Tammi's World

Petty Bull Shit

Why oh why do people have to be so very petty? How do they become so self absorbed? Why does everything have to be about THEM?

I don't get it. Today something happened at work. Well, actually it happened yesterday. Silly, no big deal. But some folks got called in on it.

So, instead of just taking their lumps and moving on - they blame ME. The only person that DIDN'T participate. Heaven forbid they take responsibility for their own actions. They are ABOVE that sort of thing.

So....as it turns out - I got in trouble. No big deal - that seems to happen a lot in this position. I just keep doing my best and let the cards fall where they may.

But I'm just so disappointed. Really. I am.

And The Magic Number Is....

22,222.

Yep. That's the one.

T1G is a unique guy and, as such, celebrates unique milestones. The one comin' up? 22,222 hits.

And - to the lucky visitor he's offering a prize. Looks like a glass from his favorite hangout! Having been lucky enough to grace that establishment I'll just say - COOL.

So......head on over there. Often. NOW.

Please.....

How To Help

So many are suffering due to Katrina's wrath. Not the least are the members of the Louisana Army National Guard.

They're due home from the sandbox in a couple of weeks.

Can you imagine?

I remember when I was live blogging the hurricanes last year - I got hundreds of emails from those overseas wanting details. Asking if I could get them information. These folks are going through that same thing - only we can see how much worse the damage is across the board.

Not only that but they are coming HOME. Home to WHAT?!?!

Blackfive points out all this information and then points us to Soldier's Angels. Once again - they are all over this situation.

Operation Katrina Relief Fund.

It's another way to help. It's another way to say Thank You.

Go. Read Blackfive's post. Then head on over to Soldier's Angels and get involved.

A simple lesson

I really like the girl that cuts my hair now. It was iffy for a while, oh I liked her personally just not sure about the "style" she gave me. Now - I'm very cool with it.

But as I was styling my hair this morning I had to giggle. I've always said I'm hair impaired. Can't ever make it look right. Now - I do pretty damn well, if I must say so myself. A good cut makes all the difference.

But the biggest change is a "technique" I use. I dry it using a brush. Then when it's almost dry I just use my hands. My favorite hair dresser taught me that. "Just use your hands darlin'. Let the hair work for you."

And it does. Even with the humidity, and my curly bushy hair it turns out.

Hmmmmm - let it work for YOU. Let what ever is good and right BE.

I sure do wish some people would follow that advise - for more than just their hair.

Coffee? Good for me?

Coffee might soon be considered a health drink following a study showing it is a surprisingly rich source of anti-cancer agents. I see an opening paragraph like that - and it get's my attention.

I love coffee. I must be a VERY HEALTHY girl!!

Another Funny

I saw this and laughed my ass off. Cody's been travelin' since he was 9 weeks old.....if I'm real honest - we've probably been close to this!!

One of those days

Ever have one of those days?????

Helping

I was going to put up a post with ways to help the victims of Katrinia....but LeeAnn has already done a great job. And she hasn't forgotten our furry friends either.

Give blood, money, time, what ever you can. But give. Life after a hurricane is primative beyond what you can imagine if you haven't been through it yourself.

Give. Please.

Too Close for Comfort

In this post I share a bit of my dating experiences.

Huh. Pretty sad, if you ask me.

The story about my date with Ghingus Kahn is the first thing that came to mind when I saw this cartoon.

A little too much like the real thing - but still funny as hell!

Too Much

I really didn't sleep well last night. While I don't live in the area's being pounded by Katrina I just can't not watch. I just can't not pray.

Things will be different when this is over. So very different. And I don't mean that in a good way.

I have some posts in the wings but just don't have the focus to put the finishing touches on them. Here is a list of blogs that I've found to keep you up on what's going on -

Deadly Katrina
The Irish Trojan's Blog
John's Online Journal (found via Kathy K - who has a great list of links)

Gulf Shores, Mobile AL, Pensicola, Boluxi MS, Pensicola. All getting hammered.

It's going to be a very long day.

Katrina - Live and Up Close

I've been trying to pull together a list of bloggers that are watching/involved in the horror that is getting ready to hit NO.

So far:

Bou - watching and wise
Florida Cracker - knows her stuff
Kathy K - with a great list of bloggers
Irish Trojan - a MUST READ!
Overtaken-by-Events - you NEED to check this site out and say a prayer for his mother-in-law
Doc in the Box - has a great list
Mostly Cajun

ALl of these have links with more information - and I'll continue to update as I find more information.

Like everyone else - I'm just sick about this. And I'm angry. I'm angry with the PUBLIC officials that sat with their collective thumbs up their asses instead of being a step ahead of the game. Cat. 5. Still showing 165 mph winds at moving at 13 mph. And you can say what you want about the Super Dome (and I hope to God I'm wrong) but that building is 25 years old. It has never seen 165mph winds. I'm afraid it will peel open like a tin can. I just heard a woman interviewed that said no matter what - she chooses to die with her family.

Oh. My. God.

What a horrible choice to have to make.

And Pensicola is still gonna get more than it's fair share in this. They will see dangerous winds. They will see even MORE rain.

It just keeps getting worse.

I''ll continue to update the list as I get more blogs.

Yeah - What She Said - UPDATED!

Some times it really freaks me out how very alike Bou and I think. I was working on a post about Katrina, you know that hurricane getting ready to hit AGAIN. I popped over to her place and WHAM. She was saying everything in my mind, only better.

Rather than gum it all up I'll simply add - Yeah, what SHE said!!!

UPDATE: Katrina is now a Cat 5 and picking up speed. That means she's going to hit sooner that expected. Cat.5 - 160 mph winds. Possible storm surge of 25 feet.

Hopefully everyone in Mississippi & Alabama are bracing themselves. It's not just where she strikes. The winds, rains and floods will be widespread.

This is bad. This is REALLY REALLY bad.

Updated: 11:00am - 8/28 - Jack of Jack's Army is in LA, and taking this very seriously. Good Luck Jack - you and yours are in my prayers.

Listening to FOX News they just carried an interview with a man who was going to ride out the storm. (STUPID) At the beginning of the interview he said they had "rethought" their position and are leaving. They figured if their home had stood for 100+ years it should be fine now. ARE THEY NUTS?!?!? But they are leaving as they don't want to be without electric and water for 5 days. OK - what ever. I don't care why they leave - just flippin' leave.

The mayor has ordered everyone to leave. Winds are now at 175mph with gusts of 215. 215mph

And you think gas is expensive now?!?

Like I keep saying. Bad - this is sooo very bad.

Huh

Myrna Loy You scored 14% grit, 33% wit, 33% flair, and 35% class!

You are class itself, the calm, confident "perfect woman." Men turn and look at you admiringly as you walk down the street, and even your rivals have a grudging respect for you. You always know the right thing to say, do and, of course, wear. You can take charge of a situation when things get out of hand, and you're a great help to your partner even if they don't immediately see or know it. You are one classy dame. Your screen partners include William Powell and Cary Grant, you little simmerpot, you. Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

H/T Contagion

Saturday Question

Every Saturday I'll try to come up with some "out there" question that just makes you stop and think about something not so important. Think of it as a mini vacation. If you have any ideas drop me a line and we'll throw it in here. Who knows, it might be fun.

OK - Here goes: This one comes from my infamous BlogFather Harvey. Tell me about your favorite stuffed animal.

I keep telling folk I'm different. Well, here is part of the proof. I didn't/don't do stuffed animals. Hell, I barely did dolls. I wasn't a blankey kinda gal (until recently). Nada. Nothing.

So this is your chance to help me make up for what I missed. Tell me about YOUR favorite doll or stuffed animal. Come on folks - make me smile! ;-)

My Friends....

are sick and mean to me. Yes, yes they are. Need proof? I got THIS in an email today.

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes.

Very funny - Oh don't worry - I'll get ya back. :-)

They May Want To Rethink That

Fridays I TRY to get into my aluminum plant. We're small and kinda short on help right now and busier than a one armed paper hanger. So.....Friday afternoons I make every effort to get out and spend some time there.

Today was no different. Except that everyone has been really bustin' it to get my parts made, inspected, packed and shipped. I wanted to do something to say THANK YOU. From ME. Not the company. So I picked up a boatload of fudge pops to pass out to everyone so I could look them in the eye and say THANK YOU. I know it's not much - but it's something.

Then - I went to work. We had some really important shipments that HAD to be out today so they had me inspect and pack one of the hottest. BIG MISTAKE. You cannot have a sales person inspect. I get the phone calls complaining about quality. It took me 1 1/2 hours to pack up 2 boxes of 250 pcs each. I rejected almost 1 for 2. It was insane. My friend (that runs that part of the operation) could only laugh and shake her head. We had to reinspect everything I rejected. Oops......

Then it was off to labeling. I'm a bit anal retentive. I needed to understand what the labels said and WHY. God love her - she has the patience of Job. She explained everything to me as sweet as could be.

NEXT - another hot load. I'm packing parts now. I refused to even look at them. They had already been inspected so I had to trust (ouch) that they met standards. We got those done. Thank Goodness.

ME? I'm grease and dirt from head to toe. My jeans may well be ruined. I was soaked in sweat. (did I mention it's a forging shop with furnaces and big heavy presses? In other words - Hot As Hell)

I got a feeling I won't be doing any more inspecting real soon. That probably wasn't the best idea they've had for a while. ;-)

Update on SPC. Noah

A Soldier's Mom has spoken with Noah and things don't seem to be as bad as there did at first. I still cannot imagine. I just can't imagine.

I didn't link a particular post as you need to just read down. But take a hanky. I misted up....

I just cannot imagine.

My prayers continue.

Ouch

Look at my piggy bank after I bought gas yesterday!!!

Courtesy of my blogless niece

NOT the headline I needed to see tonite! UPDATED

Two dead as Katrina slams South Florida with 80 mph winds

A hurricane is a hurricane is a hurricane. NOT to be taken lightly.

Bou, Pam, VW, Val, Steve are all South Florida Bloggers. Bou has set up her Dad as a guest blogger so that if she loses power we can still know how she is. Check in with them. Offer them encouragement.

Damn........I'll be so glad when it's November!!!!

UPDATE 9:50pm Central Time: According to Bou and TGOO it wasn't as bad as it could have been....rain, wind, general yick. Whew.

As God Is My Witness....

I will be back in my favorite jeans by November!!

Guess what! I finally - after 1 1/2 years got back into the gym today. WooHoo. First workout and I feel great!!

I've been a gym rat for years. For a while it was 2 hours a night 5 nights a week. Then I backed off a bit, but walked ALOT to make up for it. Since I had my car accident a year ago this past March I haven't set foot in a gym. And I can tell.

I joined Curves. It's waaaay different than what I am used to. I'm used to working out like a guy. When I first got into sports I trained with the guys so I picked up their thought process and habits. Well, except for the ball scratching, but I probably would have done that too if one of them would have let me. ;-)

Anyway - I trained hard. And I enjoyed the hell out of it. Now, most of the gyms I've gone to in my adult life are female only. I don't want to worry about what I wear when I work out and heaven forbid you be stupid enough to ask me what my sign is when I'm bench pressing.....so I just go with the ladies. (that sure didn't sound right)

Sorry - got distracted.

Curves is females only. YEAH. BUT.....it's a circuit workout. A few minutes on a machine, then march or jog for cardio, then move on. It's fast - full work out in 30 mins. Yikes. I will admit I had my doubts. But after the first time - yeah - this is gonna be perfect for me. I'm only 35 mins later getting home, so Cody doesn't suffer. I still have my evenings. I'm not dragging my ass out of bed any earlier than I was and I won't be any later for work than I was. PERFECT.

They did tell me to take it a bit easier tonite. I'm a little gun-ho. (imagine that!) but they say I'll be able to tell a difference at my next measure in. I won't weigh in - I don't believe in scales. They are evil and the tool of Satan. I like measuring tapes. Long, lean.....oh wait - got distracted again. ;-)

So - this is a good thing. This is a very good thing. I'm very happy that I did this. I'll let you know when I get in those jeans again. Hell - you'll probably hear the whoppin' and hollerin' from here!!!

We're at the "Ks" Now

Katrina.

I heard this morning - Southern and Central Florida, on the east coast.

Lovely. Just lovely.

I'm sorry my friends. At least she shouldn't be more than a Cat. 1 when she hits - but damn....what is it about the hittin' on the weekends thing?!?!? If you aren't preppin you're cleanin' up.

Check out the Florida Bloggers at the bottom of my blogroll. Stop by and offer a word of humor or concern. May only be a Cat. 1, but still nothing to sneeze at.

Good Stuff

I'm gooooddddd. Let me just say that.

I made a pot of homemade chicken soup and it ROCKS!! Does it make me sound too proud to put that in writing?!? Oh, who cares - it's that good!!

Nothing special. Just your basic soup. I didn't have time to simmer all day so I just used ready made chicken broth. I hate dark meat chicken so I used a large chicken breast. Didn't have time to make the noodles from scratch but these turned out just fine. Add carrots, celery and onion. Spiced pepper, Mrs. Dash, garlic and sea salt......Voila! Good Stuff Maynard.

I've been munching, ok slurping, on it for a couple days now - just got back from an appointment and realized it's almost gone!! Damn.......

I think I'll make a pot of Potato soup this weekend. With lots of cheese, ham, yeah - that's the ticket.

I am in the cooking ZONE right now!!

A Picture is worth 1000 words...

I LOVE MY JOB....I LOVE MY JOB......I LOVE MY JOB.......

Freedom!!!

School started around here this week. Not having children I wasn't even thinking about it. Oops - Tammi's late for work.

So...I'm driving down the highway just thinking about school and running down memory lane.

All of a sudden a memory came back so clear it was like watching a video. I was driving down a hilly, country road. It was late summer. Hot, sunny, humid. Corn fields everywhere (what *is it* with me and flippin' corn fields). I was listening to the Ramones on the stereo, windows down. As I passed a tractor I thought "this is one of the last summer vacations I will ever have. Now I'll have to be a grown up."

Man was I right.

That next spring I had to leave college and start into my new "real" life. No more 3 months off. No more lazy days at the lake with my best friend, talking about boys and drinkin'. Changing for my cashier's job in the car as I drove like a bat out of hell so I'd only be a little late.

I don't miss my teen or college years. They weren't all that great. But damn do I miss the freedom. I only wish we could get our children to appreciate how good they got it right now......

Gonna Be A Quiet Day

MuNu is down. At least as of 7:30am central time.

In other words - most of the Bad Example Family is out of commission, as well as many of my other favorites.

Well shit - might as well go to work.

Prayers Please

Blackfive asks us to wage spiritual warfare for Specialist Noah Pincusoff, who was severely injured in Iraq.

His Mom is Some Soldiers Mom. Go and let her know she is in our thoughts and prayers.

Keep Noah and his family and friends in your prayers. I am.

Thanks for the inital heads up, Army Wife.

Another Jhiad, of sorts...

This is beyond anything I can stomach.

Pat Robertson has, on TV, "suggested on-air that American operatives assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."

That's kinda the same thing Al Qaida is doing with us, isn't it? And this guy is one of the Christian Leaders of our country (and that whole thought is something I'll save for another post). Some flippin' example.

Pat? Shut Up. You aren't helping.

A Little Help

So anyone looking for a Project Manager? A guy with tons of experience, smart, talented and can write too?

Damn, I hated to read that Smash is gonna be looking for a new gig the end of September and he's throwing out the net to see what's out there - employement wise.

So stop on over, hit is tip jar, leave a comment or drop him an email. It's the best part of this whole Blogsphere - we are there for each other! Kinda like an electronic Amish community......

I Laughed My Ass Off

I should have helped. I should have taken care of the situation right away.

But did I? No. I laughed my ass off and then got the camera.

Yes, this is my puppy - Can't you tell???

The Way My Mind Works..

Sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I have a very twisted sense of humor. And while I don't always catch things *I* say, I do take things a bit out of context.

For example - the photo I posted below....I wanted to let you know if you click on it, it will offer a larger photo for you to see...that way you don't miss the cuteness of it.

So I typed "Click to enlarge". And immediately started to giggle. The places my mind went......so I couldn't just leave it there......

Damn, sometimes I just really march to my own beat.

Double Trouble

Click to get a better view

My cousin's grandson, Jr. and my Cody. They played so well together. Ain't they cute!?!?

If you only knew the trouble these two got into......

Whew

Sorry 'bout yesterday. I knew it would really kick me in the gut when they left, but I sure didn't expect the strength of that kick. Damn......sometimes I really hate being so emotional.

But I've done my day of wallowing. Better now. How did I work through it? I watched movies. One after another after another. Not just regular movies....Tammi Feels Sorry For Herself movies. Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, High Society (LOVE Grace Kelly in this one), just about any musical or Disney movie I could get my hands on. Somethin' about sprawling on the couch singing cheesey songs just soothes my emotions.

So...I'm better now. I got some serious lovin' in with the baby boy. He's grown so much...and talk, damn that boy can talk. I got to sit up late into the night and talk with my cousin and spend quality time with the kids. I'm so proud of them......they are wonderful men and women (but in my heart they will always be "the kids").

Sometimes the emotions just have a life of their own. Sometimes, just little things will trigger a response and it's like being run over by a freight train. The impact is swift and violent. The aftermath is painful. But eventually it's just a dull ache. I'm still a little tender right now, but my humor is back in full swing and you'd never even know that I had a melt down just 24 hours ago.

So, it's time for breakfast then I load the car up and head west. I've got a couple of bags of my favorite spices and yummies and I'm ready to go home. It's time. It's been a bittersweet weekend, that's for sure.

Have you ever......

...cried so hard you snubbed? In public?

Damn.........

There won't be a Saturday Question this week. I can't think of anything that makes me smile right now.

It's a Beautiful Day

First let me just say I'm sick and flippin' tired of driving at midnight. There are several things that I would *much* rather be doing.

That being said - we made it to Mama's around 1:00am. Everyone had petered out and hit the hay by then. So I had to wait until this morning to see everyone. Damn.

But we are having a wonderful time. I took my nephew, his girl friend and the baby to Notre Dame. WooHoo. He's the only one in the family that shares my vision of College Football......

Now we're all gonna take the baby to the zoo. (Other than the zoo and ND there aint' much to do 'round here.)

I did get a great picture of my two favorite boys. Too bad I can't upload them here - so you'll just have to wait.

Oh - and this is a message to my boss. VACATION DAY. No, I'm not answering the phone. Arrggghhhhh

Off

Woo Hoo!! My family is in from Florida! WooHoo.......

So I'm heading to Mama's house tonite. I know I know it's already 8:00...but had to work a little late and get Cody ready and post. And did I mention I got SLAMMED with spam again today?!? Damn them anyway.

This has NOT been a good week, between the travel and other issues at work....let's just say I need some quality time.

So...gonna go see my beloved cousin and her chillen. And her beautiful grandson. I may, if you're really really good, post a picture or two of Jr and me.....we make such a cute couple. But it all depends...

Anyway - if the load time to leave a comment is slow - sorry it's all the spam. I can't clear it out from Mama's so it has to stay until I get back Sunday. I'll post from there - you didn't think I could stay away from y'all THAT long did cha?!

OK - gonna get going. I'm hoping to have a much better attitude when I hit this chair next. Either that or I'll be in a trunk on my way back to the Sunshine State.......

Iowa - Recap Part II

Part I of the "Iowa, my dream vacation" is here.

Yes, I got my coffee. And without hurting anyone in the process. But it was close. Real close.

I pulled myself together and checked out. I reconfirmed with the front desk clerk (a different one this time) that Spirit Lake Iowa was about 2 hours away. Note the whole 2 hours thing....it comes up again.

Those two little cups of coffee were just enough to jump start my brain, but not enough to keep me going, so I started looking for a gas station, McD's or heaven help me a Starbuc's (yeah, right). I spot a gas station and scared the poor woman half to death. I came in the door, stopped, saw coffee and looked at her. "Coffee. Thank you. You are an angel." She just looked at me with raised eyebrows and she backed away from the counter. I understood why as soon as I poured the cup. Have you ever seen old coffee made with bad water? It get's that film on top. Yeah - film at 7:00am with this cup. But I was so desperate I bought it - and drank it - anyway.

Driving, driving, driving. More corn. No traffic. Lots of corn.

Finally I get to Ft. Dodge. In my warped mind I thought Ft. Dodge would signal the beginning of the end of the drive. It took me an hour to get there so it all seemed right, given the 2 hours from Iowa Falls. I stopped for gas, get another soda and ask again how far to Spirit Lake.

About 2 hours.

Well, shit. This does not look good.

Not only that but is EVERYTHING in Iowa "2 hours" away?!?! What's up with that!!!!

Mapquest said it was a 7 hour (and some odd minutes) drive. That does NOT account for the many many small towns that take you down to 25 mph. Good Lord!!!!

Oh, and I need to tell you - that signal that I had in Iowa Falls? Yeah - just a fluke. Not another BAR the entire drive......until I got almost back to Illinois. Tease. So......no contact. No interaction.

Corn, corn, corn. Oh, beans!! Corn, corn - horse - corn.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Finally get to my customer's plant. 3 hour meeting. It's a good thing that I went and we solved some issues but damn........20 hours driving for a 3 hour meeting?!?!?

Did I mention I fell asleep in the lobby waiting for my buyer? No, well, he thought it was pretty funny. Damn - I hope I didn't snore.

Anyway - everything is fine - I head home. Driving driving driving. It was a bit easier in the daylight. But still.....

To cut a long story somewhat shorter I finally got a cell signal just before Debuque. I started dialing to beat the band. Finally - CONVERSATION!!!!

I cross the Mississippi and know - I'm almost, almost home. And now things start to look familiar. I'd been to Galena before. Pretty town. Now it's hilly - no corn. Cool.

Sun is setting as I hit the observation tower off of 20 just east of Galena. The sunset is stunning so I decide to stop, climb the tower and enjoy. I deserve to stretch my legs a bit. I am so glad I did - it made most everything worth while. I can not imagine NOT seeing that sunset. Blood red sun, sky so many shades of light I can't describe it. Gorgeous.

And then I got home. Well, still a few hours later - and thanks to a tip about some back roads not as many hours as it could have been.

I'm STILL tired. And remembering why I'm NOT a Road Warrior anymore!!!

I feel....dirty....

I've been working with Cody trying to get him to mind me a bit better. I refuse to chase him so right now we're working on "come". (I know you see exactly where this is going)

So why do I feel so, so, dirty when I'm trying to "reward" him for listening?

Maybe it's the whole way I phrase things...."good Cody, come for me. Good boy, come."

Yeah - I'm gonna need to find some other type of positive reaffirmation. That one, well, it's just not working for me so well.

What is this world coming too?

I heard this commercial while driving over the past couple of days. Can't find a link (sorry) but it really bothered me.

It's for an at home DNA test. The tag line went something like...."You used to have to trust someone when they said a child was yours. Now you can make sure."

WTF?!?!?! What has this world come to that there is actually a MARKET for an At Home DNA test to verify paternity?!?!

This just makes me sick.

Iowa - Recap - Part I

A bit better. A few hours sleep and a cup off coffee, in my kitchen from my favorite mug - yeah I think I'm ready to tell y'all about this trip.

First, let me just say... NEVER AGAIN. Never Ever Ever again. Yeah, that about sums that part up.

OK - now for the highlights of my trip. I figure, since I spent the first 5 hours of it in some warped trance caused by lack of sleep and too much corn, it'll just be easier if I write exactly as I remember. So...brace yourselves.

I finally left my house around 7:00 Monday night. I needed to pack and wait for the neighbors to get home and make sure they would watch Cody for me. Actually that's not 100% true. I had to find shoes. Flat, closed in shoes to wear with jeans. I haven't worn flat, closed in shoes since -well, before I moved. I was late getting started because I couldn't find my shoes. *I'm so embarrassed*

Anyway, meet T1G for dinner at Fritz's. TACO NIGHT!! Fritz has the best tacos. Eat, talk, laugh. All is good. Except so tired. So damned tired. OK - time to be a grown up. Gotta go. Get in the car and get myself all arranged. Cash? Check. Shoes off? Check. Cell Phone? Cell Phone? Son of a bitch....drive back to my house and get the damned phone. FINALLY get on the road around 9:45pm.

Driving Driving Driving. Dark, not main highways. Deer Crossing signs everywhere. Dark. Did I ever mention I'm not so good with night driving anymore? No? Well, I'm not. Tired. I had barely slept the night before and it was really starting to show.

Hilly roads. Cruise control won't work correctly. Ususally I like the hills - this time, not so much. Need Cruise Control. Oh...the Mississippi River. IOWA!! Finally almost there!! (actually going to the far northwest corner - I still had an entire state to get through. If I only knew.....)

The moon looks like a perfect breast just hanging up there in the sky. Close to earth. Weird. Why would *I* think it looks like a breast. Hmmm must be because it does.

Damn it...need gas. Shit......this may be US 20 but it's damned rural. Need gas station. Soon. Ahhh truck stop. Not my smartest move. It looked like something from a Stephen King novel. All these trucks lined up facing the gas pumps, engines running.......I kept thinking they'd all hit their lights and, well, you get it. I get out of the car and start to pump gas. Damn...it's aweful quiet out here. If someone decided to mess with me there's no one to help. OK OK OK wake up. Look tough. Yeah, right.

Back on the road. Extra large Diet Mt. Dew and a cup of coffee. I can do this. Damn. It's only 11:00pm. Tired.

Oh, Fritz's tacos. Let me just say, they are really great the first time, second time around with no Tums. Yeah, well, not so much.

Look the moon looks like a perfect breast. No More CONSTRUCTION! Dear God, I can't take it!!! So tired. So damned tired.

Hey!! Where's the moon?!?!? I lost it! Shit! I lost the moon!! Where am I?!?!

Corn, corn, corn, corn, corn. I am one with the corn.

Shit. It's only midnight. I haven't even seen a SIGN for Ft. Dodge.

If I can just make it to Ft. Dodge. Hell, at this point, if I can just make it to the next exit.....damn. Where's the moon??

Did I mention I got next to no cell signal once I'm west of Debuque? So I'm driving...all alone. Not fun. Not fun at all. Oh it would tease me with a bar here and there - but pretty much...nothin'.

Finally enough is enough. Pull off at Iowa Falls. Found a room, a smoking room even. Kid at counter reaffirms that yes, there is a coffee pot in the room. I did the happy dance in the lobby of a Super 8. Yes, I was officially out of my mind.

Get to the room. Get ready for bed. Turn on TV (nick @ nite). Crawl into bed. DAMN...this is the hardest mattress every manufactured. Son of a GUN!! Finally, putting a pillow under my hip bones I can start to relax. Then I start remembering all those training classes I taught about what lives IN your mattress. Yick. Finally around 4:00am I get to sleep.

6:00am...alarm. Damn. Just damn.

6:15am. Bou calls. "You 'wake?" What a sweetie. Wait! The cell phone...it rang!! A signal!! YEAH!!!!!!

7:00am Bou calls again. "You still 'wake?"

What she didn't know...at least I don't remember telling her...was that the little shit LIED to me and there was no coffee pot. No Coffee. No soda machine. I was fixin' to go on a tear when she called to make sure I didn't fall back to sleep. I pulled on my jeans and threw a denim shirt on over my nightgown. No, I didn't brush my hair or my teeth. This was IOWA and I really didn't give a shit at this point. Got to the front desk...same kid.

YOU! You lied to me! No coffee in the room. WHAT?!? No coffee here. (Both pots sitting there empty) This is what I'm gonna need for you to do....MAKE COFFEE NOW!

I stood there, in front of the machine, holding the a cup in each hand waiting. And glaring.

Stay tuned for Part II

Home

Just pulled in the drive. What a flippin' trip.

I'm bone tired and every muscle in my body hurts.

I am going to try and recap the trip because - due to no cell signal throughout most of Iowa, I had plenty of time to see the trip for the blogfodder it was.

Damn - I hope I don't forget while I'm sleeping.

Hell what am I saying?!?! I hope I sleep!!!

Thank you all for your good wishes - and Thank YOU, oh verbal atlas, for the tip on the back way home. 10 more minutes in that car and I'd have "lost it".

IOWA?!?!?

Well Shit.

Had a problem with one of my main customers today. Pretty serious problem. SOMEone needs to go out there.

I just finished packing and am waiting on my neighbors to get home to see if they'll watch Cody tonite. Just need them to put him to bed tonite and let him out tomorrow. Then put him in tomorrow night. I should roll into the little town in NW Iowa around - 3:00am. Meeting at 10:00. Should be back on the road by noon. Home in time for bed tomorrow night.

Just please send good thoughts Maggie May (my car) is not feeling her best right now. I just don't have time or money for a breakdown. (don't even ASK about the rental car and such - just go with me on this. 'mkay!)

So.......I'll drop a line when I get home. Damn - I'm tired already.......

Beauty

You men wanna know a secret? Hmmm?? Women worry about their appearance. Honestly they do. Even those that say they don't, they do. Even those that don't have to? They do.

And we talk about it. Amongst ourselves. And overall I don't think we're all completely happy with what we have to work with. Thanks to all the lovely cover models and the beauty tips and secrets that are always out there, most of us always come back feeling just a bit lacking.

I am not beautiful. Never have been, never will be. Oh - I'm not ugly. I know that - but I'm more than aware I don't not fit the cookie cutter mold of beauty.

When I was younger I modeled. Did mostly runway shows, but some catalogs and stills. I still catch myself explaining when I tell folks what I used to do - runway models don't have to be pretty. They have to be tall, thin and invisible. It's all about showing the clothes. And at 6'2" and 118 pounds I was nothing but a moving hanger. My hair hit my ass and could be styled anyway it needed to be - to show off the clothes. As long as you aren't butt ugly you can be a runway model. Simple enough.

After I got married I aged terribly. I put on enough weight that I no longer looked underfed, but didn't do anything with my hair (except cut it off) and never wore make up. The stress showed on my face. I looked old. Truth be told at 43 I look younger than I did at 25. Scary, isn't it, what life can do to you.

But a large part of that was I didn't see myself as a woman. I didn't see myself as pretty. Or different. I quite simply didn't see myself. After the divorce I took a few years to find out about me. And I liked me. Really I did. I even liked the way I looked. And it showed. Not in a campy, vampy, whorish, snotty way. I felt good, I looked good. It's a simple formula really.

One thing I learned a long time ago - I stand out in a crowd. I do. I don't have the "classic" look. Not to mention I am 6'2". So I don't try to blend in. If I do, I end up standing out even more. People notice ME. But if I dress, like I can do if I put my mind to it, the clothes stand out. People notice the beautiful cocktail dress, or stunning suit. Not ME. That's the way I like it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if a woman feels good she looks.....GREAT! There is just something about a woman that is comfortable in her own skin, a glow and certain swing in her step. You may never know that she hates her nose, or that her hair drives her crazy. She is confident in the fact that she knows her worth, that she understands that she is one of a kind.

THAT is where beauty comes from. So ladies - listen up. Got a few extra pounds? So. You don't look like Tyra Banks or Cindy Crawford? Good. You really don't want to. Be who you are. Be proud of all that makes you a woman.

And guys? Tell the women in your life. Tell they what it is that makes them beautiful. While it's good to know it - it's also very nice to hear it sometimes.

Small Towns

I chose to live in a small town. I wanted the family atmosphere. I wanted the quiet. Hell, if I could have afforded it and had the time I'd be out in the country right now. I like the quiet.

But sometimes it's too quiet. Sometimes I just want "interaction". It's hard to make friends in a small town. Really, it is. You're the outsider. You have no history. You are a stranger. Automatically suspect.

I noticed last night during my raid at the local market. After 3 months I still can't get the cashiers to smile. They'll talk and joke with everyone around me - but with me it's stilted and somber. :-( For someone who loves to make people smile that's tough. Really tough.

I know I could have chosen to live in one of the bigger towns. #1 I didn't have a lot of time to look around, and #2 it's very difficult to find a house that will rent to someone with a dog. Cody stays with me. No option there.

So as I start to think about where I'd like to move to this winter I'm at a crossroads. I know I'm not staying "here". I'm not terribly fond of the town down the road (sorry Marty). I don't want to move too far from this geographical area - it's beautiful. I just need to figure out where I can go where I'll fit in a bit better.

The other problem is that I'm a single woman. People automatically think there is something "wrong" with me. Why is she here? Why is she single? I'm here because I like the area. I'm single because I just am. Period. Nothing funky, nothing "wrong". You can trust me around your husbands, you can trust me around your kids. I'm not after what you have. Too bad I can't just post a sign out in my front yard that says that.

Now, don't bombard my comments with stuff like "join a club". Not gonna happen. No time, and I'm not a crafter or a farmer (anymore). I'm not joining a church - too political and usually too hypocritial. Not what I'm looking for. I'll figure it out - don't worry. I know, in my minds eye, what I'm looking for. It's a feeling. An aura. Kinda hard to put into words, but I know.

So what's the point of this post? None really - just that small towns, while they have their advantages, can be a tough crowd to break into. Especially for a single woman.

Note To Self:

Do NOT tease Cody about how good something tastes and then leave it on the kitchen counter while you walk away.

I keep forgetting how tall he is when he stands on his hind legs.

Damn.......just damn.

Just What Are You Trying To Tell Me???

Ok - I've gotta ask.....what's with the word DOMINANT being applied to descriptions about ME?!?!?

First there was my darlin' BlogBro Johnny_OH. Ok - he used "domineering" but it's still the whole "dom" word! And he *is* family - so we'll go with this one.

There there was THIS quiz result. "You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations." Huh.

Now THIS!!!

Pepperoni Pizza

Robust and dominant. When you go for something, you go full force. You tend to take control of situations easily. And in return, you get a ton of respect.

Damn, I may have to do a little tweaking on the old personality. OK, maybe not - instead.....this is what I'm gonna need for you to do..............

(Pizza quiz found at A Cool Change)

Gmail just gets better

Have you seen the new toy from Gmail!?!

It's a little icon that goes on your toolbar that tells you if you have mail - even if you're not signed on to Gmail at the time. As long as you're on line it tells you. AND it tells you who it's from, let's you see the subject line AND gives the first couple of lines to the email.

I LOVE IT!!!

Make sure you look for it next time you sign into Gmail. It's an easy load and a great little toy!

I'm Such a Sap

My cousin from St. Pete called last night. That's nothing unusual. We've been talking almost daily for over 10 years now. But the cool thing is, when they come up here next weekend they are bringin' me "stuff". YEAH STUFF!!!

She has always been my older sister. Our mother's were sisters and when her Mom passed my Mom stepped in. When her Dad made her move to Florida we lost a few years but we've more than made up for it, believe me. Anyway - she spoils me. Terribly. She knows what I like, what I enjoy. She knows how important the little things are and how much pleasure they bring me. At Christmas I always know that I'm getting exactly what I want - without even asking for it (and usually without knowing I want it). Same for Birthdays and well, any day.

So she called last night as her daughter just moved into her own place. Yesterday was moving day. Usually I'd be there helping - but it's kinda a long drive from here. She wanted to let me know everything was moved and the place will be just fine. (she knows I worry)

Then she blind-sided me. "We're bringing your favorite coffee. What else can't you get up there?!" Food? My favorite food? That I've been craving and have had to "rig" in order to cook? I'm so excited!!

Then we got to talking about how we only get 36 hours together. They have a get together with her Dad's side starting on Saturday so I only get them from very late Thursday night through early Saturday morning.

Tammi: You know I'm gonna cry when you leave me. Hell - I'll cry when I see you. And the baby?!?! I hope he remembers me...(cue sniffles)

Cousin: How could ANYONE forget you?!? For cryin' out loud. And yes, we'll all cry when we leave you too.

I'm such a sap. Sometimes I hate being such a softie. But I sure do like bein' spoiled. ;-)

How Time Flies

Florida Craker has a reminder up marking a 1 year anniversary, of sorts.

Holy Cow.

This was a year ago.

Celebrate Life

The next best thing to becoming a new parent is when someone you love becomes one.

T1G is the proud uncle of a brand new baby girl!!! Congratulations my friend!!

Hop on over and offer some well wishes. This is one lucky little girl!

I have the best Vet.

I took Cody back to the Vet. yesterday. He was just real lethargic and not eating. He woke me up the other night at 3:00am yelping like he was in pain. So....I took him back in.

The Vet called me yesterday afternoon and told me everything was fine - they just thought they would keep him over night to make darn sure.

I just picked him up. Yes, he's fine. And the Vet didn't charge me a thing. He called it "follow-up service".

I love my Vet. Now if I can just find a doctor that good for myself........

Another Funny Email

This made me laugh out loud this morning. Thought I owed it to y'all to share.

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Note:

Chris Simms: Please learn the difference between OUR jerseys and the other team. It helps keep the other team from scoring.

He's young. There's still time.

UPDATE: At least we won......it don't count. I didn't see. But we won. ;-)

And They're OFF!!

Bucs vs Titans.

Tonite! WooHoo. I'm wearing my black and red. I'm ready.

Except for the fact that I can't find the damn game on TV. It's not a part of the Sunday Ticket (finding a few limits to that for someone without local TV). But I'm confident I'll find it somewhere. Somehow.

I don't care if it's preseason. I wanna see what kind of depth we have. I just need to see how some of our veterns look.

It's Football. Finally.

I am happy.

Funny Email

I thought it was funny!!!!

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

A Dreamer - of sorts

I lied. Yes, yes I did. I was talking with a friend last night and we were talking about dreams. Not long term, life goals kinda dreams. Those nightly visions that so many folks have.

I said I don't dream. I was serious. Then damn me if I didn't spend more time between 2:00am and 4:00am realizing that yes I did dream. Just not like I hear everyone else talk about.

I used to have nightmares. I still do every once in a blue moon. Just not every night. And they weren't odd nightmares. It was the same one, all the time, over and over again. I'm happy to say I'm not being visited by that demon much anymore. Whew.

But dreams. I don't have dreams I have visits. Visits with people I care about. Sometimes it's folks that have been gone for a while, Daddy, Grandpa, my friends from high school (many in the group I ran around with died while we were in H.S.). Sometimes it's with friends. One visit I spent talking with my best friend. Hours and hours of us sitting in my living room in Florida (I was already up here) just telling stories. The other night one of the guys I used to date showed up at my front door for coffee and cobbler. Funny thing was - when I opened the fridge there was cobbler there (ahhh the land of dreams, always prepared).

The other kind of dreams I have are really just memories. Some nights I'll be on a boat, flying through Sarasota Bay reliving a particularly wonderful time. Or maybe I'm sitting in the beach house in Costa Rica, curled up in a chair reading. Even when I'm awake I can hear the sounds, smell the Gulf, feel the fabric of the slip cover on the chair. It's a real live memory.

I guess I keep my dreaming for when I'm awake. I often daydream. I have to be careful, because sometimes they are so real I'll talk out loud. But it's always when I'm awake. Either taking a break at work, or most often driving in the car.

So I guess I'm a different kind of dreamer. Most often it's just a way of remembering - kinda like watching home movies in my mind. I'm a wide a wake dreamer. Does that make me wierd?

OK

Still not 100% today. But I knew I had to get into work. No doubt about it. I actually started getting really nervous when no one from the office called at all. I more than half expected to go in this morning and find a box with my 2 photos and few personal items packed and waiting for me at the receptionist's desk.

But no. I'm still employed. And it was like going from the frying pan into the fire. Damn 2 days out over 78 emails and 22 voicemails. And my main customer has my home number (damn caller ID anyway). Holy Cow. I barely made a dent - because every day there are new and bigger issues. It's gonna take at least 2 weeks to just catch up.

AND I'm off next Friday. My cousin and her family are coming up from Florida and I'm meeting them at Mama's. They are threatening to stuff Cody and I in the trunk and "take us home" where we belong. Heh. I doubt I'd put up too much of an effort, truth be told.

But......at least I'm still employed. At least I have a home with a back door. Things are looking up. Right now - I think it's time to hit the hay. But I wanted to let you all know I'm fine. Thank you for the well wishes. Y'all are the best!!

Why is it....

I've been home sick yesterday and today. Have to go in tomorrow - no matter what. Let's just keep our fingers cross that the stomach settles down.

Anyway - back to my original question. I've been home two days. Haven't even felt good enough to really blog. So I've been lounging on the couch, dozing and watching T.V.

I have every Direct TV channel available. Only thing missing are the damned local channels. I can't find a flippin' thing to watch. Not even on PPV. WTF?!?!

You would think with over 215 channels I could find something!! But noooo.....there was actually better stuff on during the day. Kept it on the Military Channel and learned all sorts of cool stuff. But now that it's "prime time" nada, nothin', not a damn thing.

Oh well - maybe I'll go dig out a book.

But that's just a real pisser. 215 channels and nothing to watch.

huh.

I Got An Email

I got an email from my niece. It's little notes that children wrote to God. I thought I should share them with you.....some pretty cute stuff here.

Dear God

1. Dear God,
Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
Amanda

2. Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Joyce

3. Dear Mr. God,
I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Janet

4. God,
I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love Alison

5. Dear God,
How did you know you were God? Who told you?
Charlene

6. Dear God,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house?
Anita

7. Dear God,
I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
Nancy

8. Dear God,
I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too.
Glenn

9. Dear God,
My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
Love, Dennis

10. Dear God,
Do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does?
Nathan

11. Dear God,
Did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma

12. Dear God,
In bible times, did they really talk that fancy?
Jennifer

13. Dear God,
How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now?
Billy

14. Dear God,
Please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year.
Peter

15. Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. It works out OK with me and my brother.
Larry

16. Dear God,
I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget.
Mark

17. Dear God,
My brother told me about how you are born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say?
Marsha

18. Dear God,
If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
Barbara

19. Dear God,
Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business?
Donny

20. Dear God,
I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that am not just saying that because you are already God.
Charles

21. Dear God,
It is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can't you do that with the moon?
Jeff

22. Dear God,
I am doing the best I can. Really !!!!
Frank

23. Dear God,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool.
Thomas

While I like them all - I thought #22 was my favorite. Until I read 23.

From the mouths of babes............................

They're Everywhere

Mike the Marine is "floating" as it were. He's out doing his job. And he's still seeing the hate mail. Can you believe it!!

And this one isn't even on line! They sent a real live honest to goodness letter.

Go and read what he has to say. Damn....some people are just idiots!!!

Yikes!

OK. Now I *really* wanna know where those video camera's are mounted?!?!

Scary stuff. How does yours turn out?

Stolen/borrowed from Oddybobo

In Case You Were Wondering...

Sick.

Stomach.

Shrimp.

Yick.

Home.

Yeah, that about covers it.

$26,000?!?!?!

This made me sit up and take notice. HOLY COW! The average American wedding costs $26,000!!!

One question.

Why?

I was married - and my wedding was shit. It was in my sister-in-law's farm house. We had beer and ham sandwiches and I baked the cake. We played Euker. That would be on the very small side of the scale.

But I use to plan my family's weddings. When my son got married - it was me that they used to pull it together. I catered, I did the flowers, I did the reception. It was for 300 people and, other than the bar, I spent $1,000. And we had a spread. Food galore. Live band. Beautiful flowers, if I do say so myself. And the cake? Oh....that was my masterpiece.

I've been to some blow out weddings. Honest to goodness. That wedding I sang in last November at Disney - WOW. It was something else. And a day they will both always remember. Heck - they watch the video all the time.

But me? It's just not me. I just want a small, quiet, traditional ceremony and then a party to celebrate. That's it. I cannot imagine spending $26,000 on a wedding. Ever. Oh, I want a new dress - but then again, I always want a new dress. ;-) But $26,000?!?!?! But then again - maybe I'm just too simple.

A Ramble on Garage Sales

My sister had a garage sale over the weekend. Lord knows she had crap. Loads of crap. In fact - she made over $1,400 on this garage sale. Now - she did have a couple of big ticket items. A van that she sold for $600 and a complete set of bunkbeds that she sold for $60. Everything else, however, was between $.50 and $2.00. Do you realize how much shit she had to sell to get that much money?!?! AND her garage is still half full.

But that's not what I want to talk about. Mama and I sat out and "helped", we all figured it would be a nice chance for us all to spend some time together. Now, I have to admit something. I HATE garage sales. Honest to goodness. I've never liked them....ever. Oh, I've had to do my fair share of shoppin' em. But that doesn't mean I have to like them.

I hate the bickering. HATE it. Especially when watching my sister.I sat there and watched people bicker back and forth and I just wanted to yell "YOU CAN'T WIN! Don't even try. She's too cheap!" I've watched her bicker at Kmart and get the price reduced. She can get the prices down. And on the flip side, I guess knowing all the tricks helps cause she WON'T come down in price.

I don't get it. I shop around, check prices and then - when I can afford it - I buy it. Bicker? No. Not so much.

But the most aggrivating part was Sunday. It was decided that what didn't get sold would be donated. Ok. Cool.

But there was still a lot of shit. And in my minds eye I could see all the work that would need to go into packing it all up and getting it to the donation center. (I am very lazy at times.) So when people were coming in and offering $.50 off a $3.00 item I'd say - SURE. THANKS. My sister and Mama? No. The price is $3.00. Solid.

WTF?!?!? Just sell the damn thing. It's junk. You don't want it. It's not really a "useful" item for donating - SELL IT. GET RID OF IT. Hell....at one point I followed a family out to their vehicle and GAVE them a bag of little GI Joes. Damn.....The kid only had a quarter and the bag was marked fifty cents. His heart was broken. Give the kid the bag. For cryin' out loud.

But I was so embarrassed. I can't really explain it - but I was. It was obvious that the sale was over Sunday. People were still willing to buy - just wanted the "clearance" prices. What would it have hurt to just budge a bit?!

That is why I don't GO to garage sales and why I don't HAVE garage sales. I can't. Knowing me - I'd end of giving the stuff to everyone.

But.......don't mess with me in business. I'll clean your clock.

How wierd is that?!?!

OK - THIS Ticks Me Off

It's Monday. It's night. It's August.

It's Monday Night Football.

Bears vs 'Fins.

I don't get local channels.

I can't see it.

I don't have speakers on my computer.

I can't hear it.

I'm not happy.

That is all........

A Drive

There was a storm out by BloodSpites house. He got some great pictures while driving home that he is sharing with us. Along with a thought and a lesson (or two) that we should all keep in mind.

Peter Jennings

Peter Jennings died Sunday evening.

"I have never spent a day in my adult life where I didn't learn something," Jennings told the Saturday Evening Post. "And if there is a born-again quality to me, that's it."

While there are many things I have disagreed with him over throughout the years, the above trait is one that I also strive for daily.

My prayers go out to his family.

August 7, 1972

It's early in the morning. So early that the sun has not yet even begun to rise. A little girl snuggles in her bed listening to the sound of someone bustling around the house. It's Daddy. He's getting ready to leave for vacation.

She was supposed to go along this year. Mama and Daddy had discussed it and they felt she was finally old enough, at 10, to go fishing with Daddy and Uncle John. But...in the last week they changed their minds. No reason was given, just that Mama needed her at home to help with her younger sister and the new puppy.

Disappointed she pouted most of that week. Until they went to Uncle John's house on the weekend. She and Uncle John almost shared a birthday. His was the 26th of July, her's the 28th. This year they had a joint birthday party. Uncle John turned 26, and with a brand new baby had a lot to celebrate. She was double digits now. 10. Wow. Yeah, it called for a party.

It was such a good weekend that Uncle John allowed her to spend one extra night. Daddy drove all the way over to pick her and Dee up and bring them home on Monday morning. As they drove back to Mishawaka that hot sunny day there was much laughter and singing. Until the argument between Daddy and Dee. Dee wanted ice cream. Being 6 years old, she couldn't understand that you can't have ice cream for breakfast. As Daddy finally put his foot down she glares at him in anger and said "Fine. I hope your plane crashes into the water and you drown." Silence took over the cab. She hit her sister in the side and told her to say she was sorry. That wasn't very nice. Dee apologized and gave Daddy a peck on the cheek. But the damage was done. The rest of the ride home was subdued.

The rest of the day is spent helping Daddy pack and playing outside. Love, the puppy, kept climbing into Daddy's suitcase and trying to hide under his clothes. It never failed to make her giggle when it happened, even Daddy had to smile. They all sat up very late that night, playing cards and laughing. Finally it was time to sleep. Daddy had to get up early and claimed he needed his beauty rest.

Now it was morning. Early, early morning. She hears her bedroom door open and feels the side of the bed dip as Daddy sits down. "Princess? Sweetie. Get up. Come on, Daddy wants to talk with you."

She sat up and rubbed her eyes and jumped out of bed. Quiet time with Daddy was always a treat. They went out to the back yard and sat on the swing.

"Sweetie, I need you to be a big girl while I'm gone. I know you wanted to go along, and next time you can. But this week I want you to help Mama with things here. I need you to take care of Love. She's your puppy and you need to be responsible."

Then they walked around the backyard, Daddy showing her different things he needed her to do. Then they went back into the kitchen and he showed her, again, how to feed the dog and take care of that stuff.

"I love you Princess. Don't forget that and I'll see you soon. Be good for Mama." With that he tucked her into bed and gave her a kiss. She heard him wake up Dee and take her in his lap. She heard them talk about the argument from the day before. She heard Daddy say it was alright. Everyone gets mad. It was just important to make up again.

Then he was gone.

Later that morning the girls got up and Mama decided they should all run errands. It would help them keep from missing Daddy so much if they were busy. As a special treat she let them play the radio in the car. They went grocery shopping and to Kmart. Then they stopped at Mama's friends' house for coffee and donuts.

As they pull into the drive that afternoon there are so many cars there. Everyone is standing outside the back door. Waiting. As they got out of the car Pastor walks over and takes Mama's arm. They go to the door. There is a note.

Mama starts to cry. They can't find the key to unlock the door. Where's the key?!? Where's the damn key?!?!? Finally they get in the house. Everyone is helping Mama. The two girls are still standing by the car. Finally Aunt Carol comes out and brings the girls inside. Mama is on the phone. She is crying but not saying a word.

"You girls go to your rooms. Shut the door. We'll be in soon to get you." But they didn't remember that she could hear everything in the kitchen from her bedroom. They didn't remember she had a phone in her room. She picks up the extention and hears a man saying..."they're all dead Mrs.Goss. The plane crashed right after take off. We're so sorry."

She hears Mama screaming NO. He can't be gone. It's because I'm fat. He's gone because I'm fat. NO. Not Babe. Not John. No.

Suddenly she realizes what has happened. The plane crashed. Her daddy is not coming back. Her beloved Uncle John, Mama's youngest brother, is gone too.

As night falls the house fills up. No one has checked on the girls. By now she has gone to her sister's room and they are huddled on the bed together. Trying to figure it all out. Finally Aunt Miriam comes in. She brings a tray with sandwiches and milk. She explains what has happened. She can't stop crying. Neither can the girls.

The amazing thing is that the announcement regarding the crash was on the news that morning and they didn't hear it. But that was how so many people knew. Otherwise the notification would have been a note on the back door.

"I love you Princess. Don't forget that and I'll see you soon. Be good for Mama."

I love you too Daddy. I miss you.

*source Fulton County Obituaries

Donald E. Hart,
John Graber Jr. and
Willard L. Goss
Investigating officials said today that heavily overcast skies and improper reading of instruments may have been the cause of a plane crash which killed three men, including Donald E. HART, 43, R.R. 3, Rochester, at 12:45 p.m. Monday.
Killed with Hart, who is the father of six children, were John GRABER Jr., 26, R.R. 4, Goshen, and Willard L. GOSS, 41, Mishawaka.
The plane crashed in a cornfield a half-mile south of Nappanee, just inside the Kosciusko county line.
Investigators said the three men were on a fishing trip to Wisconsin and were not scheduled to leave the Nappanee airport until 5 p.m. But due to the heavy overcast, they took off early. Officials said it is believed that the pilot was attempting to return to the airport after takeoff and had become confused in reading his instruments.
Debris was scattered over the entire field where the plane crashed, just two miles from the Nappanee airport. Witnesses told police the plane nose-dived to the ground after its left wing fell off.
Both Graber and Goss had pilot's licenses but it is not known which man was piloting the plane. Graber was co-owner with two Nappanee men of the four-place Piper Commanche.
The crash is under investigation by the Kosciusko county sheriff's department.

Saturday's Question

Every Saturday I'll try to come up with some "out there" question that just makes you stop and think about something not so important. Think of it as a mini vacation. If you have any ideas drop me a line and we'll throw it in here. Who knows, it might be fun.

OK - Here goes: Go back to the happiest time in your memory. What color do you see? Me? I see green.

My favorite memories all include the color green. The green of the grass, the green of the leaves. I have always loved being outside (when it's not snowing) and I think that's one reason why I have such an affection for the color green. Last Friday - standing at the top of this tower, looking around at the surrounding countryside it was a hundred different shades of green. I'm not ashamed to admit - it took my breath away. When I think of my childhood - it was green. Playing in the yard, green grass. Camping - the tent was green. Picking flowers- green there too. Visiting my family - the green in the fields.

It just hit me this morning - every happy memory I have has the color green in it as I replay it in my mind. What about you? What color is tied to your happiest memories? Try it....I think you'll surprise yourself.

My Take

Since they first started talking about Judge Robert's adopted children, I've had the whole thing simmering in the back of my mind.

Beth Donovan has a great post up over at her place, and being as she is also adopted makes a great point. Adopted or biological - parents and children are parents and children. And I'm going to say something that may not be taken correctly by biological parents - but it's something I believe very strongly.

Anyone can have children. Anyone. It's biological. But....It takes someone very special to adopt children. It takes someone very special to bring them into your life, into your heart, into your home.

I have several friends that are adopted, as are both my sister and myself. We were all raised a bit differently regarding our adoptions. Dee and I have always known. And have always been very proud of it. Proud because we knew from the get go just how much our parents wanted us. One of my friends found out later in life, and it was a bit of an adjustment for her. Another just never talks about it. She has no curiosity about her natural parents and in her mind it's a moot point. Her parents are her parents. Period.

When I found out I wouldn't be able to have children I was destroyed. Being adopted the one thing I've always wanted was a family of my own. I remember in the darkest part of my depression at that time making the comment to a friend that it was hopeless. I was never going to have anything that was a part of ME. **remember, very depressed so I wasn't thinking compeletly clear** I was raised by someone elses parents, married someone elses husband (I was the 2nd wife) raising someone else's kids. It's a terrible way to look at things and not one of my stellar moments. But there you have it. That was how I felt.

But then I pulled my head out of that dark place and realized how stupid I was thinking and how lucky I was. Then I decided it was alright - I could still be a mother. I'd adopt. I went to the case worker that handled my case all those years ago and told her want I wanted to do. We talked for a very long time. Then she asked me a very good question. How did I think my husband would handle adopting a child. He SAID he was alright with it. But as I ran things through my mind I realized. It wasn't good. Not at all. Even though he had quit drinking that wasn't the point. It was the mental. He was not capable of accepting a child as his own that did not come from him. He'd let it slip, he'd use it as a weapon. That was unacceptable to me.

There were members of my extended family that brought it up a lot. Part of that is the fact that I was the first (there are a total of 4 in my generation that are adopted). And I was different. My family is on the short side - me? Not so short. I'm dramatic and loud and laugh - sometimes too much. My family is reserved, for the most part. The only thing I had in common with them was my musical ability. But I remember my Grandparents always introducing me as their adopted granddaughter. It hurt. It still does, even though I know it was just their way of bragging. But that doesn't make the hurt go away.

And that is what I hate the most about what the media is doing to the Roberts' family. They are a family. Judge and Mrs. Roberts should be praised for opening their hearts and their homes. This has nothing to do with his ability to be on the Supreme Court - other than it shows he has compassion.

Not everyone is cut out to adopt. That's neither good nor bad. It's just the way it is. And the most important part is knowing. Looking inside yourself and recognizing if you have that ability to love whole hearted, no holds barred. If you can't that's ok. Just don't adopt. And if you do - than Thank You. But either way it should not be used as a weapon for political purposes.

That's just wrong.

I Am Very Impressed

Carnival of the Recipes is up and I have to say Sarah did a fantastic job. WOW. The theme for the week is 1980's Rock and Roll and she's got lyrics and links, and just WOW.

And there are more than a few new recipes I'll be trying, that's for sure.

Great Job Sarah!!! Thank you!

Before I forget...

The Vet called and Cody is doing just fine. I can go and pick him up in the morning.

I'm a little hurt. When they called this morning I asked if he was asking for me and they said no. Do you think he blames me?????

Blender Night

Ohhhhh I really need a blender night.

You know what a blender night is, right?

For me - it's my best friend Joyce's lania. It's music that covers every mood and era. It's what ever drinks we decide on, when we decide on them. Food - oh, yeah. We got food. Pasta and veggies with some chicken and sauce. Usually a Pesto sauce. Lots of french bread. Then the chips and homemade salsa to get through those wee hours of the morning.

But lots of music. Lots of laughing. Lots of blender drinks.

We started this tradition 5 long years ago. Joyce was temping at Trop, new in town, single mother. We hit it off immediately. She invited me to the house one day after work - and truth be told, I never really left. I love her girls. I adore Joyce. Her family took me in and I just, well, fit. Fridays and Saturdays were Blender Nights. At that time I didn't have a "drink". Oh - I loved tequilla, I drank beer but not any one signature drink. So I bought a blender and took it to her house to make any number of yummy things. Hence the term Blender Night.

They became Blender Weekends. She has the best collection of music anywhere. And no matter what the mood - she had it covered. Many, many a night we'd sit up drinking talking and singing until the sun came up. Then roll out the door to the pool or beach and sleep it off just to start all over again.

I miss having her around. I miss drinking with her. I miss Blender Night.

So tonite I'm having my own damn Blender Night. I've made a pitcher of Appletini's and am well on my way to finishing it. Oh - I've got more in the hanger, don't you worry. I'm gonna turn on some music and just hunker down. I wish y'all could be here. You'd love it. Nothing is sacred and everything is fair game.

Ahhhh......

*take this as a warning for drunk dialing*

Well Shoot

This week is the local county fair. And they have a rodeo!! Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE the rodeo?!?

So I thought I would go. Except it's today. And it started at around 4:00 this afternoon.

Damn Damn Damn. I was really looking forward to it.

I love the rodeo and went often in Florida. There's the Kissimmee Sports Arena Rodeo, that wasn't too far from where I used to live.

Then there is the All Florida Championship Rodeo in Arcadia every spring.

I know a lot of people just don't get rodeos, but me - I love 'em. And yes - it's for more than just the cowboys, although that is a nice added bonus....damn, jean, boots, hats.....oh excuse me.

Anyway - I'll just have to remember next year to check the schedule a little earlier in the year. Hell - I'd have taken the afternoon off for this.....cooler temps, horses, men in jeans, boots, hats......oh - excuse me. ;-)

Another Birthday!!

I'm so ashamed. I missed wishing one of my favorite bloggers a Happy Birthday yesterday.

Ahh Pam. Happy Happy Birthday. I hope the day was all you could wish for.

I saw this poster and thought it very appropriate that the nicest lady on the blogsphere is a fan of Disney's Happiest Motion Picture!

Happy Birthday Pam!!

The Secret's Out

Uh Oh. I think the people I work with are starting to "get" me. You know, figure me out. Not good. Not good at all.

One of the girls in accounting sent me a note today telling me how much they like me down in my Memphis plant. She's pretty sure it's because "it's obvious I love a good time". Huh. How'd they know THAT? Could it have something to do with the fact that someone "spotted" me on Saturday nite at the BlogCrawl. Oh, yeah - that's real good.......(remember, I work for a conservative Christian company).

THEN...I'm on the phone with my very favoritest customer. He rocks. Really. Anyway - we're chatting and trying to figure out how to correct our numbers - they don't match.

Tammi: Ok. This is what I'm gonna need for you to do....
Customer & the guys I work with (in unison): Oh Shit, here we go.

It was hysterical. It was like an episode from the Twilight Zone.

Anyway- damn. I think they're on to me. Gonna have to change my M.O.

Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just mess with their heads a bit.....now where did I put my little Amish Girl costume??

Happy Birthday!!

It's VW's Birthday!!

WooHoo!!

Pop over and leave her happy birthday wishes!

Congratulations VW. I hope today was everything a birthday can be. You are one amazing woman and I wish you nothing but happiness and joy!!

Happy Birthday Darlin!!

Friends

THIS POST is just one reason BloodSpite and I are friends.

We have a lot in common. ESPECIALLY our love of coffee.

I Think It's Funny

My cousin called. She and the family will be up here in two weeks and I can hardly stand the wait.

Anyway - I mentioned that Cody goes in for his surgery tomorrow! WooHoo!!!

She tells me that reminds her of a joke she read in Readers Digest......

In a Vets. office, a man is up at the counter giving the admin. behind the desk a bit of trouble over his bill. He's yelling and being very nasty to her.

A woman, who happens to train Dobermans, is sitting in the waiting room and hears all of this. Finally she figures she ought to check and make sure the girl behind the counter is alright. As she approaches the desk she realizes what is going on. In her best dog trainer voice she says:

"Mister - do you have any idea what happens to agressive males in this office?"

hehehehehe

Well, *I* thought it was funny! :-)

Just A Reminder

I'm trying to get rid of the extra poundage I've picked up since moving north of the Mason Dixon this past spring. Yuck.

It's not a HUGE thing - just want to be able to wear some slacks this fall so I don't freeze my ass off when that thing called windchill starts kickin' in.

Anyway - I don't do scales. EVER. They are evil and really don't tell a clear story. I can weigh 150 and look bigger than I am at 160. At 140 I'm just too thin...plain and simple. It's about how you FEEL. For me it's how my clothes fit.

SO......I get dressed this morning and my black slacks are a little tighter than I thought they should be. I've been making progress (so I thought) and was very disappointed in how these fit.

Then it dawned on me. And I thought I should share this bit of wisdom, for what it's worth.

Do Not Judge how you're doing on your weightloss by the way your pants fit if they have SPANDEX in them. They're supposed to be tight.

Duh. Sometimes I just really scare myself!

I Think It's Appropriate

Another joke - this one hits a little close to home - I'm thinkin'.

Hot as Hell

A real tough guy dies and goes to hell, well he tells Satan that it won't be all that bad, and thinks hell's all a joke. So Satan tells the demons to turn the thermostat way up, and lock him up for three days.

After three days Satan goes to check up on him, but he says,''I live in the Midwest and many summer weekends are hotter than this.''

So Satan tells the demons to turn the temp erature all the way up, and to leave him in for six weeks.

So after six weeks, Satan goes to check up on him, but he says ''I grew up in the Midwest and I can remember dryspells that were hotter and longer than this.''

Well, this really gets to Satan, so he tells the demons to turn the temperature all the way down, and leave him in for six months.

After six months, Satan goes to check up on him, and he is sitting there shivering, asking,, ''What happened? Did the Cubs win the pennant?"

Funny Joke

I heard this joke and immediately thought of Bou.....

Mom, what's sex?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

Spring Cleaning

You know you hate it. We all do.....and we all HAVE to do it. Most people I know put it off until there is no choice. It's either at the house, those pesky closets, knicks and cranys, or the garage...all that junk. But sometime we all have to face it.

And it's not just the obvious kinda cleaning. Nope this post is about the emotional kind. And I AM talking about cleaning. Not sorting or shifting - cleaning. Pulling out the things you've stashed away - anger, self doubt, hurt feelings - and looking at each and every one of them. Then doing something with all that stuff. You either accept it, throw it away or store it right back in that "spot" but you touch it , feel it and face it. One way or another.

I don' know about y'all but I procrastinate worse on that then I do the physical stuff. I ignore the crap, push it aside or so deep down into my soul that no one notices. Until it's too late. Then...I have no choice. It's cleaning time. It doesn't happen for me very often. Believe it or not, the last time that it was this bad for me was right after the move to Florida. (hmmmm cross country moves don't seem to work so well for me) By the time I finally raised my hand and said ENOUGH I realized I was just expecting too much from myself. Nasty divorce, move, leaving everyone and everything I'd ever known - even though it was something I really wanted to do - tough. All very tough. And it wasn't something that was corrected in short order. No - it took some time and a whole lotta effort. Just like anything in life that is worthwhile - I had to work at it.

It's one of the most painful thing to do. My biggest thing is self doubt. I have a horrible lack of self confidence. Oh, not professionally - personally. It's one reason why I really don't make friends all that easily in person. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being rejected. I'm afraid of not measuring up. I'm afraid of being too different. Of being too, too, too Tammi.

And I do try to deal with that issue everyday. Mostly because I have to. I have to force myself to interact outside of work. That's how one finds balance. Joy. I want those things. So.....I push myself. But oh how the little things hurt. And it's those hurts that I put in those secret parts of myself. No one sees. No one knows. Oh - I'll share a bit now and again - but I'm a very emotional person. If I feel I feel VERY deeply. And that can be frightening to face. Hell - it scares me to death sometimes and I deal with it every day. No.....it's not a part of me that I let out very often.

We all get where we're going on different tracks. So basically no one can really understand. In other words - you have to fix it yourself. There's no bandaid, there's no miracle cure. It's hard work and want. Plan and simple want.

And who doesn't want to get past the crap? I was thinking last week I lost the joy. That joy that helps me see that silly silver lining. That joy that helps me laugh when there really isn't too much to laugh about. And then I had my wonderful weekend. And it helped. It helped to clear my thinking a bit. It put things back more into focus. But it also made me realize that I have more work to do.

So tell me.....how do YOU work through that emotional spring cleaning? Any suggestions?

New and NOT Improved

This is the headline I saw first thing this morning...

Government upgrades hurricane forecast.

They are saying it's possible we could have as many as 21 named storms. Tammy is #20. I Do NOT want to see a Hurricane Tammy. Ever.

Holy shit. Up to 21 storms, 9-11 hurricanes and 5-7 intense hurricanes.

I'm sorry. That is all I can say - I'm just so damned sorry.

Kinda Nice

My TV is giving me trouble. Just one more thing on the list.

But I kinda like it.

When I was in Florida I usually had the music channel on or FOX News as background noise. It kept the house from feeling so empty.

Right now I screwed up and can't get my stereo set up, so to say it's quiet here is an understatement. All I hear is the puppy dreamin' in his pen. And the click of the keys as I type.

Earlier this evening I spent on the phone. All evening. I had conversations with a three people that I enjoy talking with very much. Conversation. Truly a lost art.

Didn't miss the TV.
Didn't even miss the stereo.

Tonite will be the first night in 25 years I won't have any "noise" to fall asleep to. For some reason I think I may just sleep very very well.

I think of it as an experiment in just being.

Shame on me...

I *DO* have pictures from my Sunday afternoon with Harvey and TNT. What was I thinking.

BUT...I'm gonna put this in the extended entry as I don't want to offend anyone. It's kinda "rough and tumble* if you get what I mean. wink wink

Here we have Bandit and Cody playin' away.

What? That wasn't the picture you were thinking of? Shame on you!!! ;-)

*Come* and Eat

So I hear Mike Tyson is thinking about going into the Adult Entertainment business. Oh, yeah....that's exactly what I wanna see. Yick.

I started thinking about just what he could "star" in and actually came up with the perfect series for him.

He could be Hannibal Lector.

P0rn version of Silence of the Lambs - can't cha just see it?!?! It's perfect for him.

Or maybe not.

Yick. Just Yick.

*I deliberately spelled it that way to avoid some less than good google searches*

Irony Defined

Sitting on the couch this morning - dressed for work talking with Bou.

Our conversation was about how both of us woke up this morning feeling that something just wasn't "right". Things felt "off". IOW - might not be the best day.

In the middle of the conversation Bou hears (from me) G*@ Damn Son of a b!tch - you little bastard!!

Bou: What! What? What happened.

Cody decided to jump on my lap - as I was sitting on my couch with a full, freshly poured cup of coffee.

Yeah - on some many levels - just yeah.

Isn't it ironic?!?!?

Hey! What are these??!!

Tan lines? I've got TAN LINES!!! WooHoo!! Sun, glorious sun. I feel sooooo much better.

Maybe I better back up and make a larger statement to start with. I had one of the best weekends ever. Even with all the crap. It was such a good weekend.

Friday I only worked 1/2 day. Yep. And I didn't look back once when I walked out that door at noon. Then - I got to see the Mississippi. On purpose. And whole lot more - beautiful rolling hills, colors that were...perfect. Good, no - great conversation and just a wonderful afternoon. Hell of a way to kick off a weekend. Thanks T1G.

Saturday Teresa came to see me. She fixed a problem with the computer and then.....She Cooked for Me. In my kitchen. This chicken dish that just plain ROCKED. Wow. And how cool is it that she cooked for me?!?

Saturday night - well, the evidience is below - but it was great sitting around laughing.

Sunday I packed up Cody and went to visit Harvey and TNT. You know for sure I've changed drastically when I can't find my bathing suit. I have 14. I couldn't find 1. That's just so wrong on so many levels I can't even say. Anyway - we pulled ourselves together (Cody and I) and headed north. Harvey was a sweetie and kept an eye on the pups while TNT wisked me away to the pool. She realized that some quality time in the sun would go a long way in helping me feel better. And she was right. The only tough part was the pool itself. She told me it was heated. I got in. HOLY SHIT. Then it dawned on me. Wisconsin. It WAS heated - for Wisconsin. About 75 degrees. Folks - I don't care how hot it is outside - the water has to be 86 for me or I ain't gettin' in volunterily.

But I dangled my feet to cool myself off. And it worked. I've got tan lines. And I feel ready to meet what ever this week has to dish out. It might not be a great week - but I do feel a bit more capable.

Have I ever mentioned what GREAT friends I have?!?

Thank you - thank you everyone.

Another Study

I have to admit I don't read a lot of the medical news. There's always some new study finding this wrong for you or that this other things cures everything from hangnails to arthritis. But there was an article this morning that caught my attention.

Seems that they now feel that removing your ovaries during hysterectomies is a bad thing unless absolutley necessary. Looks like it "might" increase your chance of dying from heart disease. Well crap.

I had some very serious problems that hit a boiling point in my late 20's. Bad enough that I had to have a hysterectomy. I looked my doctor in the eye and told him that it was a one shot deal. He had better get everything - including the ovaries.

Funny thing is they fought long and hard against the hysterectomy. I was only 27 and they just pushed it off for as long as they could. But they never gave me one iota of resistance when I said they had to take everything. Heh.

Anyway - I've never taken hormones. Just my vitamins and extra Calcuim. I used to get plenty of exercise and eat right and am working to get back at that. But what I'm saying is...I've never felt better. I've been so much healthier since my surgery. I do NOT recommend that other disregard every bit of advise the doctor gave them - it just happened to work out pretty well for me.

I'm not a doctor and I don't even play one on TV but I AM going to keep an eye on what they are saying here. Not for any other reason that I'm curious.