April 16, 2007
Soundtrack
The death of my friend has hit me on several levels. Pretty hard.
He was the same age as my father when he passed. Younger than I am right now. Wow. Wow. I just can't seem to get past that.
And he lived his life. He had a beautiful wife, a career in which he was very respected. He had his "i's dotted and his t's crossed".
I. Do not.
To be honest I never figured I needed to. It's just me. Cuz knows she is getting my barrel chairs and the other stuff? Insurance money is spelled out and the rest can just be sold or given away.
But after being there to help plan the service for Charlie, seeing all that needed to be done, even WITH his preparation, the light went on. The service wasn't for him. It was for us. And I owe it to those in my life, to make it easy.
So, in typical Tammi fashion, I started planning.
One of the most difficult parts I helped with for Charlie was the music. T wanted music that represented HIS life. Now, I knew him. But that was about the hardest thing I've ever done.
And I started thinking........damn. I wonder what folks would play for me? What would I WANT them to play?
So I'm putting together a soundtrack of my life. It's hard. I'm trying to balance respect for my family and my love of music. It's different. It's not a playlist, per say. It's not what I have on my iPod, not by a long shot. But still.....it's me.
What about you? What would YOUR soundtrack be like? Try listing it out. And be serious. I think you'll surprise yourself. I know I am.....
Posted by Tammi at April 16, 2007 06:11 AM | TrackBackAfter seeing all that needed to be done for my dad's funeral I started planning in my head.
And I have "forced" our parents to plan a little, let us know where the important papers are, etc.
It's a tough enough time in one's life, things should be done before hand to make things easier for them
Posted by: Quality Weenie at April 16, 2007 08:38 AMI want Lacrymosa from Mozart's Requiem and also The Dance by Garth Brooks played at my funeral.
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at April 16, 2007 10:25 AMoh, and also, I did my estate planning documents at the ripe old age of 21. I had the advantage of being a paralegal at an estate planning law firm, and it was part of my training to do my documents.
Still need to alter them since I got married in 2003. Hubby might want to be named on my Durable Power of Attorney and Living Will. I think I had the forsight to leave everything to my husband first, in case I got married someday.
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at April 16, 2007 10:26 AMWhat an interesting project for me to work on over the weekend.
I have always contended that I would like The Carter Family singing
I'll Fly Away
Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at April 16, 2007 10:52 AMI will say this...
Funerals are for the living.
When my Mother died, I was angry that she had not really planned anything. She gave me a list of pall bearers, and honorary pall bearers, and told us she wanted Pink Flowers.
That was it, and then after batteling cancer for 2 1/2 years she was gone.
I was angry until I realized what an important gift she had left us. We got to plan for her final party in whatever way we saw fit. Not only was it nice to be soooo overwhelmed with things to do for 48 hours, it allowed the family to pull together, and mourn and act as a team.
I do realize this does not happen in all cases.
But I figure my Mom knew that.
So the 4 of us, along with our spouses planned the service as a group, wrote the obituary as a group, wrote a letter of gratitude to all of our families friends for their support etc.
Her funeral allowed us to heal a bit.
And I did not realize it, until about 24 hours into it....
OK I know why she did not do it....
She buried her folks, she knew we would need something to do other than cry and separate from one another, because we wanted to all escape and be alone with our grief.
Like I said I know not all families can work together, and in some cases some folks might even kill one another over a cemetary or coffin choice.
But her funeral was a learning experiece for me...
Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at April 16, 2007 02:35 PMSorry for your loss, Tammi.
Posted by: jimmyb at April 16, 2007 08:18 PM