!!!! Every year, I know I can click over there on this morning and there she is. :-)

So have a happy Dingus Day. Have a cold beer or three or twelve for me.

And maybe one year, I'll actually have the time to research what this day is REALLY all about.

But the again, maybe not.....

Recap

Well, I'm home again. Safe and (somewhat) sound in The Belfry.

Dinner conversation this happy Easter? So glad you asked.

It would have been about the size of Aunt Tammi's ass. Yes, you read that right. Dinner conversation was about the size of Aunt Tammi's ass.

Did I say somewhat sound? Yeah.....

Actually it was a very nice weekend. Mama Vi and I got some quality time on Saturday - she sends her love y'all.

Church this morning. Man, they ain't kidding when they say Sunrise Service. I forgot about that......

Dinner was a simple fare - ham, cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole, veggie tray, corn, bread and home made apple pie. All very yummy. Of course, with the conversation as it was I didn't really eat my fair share. But don't worry! Mama Vi sent a plate home with me. :-)

Mama, Dee and her chillen's, and I all around the table. Doesn't happen very often. It's was pretty nice (well, except for that whole conversation). Lots of laughter and stories shared.

So now it's time to unpack and work on that post regarding Lana's Theme Song. Oh, and then there's some time on the stair machine.

No, not any special reason. Why do you ask?

What do you think?

Ok, I'm not sure how many folks will see this, it being a holiday weekend and all....but I had an idea.

I'm a little frustrated that I can't be down in Florida for all the final Baby Comin', Get Ready stuff for my real life niece, blog daughter Carmen.

So - I thought I'd throw a little cyber baby shower. You know, put together a little blogspot site, list out her registries and well, help her out.

Anyone want to particpate? Just let me know, via comment, email, or since I talk to most of my readers regularly just tell me. If we get enough interest I'll go ahead with it.

Easter Funnies

Sorry - I just couldn't resist...................

Weekend Thoughts

Well, it's Good Friday. Easter Weekend. Huh.

Now, I'm not tryin' to be glib or sacreligious or anything, but what makes today Good Friday for me is the fact that 1) It's Friday 2) My buyer liked my proposal enough to order a set 3) It's Friday.

I'm just too tired to be overly excited about anything else today. I appreciate the historical and religious ramifications of this holiday, but I just can't get overly excited about it this year. It's probably a good thing I don't have kids, cause I'm tellin' you - the idea of makin' baskets and hiding eggs is beyond me right now.

Anyway - tonite I head to Mama Vi's for the weekend. I'm hoping the traffic after work will be light enough that the drive will actually be fairly close to the two hours it's supposed to be. Hey! A girl can dream ya know......

We do have a winner on the Theme Song Poll and I'll be posting that sometime this weekend. Workin' on a bit of a twist, as it were, and it's taking longer than I expected. But hopefully it'll be worth the wait.

So - y'all have a blessed Good Friday and a wonderful Easter Weekend. Be safe if you're travelin' and don't over do it on the chocolate. Oh, hell - forget that part. Eat all the chocolate you want. It's a holiday for cryin' out loud.....

Personally - I'm a Peeps Girl, but what ever floats your boat!!!

America At The Crossroads

WooHoo - Teflon Don over at Acute Politics is going to be featured on a PBS documentary series in April.

The series begins at 9:00pm (I'm assuming that's Eastern Time) Sunday April 15th. TD's segment is on Monday the 16th at 10:00.

Set those DVRS, put it on your calendar. Whatever - just don't miss it!!!!

We're Goin' Soft.....

When I was still a Floridian, there was this big brouhaha about giving ex-cons the right to vote and other civil rights as soon as they did their time.

I'll be honest with you. Personally, I'm against it. It's my whole theory of action leads to reaction. You break the law, you go to jail, you loose many of your civil rights. Period.

But like I said. That's my personal opinion.

Well, I see this morning that Florida lawmakers have put their stamp of approval on a bill and now, all most ex-cons have to do is wait for the state clemency board to send 'em a letter and Voila!

Now, violent criminals still have to "prove themselves" before they gain all their rights, but it's just a matter of staying crime free and they'll be able to vote and all other manner of cool things.

But here's what gets me. And I'll probably piss some people off but hey - my blog, my thoughts. In the article linked above there is a money quote that I just have to comment on.

Florida's previous refusal to erase the prohibition has been seen among many blacks as an unfair effort to limit members of their community from a full place in the state's civil affairs.

I remember the first time I heard that argument. I was living in Tampa (yes, this has been a "priority" for that long). I swear my jaw hit the table. No where does the law mention color. No Where. We had black criminals, yes. But there are also white criminals, latin criminals, asian criminals. This was not and never has been a BLACK vs WHITE issue.

They were throwing numbers around, saying that the majority of criminals were african american, and they truly believed that by denyin' those who break our laws the basic right to vote, or serve on a jury, we were being biased.

How 'bout this. Here's my suggestion. I don't care what your background is. I don't care what race you are. Don't break the law. Don't sell drugs. Don't prostitute yourself. Don't rob gas stations. Don't beat your spouse or abuse your child. Don't steal cars. Just Don't Do It. If it's that important that you retain all of your civil rights than BE AN UPRIGHT CITIZEN. For cryin' out loud.....

I'm tellin' you - I'm just so sick and tired of people thinking that no matter what they do, how they act, what they say they should have NO LONG TERM REPERUCUSSIONS. As a society, we're just goin' soft. Next thing you know we'll be leavin' mints on their pillows in prison.

Turn Back time

Sarah, at Tryin' to Grok, found a reaction to Pelosi's visit, and "demeanor" from the Syrians.

Lovely. Just flippin' lovely.

Thanks for nothin'................

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Laughing Wolf had an unhappy reminder last evening.

How do we teach RESPECT? What ever happened to that concept?

And before you say one single word - I believe MY PRESIDENT has more than earned my respect, OUR respect. Period.

Note To Self:

When getting dressed in the morning, double check all clothing "openings".

Buttons? Buttoned
Belts? Buckled
Snaps? Snapped
Zipper? Zipper? ZIPPER?!?!?!?!

1.5 hour drive and I STILL didn't notice.

Dang it! I hate when that happens..............................

Passing

Sad news today folks.

Bob Clark, director of "Porky's" and most memorably "A Christmas Story" was killed last evening.

Man, I remember when Porky's first came out. I was in college and that just hit my funny bone. Maybe it was because we were "forbidden" to see it and that's just a guarantee that I'll not only see it but love it. Or it could just be that it was a funny movie. Either way - I always LMAO when I watch it, my boys LOVED it. It was a classic for it's time.

And A Christmas Story?!?! Holy Cow, that is most definitely a classic. In fact it is ALWAYS on one of the Top 10 Best Christmas Movies Ever list. And who doesn't love Ralphie?!?! And that lamp! It's become a collectible. It's not the holidays without at least 4 or 5 viewings of that movie!

Bob Clark has given us all something to make us laugh and smile about. And it keeps going. A pretty great legacy I think.

I Can Take A Hint

Last night was the kind of drive home that just makes me wish I served breakfast down at the local diner.

I ended up stayin' a bit late yesterday. I've got an early conference call, and I'm pitching an entirely new set to my largest customer so I needed to dot a few I's and ask for more ink to cross the T's.

Anyway - it was later than normal when I left. I figured I'd miss the worst of the traffic so I wasn't worried one little bit.

Until I hit the mother of all traffic jams. Seriously. I know I say that often, but I haven't seen anything like this in a very long time.

We're sittin', we're sittin', we're sittin' - oh I moved 1/4 of a car length - we're sittin', we're sittin', we're sittin'....

You get the idea.

So it ended up being almost 9:00 by the time I drug my sorry self into The Belfry.

There was no way in HELL I was cookin', so dinner was a bagle and a cup of Sleepy Time Tea.

I keep my Bible on the computer tower next to where I sit most times. Last night I just wanted to glance through a few of my favorites sites, get a chuckle or some wonderful thought to distract me and then hit the hay. As I settle back in my chair, I put my feet on top of the tower and knocked my Bible off.

I gather everything back up as I'm waiting for IE to start up.

Nothin'. I can't get on the internet. Hmmmm. Router working fine. Computer on. I am in no way in the mood to deal with all this right now.

So I went to bed.

I got up this morning to realize my Bible had turned off the Surge Protector Strippy thingy that the modem and Telephone thingy was plugged into.

No Internet. No Phone.

I think someone was tryin' to tell me something.

Music Makes the Car

LAST DAY TO EXPRESS YOUR OPINION!!

Will be bumped up daily until Friday April 6th.

You decide....................

Charm Personified

Because I just know y'all are just riveted by my daily life, I'll tell you how the rest of my day went, after the little traffic issues I had yesteday.

It sucked.

Wet, dirty socks.

I don't know what is wrong right now, but I'm just.....just......snippy. Ok - I owe y'all the truth. I'm just flat out in a bitchy kinda mood.

Now, normally I get things done by being pleasant and grateful. Yeah, yesterday? Not so much.

But I did manage to make myself (and a few others) laugh.

Tammi: Damnit!!! All I want is a f*ckin' system that works, someone to help me get this shit done and the ability to have five f*ckin' minutes of peace. That's all. Five f*ckin' minutes!!! Is that askin' too much!?!?!?!

Co-Worker: Well.....

Tammi: I've asked and asked. Filled out more f*ckin' forms than the DoD tryin' to buy a damned toilet seat but nothin'.......

Co-Worker: It's al.....

Tammi: What the HELL does it take to get something resolved around here?

Co-Worker: Did you....

Tammi: And when do they plan on hirin' someone, for cryin' out loud?!?! It's been f*ckin' months and nothin'...nothin'....

Co-Worker: I heard......

Tammi: DAMNIT! All I want is for them to fix this f*ckin' system, give me access to what I need to do my job and then leave me the f*ck alone.

Co-Worker: Well, did you ask them? (actually getting to finish a sentence since I was havin' trouble lightin' a cigarette)

Tammi: I ASKED! I ASKED DAMNIT!!

Co-Worker: Nicely? (gettin' smart and starting w/one word replies, so as to be heard)

Tammi: NICELY?! DID I ASK NICELY?!?! I'm f*ckin' charmin' as hell, damnit. I'm always f*ckin' nice. I can't believe you asked me that.....(I think I actually doubled in size while sayin' this)

As soon as those words came out of my mouth I realized the irony. And just how incredibly stupid I sounded. All I could do was stand there and laugh.

Yeah, I'm real f*ckin' charmin' lately.......

Can you explain it to me? Please! *UPDATED*

Ok - I'm seein' that Ms. Pelosi is leading a "congressional delegation" on a tour of the Middle East.

WTF?

Now, I'm thinkin'......Why?

Why do they need to go? What do they hope to achieve? Seriously. What's the purpose of using my, our tax money for these folks to head over there? Is it going to help anything?

No.

And she's going to Syria?!?!?! Syria?!?!?!?

I'm just confused. How can she, as an elected representative, go over there and think it's NOT sending a message. That it's only a "fact finding mission".

I'm going to agree with President Bush on this one. Talk about sending mixed signals!!!

But I guess what I really don't understand is when did our Congress and Senate became the new State Department. I thought they were seperate entities. And according to THIS article they are "seeking a dialogue" with Syria.

A dialogue.

With Syria.

Just think about that for a moment. It actually makes me sick to my stomach.

And before you say it, I am fully aware that other Speakers have led deligations. But, gotta tell you....didn't like it anymore then than I do now. And it's one thing when you are ASKED to go. But this? Yeah, just stirrin' up a hornets' nest.

You watch....this will come back and bite us in the ass. I have no doubt.

**UPDATE: 1:14PM: Dadmanly says it much better than I do over at MilBlogs.

Funny Email

I don't know, I may be out of the loop, but I got this in an email the other day, and I LMAO. Hadn't seen it yet. It kind of reminded me of a few conversations... .....

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous
sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I
can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELL! O: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A few days later:

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START

Funny Thing Happened......

Well, that was an interesting drive this morning.

We're getting some thunderstorms up this way. Now, if you are an intelligent person that would tell you a couple of things.

1) Get a bit earlier start, so you're not putting yourself in a difficult position of being late due to delays.

2) Slow down a bit. Leave some room between you and the cars/trucks in front of you. Rain on street = possible hydroplaning. Not a tough concept to grasp, if you really try.

So - I'm toolin' into the office. Music blaring, thinking through my day. I notice a bright yellow Trooper about 3 cars behind me. Traffic is, while not CRAWLING, a bit slower than normal. Not really too bad.

Anyway, ID (idiot driver) suddenly swerves into the middle lane. Than whips around the car beside me into the right hand lane. Just as quickly he barrels across two lanes to cut me off. There was barely a car length between me and the car in front of me.

At which time ID loses control of his vehicle and starts fishtailing. He continues to careen out of control until he hits the cement barrier.

I pull off to the shoulder, report the incident on my phone and grab my umbrella to go back and see if he is alright.

This would be the conversation, as I remember it:

Tammi: You alright? Do you need an ambulance?

ID: No. I'm fine, thank you. Just shook up.

Tammi: You sure?

ID: Yeah, I'm ok. Thanks

Tammi: Do you have a family? (still in a pleasant tone)

ID: Yeah?

Tammi: Is there a reason you're trying to never see them again?!?!?! And who the hell do you think you are putting MY LIFE IN DANGER because you are in a hurry!!!!!????????!!!!!

Tammi: That was just about the most idiotic thing I've witnessed on the road, and believe you me, that's sayin' something.

Tammi: Hydroplaning. I know it's a big word, but LEARN IT. UNDERSTAND IT.

ID: I'm sorry?

Tammi: Sorry don't cut it mister! You gettin' pissed off and driving like an idiot could have cost me, at best my car. At worst. My Life. I do not appreciate you putting me in that position. You do NOT have that right.

Tammi: Now, as long as you are alright, I'm outta here.

ID: ok.

O.M.G. I don't think I remember being that pissed off in a long, long, long time.

I continued to fume during the rest of my drive. As I take my exit off of I90 I pull up to a stop light. There is a Turn Left On Arrow Only intersection. The arrow doesn't last long, so you need to really pay attention.

Well......there was this teenager, whose pants were "sagging" so low the crotch was at his knees. He couldn't even walk. He had to waddle. Well, ignoring the traffic signs he starts out across the intersection. Just as he hits my lane the arrow goes green. He had to waddle sooooo slowly I completely missed my turn.

I rolled down the window...........

Tammi: They have belts you know.

Teenager: (flips me off)

Lovely.

So I made it fine. Lana's fine. Everything's fine. All I know is the day HAS to get better after all that................

A Vicious Circle

I just hate when I'm blindsided - even when it's in a good way.

I've been just slammed at work. All those week long trips in February, a week being out sick, then being gone a week the middle of March and well......it's just ugly.

And, we're short handed. Seriously sort handed.

Now, I am NOT a prima donna. I'll do what ever I have to do, typing, quotes, fires, hell - I'll even help shipping if it means my customers get what they need and we can keep things going.

BUT - it helps to have the proper tools. So last week, at the pinnacle of pissiness, I asked for some additional software so I could do somethings a little easier. Quicker. I was told no. I'm not a staff assistant and my boss didn't want me doing staff assistant's jobs.

OK. Technically that's a great plan. Reality? Yeah, I'm doin' it, have been doin' it so it'd be nice if I could do it efficiently.

Yeah. Answer was still no.

So yesterday I'm runnin' around like a chicken with my head cut off. Literally 4 things going at one time. None of which looks like I'll be able to finish quickly because of the fires I'm trying to put out. Everything in various stages of completeness.

When out of the blue, for the first time in months, someone asks what they can do to help me.

I didn't know what to say. Seriously.

As my mind began scanning what was on my plate, what my deadlines were, and at what stage my projects were at, I didn't know where to start. Or stop.

I felt like an idiot.

Oh, I figured it out pretty quick and off loaded several things - but still. In my mind I should have been able to pick up a folder and hand it off. Everything would have been outlined and documented so that, in case I got "hit by a bus" business wouldn't suffer. It would be easy to know where I was and what I was doing.

Damnit. I gotta get organized. NOW.

But here's my question. When on earth do you GET organized when you have deadlines, phones that never stop ringing and customers that need everything RIGHT NOW? Seriously. Do I take a day and just NOT do what I have on my desk so that I can pull it all together? I can't go in on a Saturday - office isn't open. Staying late doesn't help. I've got reps and customers on the west coast. Hell, my phone NEVER stops.

So what do you do? Any suggestions?

My desk has become a vortex, quickly spinning out of control............

Perfect Example

Bitterroot, despite being sick, has the BEST post I've seen in a long time regarding the basic differences between the Left and the Right. And I ain't talkin' directions.

Take a gander. I'll be remembering this one for future discussions.

The Border Babes - Hit the Road

Yesterday was the first "official" Border Babes event.

And did we have fun.

I guess, before I go into our day, I should formally introduce y'all to our Band of Sisters.

We have Ktreva, of The Reality Ranch. One of my blog daughters

TNT, of Smiling Dynamite. Beloved Wife of Harvey.

Richmond, of One for the Road. AKA The Hostess with the Mostess.

And, of course, Me.

We call ourselves The Border Babes because we all live very close to the WI/IL state line. Hence the "border" part. The babes? Well, damn it, we are.

Anyway - yesterday we all met up at The Belfry and headed east to do a bit of shopping just outside of Chicago.

First I have to tell you, that drive is so much more fun when there are other people in the car! Holy Cow. Didn't seem to take any time at all. I'm gonna need to try that again.

First stop was The Tall Girl Shop. I wanted to get it out of the way, so we could enjoy The Mall, plus I really needed some jammies. It was kind of funny to see tiny TNT and Ktreva in a store where most of the inseams measured as tall as they are! :-) I found a great pair of jammies and scored a new suit at an INCREDIBLE price. Holy Cow! Just in time!!!!

Then a quick lunch at Chipotle. SarahK introduced me to that place during our lunch a couple weeks ago and I just had to share. REALLY yummy food and the price is just right. My only suggestion? Yeah, skip the margarita's. In that instance, you get what you pay for. (not so good)

Finally - it's time for THE mall. Woodfield mall is huge. And, thanks to the rainy cold weather, packed. After an interesting "mini adventure" trying to find parking we get to the meat of the trip.

Shopping.

Folks - shopping with a group of girl friends is the BEST. You get ideas, you get pushed to try things you wouldn't normally try and, most important, there is the People Snarking. And yesterday was just flat out full of opportunities.

We saw the mothers of The Bratz Dolls. SCARY!!! Found "My First Body Art" kits. hmmmmm who can we buy THAT for?!?!? And, my personal favorite, couples shopping for "intimate body piercing jewlery". I cannot even begin to describe that one.

All in all a GREAT DAY!!

During the drive home we discussed other opportunities for our little group to enjoy. There is a resturant we REALLY need to visit - Texas de Brazil. And the comedy club in Rockford. Other shopping destinations. Cook-outs, birthdays, the list goes on and on and on.

So yeah - it was a very good day. No one got arrested. No one got in any fights. Just four friends, enjoying a little Girl Time.

Exactly what we all needed......

First Impressions

This is one of those posts that has been bubblin' in my mind for a long time now. It's not sunny or happy. In fact it's rather dark and personal. But I need to get it out - so I'm giving you fair warning and the chance to just skip over it.

It's about first impressions, life choices and forgiveness. It's about changes and moving on. It's about me.

I'm guilty of saying "I understand" when someone shares something with me - a trial they are going through or an event that kicked their ass. But really? There's no way I can REALLY understand how they feel or what they are thinking. Mainly because I'm not in the exact same spot they are. There is no way to FEEL exactly what they feel.

It's like a piece of art. Two people can stand, side by side, and look at the same picture. And both take away something entirely different. It's a fact of nature. No two people process things the same way. Period.

Each of us travel a different path. Oh, it may be in the same direction, there may even be similar stops along the way. But each journey is unique.

Let me share just a bit of mine with you.

I've had a driving force my entire life. For as long as I can remember I have been driven by hatred. No, hatred is not a strong enough word. Loathing. Pure, undiluted, absolute loathing.

Now, you may think, if you know anything about me that the object of my loathing is my ex-husband. You'd be wrong. While he's not my favorite person, he's no where near important enough to warrant that type of feeling. If you REALLY know me you may think that loathing is directed at the man who violently stole my innocence. Then proceeded to rob me of my peace of mind, my security and eventually a chunk of my sanity. But you'd be wrong again.

No, the person I have despised for so long, that has been the cause of so many of my problems is me.

Building on that, I have to say I didn't have the best of childhoods. Oh - it wasn't horrible, but the loss of my father plus several other things kept it from being "ideal" But then again, not many people did have that "ideal". Still - add that with the self hatred and it's a different pile of baggage.

Many people have survived the tragedy of losing a child. But added to the other "life events", another block.

So many people have lived in abusive situations. All of them different. Physical, emotional, verbal or any combination of those. They skew your view even more. And it's not a quick fix. It took almost 8 years before I could be in the same room with a man that was yelling without flinching. 8 years.

Now - all of those things (as well as a few I'm not going to mention) make up Me. It formed the basis on how I make decisions and I how I react to situations.

I'm the first person to admit that for those first 10 years after my divorce I made some really stupid choices. First I drank. A lot. I did it to hide from the pain. To just make the voices in my mind stop telling me how horrible I am. And I still have to be careful. It's very easy to go back to that place, to hide when things get dark. Usually I'm good about not taking that trip, but sometimes......sometimes I just can't take it anymore.

Anyway - back to those first 10 years. I was driven by the loathing yet trying to prove those voices wrong. I am NOT a loser. I'm not. I'm NOT going to fail at everything. Yet, for a while there, it looked like those voices were right.

I took jobs for reasons no one could understand. Pay cuts of up to $30,000. I couldn't explain it, but at the time it seemed the only choice I had. I was on a mission. I was going to "be somebody" and I needed experience. NOW. So I took entry level positions and then worked til I dropped to move ahead.

I could go on and on detailing my choices, but suffice to say, to an outsider, nothing made sense. Hell, sometimes it didn't make sense to me. I made my life much harder than it needed to be.

I had a skewed vision of what/who I needed to be. It was all based on where I came from and what I experienced along the way.

That and punishing myself.

And that didn't change until the night Hurricane Charley hit. That was the night I realized I didn't want to die. That was huge, folks. I. Didn't. Want. To. Die. And even bigger than that? The fact that I actually WANTED to live. I actually wanted a LIFE.

After that priorities changed. No more is it about proving myself or gaining any one's approval. Money? It's a means to an end. I need it to clothe/house and feed myself. And to help others. My value as a person is not based on my salary. My value as a person is not based on my title. My value as a person is based on my words. My actions. THAT is what matters.

I've started being more responsible. It takes time to clean up some of the messes I made, but every day I see more progress. And I get pissed off at some of the crap I'm dealing with, but it's the price I pay. And I pay it gladly. Because it means I'm growing.

Now, unfortunately not everyone sees those changes in me. Admits that I'm not the f*cked up woman that I was before. I'm making good choices, difficult choices. I've grown up.

I think it all boils down to respect. Respecting one's self - which I do now. And respecting where we come from - which I work at daily. But those in our lives have to respect us too, and let go. Let go of that person who WAS and appreciate the person that IS. If not - then just flat out let that person go.

The real secret to life is constant change, continuous growth. Healthy relationships with family, friends, lovers are based on trust, growth, and most important respect. Recognizing that no one is perfect and forgiving them that. Not judging them. Realizing that first impressions are not always right, and that people really do change. Don't sell 'em short.

Holy Week Begins

Tell Me About It

I love a good joke. A perfectly planned prank makes me smile every time - even if I am the target.

So, taking all that into consideration, you'd think I would be a natural for April Fools Day.

But can I tell you, I don't think I've ever participated in that tradition. I think it must be because it's so expected on this day. I mean, seriously, it's no fun if folks are expecting it. (**WAIT! I just remembered last years Blogosphere Prank. Damn, the site page is gone, but y'all remember when we did the Mock-Bad Example Page? THAT was fun!!!!)

But I know there have got to be some great prank stories out there. And I need to hear them. Now. :-)

So, this is what I'm gonna need for you to do.......share. Spill. Tell me the stories.

Please......the only thing I enjoy more than pulling them myself is hearin' the stories.....

Pray - Pray for a miracle

The best part of blogging, in my opinion, is the sense of community. The fact that we band together, despite our differences, when one of us is in need or there is something important to be done.

Blackfive has asked for our community to do that very thing. Band together and pray.

Pray for one of our heros.

Marine Corporal David Emery Jr. of the Battalion Landing Team of the 2nd Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment, 15th Marine Expeditionary Unit was serving in Iraq. David, aka "DJ", graduated high school in 2003. He is married to the beautiful lass in the above photo, Leslie, and she is pregnant. DJ's unit was extended past their rotation date of January 1st and he was hoping to make it home in time for his child's birth.

As of today, both his legs have been amputated and are infected. DJ's stomach wound is infected and can't be closed until the infection is gone. And his kidneys are not working still....

Prayers are needed. Focused, specific and strong.