March 17, 2006
In the Spirit....
Just because I'm in a really good mood today I thought I'd share some Irish Stories!!
Driving Home Drunk
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Be Careful What You Wish For
Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from
a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one
of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie
would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the
castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated
that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the
entire ocean into beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on
the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now
we're going to have to piss in the boat."
Choose Your Weapon Well
"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Riley." "Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."
"Aye,.. that he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was." "Dear Lord,... didn't you have anything in YOUR hand?"
"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"
Posted by Tammi at March 17, 2006 08:26 AM