Tammi's World

My Take

Since they first started talking about Judge Robert's adopted children, I've had the whole thing simmering in the back of my mind.

Beth Donovan has a great post up over at her place, and being as she is also adopted makes a great point. Adopted or biological - parents and children are parents and children. And I'm going to say something that may not be taken correctly by biological parents - but it's something I believe very strongly.

Anyone can have children. Anyone. It's biological. But....It takes someone very special to adopt children. It takes someone very special to bring them into your life, into your heart, into your home.

I have several friends that are adopted, as are both my sister and myself. We were all raised a bit differently regarding our adoptions. Dee and I have always known. And have always been very proud of it. Proud because we knew from the get go just how much our parents wanted us. One of my friends found out later in life, and it was a bit of an adjustment for her. Another just never talks about it. She has no curiosity about her natural parents and in her mind it's a moot point. Her parents are her parents. Period.

When I found out I wouldn't be able to have children I was destroyed. Being adopted the one thing I've always wanted was a family of my own. I remember in the darkest part of my depression at that time making the comment to a friend that it was hopeless. I was never going to have anything that was a part of ME. **remember, very depressed so I wasn't thinking compeletly clear** I was raised by someone elses parents, married someone elses husband (I was the 2nd wife) raising someone else's kids. It's a terrible way to look at things and not one of my stellar moments. But there you have it. That was how I felt.

But then I pulled my head out of that dark place and realized how stupid I was thinking and how lucky I was. Then I decided it was alright - I could still be a mother. I'd adopt. I went to the case worker that handled my case all those years ago and told her want I wanted to do. We talked for a very long time. Then she asked me a very good question. How did I think my husband would handle adopting a child. He SAID he was alright with it. But as I ran things through my mind I realized. It wasn't good. Not at all. Even though he had quit drinking that wasn't the point. It was the mental. He was not capable of accepting a child as his own that did not come from him. He'd let it slip, he'd use it as a weapon. That was unacceptable to me.

There were members of my extended family that brought it up a lot. Part of that is the fact that I was the first (there are a total of 4 in my generation that are adopted). And I was different. My family is on the short side - me? Not so short. I'm dramatic and loud and laugh - sometimes too much. My family is reserved, for the most part. The only thing I had in common with them was my musical ability. But I remember my Grandparents always introducing me as their adopted granddaughter. It hurt. It still does, even though I know it was just their way of bragging. But that doesn't make the hurt go away.

And that is what I hate the most about what the media is doing to the Roberts' family. They are a family. Judge and Mrs. Roberts should be praised for opening their hearts and their homes. This has nothing to do with his ability to be on the Supreme Court - other than it shows he has compassion.

Not everyone is cut out to adopt. That's neither good nor bad. It's just the way it is. And the most important part is knowing. Looking inside yourself and recognizing if you have that ability to love whole hearted, no holds barred. If you can't that's ok. Just don't adopt. And if you do - than Thank You. But either way it should not be used as a weapon for political purposes.

That's just wrong.

Posted by Tammi at August 6, 2005 06:40 AM