Tammi's World

A Box of Treasure

I love pictures. Really I do. I wish I were better about taking them, and taking care of them.

This afternoon I was out in the garage diggin' out another book and came across the box with all my photo albums, as well as all the loose pictures. I grabbed the loose photos and headed inside for a little walk down memory lane.

I found one of my favorite shots of Cuz and I. I was all of 3, she 5. We were dressed in our matchin' leopard print footie jammies standing there with her arm protectively around me. Seems she's spent most of her life protecting me - rather an appropriate picture, I think.

Then there were the pictures I refer to as the "Blackmail Shots". My very good friends and I out on Bourbon St. in New Orleans. Holy Shit folks - we were drunk. Even for Bourbon St. I promised to keep those shots locked away - and I will. Who knows.....they may come in handy one day. ;-)

I found shots of my grandbabies - frozen in time from when I left. They are all young ladies now. I hope they're happy and healthy. In my minds eye they are the same as they were when I left. 3 and 1. Smiling and mischievous. The lights of my life.

So I finished thumbing through the odd photos. My 40th birthday party and the picture M *had* to take of the bathroom in the dive we were at. Me, pouring myself out of the back of his Honda Civic - complete with hot pink mini skirt and after 7 hours of intense drinking. Yeah, that shot? Going to the very bottom of the picture box.

But each shot made me smile. Each shot reminded me of how lucky I've been - in the people I know and the places I've been.

I wish my scanner was set up - I'd share some of these with you. Just for shits and giggles. But since I can't I'll just tell you - it was pretty cool.......

I'm not a copy cat

So I finally got myself pulled together this morning. Jumped in the shower and got dressed.

Nothin' fancy. Just comfy. Well, and cute. ;-)

Then I head in and check my blog. I see the weather pixie and just bust up.

We were dressed exactly the same. The same flippin' top, jeans cut the same. The only difference was I'm not wearing shoes.

I had to change. I don't like dressing like other people. It's kinda a thing with me. No matching. None. Yick. And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna go around all day dressed like my flippin' weather pixie.

That's just weird. Either that or the makings of a Stephen King novel.

Breakfast of Champions

Hot, dark roasted coffee and homemade fudge.

It's becomin' an addiction........

Tease

I just walked in the door from running to the gas station for cigarettes.

As I always I check to see if I missed any calls.

Nope.

Damn.

Then, as I'm walking into the living room - the phone rings.

It's THE company.

Holy Shit.

I answer. They very nicely as if they could schedule a phone interview.

I'm stunned. I then blurt out that I had one a couple of weeks ago and was hoping this was the promised follow-up call from that. She was confused. Than apologetic.

I told her not to apologize unless she had accidentally pulled my name from the "rejection list". No, no not at all.

I then did what all sales people do - asked if they had a new decision time line.

She said no.

Damn.

Waiting waiting waiting. But at least I'm not out of it.

And at least I know they still have my phone number.

Bring on the Smut

I'm tryin' to pass the time these days. Anything. I've been reading at a pace I haven't seen since my 3 hour one way commute back to work years ago. Then - it was a book a day. Now, I'm pretty damned close to that.

But there are no more new books to be had. I just can't do it. BUT I do have boxes and boxes and boxes of paperbacks that I haven't unpacked since I moved from Tampa to Orlando 2 years ago.

Tuesday I finally went out and cracked open one of those boxes. And found a gem.

Now I have to admit - most of my collection are trashy novels. I've been addicted for most of my life. But these past 2 or 3 years it's been the mystery/thrillers that have grabbed my attention. I can't seem to get enough of them.

The book I found was a great combination of both. Someone to Watch Over Me by Judith McNaught. Categorized as trashy, and it is. *grin* But the plot was compelling and very well done.

I got through a couple of chapters on Tuesday. Yesterday? I finished it around 6:00. Didn't stop to eat. Never left the house. The only time I put the damned thing down was to talk with Teresa and Army Wife.

But here's the kicker. It was Wednesday. Not a good night for me to have a plot like that in my head. Let me see if I can explain.

I read this book, see. There was murder and stalking and all that stuff. I've been stalked. Never been murdered, but stalked? Yep. Not all that much fun, let me tell you. So - that irritated a couple of sore spots in my memory.

THEN-being as it's Wednesday Criminal Minds is on. I love this show!! FBI profilers, showin' us the inner workings of the minds of some f*cked up folks. YIKES. This one.......another stalker. Oh, yipee.

THEN it's CSI-NY. Nothin' here to bring up any memories, but my minds already movin'. This just added a few shadows to the mix.

Then it's Ghost Hunters. Things that go bump in the night. Shadow people. Yeah, that was just what I needed. The real meets the surreal.

So - it's time to hit the hay. I head to my bedroom and hunker down. What's this?? My Direct TV box isn't working in here? No big deal. I'll just go to sleep without it.

Yeah, right. I heard every creak. Every time the furnace kicked on. An hour of laying there jumpy. What's that? Was that the door? Shit.

Yep - you guessed it. Back out to the couch and the TV went on. I finally fell sound asleep around 2:00am. That 5:30 phone call came mighty early.

But don't I feel like a baby. Geez Louise. The good thing is I didn't get up and chain all the doors again (like last time). But you'd think a grown woman would be better at handling this shit.

I do think I'll be givin' myself a break from all this. I'm thinkin' the reading for the next few days will be pure smut. Plain and simple. THAT I can deal with a lot better than scarin' the shit outta myself!!!

FYI

One of the things I'll lose when the host goes is my email for this blog.

Just so you know - the new email is tammisworld(at)gmail.com.

I've already updated the contact info on the site.

Damn - this is sooooo gonna suck.......................................

I'm gonna pass on this one....

I got a pretty interesting email yesterday.

Being on all the job boards that I am my spam/junk mail has just tripled. And not all of it gets caught in the filter. Add to that I really need to open everything that isn't obviously junk, just in case, and well, I'm reading a lot of shit.

So I sat down last evening to weed through some of it and came across this:

Dear Tammi,

Applicants will receive extensive training on material from Dr. John Gray 's fourteen books, including Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Coaches receive calls at the phone number of their choice and must be available to accept calls 20 scheduled hours per week, and at least ten of those must be between Friday-Sunday.

*emphasis mine*

OK - the only thing funnier than me working as a relationship counselor are the folks who want me to work as a financial adviser. My idea of managing money is to simply make more than I spend - and sometimes I have problems with that. Yeah, that won't be a career I'd really excel at.

Anyway - me? As a relationship councilor?? I chuckled over that ALL night.

I can see it now, Miss Know-it-All helpin' these poor strugglin' folks try and find love. I'm the one with the tinfoil hat!! Remember my date with Ghingus Kahn and the other adventures in dating????

Add to that the fact that I seem to be a bit "old fashioned" in my thinking and well - that's just a disaster waiting to happen. I may just become one of the Top Ten Most Hated Women in America.

Yeah, two things you DON'T want my advice on - money and love. If you only knew............................

Just My Luck

Timing is everything in life.

When I moved to Tammi's World.com last year I thought I had purchased several years of both domain and hosting.

There I go thinkin' again.

Oh - I've got the domain for another 4 years.

The hosting? Up in 4 days.

So.......I'm lookin' for an alternative. BUT - if anything happens and I suddenly disappear, you'll be prepared.

Like I have time for this right now.........................

About Damn Time

Blogdaughter Machelle, over at Quality Weenie, shares some news that is waaaayyyyyy past due.

Car Manufacturers are FINALLY realizing that it's not just MEN that drive the vehicles.

I love that the engineers had to wear a skirt, heels and fake nails. Let them see what we have to deal with on a regular basis.

I'm a tall girl. And in my profession I have to "dress" - heels, skirts, etc. I usually end up having to either wear different shoes to drive or just flat out take them off. ESPECIALLY if I'm driving a stick. Shifting in 3" heels is no easy matter - I don't care how good you are.

And it ain't all that easy doin' all that needs to be done, in a skirt. ESPECIALLY if it's a fitted skirt. Oh, the stories I could tell............

AND the fact that they had to also load babies and schtuff while dressed like that is PERFECT.

Yeah, it's about time they start to realize we can't all live in jeans and flats. Now, if I could only afford one of these new machines...........

Bird Flu

This just soooooo reminds me of some folks I know........

Humor wise that is.

Another thanks to Carmen. Damn girl you should be posting these yourself!!!!

Let You Entertain Me

In case you may not have picked up on this little fact - I'm kinda "fussy" today. Yeah - fussy. As defined here: Easily upset; given to bouts of ill temper.

That pretty much hits the nail on the head today.

Another way my Mama always described it was: Spoilin' for a fight.

Never a good thing. Never.

Things that normally just roll right off? Yeah, today? Nails on the chalkboard of life.

Getting feelings hurt over shit that normally I wouldn't spend 10 seconds thinkin' about.

Fussy. Fussy. Fussy.

I hate when I'm like this. Seriously. I don't enjoy being around fussy people, and when I'm like this I can't do anything to get away from me!!!!!!

Now I don't get all weepy and shit. Nope. I get short. Short spoken, short tempered, short sighted. I don't make a good short person. Really, I don't.

So - I'm cruisin' the blogsphere lookin' for something to make me laugh or smile. Something to change my focus. Something.

So y'all just go ahead. Post away. Come on! Entertain me.

Everyone around me will thank you. Seriously.

Marriage in Heaven

On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer...for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?

H/T Carmen - thanks darlin'. I needed a laugh today!

Too Quiet

That's it. I have to admit that I have finally completely lost what mind I had left.

I swear to Pete, I don't know what's happening to me.

Yesterday I promised myself I would contact THE company - for a status update. I had sent an email after our interview saying thank you and expressing interest. She had told me to call her if I had any questions or concerns or just couldn't stand the wait anymore. I thought that was very nice.

As I reviewed my notes from the interview I see an area code. That's it. Just an area code. Then I remembered. She had mentioned that calling was tough - as she lived on the phone and it would be tough to get through to her. She said emailing was best as she could read them while on the phone. So I took that to heart, and since I had her number on the caller ID I figured I'd only use that as a last resort.

I never even thought about the fact that numbers eventually fall off the caller ID.

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

So I'm stuck. I only got email. Folks - that is sooooo not like me. Remember? I'm the girl with the flippin' job database for cryin' out loud. Oh, and before you ask - I checked there for the number and found I had only put in the email. I'm nothing if not consistent.

To make matters worse I'm running out of leads. I've blitzed my ass off. There's nothin'. I'm seeing maybe one or two a WEEK. A WEEK!!!!

Arrggggghhhhhhh. It's just a little frustrating right now. I cannot express to you how horrible I am with the unknown. Seriously. I just don't handle it well at all. I'm gonna step out on a limb here and say I might just have a bit of a control issue. Not sure, but the signs are all there.

So today? Today - I got nothin'. I'm going to try and do a little somethin' around the house. Then - I'm thinkin' another movie day at Fritz's. Yesterday was about the longest day/evening I can remember. The not sleepin' part didn't help one bit. A long day followed by a short night is the stuff of nightmares for me. Because you gotta know my first waking thought was "Please, dear Lord - today just CAN'T be as long. PLEASE!!"

So anyway - that's where things stand today. There are good days and bad days. Good weeks and not so good. This one? Overall - yeah, not lookin' so hot at this point.

But it'll be fine. Really. I'm sure. Just damn - please...............something. Anything.

I Asked

Well, I bit the bullet and emailed THE company.

Just asking to see if they have a new timeline for the process.

I'm terrified what I'll hear back.

*Oh - we sent you a rejection last week (I could see it going to my spam box and getting deleted)

*Oh - thanks for the reminder. No we don't want you.

*It'll be another 6 months before we move forward.

THOSE are the responses that keep going through my head this morning.

I'm really bad with the unknown.

I wonder how they would respond to my infamous - This is what I'm gonna need for you to do...............................

I Love The Music

This weekend they had a special on VH1 featuring Bonnie Raitt.

Damn - I love her music. Seriously. But her politics? Just about ruins it for me. Just about.

But the woman can play the slide guitar. Like an angel.

And her songs? I don't know what it is about her lyrics but she just nails me. It's like she can read what's in my head.

Somethin' to Talk About. One of my all time favorites. What a fun song!!!

The best "break-up" song ever in life. I Can't Make You Love Me

"Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me"

Damn folks - that's just flippin' powerful stuff.

Oh and Women Be Wise - Oh. My. Goodness. Not her lyrics but still.....great advice, just flat out great advice!!

"Women be wise, keep your mouth shut, don't advertise your man
Don't sit around gossiping, explaining what your good man really can do
Some women nowadays, Lord they ain't no good
They will laugh in your face, Then try to steal your man from you
Women be wise, keep your mouth shut, don't advertise your man"

Anyway - I was just all in my happy place, listenin' to her play and sing. Now - if she'd just shut-up about the politics.........

A rose by any other name......

I hate the month of April. Honest to goodness. It is usually the month of the year that the worst stuff happens.

Let's step back in time for a moment and see how this all came to be........

I have mentioned that I've been married. Once. A long time ago. To a not so nice man. And I may have mentioned a time or two that this not so nice man had a very not so nice ex-wife. Evil. Pure evil. That's what she was. Seriously.

Tiny woman. But I saw her beat the shit out of the huge biker dude one day with a pool cue. Because he said something she didn't like. Beat him. Bad.

Ex used to call her a terrorist. And he wasn't far off the mark on that one. She supported herself with foodstamps, welfare, my money and well - a little action on the corner of Main street in town (wink wink). Yeah - a real winner, that one.

Anyway - her name? April. I'd tell you her maiden name but you wouldn't believe me if I did. (yeah, I'm pretty sure you got it) And she HATED me. Her main joy in life was making me miserable. She broke into the apartment one day and burnt holes with her cigarette in every piece of clothing I owned. Or, she'd show up in the middle of the night, kids in tow, lookin' for a fight. Show up at my office building makin' a scene - screamin' about what a bitch I was. Until I met her, I had no idea there were people like that in the world.

April. Shiver The name makes me nauseous.

Anyway - that kick started this whole issue for me.

I met my ex in April. Every time I've ever been looking for a job......includes the month of April. Every cross country move? April. The one real broken heart I've had? April.

Tax day? April. April Fools Day? I HATE THAT DAY!!

April April April. Damn - I wish we could just skip that entire month.

And today as I read through my daily sites, I realize........it's almost April. I'm not sittin' in the best of positions. So I made a decision. THIS year will be different. THIS April will be a good month. I'm all about breakin' this tradition. Starting here. Starting now.

But a little part of me just cringes as I turn another day in the calendar. Can't we just call it something else?

"That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." May be futile, but I'm willin' to try.......

Permanent Hot Flash?

Ok - someone needs to explain to me what exactly has happened to me. Seriously.

It's 39 degrees outside and I have my front door open letting in the fresh air. I did the same thing for a few hours yesterday.

I've even caught myself running out without a coat. For cryin' out loud.

Was it just a year ago that I was wearing my winter coat, in Florida, when it was 50 degrees? Was it just a year ago that I did nothing but bitch and complain when the temps dropped to - horrors - 70?

I don't even run the heater in my car half the time.

This is just beyond weird. Oh, I figured I'd acclimate sooner or later, but never, in all my life did I think it would be this fast. Or this well.

I grew up in the midwest of shits sake. I've always HATED the cold. I've never been happy unless it was 80 degrees and I was runnin' around barefoot.

I thought your tolerance for cold got worse as you got older.

I don't know what's happened but it's scarin' me!!!!

Memories of a Marine

Laughing Wolf takes a stroll down memory lane over at Blackfive's place.

Wonderful glimpses into his Father's life as a Marine.

Good Stuff.

Thanks for sharin' LW.

Truth in Advertising

Now THIS GUY I would give a buck to.

Seriously - I'm all about the honesty.

Loss of a Legend

Buck Owens died in his sleep on March 25th. What an entertainer.

Even if you aren't a lover of country music, even if Hee Haw wasn't one of your favorite shows - you just have to admire a man who worked so hard and achieved so much.

Personally - I think he's one of the all time greats.

God Speed Buck. Thanks. For everything.

Funny Stuff

OK - I think we all need to laugh today. Yet again, one of my favorite (now ex) customers comes to the rescue.

So for your Saturday enjoyment, in the extended entry I present - Sex for the Ages

This last one is just extra funny due to a conversation Army Wife and I had this morning!!!

No Call Yet

Friday came and went without a word. BUT - I refuse to let that be negative. For a couple of reasons.

1) It's very quick and easy to send an email that says "You're Done". I haven't gotten one of those. So - I'm not done.

2) Is a matter of my "make-up". I'm an optimist. Until I hear/see the words Thank you but no thank you there is hope. There is a chance.

Monday morning I'll follow-up to find out what's going on. I won't know a darn thing until then. But I did figure I should drop a line since y'all have been so sweet about all this.....

Holy SHIT!!

Oh. My. Goodness.

Jimbo? Seriously - you may not want to follow this link.

I found this post over at Florida Cracker's place and just about messed myself.

Holy Cow!

Well, actually Gator, not Cow, but still. This damned thing is huge!!!

And knockin' on the front door? Are you KIDDING me?!?!?!!?

And it's even got PICTURES!!!!

The Sounds of Silence

So I was chattin' with T1G yesterday. We were talking about the differences between introverts and extroverts.

In case you didn't know - T1G fashions himself a bit of an introvert. And, well, I've heard people say I'm a tad bit extroverted. At times.

Anyway, we were talking about how extroverts just can't stay quiet (or something to that effect).

Now, I know I'm a bit of a talker. Sorta. But it's because I ADORE conversation. It's one of my favorite ways to spend time.

BUT - that being said, I'm ok not talking. Really. Seriously. Hey! Stop laughing!!!! I can sit for hours with a book and just loose myself. Or just listening to music - letting the rhythm and melody wash over me.

He called bullshit.

I issued the challenge. I told him we could both sit in a room, nothing going on and I could outwait him talking wise. Easy.

He called bullshit again.

I'm beginning to take this personal like.

;-)

Do you think he's tryin' to tell me something?????????

Fetishes? Me?!

Hmmm - seems BloodSpite over at Techography has a little too much time on his hands.....

I see this post about fetishes. So of course I gotta read it. I mean, come on. That stuff can be pretty fun.

Then at the very end - I see I've been tagged. Me? Talk about my fetishes? Oh folks, if you only knew..........

So - in the true blogging spirit I will play along. It's taken a while, cause, I mean, afterall, I really don't have THAT many issues. ;-)

**Since I brought up the whole girly nail painting stuff yesterday I will admit that my toe nails HAVE to be painted. In 10 years I haven't seen my toe nails naked. Well, other than between coats. AND it has to be a bright color - red or variations there of. It's a must. Even up here in the land of boots and socks, I've got to have my toe ring on and my toe nails painted. Period.

**I'm a compulsive hostess. If you walk into my home I've got to serve you something - soda, tea, beer, coffee, cobbler. And I'll keep asking you, throughout the entire visit, "Can I get you anything?". I know it gets on peoples' last nerve but I just can't seem to help myself. It's a sickness.

**I'm very particular about where I put my "pretties". It may not seem like it, but I am. My cousin says one of her very favorite things is to watch me "arrange". I have a general idea of where I want things. I put it all together and then stand back and look at it. Then I sit down and look at it. From every possible angle. Then I adjust. Then I look, again from every possible angle. Then I adjust some more. Rinse and repeat ad nauseum. Oh - and once I have it where I want it - I don't move it. I don't rearrange furniture once I'm happy with it. I don't move candles (well, except the jar candles) because part of my "art work" is the reflections that each holder casts. So surely, you can see why this is such an event for me. ;-)

**I will only have Charmin Big Roll toilet paper in my house. Period. Since I left home at 18 it is the ONLY TP I have ever purchased. And I love the big roll since I don't have to remember to buy it so often. Which reminds me - I gotta get to the store........

**I don't like generic food. Oh, I know much of it is made by the big "labels" and is pretty close to the name brands. And there is some that I'll purchase, in a pinch. But yeah - I'm pretty much a food snob.

**It makes me very nervous to have someone help me with the dishes. I would rather let the mess set and deal with it later than have someone help me. It's a learned behavior and one I haven't conquered yet. But I'd like to. Really - anyone wanna help me clean up this mess from yesterday????

**I hate to get my mail. Seriously. I've let the mail pile up so bad in my mailbox that the back door comes open. And I've always been like this. I just hate the mail. Too damned many bills and too much junk mail. Plus - it's a great way to avoid all those piles of unopened mail sitting around the house. Just don't pick it up. Simple.

Ok - I think that's enough soul bearing at this point. And I'm sure some of you were hoping for a bit more "revealing truths" but like I always say - A Girls Gotta Have SOME Secrets.

One Ringy Dingy

Nothing. Not. One. Word. Yesterday.

Oh, I can say the phone rang. And it was very nice chatting with my friends. But THE call I was waiting for? Nope.

But - the good news is I didn't get an email thanking me for my interest either.

I'm takin' this as a postive thing. Yeah, no news is good news at this point.

It's gonna be a very long day.............

Just Think About it.

Sgt. Hook shares something sent to him by one of his faithful readers.

You really need to read this.

Then read it again.

Then share it with others.

Think about it.

Paintin' and Primpin'

I painted my nails yesterday. For only the second time since I've lived up here.

It feels nice. My hands are starting to look like MY hands again.

Sounds kinda silly doesn't it? But one of the constants of being Tammi has always been I have nice hands. Oh, they got scars - cooking, moving, being me. But still - I've always liked my hands.

And I've always taken care of them. Oh, I don't like manicures and such. I like doing all that myself. It's soothing. It's mindless.

But despite how much I enjoy it, and how good it makes me feel I stopped doing that. For almost a year.

The other day I was folding laundry and just got a glimpse of my hands. They didn't look right. They didn't look like my hands. I realized then how I've let things slip. Gotten out of habits that I've always taken such joy in.

So I decided yesterday morning to just indulge myself. A little clippin', a little filin', some buffin' and Voila! Tammi Hands.

And the funny thing is it's been a bit of a kickstart. I actually "did" my hair yesterday. Oh, it's still a chunky punky cut, but it's better straight. I can live with it. Next thing you know I was pamperin' my skin. A little scrubbin' and little tonin'. A hint of moisturizer. Yeah, that's MUCH better.

And then - horror of horrors - I actually caught myself laughing out loud. Alone. In the house. Over something I was remembering. THAT hasn't happened in a while.

I guess it all just proves the old adage is true. It's amazing what a little paint can do to fix up the joint.

Believe it or not....

During the movie yesterday afternoon, there was a miracle. A true blue miracle.

Six women, sittin' in a bar, watchin' a movie. Not One Word Spoken for over 25 mins. And yes, I was one of those women.

Believe it? Well, it's true.

Oh and the movie?? Constantine. No wimpy Lifetime movies for us!!!

I think I scared him

The guy I interviewed with, that is.

I got a call yesterday. But not from the company I wanted to hear from. It was the company I interviewed with on Monday.

Now first let me just say, I love the fact that the trend seems to be letting people know where they stand. I LOVE that. So - in an anonymous fashion I thank you Company Z.

They wanted to thank me for my time and travel and let me know they were moving ahead in pursuing other candidates.

OK. Hmmm. I gotta tell you, normally that would kick me in the gut. Even though I didn't have a great feeling afterwards. I didn't really like the guy - we never "connected". I didn't like the sound of the job. Didn't want to move into Chicago. Didn't like the future path that company offers. Still - usually, I would think - What's Wrong With Me?

But I didn't. I just opened up my infamous spreadsheet and colored them blue - for bye bye. Then I went back to waiting for the phone to ring.

That was when it hit me. I might have scared him. During our conversation he was asking me about my job search. I mentioned my handy dandy spreadsheet. Explained that I have a tab for each search engine. How I list every job I post for and the details I include. He just sat there with his mouth hangin' open. He slowly shook his head and said he'd never heard of such a thing. I just smiled, shrugged my shoulders and told him that was just the way I do things.

That may have been where I lost him. Old school sales people don't understand that mindset.

And honestly, it's ok. Oh, it sure would have been nice to have hit a home run the first time at bat, but at least I got a little interview practice. AND I know I don't want to work for that company. Not that they are bad - just not the place for me.

But despite that, I still think I'll run through my answers to certain questions again. Just to make sure I don't chase anyone else off.

Something You Should Read

Raging Mom has a story behind the story. Go and meet Cpl. Forest Jostes. A hero.

Thanks RM.

Patience is a Virtue. Right?

Today the real nail biting begins. Today is Wednesday.

During my phone interview with that really great company last week, they said I will hear back from them between Wednesday and Friday of this week. Either way.

I'll tell you flat out the last 8 days have been nerve wracking. Even though I knew I wouldn't hear anything I was worried that the phone wasn't working. I kept checking it. I lived on my emails. (An email would be a bad thing - rejection usually comes in the written word.) I can only imagine how damned jumpy I'll be for the next three days.

And I don't care which position I make it to the next round for. The job in Chicago would ROCK. Home every night - calling on 2 major stores. Working with brokers. Good money. The job in Tampa is awesome. GREAT money. Florida, Dallas, Atlanta. Only 8 stores to focus on. I don't care. I DON'T CARE. This company offers beni's that I've been needing. This company offers stability. This company offers opportunities to grow.

So I'm a bit antsy. To put it mildly. Hell - I'm getting on my OWN last nerve. I'm not focusin' so well. I go to do something around the house and just lose track of what I'm doing. I'll be having a conversation and have no idea what is being discussed.

I'm gonna need for that phone to ring. NOW. I need some sort of action. Everything is up in the air, and I'm just not so good in those situations. I'm a plannin' sorta girl, and I can't even formulate the basis of a bad plan when I have no idea about anything.

So I'm going to try and distract myself. Gonna run errands this morning and head back to Fritz' for another movie this afternoon. That should get me through today. Tomorrow? Hell, who knows. I'll deal with that if they don't call today.

Nourishing

I've been having a bit of a problem with my nerves lately. Huh. THERE'S a surprise. It's been manifesting itself in not allowing me to eat much at all. Pretty much unless I'm craving something I can promise I won't be able to eat it.

So yesterday you can imagine my delight when I was able to eat a couple pieces of pizza and drink some (several) beers. And I didn't have any problems. WooHoo. Nourishment. Food. It's a good thing. No heartburn last night, no rolling stomach and I slept like a baby.

That experiment has led me to a decision. I must eat more pizza and drink more beer.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Now, I wonder if Malibu and Orange Juice would work for breakfast??? I may be on a roll here.......

GREAT News!!

Hmmmm....seems I'm not the only one getting interesting calls from people that want to "get to know me".

T1G has someone interested in him, too.

Could be a very good thing, indeed. Hurry up - go wish him luck!!!

She's Back! She's Back!!

The Cheesemistress has posted! She has returned.

About damn time. Sheesh - everyone needs a regular dose of cheese.

Welcome Back Lady. We sure did miss you.

Oh - and thanks Jim, for the heads-up!!!

I'm Not Normal

As I sat and waited my turn in the whole cattle call process yesterday I had some time to think.

Sales is a tough way to make a living. And if you're aggressive and one who loves the biggest challenges (that would be me) you make it even tougher. You see - if you're smart you keep your head down, fly below the radar. Me? I must be missing that brain cell. I like the big accounts. I like the big problems. Give me high maintenance, every time. It makes me happy. I LOVE a challenge. The down side of that is the stress. Livin' in a fishbowl is not easy. AND it's makes you very vulnerable. You're the one that takes the fall if, when, it all falls apart. Period. The buc stops here.

Why do I like that? Why am I so addicted to that type of business? I'll tell you why. I like to be the hero. I fix things. I make them better. I make people happy. It's what I do - and I do it very well. I love that rush of getting a call that the world is falling apart and knowing, at some point, I'll have figured out a way to put it back together. That's it. Plain and simple.

And I'm not happy if I'm not doing that. Not. At. All. I'm not used to being a small fish. I've always swam best in the big ponds, and while not exactly a big fish - I can sure hang with that school. I've never wanted to be The Boss. But I sure do love bein' their "go to gal".

As I sat there thinkin' yesterday I realized it was not the SALES that I loved - it was just that part of the process. That's why I've never been that hyper, cold, go for the jugular kind of person. And I never will be. Oh - now I play dirty. Oh yes I do. Just ask some of the Coke delivery guys in Tampa. I used to pull all sorts of tricks on them - just to slow 'em down. Hehehehe. Man, that was FUN. But they didn't take it layin' down. Oh no, they got their shots in too.

But I'm tired of cold calls. I'm tired of mass blitzing. I want to focus. I want to build one account and watch it flourish. That is fun for me. That's what I'm looking for.

So as I watched the young woman leave her interview yesterday I just thought - damn girl. You'll be old before your time if you don't relax. All that anger, all that competition......it'll kick your ass. I don't care if my competition gets into the same store I'm in. Oh, I'm not thrilled, but I don't let it throw me. I look at is as an opportunity to show how good I really am. Go ahead. Come and play on my court. I'll kick your ass. End of discussion.

I'll even go so far as to admit I don't care if *I* land the big account. If SOMEONE on the team pulls that rabbit out of the hat, I celebrate for the team. NOW - step back and let me run it. You go ahead. You love the hunt, go for it. I'll take it from here. I'll look the situation over and start the machine going. I don't need the slam dunks. I need to win the game.

That's not a normal thought process for a sales person, and that's one of the reason's I have problems finding a job. There really isn't an "Account Manager" category. It all just falls under the Sales umbrella. So I'm forced to be creative in my job search. I'm forced to be more open when asked what I'm looking for in a position. I refuse to join a company under false pretenses. I can't be who I'm not, and I want them to know that - up front.

One of the interesting things that came out during my conversation yesterday was how shallow the candidate pool is right now - for people looking to hire Account Managers. That made me smile. That also explains why I'm getting so much attention. And I like it. It puts me back in that fish bowl. It gives me a chance to interview with companies that wouldn't normally call me in. Yeah, that's a very good thing.

I'm not your normal sales person. I'm different. And I'm glad. Keeps things interesting.

Popped *That* Cherry.....

...or broke the ice, one under my belt - whatever. First face to face interview is done.

Whew.

OK - knowing many that read this blog so well, I figure I had better just start at the beginning.

Fourscore and seven years.....oh. Wait. Sorry. That was a commercial I heard while driving.

I left the house around noon. Plenty of time. I made it in under 1 1/2 hours as traffic (especially for the Chicago suburbs) was nonexistent. Being prepared, I parked down the road and pulled out my book to keep myself occupied while waiting. About 15 mins before the appointed hour I headed over, giving myself a little pep talk and freshening up the lipstick. I went in and announced myself to the receptionist and took a seat. And waited. And waited. And waited. The time came and went. Still I waited. But the funny thing was the longer I waited the more relaxed I became. Go figure.

Anyway - the interview itself went fine. That's all. Just fine. He hit me with a couple of questions I was not prepared for. I did the same right back at him.

It was a nice conversation all in all. Very informal.

They won't be notifying candidates for another 2 weeks. And that is just for the next step. THAT made me happy. No rushing. NOOOOO rushing.

My impressions? Great company. Good job. He danced around a couple of my questions, but it sounds like a pretty cut and dried sales job.

Bad news? I'd have to actually move closer to Chicago. THAT I don't like at all. THAT completely changes the pay scale in my mind. And removes much of the attractivness of the position.

Overall I'm thinkin' it was great practice. Now that the first one is behind me, I can review what I wasn't happy with, practice a bit on how I want to answer some of the trickier questions. I know what I felt good about and will just leave that part alone.

But right now? Yeah, I'm just glad to be home and out of those flippin' pantyhose.

Well, That's It Then....

Let's see............

I got the printer hooked up. No problem. That was just me being stupid. For cryin' out loud. I've done that a million times - have no idea what I was so worried about. Anyway - printed out 4 copies of the ole resume, using my pretty gold paperclips to keep them all nice and organized. Good - that's done.

I couldn't fit into the suit. BUT - I do have a black skirt and jacket that fits. Not a traditional suit by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I'm not showing up naked. So - I got that goin' for me.

I have square hair. Nothing I can do about it. Hopefully the conversation will be engaging enough I'll forget all about it. Not happy about it but I refuse to sweat this anymore.

Make-up applied. Check. (Don't want to scare the natives.)

Nails? Fine. Clean and trimmed. No time to paint and such so this'll have to do.

Teeth? Brushed. (ALWAYS a good idea!)

I guess that's it then. I'm as ready as I'm gonna be. Oh - and Eric? I even polished my shoes this morning!!! ;-)

Ok - I'm outta here.

Want to Smile?

Head over to Blackfive's and read about yet another great thing our troops have done.

Go on - read it. You'll be glad you did.

A Case of Nerves

Well today is my first face to face interview. It's with a pretty big company. It's for a sales position here in the Northern Illinois area. I'm just amazed that they called. It all happened pretty quickly.

I need to be there at 2:00 this afternoon.

I gotta tell you - right now I'm sorta nervous. I wasn't at all, up until this morning. Now? Yeah, nervous fits.

I'm worried about getting the new printer set up correctly so I can print good copies of my resume. Sounds silly I know - but, hey, I never claimed to be overly logical in ALL areas of my life!

I'm not lovin' my hair right now. She cut it a bit shorter, which is fine, won't need another cut for a while. But she layered it. I can't get it to lay correctly. It makes my head look squared off. It's buggin' the hell out of me. And that is never good. If I can get my hair to work, it just gives me an added confidence boost. It's something else I don't have to worry about.

I'm worried about fitting into my suit. In Florida, you interview in corporate wear, but you don't have to be real buttoned down. Chicago? Yeah, whole different story. And I only have one "serious" suit. I've always loved color and wear as much as possible. You can be professional and still show your personality. But for this I need to pull out the conservative navy suit. I'm not 100% sure I can get the skirt on. There's a possibility, but it's not a sure thing. I don't know what I'll do if I can't. Not a lot of options right now.

My stomach's been acting up. I hope to GOTT I don't belch (or worse) during the interview.

The interview is about 1 1/2 hours away. I've looked up the directions and keep going back to read them. But I'm sorta, kinda logistically challenged. What if I get lost?

Will I talk too much? Will I talk enough? Will I say something stupid? Will he appreciate my humor?

What if they make me an offer? I'm still waiting to hear from the company I really want to work for. Plus - if this is commission based I can't take it. Period. How do you say no gracefully? How do you stall and not miss the boat? But then again, what if they don't make an offer? Will I be smart enough to see what I did wrong before the next interview?

All this just keeps rolling in my brain. I am actually shaking right now. How silly is that?

And this is different for me. I've always said the hardest part in this whole process is getting noticed. Getting called. If I can get the interview I can usually get an offer. So why is this kickin' my ass? I don't know. I probably never will understand this.

But today - today I'm nervous.

Surrounded

Everyone has different ways to deal with stress/loneliness/fear - you know those icky things in life. Some people eat, some people don't eat. Some people sleep, some people never sleep.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that I have a couple of different ways of dealing with that stuff. One big one is - my couch.

Yes, it involves my couch.

Now, I have to tell you I have very comfortable furniture. I bought it about 5 years ago, and I bought it to last. I've always loved laying on the couch. Always. But I also enjoy a big comfy chair where I can put my feet up and hunker down. It's very important to me that I have furniture I can snuggle into. But the couch is my favorite.

For years I didn't have a comfortable bed. So - I choose to sleep on the couch. How funny is that? 2 or 3 bedrooms, living by myself, and I sleep on the couch. Well, I did.

And now, even though I have a mattress I love, I still find that is my "comfy place". You see, if I'm lonely or frightened, laying on the couch I don't feel so alone. I feel protected. The cushions are soft and thick, and I can just hunker down with a blankey and feel.....well, feel surrounded.

I can toss and turn all night in my room, just laying down on the couch with my favorite blanket I immediately fall asleep.

So last night, again I grabbed my favorite quilt, put on my favorite jammies and snuggled into my happy place. I didn't move all night. I woke up in exactly the same position I drifted off in. I slept peaceful. I slept deep. There were no dreams. Just a few hours of release - from fear and stress and anger.

I kinda wish I could just stay there all day.

Oh What A Night!

I had a bit of a flashback this morning. I was remembering a certain evening, out on the town as it were, back in Bradenton.

My best friend Bam had come to visit for a couple of weeks. Our goal was to hit as many beaches as we possibly could in that time frame. We did 13 beaches in 15 days. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Well, one evening we were going out with some of my friends down there - to give her a bit of a taste of my life down there.

Now I should probably let you know that Bam and I were old drinkin' buddies. From way back. But, due to health issues she wasn't drinkin' much at that time. I, on the other hand, was on a roll. As were my friends.

So we started out with a nice meal at Shells. Not my favorite place for seafood - too touristy, but it was still good.

Then I let my friends plan the evening. So we headed to a small little beach bar that had Karaoke. M was, is, very good at it. He usually ends up the evening entertainment. And we love it. Me? I don't do karaoke. I'm not good at imitating, and that's pretty much what they want at those places. Joyce, can't carry a tune in a bucket. Seriously. She is the worst singer ever in life. And that's sad - because she just loves music. T was the final member of our little group. She'd sing, but only if she was really drunk. And NO ONE sounds good then.

So - we're doin' shots and drinkin' up a storm. Bam is my designated driver. It just made sense. Now, like I said, we've been drinkin' together since we were youngsters. This is the first time she stayed sober while I, well, showed my ass. I think she still has nightmares.

I don't remember who suggested it, or how it happened but all I know is somehow Joyce, T and I ended up on stage with microphones. "I will survive" was starting to play over the speakers. I looked at Joyce and said "no way am I singing." She agreed.

So we did backup. Dancing that is. You would be amazed at the creative ways you can dance with microphones. I'll leave it at that.

We were bad. We were really bad. T was singin' her heart out - off key - and Joyce and I were doin' really bad imitations of the Pips.

I remember laughing. A lot.

Bam just had one thing to say the next morning.

Don't do that again.

I haven't.

But damn - what a night that was.........

Leave them on the horse in Argentina

I haven't been getting out much lately, so I decided while I was running around yesterday to do a bit of window shopping. I was kinda curious as to what the new spring trends were this year.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Now let me just say, this is all just my opinion. I don't mean to belittle anyone's sense of fashion at all. We all like what we like. It's what makes us individuals.

That being said......

What about all these flippin' gauchos?!?!? Holy Shit! Every where I went that was all I saw. Especially in the "Corporate Wear" sections. Folks - there is nothing corporate about THESE. Or even remotely sexy. Nothing works with gauchos. Not even the sexiest of boots.

And no one really looks good in them. If you're "height impaired" you just look cut off. Period. Even tall and lanky - they just look like short pants. Which is exactly what they are!!!!

And no one, anywhere, will ever convince me that they are more comfortable than a skirt. Put on a long flowy skirt and you've got movement. Plus, a skirt is even cooler when the temps start rising (better air flow, ya know!)

Seriously. I'm fairly lucky. Even with this extra weight I'm carryin' right now, I can wear just about anything. Gauchos? No. Even if I were in my early 20's again, and had that body (oh, please God) they just don't work.

So this is my new mission in life. I have GOT to stop this fashion trend. It's horrible!!! Please, take a good hard look before you buy them. Honestly. Cause otherwise, you might just be confronted by a tall, dark haired woman askin' you WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!

Gauchos? Ughhhh.

Prayers are Requested

Army Wife's dad spent the afternoon in the E.R. this afternoon.

Head on over and leave her some support.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers AW.

There's No Place Like Home

I hereby decree the Little Blue Cracker House my safe zone. Seriously, lately almost every time I venture out I get into trouble.

Today was no exception.

I needed to run into town this morning. Go to the bank, buy some pantyhose that actually fit (can't go to the interview Monday walkin' like a duck!) and pick up a couple things at the grocery store.

So off I go, me and Maggie May just a toolin' along. It's a bright and shiny day here in Northern Illinois so I had the window down and the tunes cranked up.

I get to a major intersection and see an Illinois State Trooper. No problem. I'm wearin' my seat belt and everything is tagged. I came to a complete stop, waited my turn and proceeded through the intersection.

I see him pull into traffic behind me. Hmmmm. No big deal. I've got the cruise set on 58 so I'm in good shape.

I see him pass the car 3 spots behind me.

I see him pass the next car.

He passes the car right behind me.

Hmmmmm.

He starts tailing me. Gotta tell you - I was a bit confused. I *knew* I wasn't doing anything wrong.

All of a sudden the lights come on.

Son of a bitch.

I pull over. About that time I remember all of the paperwork for the car (including my insurance card) is at home in a folder on my desk.

Son of a BITCH.

So he comes to the window - very nice and polite. Introduces himself and explains why he pulled me over.

I have my front 2 windows tinted. Seems that's against the law here in Illinois.

Whoda thunk.

Soooo - I explain I'm a recent transplant (go with me on this) and hand over my Florida (don't say one word! I know, I know.) drivers license. He gives me a warning and sends me on my way.

I was lucky. Last time I got pulled over for some silly little thing there was a snafu in some records and I ended up arrested. Yeah, that wasn't so much fun, let me tell you.

So - I have decided I am not leaving the house again unless I really, really have to.

Seriously, Dorothy had it right. There IS no place like home.

Decadence

This morning I am being very decadent.

I wanted to sleep in - and technically, I did. I made it to 6:00am. Then there was just no fighting it. So I got up and made some coffee - and took it back to bed.

Then I decided I wanted a nice shower and to condition my hair. So I took a wonderful long hot shower, and went back to bed.

About that time I decided breakfast was in order. So I got up and started some eggs and toast. They are just about ready. And then - yep, you got it - I'm takin' them back to bed, where I will just feel terribly decadent eating breakfast in bed while conditioning my hair.

Yeah, spoiling yourself every now and again? It's a good thing. A VERY good thing.

What Happened???

Damn, I hate to admit it, but I just can't hang like I used to.

It's 10:30 on St. Patty's day and I'm toast.

Oh, not drunk. Not at all. I got so flippin' tired I had to come home!!!

Where have the days gone where I could sit around til 2 or 3 in the morning, drinkin' and talkin'?

Now, I will give myself credit that I've been up since 5:00 am. AND I had a bunch of stuff to get done today. But still.......

And the first person that says my age is catchin' up with me will NOT like the response!!!!!! ;-)

Excuse me now - I gotta hit the hay!

In the Spirit....

Just because I'm in a really good mood today I thought I'd share some Irish Stories!!

Driving Home Drunk

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Be Careful What You Wish For

Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from
a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one
of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie
would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the
castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated
that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the
entire ocean into beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on
the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now
we're going to have to piss in the boat."

Choose Your Weapon Well

"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley." "Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."

"Aye,.. that he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was." "Dear Lord,... didn't you have anything in YOUR hand?"

"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"

Today

Today I'm gonna pretend it's just a "vacation day".

That's right. No job posting today. I'm not gonna dwell on the crap that has been going on.

I'm just gonna laugh. And talk. And drink. I want to hear stories, I want to TELL stories. Get out and socialize a bit.

Today I am NOT unemployed, I'm not worried about anything. There is nothing out there that won't be there tomorrow. Today I will enjoy.

Period.

So - what are you doin' today?

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!

It's St. Patricks Day!!! WooHoo.

A couple of years ago, I was so missin' Chicago on St. Patty's day I actually colored the water in my floating candle holder and my fountain green!! This year, I'm closer but no chance to get into the city. Damn. But that doesn't mean I can't celebrate!!!

I'm thinkin' I'm gonna have me a couple Harp Lager's today. I'm not a Guinness Girl (on any level) but thanks to Matty, I found Harps. And I like it!!!

So to celebrate one of my favorite days here's a couple good ole Irish toasts:

From me to you:

Remembering

My dear friend (and blogdaughter) Lee Ann posts about an anniversary today. An anniversary I remember so well.

One year ago today her husband left Moffitt Hospital. It was a big day. For them and all of us that love them.

I remember too.

Congratulations you two. Here's to a year of health and growth and many more to come.

Since When?

Ok I saw this article in the headlines this morning.

Now first, I realize it is in the UK, but it still really irks me.

Let me give you a bit of background. This baby boy - Baby MB was born with the most severe form of spinal muscular atrophy. He is paralyzed and on an internal ventilator.

The doctors want to turn the ventilator off. AGAINST the parents wishes. Again - against the PARENTS wishes.

Since when do Doctors get that power? Since when do THEY decide? I thought that was up to the patients and/or guardians. Maybe the laws are that different between here and there but still, the question needs to be asked.....

This whole thing was like a kick in the gut. I can't say what I would do or how I would feel if I were the mother and this was my baby. I can't even begin to imagine. But I do know that if some Doctor actually had the balls to take me to court to take away my options I'd be pretty pissed off. (that is the understatement of the century.)

Anyone know? Is the law that different over there? And how would YOU feel if you were hauled into court by a Doctor because you WANTED to take care of your child?

Expectations

This subject seems to be on my mind a lot lately - so maybe I just need to blog it out so that I can make some room in this overworked brain of mine for current events.

As defined by Dictionary.com
ex·pec·ta·tion

1.
1. The act of expecting.
2. Eager anticipation: eyes shining with expectation.
2. The state of being expected.
3.
1. Something expected: a result that did not live up to expectations.
2. expectations Prospects, especially of success or gain.
4. Statistics.
1. The expected value of a random variable.
2. The mean of a random variable.

OK - That doesn't cover the word as I use it - really. Let's look at the Thesaurus and see what we find.

Main Entry: positive thinking
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: positive attitude
Synonyms: bright outlook, bullishness, cheerfulness, enthusiasm, great expectations, hopefulness, optimism, Pollyannaism, rosy outlook, silver lining

NOW - you would think, given that last bit that I, Tammi, the queen of the silver lining would be all about expectations. But I'm not. Oh, I'm always trying to find the good (don't always succeed, but I sure do try). But I never EXPECT to.

You know how I define expectations? As an obligation. Period. If you EXPECT someone to do something, react a certain way you are almost obligating them to that in your mind. If you EXPECT a certain outcome you aren't being positive, you are being presumptuous. Period.

Probably the word I hate MOST in the English language is OBLIGATION. I hate it. No one should be OBLIGATED to do anything. If you have a job you are RESPONSIBLE to do that job to the best of your ability. If you are married or in a relationship, you should WANT to do what is right by that person. If you are a parent, again, you are REPONSIBLE to take care of those children.

To me an obligation is a burden. Something you dread. I pray to the good Lord above I never become an obligation to anyone. Ever. I think if I ever thought that had happened it would hurt worse than anything.

So in my mind, expectations and obligations are joined at the hip. I don't expect and that way no one feels obligated. Simple isn't it? And I have found it makes those things that people do, those sweet thoughtful things so much sweeter. They are unexpected. They are a gift.

I'll tell you what - the quickest way to piss me off is to take me for granted. Once that happens I'm gone. Period. As much as I don't want to be an obligation to someone else, I refuse to allow someone to make me feel like I am obligated to do a damn thing for them.

Does that make me selfish? Does that make me shallow, because I take things as they come? I don't think so. It helps to manage hurt. It gives me the freedom to really appreciate people and events. And to feel appreciated in return.

So tell me - am I off in my thinking? Am I living in some kind of alternate universe? Because, I'm tellin you - this works for me. It really does. What about you?

That Was Sweet

One of my customers from the last job emailed me.

Said he missed hearing my voice so he called my old voicemail and left a message.

It's nice to know someone misses you.

I Cheated

And I'm very glad I did.

Last night I had a sleep date. Oh, now don't go getting all excited. It's not what you think. I needed a good solid nights sleep so I took one of them there Tylenol PMs around 8:30. By 10:00 I was sleepin'. Like a rock.

The only sad part was I did keep waking up. Probably every couple of hours, but I'd just roll over and off I went - back to dream land.

I had some weird dreams too. The weirdest thing about them is that I remember them. I'm not gonna go into them here and now but just know - DAMN, the way my mind works when I'm not awake to control it scares the shit outta me!!!!

It was tough waking up this morning. But then again, I didn't allow myself to wake up naturally, I still got up about 5:15 or so. But right now? Feelin' pretty good. Have already posted for a very interesting job and it's only 6:30 in the morning!!!!!

I'm hopin' my little "date" last night helps me refocus and gain a bit of momentum back. I was kinda draggy yesterday. I don't really like it when I'm draggy. Well, and since I only allow myself to take those every once in a blue moon, I'd hate to think I wasted the opportunity.

But right now - I feel rested. Right now - I got me some energy. Right now - I need more coffee. ;-)

Ya Gotta Hate When That Happens

I had a little candle "incident". And I'm not very happy about it.

Oh - I didn't burn down the Little Blue Cracker House - don't worry. But it still ticked me off.

I'll be honest. With everything going on this past week or so, and given the fact that I'm at home all day, I've been smoking a bit more than normal. Kinda like a chimney.

And it's just too cool to open up the house. Yeah - it's not smellin' so sweet in Tammi's World right now. And that makes me CRAZY.

So - I've been lighting candles. THERE'S a surprise. Now I haven't been paying all that much attention, just in the past few days. It seems I was in some kinda funk and just didn't notice. But the other day - yeah, I noticed alright.

So a lighting we a-go.

Now - my larger candles are all from Pier 1. I love the herbal scents - dusky, homey, warm. Those I find at Pier 1.

Well damned if they haven't been blowin' out on me. And I don't mean the wicks. The sides. Blowing holes in the sides of the candles. That means wax is running off the holders, onto my furniture and eventually onto my floor.

AARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

Now - before you tell me I should be paying more attention please remember, I'm alone here. No kids, no dogs. I don't usually have to worry about my candles doing this - never. So, you can imagine my extreme displeasure as I walk through my house to see wax drippings everywhere.

I got almost all of it off/out. I still have the table cloth on the little table in my office to work on - but frankly at this point, I could give a rats ass.

But what I want to know is WHY. Why, Pier 1, am I suddenly having these problems with your candles? This does not make me happy - and believe you me, you would MISS my business.

TWO Already

Well it's been a pretty busy morning already. Two phone interviews within the last hour. Geesh.

One is pretty much a no go on my end. Nothing about it sounds like anything I even want to THINK about doing. But - who knows, like with the interview on Monday there may be something else that hits my sweet spot.

The other one - peaks some interest. Not in the consumer products industry (neither was the other - but remember, think OUTSIDE of the box) but I'd get to do training, and relationships - not bad. Not bad at all.

I wonder what else the day will bring.......................................

I'm setting myself up....

Guess what.

I'm only human.

Yep, there it is, in black and white. I, Tammi, am only human.

And I really, really want a shot at that job I interviewed for on Monday. Seriously - I really want a shot. Hell - let me just say it. I want the flippin' premier rep position THEY brought to my attention in Florida.

I want it bad.

Do I want to move across country again? Not particularly. I'm exhausted. I've moved so many times, and so many miles in the past two years the idea of packin' and unpackin' again makes me want to vomit.

My guilt over being willing to leave Mama, after all this, is strong. But - everyone has agreed I need to work. I need to make money. And the distance, at this point, probably wouldn't be a bad thing at all.

But the job.....holy shit - it's just me. It's relationship building, it's training, it's travel. It's ME. And it's for a good company. A company that sells a product that I just love. Already. It's a company that hasn't laid anyone of in over 100 years. One Hundred Years!! It's a company that encourages their employees to move around, try different divisions.

And let's not forget location. I'd be back with my cousin and Carmen. Lee Ann and her darling husband. My dear, dear friend Joyce. Hell - there would be BLENDER NIGHT again!!!! And the beaches! Gotta keep that in mind. Hell, I think y'all remember how much I love the water!

But the down side is I wouldn't see Ktreva and Contagion and Clone very often. I'd so miss Harvey and TNT. *Oh - and I didn't even mention Raging Mom! She ROCKS!!!* I've gotten kinda used to hangin' out with T1G. I sure as hell would miss that. AND - this group of midwest bloggers around here rock and I hate the idea of not being able to attend anymore Fritz Fests or the likes.

But the job. Ohhhh the job. To do what I love and make money. No commission. None. Straight salary. No shell games with my earnings, no wondering if I'll make next months bills alright. THAT is huge. (not to mention living in Florida there is no state tax. That's like an added bonus each check!)

So I have to admit. I've got my hopes up. Seriously. I'm trying not to. It's so early in the game. But it's all I can think about. It's more than I ever hoped for. I really thought coming here was IT. All done. Put Florida behind me, and just work a regular job. No frills.

And I can't stop looking. I have to be On My Game for that interview Monday. It's also a great company and looks to be a good opportunity. I keep posting for new things. I have to.

But oh - I want to get a call tellin' me that I've made it to the next round. I want to fly to Atlanta and just knock them off their feet. I want it. I just flat out want it.

And that terrifies me.

At Last....

Laughing Wolf has finally posted what really went on at Wolf Fest. Head on over and check it out. You'll see sides of some of your favorite bloggers you'd never believe.

Hell, I was there and I don't believe it!!!

It's A Day of Happiness and Laughter

First - Good, no GREAT news over at Technicalities. Young son....oh wait - just go read it yourself. Leave a comment. He's been known to stop by and read every now and then.

As for the laughter - Eric points out a very important holiday and, of course, Army Wife is asking the deeper questions.

Have a look see. Any day with good news and laughter is a very good day indeed.

Attention. Attention.

Miracles DO exist.

Here's the proof.

h/t John at Wait Til Next Year

Another Interview! - UPDATED

Always answer the phone with a smile. ALWAYS. You never know, even with Caller ID who is calling.

The phone just rang as I sit here flippin' through the job boards. It was someone I applied with last week. A pretty big someone. They just saw my resume/cover letter and wondered if I had a moment for an interview. 20 mins later she said they'd get back to me to schedule a face to face. Sometime next week.

**blink blink** OK.

Hehehehehe. This could get addictive. I send out inquiries and they call back. Excuse me - I gotta go do some posting. I'm kinda likin' this!!!!

UPDATED: 1:50pm - Ummmm. The face to face is Monday afternoon. Holy Cow. That was QUICK!!

Lessons

Well, I feel very pretty this morning. My hair is trimmed up so I don't need to worry about it for a couple of months. No gray. WooHoo. I feel like a cross between a Rogers & Hammerstein movie and a Clairol commercial. :-)

BTW - Thanks Lee Ann. I do love you sweetie. But know - I will get even. ;-)

I had a hard time sleeping last night. Thoughts of interviews ran through my head. The hardest thing is going to be waiting to hear back on yesterday's deal. BUT - and this is important - I still posted for about 10 positions yesterday. AND - I did the project for that contract position. This is not by any means a done deal and I know that. I know that I know that I know that. So I just keep hammering away.

I've had to make some changes - as expected. Not easy changes. Tough decisions. Difficult conversations. But hey, no one ever promised me a rose garden. It's not all tea and sunshine, this life I live. So, you buck up and do what you have to do. Period.

That being said, adding in the fact that I'm so damned analytical you can bet I've been looking for the life lessons I've been forced to participate in this past week or so. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I have to believe that nothing is chance. So I look. I study. I try to learn. This is what I've come up with.

*The people in my life are incredible. And that is putting it mildly. There is no way you will ever know the awesome support that I have received. It's absolutely mind boggling.

*Sometimes pride is a bad thing. Sometimes we have to sit in the darkness to appreciate the light.

*No one person can be a hero. You can't "fix" everything. No one can. And it's ok to admit that. It really is.

*Saying "No" doesn't make you a bad person. THAT single thing right there is HUGE for me. HUGE. It's a lesson I just couldn't seem to grasp. Just so you know? Yeah, I think I've got it now.

Anyway - today is more posting. More searching. A spot of laundry and some conversations with friends.

Well, that and waiting. Did I mention I'm not the most patient of people? Yeah - that's another lesson I'm learning.

THE Phone Interview - A Recap

Oh.
My.
Goodness.

My heart is racing. I think the interview went very very well. In fact the interviewer even said as much.

The company? FANTASTIC. Perfect? No. Best in class? Right up there.

But here is where it gets really really freaky.

I applied for a job here in the Chicago area. As we discussed my past and what drives me and how that fits into their company she said something very interesting. She said she wishes I were back in Florida because they have a position that looks to be a PERFECT fit but needs to be run somewhere out of the Florida/Atlanta area.

WHAT?!?!?!?!? Go Home?????? AND Make Money???? The money I'm asking for??????????

So she asked if she could please put me in for that. Well sure - if you think it's a good fit. (note: it's very hard to sound calm and professional when you are dancing around the office - cigarette in one hand and phone to the ear with the other)

So - I'm in the running for both. Lots of competition. But we clicked. That's important. She said I will hear something, either way, by the end of next week. If we move further along, I'd need to be prepared for a face to face soon after that.

So - that's the recap. I'm gonna go lay down for a moment before I leave for my other appointments (I'm exhausted). But I just had to tell ya.....it went well. :-)

Too Funny NOT to Post

The Meaning of Man's Life.....

I just couldn't resist...............

I recommend....

I think I've made it pretty clear I am a coffee junky. You really don't want me to try and do anything complicated before I've had the first, oh cup or two in the morning.

But - I'm also a big believer in the healing property of tea. I drink a lot of tea. Mostly herbal. I know - shocking isn't it. Me. Tammi. Drink something that didn't have caffeine or alcohol in it.

Anyway - when I'm really under stress, or in need of a good nights sleep I have a favorite. It's Tension Tamer . With a little sugar (hey, I gotta add SOMETHING bad for me to this!) it's a wonderful treat.

When I first tried it I was very sceptical. I mean, seriously, herb tea will help me deal with stress?! But I was wrong. Oh - it doesn't fix a damn thing. It just helps you relax, but not so that you are goofy(er). I keep some at home and at the the office. You'd be amazed how many times I've fixed me a cup or two during the afternoon hell hours.

Anyway - I just realized I had never really shared that with anyone. And if you're looking for little ways to deal with the crap life throws at you - this is one I *know* helps.

What I DIDN'T Want

I posted we had some tornados last night. We're ok up here - Missiouri took the hardest hit.

But all the winds and such took Sgt Hook down memory lane, and he describes perfectly exactly what I *didn't* want to experience last night.

Not Quite

I got some funny pictures from one of my old customers today. I won't post them all but these two - yeah, I'm just gonna say while I haven't actually experienced them first hand, it's only because of luck. Not anything I've done.

Hehehehehehehe

Monday's Ain't All Bad

Yeah!! I made it!! I survived the weekend. And I got a pretty big day today.

My phone interview is at 1:30 central then I have to go do that little project for the other interview. After that I'm getting my hair taken care of. WooHoo. I have stuff to do - outside of the house!!!

And I'm ready for the interview. I've reviewed the company's website, looked at their mission and view of their culture. I've made a list of questions. That's the hardest part for me. You see, I prepare and read so I have some knowledge, then I take notes during the interview. Most interviewers do a good job of getting you the information you need for that portion of the process. You don't want to be pushy but you still need to ask insightful questions when you have the opportunity. I think I've got some ready for today.

I've also opened up my search. When I said earlier it's important to continue to think outside the box when going through this process, I meant it. However, I was limiting myself. That has been brought to my attention and some things I thought were not possible are. So - I broaden the search.

This week is going to be a bit tougher. I've been able to keep busy with the groundwork. But even then I found too much time on my hands. Today - I'm really busy. Tomorrow - I'm actually busy again. And I have to force myself to do something with my house. I've always said my house is a reflection of me. Right now - truer words could not be typed. And I need to fix that. I lulled around this weekend, dealing with other things. Now it's time to get busy.

But I'm going to take a few minutes this morning to visit with some friends, check on some others and just enjoy the clear, crisp morning. It's always amazing to me how clear things are after a really bad storm.

I Don't Think They're Kidding - Update

Well - shit.

We got us some storms. I mean it's rockin' and rollin' outside.

So - like a good girl I flip to local channels.

Big T's?!?!

This is what I saw on the weather.com

A tornado has been sighted or indicated by radar in your area - seek shelter immediately!

At least HERE I have a basement. Think I'll take me a blanket and go check it out.

With the way my luck is going I'm not really wantin' to take any undo chances.

UPDATE 9:30pm: All Clear. But I'm really gonna need to get some work done down in that basement. It just wasn't comfy in the least....

It Almost Felt Normal

Last night was my niece, Carmen's birthday party. Please note: I am in Northern Illinois. They are on the gulf coast of Florida. So, obviously I wasn't there.

Or was I.

Those kooks called me up and put me on speaker phone for over 2 hours so I could be a part of all the fun. Oh - and to make matters WORSE - T1G was there. Talk about tearin' a girl apart!!

We played spoons and did shots. Ok - they did. I'm not gonna be doing any shots for a while. Probably not a good idea, given everything. But I could just picture it all. Sittin' around the dining room table, the colors, everyone big smiles.

But it was so fun. I laughed so very hard. Even over 1700 miles apart, we were tellin' stories, crackin' on each other, laughin' and cussin'.

It was the perfect thing to do.

But when I hung up the phone a little before midnight central time it was just so quiet. In my minds eye I knew what they were doin' to settle down for the evening. If I were there I'd have kicked Carmen's BF off MY couch and hunkered down for a good sleep. I've always been able to sleep so well there. On that couch.

This morning I woke up to the phone ringing. It was my cousin. The only thing missing was the cup of coffee she always brought to me to drag my sorry ass out of bed. Again - it was almost like being there.

This family has been my safe place, my rock, for the past ten years. No matter what I did, no matter what happened, they love me. They accept me for all my faults. If I need to just sit by myself, I can. I'm given my space as I need it and when I want to, there is always someone to talk to. Everyone needs one place where they know - no matter what - it's all ok. One place where who you are and what you do is good. One place where you are never judged.

That place is there for me.

Cuz and I talk every day. Every single day. At least once. And as soon as I hang up the phone I miss her again. She is one of the kindest, sweetest people I've ever known in my whole life. She has a heart the size of Texas, and a sense of humor as warped as, well, just really warped. :-)

Cuz and Carmen are coming to visit me in May. I will enjoy that very much. As much as I would love to go down there I want her to be able to see where I am now. Hell, this is the first move I've made without her input and help in 10 years!!!!

Well this has turned into a pointless ramble, hasn't it. But damn - that was just so great almost getting to be there like that. Getting to hear them all laughing and enjoying themselves. For a while I was just crazy Aunt Tammi. Not unemployed. None of the other crap going on mattered. Nothing was wrong. It almost felt normal.

Turning Tables

Don't know if this truly qualifies as "good news" but it's a life lesson learned. And I, personally think it's a good thing. So......

Sometime the tables get turned on us. Sometimes we must allow others to do for us when we just can't do for ourselves. Sometimes we have to allow others to care, to worry. It's a part of life. It's a part of being alive.

I'm trying very hard to stay positive, focused and get things accomplished. It's the only way I know how to deal with things. Well, there is the whole getting drunk for a month of Sunday's thing, but then you sober up, shit's still shit AND you feel like crap on top of it. Yeah, so the positive, focused yada yada is all I got.

But - I couldn't do it without support. And taking that support is hard. Very hard.

I'm the kind of person that if someone is in trouble I help. If I can't give money I do something else. Anything else. I'm a doer. Period.

So are my most of my friends. We types kinda flock together, ya know.

So it's very hard for me to hear my friends tell me that they feel bad cause they can't help. Hey. Unless you want to employ me at about $60,000 a year, you CAN'T fix it. Just being that voice on the other end of the phone is a life saver. Just stoppin' by to visit and give me a hug works miracles.

But here's the catch. I can't ask. Hell. I don't even like to tell. But - if I don't I know that month of Sunday's thing will happen sooner or later. So I've finally learned to put down my pride and just say - Hey - can I talk to you for a minute.

It's tough when life turns the tables on us. It's hard on the pride, and I know for me, I'm not sure how to react. But I'm learning. It's been a humbling week. And the funny thing is just yesterday I told a friend of mine that you have to let your friends care. You have to. It's the price of friendship. It's a two way street.

And you know what? The good friends are worth the price. They really are.

Since I'm Not There

It is my beloved niece and blogdaughter's birthday this week. Since she is NOT going to be anywhere with internet service AND I have it on good authority that her birthday party is today, I thought I'd just go ahead and put up her birthday post now.

Please note: excessive sappiness to follow. This is a young woman that I love as if she were my own, and I'm VERY sad not to be there to celebrate.

Dearest Carmen,

Happy Birthday sweetie. Whew, it's been one hell of a year, hasn't it?! But you're strong, like the women in our family are. You've done so well - and I cannot tell you how proud I am of the woman you are today.

I wish I could be there to sing happy birthday and do a little happy dance. I wish I were there to meet your BF and give him a hug for being so damned good to you (and threaten that if he EVER hurts you I'll kick his ass). I wish I were there to see you open your presents. I want to look in your eyes and tell you how much you mean to me and how very happy I am for you.

But - it's not possible. So we do what we can.

Here are the roses I know you love so much. I couldn't decide on a color so I got you a variety.

And we both know that the candle addiction runs in the family - so here's a few pretty candles for your collection.

And of course, there has to be an adult beverage or 9 involved, and since I do have the best private bar stock in Northern Illinois, I offer you a drink of your favorite.

Now I know I know - you've got the boyfriend, but what's a party without a few good lookin' studs. So here you go darlin' - a little eye candy.

On second thought, I'll just keep that last one for myself. I don't want to spoil you toooooo much.

Happy Birthday Sweetie. I love you very very much!!!

Your Favoritest Auntie Tammi

Oh Oh Oh - Ktreva has a wonderful gift up for Carmen. Wait, maybe I should have phrased that differently. Oh hell - it's a wonderful way to start your day ladies!!!! Hmmmmm I think I need a car wash!!!!

Good News Saturday

Gotta tell ya folks. Yesterday was not the best day I've had in a while. Let's just leave it at that - shall we?

BUT - today. I've decided today is Good News Saturday.

So let's see - first I'm most happy to announce blogdaughter Ktreva got her promotion!!!!! And to make it even better - *I* get to go shopping with her again!!! Congratulations Ktreva. It's well deserved!!!

Next - Sissy is posting! WooHoo. And it's an educational post as well. Something about drinking in Mexico. Damn....those margaritas sound good about now!!! Good to see something from you sweetie. We missed you!!!

That's a couple things to get us started. We'll see what else I come up with through out the day.

Because the only stuff I plan on posting today is GOOD NEWS. Period. It's Good News Saturday here in Tammi's World.

End of discussion.

HEAT!! HEAT!! I Have HEAT!!

Thank the good Lord above - the furnace is working again.

To be honest I haven't had heat since around noon yesterday. But I did everything I could think of and finally just gave up last night. The guy came this morning and said he'd be back. Needed a new part.

Well - when you're freezin' your ass off, even an hour is a long time. Finally he showed up while I was on the phone with Teresa. About 10 mins later I start with the Oh Oh Oh, Oh MY!. I wasn't really thinking about anything other than the fact that I felt heat. Coming out of my registers.

Poor Teresa. She thought the guy had snuck up behind me and was trying to kill me or something. (I'm not having a very good day, and that really wouldn't have been much of a stretch at this point. Seriously.)

But all is right. All is good. Ok - maybe that's a bit of an overkill. I got heat. I can deal with anything if I've got heat.

Life just got a bit brighter here in Tammi's World. Now excuse me, I've gotta go deal with a couple of other life issues.

Another Little Walk Down Memory Lane

Army Wife reminds me in the comments about my blogiversary about my entire "good bye to Florida" series. The Long Good-Bye was written to help me deal with the fact that I had to leave. I had to leave a place I loved more than anything. I had to leave people I loved more than I can say. I had to leave a way of life that meant so much to me.

I had to leave.

I had to be a grown up. In one post I described my ten years in Florida as a vacation. And it a weird way it was. I had no responsibility except to myself. I was where I wanted to be and could do what I want when I wanted to.

Then one day real life kicked me in the gut. My family needed me. Plain and simple. So I came home. It may not be 100% evident, but I came home kicking and screaming. And now I'm making a new life for myself. Here. In the Little Blue Cracker House.

Anyway - even if I must say to myself - it's not a bad little series. I hope you enjoy it.

It's Tammi Blog Day!!

Yep - as of today it has been two years since I started this little hobby of mine.

Huh. What a wild ride it's been.

I didn't know what to do to celebrate and Army Wife thought it might be a good idea to put up some of my favorite posts. You know, sort of a walk down memory lane thing. I'm half afraid y'all will realize how bad this blog has gotten lately.

I'll just consider it a challenge to step back up to the plate.

So let's see......what are some of my favorites??

The first post that comes to mind is the first part of my trip to Iowa this past summer. It's not so much the way *I* wrote it was the comments. Holy Shit. Y'all crack me up!!!!

On a personal note - I think the post I did honoring Daddy this year is one of my very favorites. I wrote it on the fly. I just stepped back 33 years and saw it all unfold. I think Daddy would be proud.

And I have to say I'm rather proud of the hurricane sputtering I did. And I'll tell you it was the chance to write it out and through the support of so many of my friends that I didn't have a complete break down. The hardest post to write was this one, talking about my fear. I'm a proud of the fact that I was able to be that honest, that open. But damn, I wouldn't mind if I never went through *that* again.

Damn - this is harder than I thought.

Holy Shit - I took this quiz over a year ago and IT said I was "mushy". mumble mumble - I am NOT mushy....

Way back in the beginning of this adventure I posted about the Dining Room Table - and just how important it is. That hasn't changed for me. I don't think it ever will.

Just a little walk down memory lane this morning. Looking at just how many twists and turns life has brought me over the past 2 years. It's amazing. Just amazing.

But the best part of this whole thing has been y'all. The friendships that have developed, that I cherish more than I can say. The ups. The downs. The gatherings. All of it. I wouldn't change a minute.

So thank you. Thank YOU for two of the best years ever.

It's Been A Week

Well today it's been a week. I have to say, I've gotten a bit done.

And yesterday started out pretty good. As you see below, the phone interview went well. It's funny, because it used to be me on the other end of the phone explaining what this job is all about. But....it's money and it would buy me time to find what I want. So - we'll keep moving forward.

The thing is if all I had to worry about was the job thing I'd be ok. Really. But I've got other stuff kickin' my ass (most of which is NOT blogable) and to top it all off the damned furnace went out yesterday afternoon.

I'd had problems before and the guy came out and told me what to do to fix them. I've tried them all. Nothing. Oh, the sucker is running, there's just no heat. Thank GOODNESS it's not frigid right now.

So last night, around 8:00 it was all just more than I could handle. So - I went to the bed place. Yes, I'm sorry to admit I literally went to bed and pulled the flippin' covers up over my head. It was all just more than I could take.

BUT - I've now been up since 1:30. I'm doin' a bit of putterin' and I'm NOT gonna just spend the day feeling sorry for myself. I can't. I didn't schedule time for that.

I went and stocked the house in groceries yesterday. I bought stuff I know I'll eat - when I can. You see, one way I react to extreme stress is my body will not allow me to eat. I've forced myself to try and most of the time it doesn't work so well. Last night I did manage to keep down some Mac and Cheese for, oh about an hour. The only thing really stayin' with me is Chocolate Milk so I had some this morning in the hopes that it'll soothe my stomach.

Anyway - enough of the pity party. Today, I need to get heat. That is my number one concern. Number two is get at least 10 more resumes submitted. I'm way ahead of my average so 10 would be good. This weekend I'm not allowed to do any job search - that way I don't lose complete track of time. Schedules are important. Goals are vital.

But if I'm real honest that bed place is soundin' pretty damned good right now.

Damn!

I AM charming!!!!

Phone interview went well. Very well. AND I have a special project to do.

I gotta go to the mall and shop. HA!

The downside is they aren't planning on hiring until the end of the month and pay day is 1x a month - the following month. That would mean no pay until May. It's a big territory. Lots-o-gas.

But still worth looking at seriously. Of course, it's not enough to stop the search.

Hey - a girl's gotta have options, don't cha know!!!

Canceled

Well shit.

I just cancelled my get-away weekend with Army Wife. I was sooooo looking forward to that - and to be honest was willing to do what ever I had to to make it happen.

But I can't. I just can't. It's the wrong thing to do right now. I've got to get some money coming in. Not be spending what little I do have.

Damn - I hate being a grown-up sometimes. And it's funny, because we've been talking about it every day, but I just couldn't say the words. I kept stalling - I gotta go to the bank, I just need to see what happens tomorrow. But let's be serious. I've got utility bills, food, rent, gas. No, there is just no way right now that I could go and have as good a time as we want to.

So - I'll pout for a while today. But not for long. Cause we're still gonna do this. And when we do, it will be twice as good 'cause we'll be celebrating!! In my heart I knew I couldn't/shouldn't go. I just didn't want to say the words. That makes it real.

He's Here! He's Here!!

The Phinlet has hatched!!!!

Go over, read the details and wish them all well...

Day Three

Well, that was certainly interesting.

It was a good day - overall.

I went and got everything registered with the Temp Service. It was nice to talk to someone and it was very nice to hear that I "got skills". We all need that, you know. And it was good timing for me.

I don't know what it was, but I just wanted to get home. I kept catching myself driving WAAAYYY too fast for this county - just trying to get back to the Little Blue Cracker House. I didn't even go and do any of my errands. I just wanted to get home.

When I got here I found the first of the call backs. That REALLY made me feel good. Yes, someone noticed me. Someone was interested. Then - a few hours later I got the second call. This with a major company that I was VERY interested in. OUTSTANDING.

The most important part in job hunting in my field (sales, marketing, retail) is to get noticed. There are thousands of us out there, every day, looking. And the general rule in sales is you never stop looking. You always have everything updated and ready to go. I'm not like that. If I have something I love, I'm focused on what I'm doing. I have no interest in finding "more". But that makes the competition very fierce. It makes no difference how the economy is, what the unemployment rate is, or even the location. Most people in this line move constantly. Like I said, I've got a shitload of competition. All. The. Time. Getting noticed is key.

So to get the first call is big. Today is the first of the phone interviews. This is strictly a contract job. But the money is 2x-3x what I'd get hourly as a temp. If this pans out I would still be able to continue looking and have the luxury of not having to worry about money.

The other job is one of those "once in a lifetime" things. I remember when I posted for it thinking "yeah, right. Like they'll call". Ha. They did. That is scheduled for Monday.

So today, other than my little appointment, it's more posting. Run through all the databases and refreshing all of my resumes. That's important to do. Just posting your resume on any of the boards, Monster, CareerBuilder, etc., isn't enough. They get thousands of resumes and profiles each day. Most employers only look at the newest. So by going in and updating your resume - even if you don't change anything, go through the process - you get your information back at the top of the heap. I do that every week.

I did get some emails from recruiters with offers I cannot take, but they still wanted to upload my resume into their database. SURE. Go 'head. So, I'll add those to my spreadsheet. And search to see what they have.

But I've got a bounce in my step. A smile on my face. Contagion got his new position, Congrats Dude. Very happy for you. Now we just need to hear that Ktreva got her promotion. THAT would rock. I get to practice being charming on the phone, and then just finish out the day.

But yesterday? Yeah, it wasn't bad. Not bad at all.

I Fool Myself

One of my favorite things is watching the moon. I don't know why, but I'm fascinated with the night sky. Oh, I don't know anything about constellations or anything - mainly it's the moon. I'm just flat out drawn to the moon.

I think I've always been like this. I remember camping out and just laying and watching the stars begin to appear, and the moon makes it nightly journey.

That was one thing I loved about my condo in Bradenton. I had the most beautiful view of the moon. I was on the 2nd floor and, after taking the wall down between the lanai and the living room, I could just lay on the couch and watch. It was how I spent many an evening.

I worried that I would lose that opportunity when I moved to the townhouse in Tampa. But no - it was even better. Being in an end unit with a pond next to me, I had not just the moon, but his reflection too. Add in the nocturnal animals and well - it was a wonderful show.

The house in Orlando - another great treat. With the back wall of the living room all sliding glass door and the nature preserve out back it was just wide open sky. I could either be in the living room, sitting on the pool deck or even drifting off to sleep in bed and watch my old friend as he slowly made his rounds.

I missed that in the postage stamp house. Very much. I had hoped moving to The Little Blue Cracker House there would be a view somewhere.

One night I was on the couch, relaxing and I glanced out the front window through the bottom of the closed blinds. I saw this bright orb in the sky. I had to smile. My friend. He found me. What a beautiful full moon tonite.

Then it happened again. But this time, I knew something was wrong. I had been out earlier that night - it wasn't a full moon. Then what, who was this impostor???

Duh. It was the damned street light in my front yard - that's what it was.

But you know what? It fools me almost every night, for just a second. When I glance out those blinds I think I see him again.

Wishful thinking. Either that, or I need to get out more!!!

That's TWO!!

I got ANOTHER call back.

ANOTHER phone interview is scheduled for Monday!!!

Folks I'm tellin' ya. Plan your work and work your plan.

WooHoo!!!!!!!!

Just So You Know...

Y'all know I'm not responsible for any comments left here, right?

Just wanted to make sure. From what I understand I have some new "readers" and I just thought it might be a good idea to stress the fact that I am only responsible for what I write.

Thank you! Have a nice day - oh, and come back again. ;-)

Open Response

I mentioned I'm getting some beautiful, supportive emails. And I am - they are wonderful. But this one, well - I think it just needs some special attention so I thought I'd respond here.

Dear "Babe"

First, while I appreciate your "kind" words and offer of support there are probably a few things you might need to know about me.

#1 - if you want me to take your "offer" seriously, please use your real name and email address.

#2 - yes, money is a concern but I'm thinkin' that my dignity and pride actually rank higher up there than just cash.

#3 - and while your offer to "come and take care of me" is greatly appreciated, ok maybe not-but anyway - NO. I've never been "taken care of" in my whole life and I don't think I want to start now.

#4 - yick.

Sincerely
Tammi

**FREAK**

HA!

I got a call back! I got a call back!!

It's in consumer products. In retail execution!!!!!!!

I have a phone interview tomorrow!!!!

AND I just got back from the Temp Service so, while it's not gonna be much money, I think I can be doin' somethin' with my time soon.

Damn - I feel so good I think I'll go outside and walk barefoot in the mud!!!!

Today's The Day

Phin has informed us that today is THE day. The long awaited arrival of the Phinlet is at hand.

You'll want to keep popping over so you don't miss the BIG ANNOUNCMENT!!!

My thoughts and prayers are with both of you today. What a wonderful day.

I just LOVE babies............

Day Two

Well, it was a day. It was a long day, but at least it's over.

I didn't do so well with the whole gettin' up and gettin' dressed part. Oh, I was awake at 4:00am. But the only reason I managed to get out of the jammies was cause I just got hungry. I can't be doin' that too often, it's not good for the mental part of this whole thing.

I did get a bunch of stuff done. I found 6 more job databases. If anyone out there is looking for sales or consumer products jobs let me know and I'll send you the links. I've posted my resume on all of them. The Monster, HotJobs and CareerBuilder are all good resources, but specialty job boards have always been very good to me.

I'm trying to think outside of the box. It's hard sometimes, since I know what I know and going some place different is kinda scary. Plus, let's face it. I was fired. FIRED. That is the first time for me, and it's kinda shaken my confidence. But I'm still trying. I have no choice.

But back to thinking a little different. When ever I come upon a new database I do a couple of searches. The first is very specific. Exactly what I think I want. Usually, that comes up blank. Hey - I'm not exactly in the hotbed of consumer products jobs right now. But then, I widen my search. I look at just about anything in the area. I use very generic key words, or none at all. That allows me to not only broaden my horizons, but see what companies I might have missed in the area. It's led to a couple of decent leads.

I also pulled out the old Franklin Planner. I've got them all - from the early 90's to now. The only part I save are the addresses and phone numbers. I started making calls. Oh - many of my old contacts are no longer there, but in some instances some of the folks I used to know have been promoted and are actually in a better situation to help or guide me. I've moved these damn things all over hell and back. And I'll keep doing it. After all, you never know.

The other thing I do is build my own database. I have a spreadsheet with every job board I join. Under each separate tab is the jobs from that board that I post for and when I posted for them. That keeps me from duplicating my efforts but more importantly helps me see that I am trying. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes it feels like I'm just sitting here feeling sorry for myself. So - it's a good reminder.

Today I finally get in to a temp service. That has been making me crazy this week. I've got to have some money coming in. Have to. Then, I'll go and run the errands I wanted to do Monday. That'll help me get more organized and also get me out for a bit.

This afternoon it's back to the searches. This is when it starts to get tough. I've been so assertive in my search already I've pretty much topped out. Now it's just a matter of maintaining and that doesn't take up enough of my time to keep me from getting myself in trouble.

Lucky for me - I got friends. I got friends with telephones. I got friends that use those telephones to keep me from going crazy. Thanks Guys.

Oh - and I really want to thank everyone for the incredible, supportive emails I've been getting. It's just amazing to me the goodness of the people that come to visit me here. Y'all Rock! You make this old girl feel pretty special. Thank you!!!

It Was A Good Idea

I gave myself a break yesterday. I've had no human interaction since Saturday. Oh - I've talked on the phone, but not seen a smile or looked someone on the eye.

I was starting to lose my mind.

So yesterday I headed to Fritz's for lunch. I thought if I got a good, hot lunch I wouldn't feel the need to eat again PLUS I'd get to see people.

It was very yummy. And a wonderful break.

So wonderful I headed back at 2:30 for "The Movie". Yesterday's selection was The Upside of Anger. Perfect. It was actually a pretty damned good film.

And as the movie ran, folks started dropping in. Now I have to be honest. I'm not afraid to go/do anything by myself. But right now, well, I'm just not into being in a crowd of people. But this was perfect. I already knew these folks so it was...comfortable.

And throw in a few beers and it was a very good afternoon. I didn't miss anything by being gone - it's not like the flippin' phone was ringing off the hook with job offers or that I got a ton of emails. So yes, it was exactly the right thing to do.

OH HELL NO!!

This is too funny not to post.

I'm doin' some googlin' right now looking for different job databases.

So I see this ad that looks interesting. It's very specific about posting any links or portions of the ad anywhere - so you'll just have to trust me on this. 'mkay?

Anyway - I normally am very sceptical about this stuff. But - it's listed under retail/food jobs.

So I call.

It's for a flippin' escort service!!! An ESCORT SERVICE for gott's sake.

I dropped the phone like it was fire.

You know, I'm all about sales and marketing. And this was listed on retail/food. Hmmm - makes you wonder just what THEY mean by retail and exactly what kinda food they're talkin' about.

This is just my luck......

A Spoonful......

Last Saturday, while talking to Bam she made me promise her one thing.

That I wouldn't allow my analytical side to take over right now.

I know it's a problem. Really I do. It's a control issue. You see - I haven't always been this way. And to those that have known me for a long while, this is still somewhat of a shock.

I was always a "fly by the seat of your pants" kinda gal. I traveled when and where I wanted. If I wanted to try something - I did. No worries. No issues.

Then I got married. To an asshole. I learned all about fear. Fear for my safety. Financial fear. Fear of failure. Wow. That was a bit of a shock to the old system.

Then when I got divorced I found some of that old free spirit coming back. On a whim I packed up everything I owned and moved to Florida. I needed to start over, put some serious space between me and the ex, plus my cousin and her family lived there. It was perfect. New start WITH a support group.

Then I made the mistake of fallin' for someone. And let me tell you it was hot and heavy. We adored each other. Looking back I think it was just we each were looking for someone the opposite of those that had hurt us so badly. Well, that and the sex was pretty flippin' awesome. But - I'm not going there with this post.

There was one problem. He wanted kids. I can't have them. Cancer took care of that when I was in my 20's. So one day he just disappeared. Gone. Poof. To say I freaked out is putting it mildly. I had a complete meltdown. I'd absolutely put myself - heart and soul - on the line. And he left. No explanation (at the time) nothing. Turns out it was because he just wanted kids too much. Well, whatever.

What I'm getting at was my reaction. Over time I started looking at everything. Reviewing every event, every word, every touch. Analyzing to see what I had done wrong. Why I drove him off. After a while I started applying that approach to every single thing in my life.

Everything was analyzed. Everything. I became paralyzed by that which had helped me cope.

Now - believe it or not - I'm better than I used to be. But still, I do tend to slip into that analysis mode when I'm scared or hurt.

Bam knows that. As do most of the people that know me so well. Saturday night she told me there was something I had to do. And trust me, when she TELLS you to do something, you do it. Period.

She told me to lift my hand, palm out. Then slowly turn it back towards me. Bring it back towards my face, all the while saying "Stop". Every time I start to analyze I have to do that. Let me tell you folks - my nose is getting sore!! Damn, I really do "go there" way to often!!!

And as silly as it sounds, it's working. I've done it a couple of times during conversations with my friends. It serves two purposes. One, makes me realize what I'm doing and two makes us laugh.

And after all the best medicine for ANYTHING is to laugh. Right?

Day One

Well, I have to be honest. I didn't do so well with "the plan" yesterday. Oh - I did get my resume out to about 18 places. I made some phone calls. But.....I still ended up sitting on the couch. Drained.

The one nice thing is I got to talk with my friends. Since moving up here our "patterns" had to change. Bou, Teresa and Army Wife and I were all used to talking during the day. It was pretty easy, with my cell phone and so much windshield time. But with this last job that just wasn't possible. So that was nice.

Then I got a couple of surprise calls. Oddybobo called with support and some leads. I have to tell you - that knocked my flat on my backside. I am so touched that she did that I cannot even begin to tell you. A bit after that I had a call from my good friend Johnny_Oh. It has been a while since we had a chance to chat, and God love 'em...he let me ramble and ramble and ramble. Thanks you guys! You made my day!!!

I know what my problem is. I'm not the most patient of folks. Intellectually I realize you have to stuff the pipeline, keep pushing and following up. BUT I found myself frustrated that I didn't hear from anyone yesterday. No One responded to the stuff I put out Friday or over the weekend. HELLO! Tammi!! It was only Monday! But don't they realize how badly I need to work NOW?!?!

I tried to move my hair appointment up from next week. But we scheduled it next week because they are having a 20% off sale. And right now that 20% savings could be the difference of gas money to an interview or not being able to go. I can *make* my hair presentable for the next few days to make sure that isn't an issue.

Today is a bit of running and then more ground work. I'll spend most of the day here at the computer searching and searching. I know it'll be exhausting. I know it'll be frustrating. I know it'll kick my ass. But - no one ever said it was easy. I just have to stick with it. But damn - it sure would be nice if the phone rang and it was some big consumer products company sayin' they heard I was available and would I PLEASE come and work for them. That - that would be very nice.

One Year

March 7th. A day that changed my life. Really. It gave me one of the best friends - more like a sister - I have in my life.

You see, I got this email. It was from this person who called herself Army Wife Toddler Mom. She said her husband had just returned from Iraq and that she started this blog. She said she had been reading me for a while and wanted to let me know.

She never commented on my site. Ever. I had no idea.

So I went over and found THIS. Wow. So much for the traditional "sucky first post".

The next day was THIS. I cannot tell you the emotions this drew from me.

Over the past year her site has "come into it's own". She has brought smiles to our faces with her beautiful children and off beat humor. She has caused us to think beyond ourselves.

But not only that - over the past year our friendship has continued to develop. Pretty much we talk daily. So often I just need to hear her voice, her laughter, her advice. She gives me balance. She has made my life richer with both her blog and her friendship.

Happy Anniversary Army Wife. And thank you - for being who you are, sharing your thoughts with us through you blog and most of all for being my very good friend.

I love ya Babe.

I TOLD YOU! I'm NOT Nice

You Are 46% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

Found at my girls' site - Machelle and Ktreva.

Hmmm

Ok - maybe I'm a bit more scattered than I thought.

Rule number one: When appointments get pushed back - remember you already started the car and don't let it run. That kinda wastes gas.

I tell ya - sometimes I really scare myself.

Planning

Sometimes being so analytical is a pain in the ass. I think about every word said, every gesture. I'm constantly second guessing myself. Ack!!

But, in times like this it's a real bonus. I just step away from emotions as much as possible. Oh - I get scared at night. No money is my biggest fear. Flat out. But for the most part it's just survival. And if nothing else I am a survivor.

So I plan. Oh yes, I plan. And on the off chance that it helps anyone else I'll share what I've done already and what the next few days look like here in Tammi's World.

First thing Friday I got the word out. I kick what network I have into gear. Then I update my resume on Monster and CareerBuilder. I set up new job search engines and post for anything that looks remotely interesting. It's important to interview. Even if that job isn't what you think you want, you never know what else might be available.

Today - I was up at 5:30. Yes, I set the alarm. I'm keeping the same routine as if I were working. This morning I'm going to the temp service so that I can start temping as quickly as possible. Then to the bank, store for panty hose (gonna be wearing dresses again) and then fill the car with gas.

I'll split my days. Half will be blitzing, dropping off resumes and hopefully scheduling interviews. For that I'll get the map out - yes, I actually have one - and breaking the area into sections. Like when I make outside sales calls. That way, I'm not wasting time or money.

The other half of the day is searching. I'll pull up the Chamber of Commerce web sites and start hitting those companies that are in the area. Whether they show openings or not. I have a goal of 10 resumes out every day. I usually average 15 (I always try to beat my forecast. Again, it's a sales thing).

I try not to do anything over the weekend. It keeps that routine. This weekend, especially Sunday, I needed to fill the time. So I posted. A lot. I'll follow up today.

I'll do this all week. I'm trying to stuff the pipeline as quickly as possible - because looking for a job is a numbers game. For every 15 or 20 things you post for you usually get 1 interview. I don't have the time for that so I need to blitz hard and fast.

Oh - and the other thing is knowing that the product you are selling is yourself. You *HAVE* to put your best foot forward at all times. So, I'll schedule a hair appointment. No, I can't afford it right now, but I also can't NOT do it. No one wants to hire a loser. So - the packaging has to be just right.

So that's my plan. Let me tell you - I'm so very scared. Almost terrified. BUT there is nothing else I can do. If I have a breakdown I end up homeless. THAT is not an option. I have responsibilities that MUST be handled. There is no time for panic. Well, except for in the middle of the night.

Talking Gets Me Hurt

My friend Bam called the other night. For a couple reasons really - one, to make sure I wasn't wallerin'. And two, as always, to make me laugh.

Well, we had us a serious chat. She said somethings I needed to hear. And then I got to gigglin'. Pretty soon I was out right laughing. She asked what was goin' on so I asked if she remembered.........

It was right after I first left my ex-husband. I had gotten this little apartment in East Chicago and was trying to make some changes in my life. One was I wanted to get more exercise.

I had seen on the late night TV some infomercial about the newest exercise thingy. It was perfect for someone in an apartment. It was this mat, slick with a bumper on either side. It wasn't terribly big but just big enough. You put these slippers on over your shoes and made like you were speed skating in place. No noise (well, for some people) and a GREAT workout.

PERFECT. I had to have it. So I bought it.

The evening the package arrived I was on the phone with Bam. I told her what it was and then proceeded to set it all up. Then I put on the little booties and got started. All while still on the phone with her.

Now folks - I have to tell you - I am not much of a skater. Never have been. It's something about having something between the ground and me that actually moves. Yeah - it's not so good. But this! This should be fine.

At first it was kind of awkward. Did I mention I was talking on the phone while trying to figure this out? Yeah, well, anyway......

Finally I start to get the hang of it. I pick up a little speed. Then a little more. I'm in the middle of tellin' her how great this is when - BAM!!! I hit the bumper a little weird and flew off the mat, through the air, and into the sliding glass door. Did I mention I was on the phone with her?

All she heard was AAAHHHHHH SSSSHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTTT Splot.

All I heard was her laughter.

Damn. That one hurt.

But it *was* funny as hell.

Right Now

It's currently 28 degrees. The temps are supposed to drop and we're looking at 2-4" of snow by night fall. It's already started with a light, steady snowfall.

It's a perfect day for stayin' home and hunkerin' down.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'll light some candles, turn on some music, stay in my jammies and clean my little heart out. It'll keep me busy and I'll feel better getting something accomplished.

I'm trying to decide on my music choice today. Not really feelin' very Rockish. Country doesn't trip my trigger today either. Classical? Nope. Latin-not in the mood. I think I just want some classic blues. It fits the day, kinda grey and such. And I love the "feel" of the music. Slow and sexy - again, something that just grabs your soul and you have to listen.

Take my mind off some stuff. Yeah - that's the ticket.

So - what are your plans today??????

I Had a Day

Let me tell you folks - yesterday I was spoiled rotten. I get misty just trying to tell you about it. It was just an example of what fantastic people I have in my life - and just HOW wonderful they are.

And you know me - I just have to tell you about it.....

I had plans to go out shopping with my blogdaughter Ktreva. We were going out looking for a fun outfit for me to wear when I was on my Getaway Weekend. Well, I think it's pretty obvious the last thing I need to be doing right now is spending any money on clothes. So we made arrangements for her to just come and spend some time at the Little Blue Cracker House instead.

She arrives with a hug and a dozen beautiful coral roses. Right there she made my week. Seriously - I think y'all know how much I love flowers but throw in the fact that I got a hug and, well - it made everything seem brighter.

Then she tells me she's got plans. I can't swear to it, but I'm pretty sure she actually said - to ME - "this is what I'm gonna need for you to do..." Huh. No doubt THIS one is my blog-offspring!!

She was taking me to lunch and then to buy a new top. We were just going to spend the day being "girls". That's when it dawned on me how very long it had been since I had actually done that. It's been way way too long.

So we headed out to Rockford for our day of adventure - cause you do realize you put the two of us out together it *is* gonna be an adventure, right?

Lunch was at a wonderful Japanese restaurant. The atmosphere was great. So relaxing. And I love Japanese food - you know the stuff they prepare at your table. Yummmyyyyyy. AND you get a show to boot.

And we surely got one.

While we were waiting for our "stuff" to start it became apparent that the woman at the table next to us was having a birthday. Her daughter (about 13) had made some plans. Now - let me mention right here and now, anyone ever EVER even think about something like this for me - I'll kill ya. Dead. Gone. That's it. Bye Bye. But it sure as hell was fun to watch. And the lady was a great sport.

They made her do some kind of dance. The waiter was showing her the steps. While watching the woman grab her boobs and wiggle didn't do much for me, watching that waiter wiggle his ass about 3 feet from my face did a LOT to make my day even brighter!! :-) I turned, smiled at Ktreva and simply said Thank You.

Now it's time for them to start our meal. We are watching the chef bedazzle us with his skills and it hits me! That's IT. My new career!! How fun would that be - cooking and talking and putting on a show all at the same time. I could do it. I know I could. Hmmm I wonder if they offer Major Medical coverage?!?!

We both ordered a drink. Ktreva got a Mai Tai that looked wonderful. Me? Well, I hadn't kept any food down since Wednesday night so I figured I had better go "light". I noticed a description that just screamed "Breakfast" to me - Rum, pineapple juice and coconut creme. Yummy. I don't usually do "fufu" drinks but this just sounded perfect. I was a bit taken aback by the whipped cream on top. I don't usually do whip cream drinks (well, not that I can tell you about anyway) but it was really good. It didn't last nearly long enough. I think there was a hole in the bottom of my glass.......

The food was fantastic!!! And there was soooo much of it. I think I ate more in that meal than I have in the past 2 weeks combined!!! AND it stuck with me! WooHoo. Maybe it was the whipped cream on the drink that settled my stomach? Hmmmm - might need to keep that in mind.

So then we hit the mall. I figured while we were out I'd see if the local Gap carried extra long jeans - for when I COULD buy some.

**Note to self - do not, under any circumstances, try on jeans when you are already a bit "blue". DAMNIT. That was a blow to the ego. Shame on me. Poor Ktreva kept saying, "Just let me see how they fit. I'll tell you if they look alright". Yeah - well, first you gotta get 'em on. I finally told the sales clerk "Listen - the only thing that's gonna fit is a size larger than what I'm tryin' to squeeze my fat ass into right now. And that size? Yeah - NOT IN MY CLOSET!!!!!"

So we moved on. Ktreva spoiled me more buy buying me this beautiful sweater set. Oh, we argued over that - but damn folks - She's FIESTY!!!

We get back to the Little Blue Cracker House and settle in for some more conversation. What a saint she is. She put up with my ramblin' and ravin' and well - just flat out not focusin'. She never once told me to get my head out of my ass (well, she did once, but that's a whole 'nother story) and she didn't mind when I kept repeating myself. She gave me a day of laughing and shopping and well - just not worrying.

She gave me a day of her company. And that is absolutely precious to me. When she was leaving she gave me a big hug and told me to call her if I need her. I almost broke down at that point. Right then I realized the thing I needed the most was the hug. In the back of my mind - I had been so afraid I'd have to deal with all this shit and not feel the comfort of a hug. She fixed that for me.

Thank you sweetie - for your time, a wonderful lunch and my beautiful sweater. But most of all - thank you so much for just being my friend.

**Oh and Contagion? It was very sweet of you too!!!!!

Shutting Down

I'm sure you've realized by now - it's not been the best of days.

Oh - I'm ok. Really. I've been kicked harder than this before, and I really am a survivor.

It's just I got a couple of things I'm trying to deal with and I need to make some plans. So - don't panic if you don't see any posting this weekend.

I've gotta get my head straight. I'll be fine. Really.

It's not my first time at the rodeo.

Terminated

Well the hunt is on in earnest.

This is a first......

*I* Say When

So I've made it pretty clear I'm lookin' for a job. I'm just not satisfied with the one I have for several reasons. The main thing is it's gettin' harder and harder to look at myself in the mirror. I don't like the things I have to do most days.

Well - the writing is on the wall. Everyone sees it. I'm on the short list. And I'm really ok with that. They are settin' me up to let me go.

But here's the kicker. I want to leave before that happens. It's a matter of pride. And lordy lordy I gots me plenty of pride. Too much some days.

But the timing is critical.

The amazing thing is I'm not worried. Oh - I know it'll be harder than hell to find another job in this pay bracket in this area. But I have a plan (THERE'S a surprise!!) I'll temp for a while if I have to, or maybe sell furniture. I'll keep my head above water - there's no doubt there. I am, if nothing else, a survivor.

But I am stressing over the way this will all play out. You see - I want to leave on my own terms. To quote one of my favorite movies - "I say when".

So the race is on. The stakes are high, but I'm not runnin' from this one. Every morning I get up and put on my game face. All the while keeping my eyes on the goal.

Count Down

TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two weeks from today I'll be on my way to a weekend of fun and laughter and drinking and laughter and talking and laughter.

WooHoo!!! Army Wife?? You ready?????

I Must Confess

Over at Drunken Wisdom T1G takes the opportunity to share with us some of the games guys like to play. Heh. Having raised three boys not a single one of those surprised me. :-)

His final question is "And you ladies... do you have any games that you play with each other? *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*"

At first I just laughed and thought "Yeah right"....

Then I realized - holy crap, I have played THE game. And at work even!!! YIKES. Am I even more immoral than I thought?!?!?!

Let me explain.

When I worked at the steel mill, way back when, the department I was in had their own building right off the mill. It was all tile so you could hear someone walking anywhere. It was mostly guys, just a couple of us girlies so of course we girls bonded pretty tight.

Now, I've always been a bit of a smart ass. And if I can't think of something to say I'll usually use a gesture of one type or 'nother to get my point across. Hey - I have no problem with non-verbal communication. Also - I should probably mention that I wore a lot of skirts. I call them "flippy skirts" as they would fall just above the knee and have enough material to swish when you walk.

So - one day I'm walking down the hall and one of the girls I worked with said something smart and I just kept walking and flipped my skirt up at her - basically a partial moon. She about shit. Then she started tellin' everyone what I did. NONE of the guys believed her.

"Not OUR Tammi!! She's WAAAAY too lady like!!!"

Hehehehehehe

So it became a game. She would try to set me up so that one of the guys would see me do it, and they'd stop calling her a liar. This went on for years! She just couldn't get me. Until.....

One day - I was cruisin' down the hallway and she popped out of her office with yet another smart remark. I don't remember exactly what was said, but it was worthy of more than just a quick flip. So I stopped, never turning around, and lifted my skirt while cocking my hip. Pause, and then go.

The laughter that erupted echoed throughout the building. What I didn't know was the little shit had a couple of the VPs hidden just inside her office. It was a set up!!!

Good thing I always wear coordinating panties. I never did hear the end of that one.

The benefit was when I got promoted a few months later (hmmmm - never realized the timing on that before) I got a really nice gift certificate for Victoria Secret. Well, that and they STILL talk about that!!!

Ahhh the games people play.................

Priorities

You have to have your priorities straight. If you don't you just miss too damn much.

Last night I made a pretty good dinner - if I must say so myself.

Roast beef, med rare. New potatoes and brocholi w/cheese. Oh, and a big ole bottle of wine.

Then sat down and watched a movie. Talked and laughed - a lot.

I didn't clean the kitchen, didn't even pretend to.

I woke up this morning to a trashed out mess. Normally that would make me crazy. Normally I'd clean it up this morning before work. Today - I don't care. It'll be here tonite and I'll clean it up then.

Somethings are just more important. Spending time with people you care about is a whole hell of a lot more important than a few dirty dishes.

Do you have your priorities straight?

Keep an Eye Out

Ok - y'all are probably going to think I'm nuts but I have to say this.

Are you keeping an eye out on the Avian Flu thing? Seriously.

This is no laughing matter. The damned thing morphs so much it'll be a very real threat to humans in no time. And it spreads like wild fire. One minute you're fine, the next - well, not so much.

So I'm just going to ask that you keep an eye on things. It's getting a little close to home, and well, being me I worry about y'all. If I could I'd just set up shop here in Tammi's World and bring y'all here. What a party that would be.

But alas - not something even I can pull off. So instead I just ask you to pay attention. And if any warnings are issued - please do what they say. Please.

It's important.

Put it out there...

OK - I'm hitting a blank wall here.

I'm looking for a job back in consumer products. It's what I do best of all.

All my contacts are in Bentonville and Florida. I'm sunk here in Northern Illinois. I got nothin'.

I've sent my resume to my old broker team (hence the offer in Bentonville) and they are looking for me in this area. I've googled like crazy but can't find anything but European companies. If I thought a cross country move was out of the question - this? No. And No again.

I've contacted my recuriters, but they don't have anything outside of NY or Florida.

So - here's what I need from y'all. Any of you that deal with consumer products, retail execution, ect. If you know of anyone that might possibly have any openings in the Rockford/Milwaukee/West Suburbs of Chicago let me know. It's two hours all around and that is a managable territory.

I just have no contacts up here. For the first time I don't even know where to start.

Gotta Hate When That Happens

2 hours sleep + only enough creamer for 1 cup of coffe = :-(

Damn - I hate that. Oh, it's my own fault, creamer wise. I just forgot to pick any up at the store last night. But the sleep thing? Damn. I really needed a few more hours.

But it's this brain of mine. It just won't shut off. But this time it was different. Usually when this happens it's a million things fighting for attention. Work, people, politics - you name it and it's running through my mind. Last night? Way different. Just one thought kept flashing. Over and over and over again.

In fact as I write this I'm starting to remember a dream from last night. It was just a dark deserted street with this horrid pink neon sign. I can feel the cold wind on my face and all you hear is the tinging of metal on metal. Kinda like the sound a flagpole makes in the wind. I'm just standing there, in the dark, alone on this street - watching that stupid sign flash.

Weird. Very weird. And why THAT would keep me awake, I have no idea.

But it's sure gonna make being "charming" today a whole hell of a lot harder.

Time to tell it like it is....

OK - that's it. I think I'm gonna have to make it perfectly clear.

I AM NOT A NICE PERSON. I AM NOT MUSHY. I AM NOT SWEET.

There - are we straight with that???

I keep gettin' people tellin' me how "sweet" I am. How nice. I even had someone suggest that my extended entry should be reworded to say "extended mushiness".

Ha! I laugh at you.

It's an act. An act I tell you.

I'm tough, I'm mean, I'm nasty.

I'm that single old lady livin' at the end of your block. The only thing I'm missin' are the cats.

Ok - maybe that's a bit of over kill. But seriously - I'm not all that sweet.

I have a temper. I get mad. I get my feelings hurt. AND I get even.

I have a mouth and a dry sense of humor - and I ain't afraid to use either of them. I've been known to back someone up into a corner, never raising a hand or my voice. And trust me - it wasn't good for them!!

On the flip side of that - if I like you, you know it. I do express my feelings (for the most part) pretty easily. If I say I love you, I mean it. If I tell you that you are important to me, I mean it. If I say I missed you - I mean it.

See a pattern? If I mean it, I say it. If I say it, I mean it. Good or bad. End of discussion.

So - get this through your thick skulls. I. Am. Not. Nice.

Oh, btw can I get you anything? Coke? Tea? Coffee? How 'bout some cobbler? Oh, and that color looks great on you! Come 'ere. Let me give you a hug!!!