Tammi's World

It Almost Felt Normal

Last night was my niece, Carmen's birthday party. Please note: I am in Northern Illinois. They are on the gulf coast of Florida. So, obviously I wasn't there.

Or was I.

Those kooks called me up and put me on speaker phone for over 2 hours so I could be a part of all the fun. Oh - and to make matters WORSE - T1G was there. Talk about tearin' a girl apart!!

We played spoons and did shots. Ok - they did. I'm not gonna be doing any shots for a while. Probably not a good idea, given everything. But I could just picture it all. Sittin' around the dining room table, the colors, everyone big smiles.

But it was so fun. I laughed so very hard. Even over 1700 miles apart, we were tellin' stories, crackin' on each other, laughin' and cussin'.

It was the perfect thing to do.

But when I hung up the phone a little before midnight central time it was just so quiet. In my minds eye I knew what they were doin' to settle down for the evening. If I were there I'd have kicked Carmen's BF off MY couch and hunkered down for a good sleep. I've always been able to sleep so well there. On that couch.

This morning I woke up to the phone ringing. It was my cousin. The only thing missing was the cup of coffee she always brought to me to drag my sorry ass out of bed. Again - it was almost like being there.

This family has been my safe place, my rock, for the past ten years. No matter what I did, no matter what happened, they love me. They accept me for all my faults. If I need to just sit by myself, I can. I'm given my space as I need it and when I want to, there is always someone to talk to. Everyone needs one place where they know - no matter what - it's all ok. One place where who you are and what you do is good. One place where you are never judged.

That place is there for me.

Cuz and I talk every day. Every single day. At least once. And as soon as I hang up the phone I miss her again. She is one of the kindest, sweetest people I've ever known in my whole life. She has a heart the size of Texas, and a sense of humor as warped as, well, just really warped. :-)

Cuz and Carmen are coming to visit me in May. I will enjoy that very much. As much as I would love to go down there I want her to be able to see where I am now. Hell, this is the first move I've made without her input and help in 10 years!!!!

Well this has turned into a pointless ramble, hasn't it. But damn - that was just so great almost getting to be there like that. Getting to hear them all laughing and enjoying themselves. For a while I was just crazy Aunt Tammi. Not unemployed. None of the other crap going on mattered. Nothing was wrong. It almost felt normal.

Posted by Tammi at March 12, 2006 08:21 AM