April 30, 2005

There's the girl....

I said good bye to some friends on Thursday. We had a light dinner and some conversation. It was a nice evening.

Then it was time for me to head back to the house. I did alright until C told the dogs to say good-bye - they'd probably never see me again.

Then T walked me out to the car and told me how proud she is of me....that she know's I'm doing the right thing. We both started sniffling. (OK - I cried the entire way home, I'll admit it.)

She told me she just wants to see me laughing and dancing again. Thursday was the first she'd seen me do that in a lot of years. We talked about blogging and she said how glad she is for the people I've met. How much they've done to help bring me back to center. She'll be a frequent reader/commentor as soon as the site changes over. You'll like her - she's fiesty.

Anyway - C and I sat munching on ice cream and giggling over old antics while she stood in the kitchen grinning. The dogs wandered around trying to steal our goodies and everyone was talking at once. It was a wonderful evening.

She said one thing that I hate to admit is probably true. We'll talk more now that I'm moving away than we did living 2 1/2 miles apart. I'll have a normal job with normal hours. There will be time for talking.

But damn I'll miss our shopping trips.

I hate what my last 2 jobs took from me. Ok - I gave it up, I made the choice to work that much, to distance myself. But it was for the money. It was for the glory. You know what? It wasn't worth it. Not. At. All.

Not gonna let that happen again - that's for damn sure.

But it was nice that we could step into that time again for just a few hours. It'll be a nice memory.

I have good friends.

Posted by Tammi at 07:33 AM | Comments (1)

I'll miss...

....my mornings here. I don't care what anyone says, there is just something about the early mornings here in Florida that I've only experienced one other place - Costa Rica. I love the sounds, the smells, the colors.

Damn - I'm gonna miss this.

Posted by Tammi at 07:17 AM | Comments (3)

Checking In

Yesterday the movers came to do the walk through on the house. If things go half as good as it looks like they will this will be the smoothest move I've ever had.

Oh - my schedule got nixed but I can work around that.

We spent two hours arranging for shuttles and packers and drivers and such. I have been told that come Monday morning I better have everything I want to get done done because the guys will be told I am not to do anything once they get there. WOW. I like that.

So.....I spent the rest of the day taking pictures off of walls, doing laundry and cleaning. I've patched almost all the nail holes and the place is cleaning up pretty well.

Last night I drove to spend time with Lee Ann and her Darlin' Husband. (Damn tequila) Today is a couple of hours at the beach with J, and then tonite is dinner with my cousin and her family to celebrate a special birthday. Tomorrow morning time with my other cousin and then back home to finish up.

The only bad news is that I will not get my stuff on Friday the 6th. It won't be until the next week. So I'll spend a week sleeping on a foam pad and sittin' on the floor - but that's alright. It won't be the first time. I'll just take some time to walk around town and play with Cody.

Anyway - that's stuff for now. I gotta find some asprin and get another cup of coffee. Damn kids anyway - makin' me drink too much on such a busy weekend. ;-)

Posted by Tammi at 06:44 AM | Comments (2)

That Wasn't Me. ;-)

I've heard a rumor. That someone is calling around and pretending she's me. From what I understand, she's kinda drunk....kinda sappy......she won't hurt you.....just humor her and let her slur her way through the converstation then she'll hang up and go away.


Guess where I am! Lee Ann's. Yep. She and Dogger took me for dinner last night. Since we were already out we decided to have a couple (?!) drinks. Have I ever mentioned how much I love tequila?!? Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy a good maragrita?!? But damn - I gotta remember to eat something BEFORE I start drinking.

But I would like to apologize to anyone I bothered last evening during my drunk dialing.


Posted by Tammi at 06:35 AM | Comments (2)

April 26, 2005

On the road again.....

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go.....

That's right. Getting ready for that drive - AGAIN. Heading back to Florida this morning. Just took some time to take care of a few things and now I"m off.

Cody seems to know I'm leaving again. Damn - I'm gonna miss him. I hope he doesn't grow as much as he did the last time I left him. He's up to 15 lbs already!!!

I'm hoping to make it over half way today. That would get me into Orlando at a decent time tomorrow night. I need to get some stuff done as soon as I get there. The silliest things bug me. I figured out I only have 2 trash days before the movers come and I want to make sure I've got everything out and gone before then.

Getting such a good deal on the movers is a huge help. Knowing they will do the packing leaves me time to say some good-byes. It'll still be very tight, but do able. It shouldn't take more than 1 solid day of cleaning to get everything done. The only thing I'm worried about is getting that damned curtain rod up.......

I will have NO internet access for a while. None. However - there are still changes in the works and I have a little elf that will be popping in to make that happen. I sure hope you like it.

I also need just a moment to be all mushy and such. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, comments and such during this past month. What a God-send you all have been. I honestly don't know how I would have done this without you.

OK - enough stalling. Time to get 'er done. Take care - know I will miss you and I'll be back as soon as I can.

Posted by Tammi at 09:01 AM | Comments (7)

April 25, 2005

Kick in the Gut

Mama and I had to run to Wal-Mart today. I need a dish strainer and some real dish towels. The towels I have now don't dry - they just look pretty. So...we're wandering around and of course my phone rings. I'm talking to a girl I used to work with when I turn the corner and WHAM. (No, I didn't hit anyone.) It was my youngest stepson. I haven't seen him in 10 years. He has a little boy with him that looks exactly like he did at that age. I interrupted my friend and told her I had to call her back. I had to talk to my youngest stepson.

He hasn't changed a bit. Still big. 6'1" 240lbs. Same onery smile. He looked up at me and asked me how I was. It was awkward. I wanted to hug him. But I didn't.

I know parents are not supposed to have favorites - but I was just the stepmom. He was the one that spent all his time with us. He had the most twisted, dry sense of humor - and what a clown. You never knew what that kid would do for a laugh. He was the one that always came to get me to help track his deer. He was the reason I stayed for as long as I did.

I had a million questions - but the middle of the Health and Beauty Aids at the local Wal-Mart wasn't the right place to ask them. I just asked if he were doing alright. Told him how beautiful his son was. He asked if I still lived in Chicago - I said I'd been in Florida 10 years and was moving back to the midwest. Then I put my hand on his shoulder and told him I bet he was a good daddy. He smiled and said yeah, he thinks he is. Then we moved on.

Now the vain side of me could have crept into a hole. There I stood in an old pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt. My Air Force hat and no makeup. I told Mama it was one of those moments I wished I'd have had on my killer red dress, hair to perfection and make up to cover these wrinkles. But - hey. No sense being vain. Doesn't accomplish anything.

But it was a kick in the gut to see him. I was surprised he spoke. The kids were all very angry when I left. But he was always my favorite.

Posted by Tammi at 05:45 PM | Comments (7)

TAG! I'm It!

By now you all probably know about Ogre's meme. He started it so he could track it....and being an analyst at heart, I think that is just plain cool!

So....even during spotty internet access, moving cross country, finding a job and a house - my Bad Example Family has tagged me! VW? Teresa? Y'all have no idea the revenge I will concoct! HeeHeeHee.

I guess this is how it works (in Tammi's World).

Here's a list of occupations and my responses:

If I could be a scientist...I wouldn't. I failed science. In college I took nutrition to get out of biology. Science. Yuck. Well, except for metallurgy - but that's practical!

If I could be a farmer...I was. Raised cattle and all my own veggies.

If I could be a musician... I am. Or rather I was. I loved it....making music is good for the soul.

If I could be a doctor...Nope. No way - I don't do blood or pain. Hell, I can't stand to hear stories involving either of those things. Yuck.

If I could be a painter...Ha! What a joke. My stick people don't look like stick people. Hell - even when painting a house, I'm only allowed to paint the closets, and that's only if the closets won't be seen by anyone!

If I could be a gardener...I like flowers. I like veggies. But diggin' around all the time, all those bugs and such? No - too much like real work. I'll plant a few flowers and herbs this year, but a garden? By no stretch of the imagination!

If I could be a missionary...did that too. Worked with malnurished children in Costa Rica. Broke my heart. One of the hardest things I've ever done.

If I could be a chef...I'd be happy. But only if I could cook just for the people I like. I choose the food and the people. Otherwise - nope.

If I could be an architect...I'd build the perfect little house on the edge of the woods. With a view of the lake/river. Just for me....high ceilings (so I could wear heels inside) lots of windows, a big porch all around. And a tower. Yeah - a tower. That's the ticket.

If I could be a linguist...hell.......we all know English is my second language - still trying to figure out what the first one is!

If I could be a psychologist...I'd finally understand myself.

If I could be a librarian...I'd park myself in the trashy novel section and FINALLY love my job again!!

If I could be an athlete...I'd stay in shape. Way to hard getting it all back!

If I could be a lawyer...I'd specialize in trial law. But only doing the court room stuff. Hee.....I'd be really good in front of a jury!!

If I could be an innkeeper...ahhh a nice bed and breakfast. THAT would be cool!!

If I could be a professor...I'd teach history. :-)

If I could be a writer...maybe the voices in my head would finally be quiet! I could just write it all down.

If I could be a construction worker......Oh Hell No! That is WAY too much work for me!!

If I could be a llama-rider...I'd ride a solid black llama right through the middle of town. That would be a cool way to meet the new neighbors!

If I could be the oddybobo's maid. . .I would clean everything but the dishes!!

I'm gonna be a party pooper and not pass this on! Hell - I think everyone I know has been tagged already!!!!

Posted by Tammi at 11:01 AM | Comments (2)


Guess who's back on line?! Go 'head! Guess!!

It's That 1 Guy! 'Member him?!?!

So prepare yourself for more Drunken Wisdom! Hell, after all this time - he should have plenty to say!!!

Welcome Back Dude. We missed ya!

Posted by Tammi at 08:25 AM | Comments (1)


Ok - so y'all know I got a job and a place to live. Whew - that was a whirlwind, let me tell you.

I'm still in Indiana today. Leaving tomorrow morning. That will get me back to Florida on Wednesday - late afternoon. I've mentioned a few times that I didn't know how I was going to get my stuff up here. Ha. What the heck was I worrying about?!?! I found a national company that needs to finish filling their truck out of Florida. Heck of a deal - and it won't completely put me in the poor house. I'm constantly amazed how things always work out when you are doing/going where you are supposed to.

My next project is a laptop. I've decided to turn the 2nd bedroom of my postage stamp home into a storage room. Left over furniture and the thousands (ok maybe dozens) of boxes I won't be able to unpack. Since I can get highspeed cable access a laptop will allow me to be wireless and I can work anywhere - including the cool swing/hammock in the back yard! ;-) That'll be sweet!

I will admit the idea of the drive is just horrible. But I know it will be fine and it's just one more round trip! I have it scheduled that the movers will come and pack and load me on the 2nd of May. I will leave Florida on the 4th. That leaves me the 3rd to say the last of the good byes and rest. Everything will be delivered on the 6th. I already have it pretty much set up in my head so it shouldn't be too bad on moving day. The 7th is a little get together with some friends and then the 8th is set aside for unpacking and resting. I start my new job on the 9th. Then it's done. I won't be the road warrior anymore. Well, except for those 2x a month trips to Mama's to make sure everything is ok, pay bills and fix stuff at her house. Not bad. Plus - I can't give up driving too fast - might go through withdrawl and find myself sitting on the couch with one of the kiddie toys that looks like a steering wheel makin' engine noises! ;-)

The new place will take some gettin' used to. My current house is 4 bedrooms, 3 baths. You could probably fit 2 of the entire duplex into the house. Good news? I can clean it in under an hour and there is only 1 toilet to scrub. There is no washer and dryer hook-up, but the laundry mat is just down the street. The biggest challenge is no dishwasher. That's a first for me since my divorce. Mama used to punish me by making me hand wash dishes - my ex used to disable the dishwasher as that was for sissys. I would rather go to the dentist that wash dishes. I guess I'll just tell myself it's good for building character.

I mentioned how pretty the town and surrounding area is. I cannot wait to start exploring. Cody and I will be visiting state parks and walking along the river. Long walks into town at night - and I hear there is a drive in resturant that serves a mean malted. Yummy!!

It's funny how life twists and turns. I've always said that you always go home. By that I mean you go back to what you know - either physically or emotionally. When I moved out of Tampa I choose my current house because it was up against the natures perserve and felt like I was in the country. I could enjoy the sunsets and the birds. Watch the moon rise and just generally enjoy the peace and quiet. But it wasn't until I started looking up here that I realized how much I miss my roots. I miss the country roads. I miss the woods. I miss the small towns, even where everyone "knows" what's going on in your life. I looked at places in some of the bigger towns/smaller cities. Nope. Just didn't feel right. I came close to getting one place - brand new, all the ammenities, close to work. But something just kept me from doing it. It was my last resort. I had a picture in my mind of what I wanted and I'm willing to wait/work to get there. It won't take long. Who knows? I may be in my "perfect spot" by Christmas. If not....that's ok too. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

So......today I'm taking it easy. Gonna get the car ready for the haul. Take Cody to PetSmart and go shopping with Mama. It's all almost done. I'm almost home.

Posted by Tammi at 08:22 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

April 23, 2005

One Word


It snowed today. It's April for cryin' out loud. The iris' are blooming. It's not supposed to snow....

I called all my Florida friends so they could have a good laugh (at my expense). I am proud of myself. I didn't wear my gloves or parka...but it was close.

I can tell you that Cody loves the snow. We got a good dusting on the ground and I can hardly get him back into the house. I cannot WAIT to be able to post some pictures of him. It was hysterical. Damn dog. ;-)

But SNOW?!?! In April?!?! WTF?????

Posted by Tammi at 11:34 PM | Comments (9)

Be Careful What You Ask For

Warning!! If you are a negative person you may not like this post.

Holy Cow. I cannot believe what has happened in the last week.

Let me start at the beginning.

A few weeks ago it became evident that I needed to be closer to my Mama. So.....I decided to resign my sales job and move back up north. I posted for a job. 2 hours after receiving my resume they called. I was in Illinois for an interview within the week. The position was back in metal, and within a reasonable drive to keep tabs on Mama.

A week later I was asked back for a 2nd interview. I drove back up and interviewed. 2 days later I was told I would be getting an offer. I did. The next day. It was good. No...it was great. So I took it.

That afternoon I drove around looking for a place to live. Nothing.

Took Friday off and rested. Drove back over today. While driving on the toll road I said a little prayer. I just asked for help. I said I would trust, I just needed help.

I drove to a little town and found a real estate agent. They had 1 rental available. In the most beautiful little town you could imagine. In one of the most beautiful areas I have seen in a long time. It's a very small duplex with a huge yard. Dog? No problem. And the best thing is the rent is so low I can save up for a bigger place in no time. AND the landlord said I can stay for as long as I need to and when I'm ready to move to a bigger place he can help me find something.

It's everything I need and a lot of more what I want than I can say. Small? Oh Yeah. But..it's a good start.

I move in May 6th.

So.....be careful what you ask for. :-)

I'm gonna rest now.

Posted by Tammi at 09:37 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

April 22, 2005

What a Girl Wants

Yes, I'm obsessing. I can't help it. I've got to get things settled quickly and there ain't a lot of money.

I have two big fears. I won't be able to afford to get my stuff up here, and I won't like my new home. Heh. Neither one of those are good things. Not at all.

I can't do much about the "getting my stuff up here". I'll figure something out - I always do.

But the other is really getting to me.

My home is VERY important to me. I need to enjoy spending time there. That's essential. It doesn't have to be anything fancy - it's the "feel" of it. If it doesn't feel right I won't go there. That isn't a good thing. Not at all.

So...what do I want? I want a Norman Rockwell painting. I want a small town with a real sense of community. I want someplace that I can get involved. I want to know my neighbors. I want to help decorate for festivals and the holidays. I want to walk Cody down the street and people to call me by name. I want to be missed if I go out of town for a while.

I want an older house, with character. It has to have a big enough kitchen that I can cook for those I love and a living room that will hold my furniture. I want to be able to sit outside and BBQ. I want to plant flowers and grow a couple of vegetables. Not many, just some herbs.

I'm not finding it. And the problem is.......so many of these small towns don't advertise houses for rent. So if you don't know anyone in the area you're pretty well screwed. That's not a good thing. Not at all.

Am I being too picky? Am I asking for too much? I don't think so, but then I'm a little biased. Any suggestions?

Posted by Tammi at 09:49 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

One BAD Evening

My niece turned 18 on Monday. Holy Shit....where did the time go?!?!

I was out of town and couldn't spend time with her that day so we made a date for Wednesday evening.

I think your 18th birthday is important. It's special. So I try to make a big deal of it.

So I told her I made reservations at the best 5 star resturant in South Bend. I also explained that means you need to dress up a bit. I told her what time the reservations were for and that I'd pick her up at 5:45. She seemed very excited.

I then went shopping. My nieces love nice jewlery. I do too, but I don't have much as I can't afford it. I do have 2 rings that they both love. A loves my sapphire. Everytime we get together she asks if she can have it when I die. I figure, since I'll be spending more time in town, I didn't want her to be wishing for my death so she could get her hands on that ring.

So I bought her one of her own. It's 10x nicer than mine. In fact - I almost kept it and gave her something else. :-)

Everything is set.

At 3:30 that day she calls and says she'll meet me there and ask for directions. I google them (hey - haven't lived here in over 15 years) and make sure she understands the reservations are for 6:00. SHARP.

She was 30 mins. late.

She was wearing very very tight jeans and a crop top.

I was not smiling.

They seat us in the back of the resturant and it went down hill from there.

The meal, well - mine anyway, rocked. She liked mine too and ate half of it.

She liked the ring, but really wanted a cell phone or a diamond.

I told her too bad.

We talked about school and getting a job. She's not much of a conversationalist and getting her to just chat was impossible - yes, even for ME.

So....after dinner she does thank me for everything and tell me she loves me. I'm proccupied and a little disappointed. I'm driving home, stop at a red light, look down for my cigarettes and WHAM....coast into the back of the car in front of me.

Just what I flippin' needed. Luckily most of the damange was to maggie. And the guy was very cool about it. Said it didn't matter. No need for insurance - it's no big deal. THANK GOODNESS!

I couldn't get home fast enough. Went to bed (had to be up by 4:00am) and finally fell asleep at 3:00.

Not the way I wanted the evening to go. Damn. Just Damn. What's with kids today!?!?!?!

Posted by Tammi at 08:59 AM | Comments (13)

Ring the Bell

What a week this has been!

Let's just see.....Monday I had the 2nd interview with the VP of That 1 Company. (hee). It went well. He told me to expect an offer. (Note: Never a good idea to tell me something is gonna happen....I'm not known as a good waiter.) Wednesday morning they call to tell me they are working on a package and will call soon. Wednesday afternoon they call and want to see me the next morning. For Breakfast.

At 8:00am. Think about that for just a moment. 8:00 in the morning. South Bend is about 3 hours from this place - and you gotta go through Chicago to get there. Son Of A Bitch. That means a very early morning.

I couldn't go the night before because I was taking my niece out for dinner for her 18th Birthday. So.......but wait - I'm getting ahead of myself.

So I go to dinner with my niece (that alone deserves a seperate post). Up at 4:00am after not much sleep at all. Driving driving driving. (I'm so very sick of driving)

To make a long story somewhat shorter the offer was fantastic. They offered more than I was asking for to insure that there would not be a bidding war. Hell Yeah I took it.

My new boss is a very nice man. It was an added bonus that he has a sense of humor. He was telling me that he brought a cow bell up from Texas. When you sell in a new part - that's really big - you get to ring the bell.

He leans onto the table, very intent and says - "You're my first hire with this company. Tammi - I want you to Ring That Bell".

ME (leaning in also - just as intent): Boss - I wanna ring that bell. Oh, yeah - I'm GONNA ring that bell - you watch and see.

Hee. Anyway - we had a good laugh. I'll be dealing with a local plant as well as a new one we just purchased in Nashville. HA. I get to go to Nashville a few times a year. That Rocks! Not much travel. Not much travel at all. No Weekends. NO HOLIDAYS. In other words - I Will Have A Life.

And they like me. They want me. After what I've been through that means more than I can say.

Now.....for the difficult part. Trying to find a place to live. No one will take dogs. AND....by paying my Mom's bills it really cuts into what I can afford. Hmmmm.......So yesterday was spent weeding out prospects. Today - I'll try on the internet - Maggie May is as tired of being on the road as I am - then back over there tomorrow to try and find something.

This is the part that scares me. My home is very important to me. Doesn't need to be fancy, just someplace I like to be.

Oh, and it needs a doorbell - that way my friends can ring the bell too. ;-)

But I got a job. I got it. It's gonna be good!!!!

Posted by Tammi at 08:47 AM | Comments (12)

April 20, 2005

And the waiting continues....

I just heard from the Sales Manager at the company I interviewed with. They are going to make an offer. They are working on the compensation package right now.....hope to have me in for a face to face either late this week or early next.

So...still waiting but the hope builds.

Hey T1G - whats for dinner? ;-)

Posted by Tammi at 09:50 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

April 19, 2005

Waiting is NOT my Strength

The interview went very well. They stated that they are going to make an offer. WooHoo.

Now....I'm just waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. I'm not very good at that.

Oh - I'm still looking for a job. Until an offer is on the table and signed, sealed and delivered I still look.

But damn.......just damn.

I got the chance to spend an evening with That (elusive) 1 Guy. What a great time. Then I sped off to stay with Teresa. A wonderful way to end the day AND start today.

So...now I'm waiting. I can't do a damn thing to finalize anything until I see that offer. Did I mention I'm not very good at waiting?!?! Yeah, well, I'm not.

Tomorrow the high speed cable connection is installed. THANK GOODNESS!! I'll be able to look for a job and not worry about missing calls and BLOGGING will be easier!! WooHoo!!!

So....that's where everything stands right now. Things will be back to "normal" tomorrow!

Posted by Tammi at 06:41 PM | Comments (10)

April 17, 2005

The Eagle Has Landed

Well, I made it. Safe and sound at Mama's house. HOLY COW - my dog is huge!! I'm not kidding. He is at least 2x the size he was 2 weeks ago. Seriously - his halter was way big on him when I left...now - it's too small. He doesn't even fit into his doggy bed anymore. I'm shocked....and a little frightened. He still has plenty of paw to grow into. YIKE!

But it was very good to see him again, and he missed me! YEAH!

The trip was fine. I got a very, very late start on Saturday. I couldn't get myself to leave the house. I just couldn't do it. In fact, I would safely say if I didn't have an interview tomorrow I'd probably still be there.

But I did leave and drove on through to Athen's TN. I had the best nights sleep I've had in months. Then, up bright and early and met BlogBro Johnny_Oh for breakfast in Knoxville. Yummy - I love IHOP!!

Got on the road and made it in record time. I do have to say the mountains were stunning. Beautiful purple trees spread throughout every imaginable shade of green. Takes your breath away.....

Thanks to all you that listened to me ramble on this drive. You are the best.

Needless to say - I'm kinda sleepy. Gonna hit the hay - got to be up bright and early tomorrow to get ready for that interview. Keep those fingers crossed.....

Posted by Tammi at 10:32 PM | Comments (11)

April 15, 2005

Tammi Day - Recap

I woke up bright and early this morning. The sun was not even up yet. Why, you ask. Why did I wake up so early? Because I was freezing my ass off....thats why! It was not even 55 degrees! But....I firmly vowed that nothing short of rain was keeping me from the beach today. NOTHING.....

So I puttered around my friends house - saw them off to work and school and finally, FINALLY it was time to head to Surf World in Cortez Florida. I had decided that I did want my 2005 bathing suit, and it's only fitting that I get it there....that's where I got all my others. I love that place. Susanna was a sweetheart. We picked out several suits for me to try and then I turned and saw it. Yep - it had my name all over it. Beautiful, simple and BRIGHT!! (I love color) This stunning tourquise blue 2 piece was exactly what I wanted. I looked over at her and laughed - yeah - this should blend in real well up in the midwest - don'tcha think! I tried it on and YEP - this was the one.

Next I headed to Lee Anns to change and grab a beach chair. I had already given all of mine away so she was kind enough to loan me one of theirs. By 11:00 I was at the beach and......freezing my ass off.

It was 65 degrees, slightly cloudy (white puffy clouds, but clouds none the less) and breezy. OK - maybe breezy isn't the right word. Down right windy.

Bou called me around noon. She asks how I am.....I cannot lie. I tell her....its so very cold. But....I AM NOT LEAVING. Damnit - It's Tammi Day. We tell stories about other freezing beach days and chat abit and then she has to go. Folks - no lie....no sooner did we get off the phone then the clouds went away. Gone.

The sky was brillant blue...the water seafoam green. Slight waves thanks to the breeze (and by now it was a breeze) and perfect.

By the time Teresa called I was in hog heaven. I was turning at the appropriate times and chatting away.

All in all I made it 5 1/2 hours. And....I'm just a touch pink. Nothing that won't turn to brown by tomorrow. I just have that "beach" tingle to my skin.

As I was leaving my beach I turned around for one last look. "I'll be back. Please dear Lord - let me be back."

Now I'm freshly showered and ready to head to Tampa with Lee Ann and have a wonderful evening with she and Dogger. WooHoo. The only thing that would make today better is the promise of doing it again tomorrow.

You know what? I got my soul back. It feels really good.

Posted by Tammi at 04:39 PM | Comments (4)

April 14, 2005


I saw this story on Fox News this morning, just couldn't get it written up the way I wanted to - but never fail. Phin does a great job!

Go and read it......

Posted by Tammi at 09:40 AM | Comments (1)

Well, this might be it...

Huh. It's Thursday. It is my last day at work. Huh.

That means I'm really leaving. Huh.

I sit here on the couch trying to figure out how I feel.

I'm unemployed as of tonight. Huh.

No.....no panic.

Looking around the house.....stuff to finish getting ready for Saturday's trip. Huh.

No....no panic.

You wanna know what's floating through this mind of mine right now? Get through today and you get to play. That's right...today is hitting some stores, pulling together the rest of my customer manuals and cleaning off this laptop. Meet with one of my teammates at lunch, turn that all in, hit a couple more stores and then I'm done.

I've got one day to play. One More Tammi Day. One Day of nothing more important than finding a parking space at the beach, making sure I have water and sunscreen.

Now - I will lose the laptop. Teresa was kind enough to provide a tower so that I can continue to look for a job (kinda important) and check emails (well, and of course blog) but here's the issue for the next couple of days. I won't be here. I won't be back here until late Friday night. Tonite........after calls.......heading to Sarasota. I have a cousin I need to spend some time with and then tomorrow is beach. Tomorrow night is my time with Lee Ann and Dogger. Saturday morning - it's D day. (d as in drive)

But I have one day - 1 - for just me. I've had 10 years. 10 good years. Well, let's just be honest - not all good....but the best I've ever had overall. Even the bad times were tempered by my surroundings and the people in my life. I have 1 day.

Now - please don't think that I believe my life is ending with this move. Oh HELL No. But I do know that it's gonna change - a lot. The good news is that I have many friends (family) that I adore and will be able to see on a regular basis. But I also have more responsibility than I have ever shouldered. There is Mama. There is the relationship with my sister. There are my nieces and nephew. There is the possibility that I run into my ex-husband - and that is somewhat bone chillingly frightening to me. There is finding a job that is all about the money. None of those are small matters - I just won't go into all the details (a girls gotta have some mystery).

I'm kinda pissed off about all this. I'm pissed off in a childish sort of way, and for that I'm ashamed. I was responsible when I was married. I was married when I was 22 and became an instant step-monster. I had a drunk husband, drunk in-laws, out of control stepsons, an abusive brother-in-law, very few friends, and a job that was VERY demanding. (hell, who had time for friends with all that) And I'll be honest. I ran away. I ran as fast as I could to someplace new, someplace different. Someplace where I could start over and just live. And that's exactly what I did. I was selfish and I'd do it all over again. But I've had 10 years of going where I want, when I want. Not worrying about tomorrow, just living in today. I've partied with "famous folks" and experienced things I would never have had the chance to do if I hadn't of run away. And I am kinda pissed off that I'm walking away from a lot of that.

So it's kinda like I had a 10 year vacation. And now it's time to get back to the real world.

I'm sure many of you are about sick and tired of reading about this move and all my angst. But....I appreciate the encouraging comments and emails.

And there are changes in the works. In the next week or so we will be unveiling a new website - with a new name. Afterall I won't be the Road Warrior anymore. But I think you'll like it. I know I'm very excited.

Again - if I owe you an email - just bear with me. I'll get to them I promise. I'm just being a little selfish for the next 48 hours. Right now - it's all about me.

Posted by Tammi at 07:00 AM | Comments (17)

Taking over the world....

BloodSpite has done a funny linkfest......so glad to have you back and posting Dude.

But the best part....buried in the links is a picture of his daughter! Damn it - I LOVE BABY PICTURES. And she is a little doll!!

Now excuse me while I practice being bad! ;-)

Posted by Tammi at 05:59 AM | Comments (1)

April 13, 2005

Update On BloodSpite's Mom

They have the results in from the tests on BloodSpite's Mom.

It's not Leukemia.

That is wonderful news.

Drop him a line - after a stressful time like they had waiting for the results some kind words are always a balm.

Posted by Tammi at 12:49 PM | Comments (1)


The differences in people just fascinates me. It's the little things. The silly things really.

For instance.....food. Some people like things hot. I mean spicey hot. Make your face red hot. Make you sweat hot. From what I'm told I make a killer hot pepper jelly. I don't know - I've never tried it. I won't. I have to wear gloves to even make it. It burns my skin. And people WILLINGLY consume that stuff. WHY?!?! Don't tell me it tastes good.......it's to spicey to taste! Me.....I like flavor. Rich, complicated flavor. I don't like spicey - the spiciest I get is the mild salsa. I don't get it. I never will.

And same with being scared. Gotta say, it doesn't do much for me. Nope, not at all. I know some people just love that feeling. I don't do scary movies well. No. If I'm watching a scary movie I always have a blanket, pillow and book. I cover up with the blanket, really scarey drives my face into the pillow and the book is to distract me during the rest of the movie. Yeah - scary isn't something I look for.

I was just sitting here eating breakfast and realized some folks would find me pretty boring based on those couple things....but that's alright. It takes all kinds.......

Posted by Tammi at 09:40 AM | Comments (3)

Words of Advice

Holy Cow - it's Wednesday! Geez......could this week go by any faster?!?!

The weather is glorious. Clear blue skys, 80 degree temps, and me - in a car - driving, damn....what's wrong with that picture. But not after tomorrow. Friday is TAMMI DAY!

I was just telling a friend that there is no earthly way that I could get everything done on Friday. None. So, why fight it? I'm taking the day and parkin' my ass in the sand. I WILL BE A BRONZED SUN GODDESS before I leave. 3 1/2 hours Sunday was a good jump start - so I can't wait for a day of music, reading, sun and water. WooHoo.

I've always been like that. Some people call it lazy. I call it practical. Why in the world would you set a goal you know is impossible and then kill yourself to try and achieve it and then beat yourself up when you don't? Oh, now don't misunderstand me....I'm ambitious. I set goals, and work very hard at them. But something like this....no. It's not worth it.

I already know I have to come back down here in the middle of May to finish getting everything cleaned up and moved. If I hadn't worked out a two week notice I could have pulled it all together by this weekend. But since circumstances came together the way they did, I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

So, I'm just gonna do what I can, and not worry about it right now. I'll have my clothes together, as well as my really important "prettys" and the rest will fall together. Oh, I'll bust my ass in May, but I would whether I killed myself on Friday or not.

So - here's a bit of advice. Pick your battles. Work hard, but realize when it's just not worth what you're going through. Life is to short, to precious to waste it frustrated.

Posted by Tammi at 08:33 AM | Comments (5)

They Grow Up So Fast....

I tell ya, kids these days......first they are little blogglings and nex thing you know, they've got blogrolls and pictures. I'm so proud of my "youngest" Army Wife....lookin' good over there girl!

I've enjoyed her blog for several reasons, right from the beginning. Partly because she says very nice things about me (LOL) - but mostly because she writes so wonderfully - she never fails to move me....laughter and tears.

Today is her 14th Wedding Anniversary to Dear Husband. 14 years. They've endure through two deployments and a serious family illness. And I gotta tell you folks - she does a wonderful job of expressing her love and admiration for this man. But more importantly - you see through her words, that they are PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER! It's obvious they are both pretty incredible individuals - which just makes for an incredible couple.

So stop on over and wish these youngsters a Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary Army Wife! Here's to many, many more!

Posted by Tammi at 08:00 AM | Comments (1)

April 12, 2005

Do I Wear a Tinfoil Hat?!?

You'd think I'd hit my share of wierdos, asshats, idiots....you get it.....after my little "interlude" yesterday.

Oh no. This is My Life...

Today - I'm teaching a new hire class. I love teaching so I was animated, walking around, on a roll. When....one of the sales reps (that wasn't new) interrupted my sentence....

SR: Tammi? Tammi! Excuse me, but have you put on weight?
ME: Uhhhh yes, I have.
SR: Oh. I thought so. It looks good, just wanted to let you know I noticed you've put on weight.
ME: Uhhhhh, thanks??

OK - now help me understand something....what on God's green earth would make this person think it was alright to:

A) Say this to me OUTLOUD
B) Interrupt my class to tell me this
C) Think I care what he thinks.

I'm tellin' you.....It's been an interesting week so far....can't wait to see what's gonna happen tomorrow.

Posted by Tammi at 07:20 PM | Comments (9)

I Can't Express Myself

I have been sitting on this news for almost a week (DAMN Blogspot anyway!)

My dear, sweet friend (and blogdaughter) Lee Ann and her Darling Husband have had the best news!

The results of his bone marrow transplant are in - and THEY ROCK! It's working. It's working.

While she thanks everyone for their thoughts and prayers, I'm going to be so bold as to second that. Thank You. Thank you for caring so much about 2 people that mean so very much to me.

Lee Ann? Sweetie - you know how thrilled I am over this. My prayers (and Mama Vi's) will continue. But know how happy we are and that we love you very much!

Posted by Tammi at 09:46 AM | Comments (1)


My very dear friend Laughing Wolf is celebrating 2 years on the blogsphere.


And he's thanking US!

Head on over and wish him well.

Congratulations my friend. And THANK YOU!!!

Posted by Tammi at 09:38 AM | Comments (1)

My Last Tuesday!

**in a sing song voice** It's my laaasstt Tuesday, It's my laaasstt Tuesday.

And it it gonna be a killer. 9 stores today. Holy Driving Batman. Lucky for me it's all my Tampa and Brandon stores, but still.

Then it's off to the house. Got a few things to do - laundry, email, dishes, packing, sorting, trash. Oh, well - It's my laaasstt Tuesday.

The worst part of today will be the traffic. I think I'll just remember that sitting in all that crap with all those idiots is actually Good For Me. It will make Chicago traffic a bit more bearable. (hey, throw me a bone on this one, 'mkay! I'm reaching for that silver lining!)

I haven't had access to my email since the beginning of the weekend so if you emailed me in the last while - I hope to be caught up by Thursday morning. Patience peple, patience. ;-)

You know what? It's my laaaasstt Tuesday! After this - 5, count them five stores left. FIVE! I will gladly work until 9:00 pm to only have 5 stores left to hit. I think I may have hit some kind of record here. Not bad for someone with so much going on.

Now.....if I could just organize my personal life as well as I have the professional. Oh, wait. After Thursday I won't have a professional life. Huh. Guess that answers that request!

Actually - for some reason I'm not in a panic yet. Oh I was, and I will be. But right now...not so much. I've had some incredible help with my resume - hell, I don't even recoginze myself! And I'm posting away. Got a 2nd interview coming up and plenty of irons in the fire. If nothing else I can temp for a while. That's always good for a spell. It's wonderfully mindless stuff that almost seems like a paid vacation.

So....It's My Laaaassstt Tuesday. I'm gonna get it started so I can get 'er done.

Posted by Tammi at 09:29 AM | Comments (2)

My .02 Worth

The Divas are handling the issue of Bad Boyz and why women are drawn to them.....Please head over to Christina's place, read what she has to say and follow the links. THis series they are doing is my favorite part of Tuesday - and I think you'll enjoy it.

But....I want to build a bit on what Christina has to say. She is mentioning how often the women that are caught in that horrible circle of abuse have a tendancy to keep getting sucked back in. There are a number of reasons for that and I'm only going to touch on one. And it's a big one. And something that EVERYONE should watch out for.

When you are in a stressful situation - the adrenaline kicks in. It's a rush. It's like a drug. Well when you live in a permanent stressful situation that drug is a constant. You get used to it. IT becomes normal.

I remember sitting at Mama's kitchen table just ranting, raving and crying that all I wanted was a NORMAL life. That's it. Simple. Normal.

So...upon my divorce and move - it seemed like everytime I turned around bad shit was happening. Just about the time things got smooth, sweet, normal, something would happen and rock my world.

After about 3 exhausting years of this a very dear friend sat me down and explained in very plain english what was happening. I was doing it to myself.

WHAT?!?!? How dare you? Who do you think......

Then I sat and thought for just a minute. You know what - she was right.

She proceeded to explain that often I was making decisions that PUT me in that bad situation. Not always - but often.

And as I sat there reviewing the mental video that was my recent life I realized she was more right than she knew.

Then she said that we had to break that cycle. Had. To. But it wouldn't be easy.

I had to accept that boring is alright. Boring is actually good. Excitement is alright if it's positive. But....I had to make a plan, get orgainized and then just plod ahead.

That was advice that changed my life. I've shared it with many - and not just abused individuals. This is true for so many of us. In our personal lives, our business lives - every where.

So just tuck that thought in the back of your mind. It might come in handy some day.

Posted by Tammi at 09:16 AM | Comments (2)

Family - It's a Good Thing

I had a nice evening with my family. Of course we were all exhausted so our time needed to be all about quality not quantity.

My cousin and I are very close. She's the big sister I always thought I had. She was my hero for years and years - even when we didn't stay in touch like we ought to. I love her dearly.

And I adore her kids. They're all grown up now, and sometimes it's very hard for me to remember that. But oh....are they delightful to be around.

I'm going to miss them very much.

They've been my safety net. You see, I wasn't down here just wingin' it on my own. When I got in trouble, lost my job, or just couldn't see a reason to go on.....I came here. Here there was laughter, hugs, scoldings and Cap'n Crunch cereal. Here I was loved. Still am. That's kinda cool.

This morning we were talking about this whole move thing. Gotta tell you - and I will post on it later - right now I'm in the anger stage. She is too, sorta, so we had a good venting session. Then I looked at her and simply asked - Will You Be Here When I Can't Handle It?

Yeah, she'll be here.

That's nice to know. The next few years aren't going to be easy - I'm in no way shape or form thinking they will be. But it's comforting to know - even 1741 miles away - I still have a net.

Posted by Tammi at 08:55 AM | Comments (1)

April 11, 2005

Well, I never.... UPDATED

Ok, maybe never is kinda harsh...how 'bout not for a long long time.

Guess what happened to me tonite?

So glad you asked. :)

I had just finished making store visits and had stopped to fill up with gas. This ummmm well this ahhh female creature came up and tried to start a conversation. With the intense frangrance of alcohol and cheap cologne along with the umm cut of her dress it was rather obvious what her occupation was. I ignored her. I wasn't in the best of neighborhoods and didn't really feel like striking up a conversation.

Anywho.....she was distracted by the taxi driver that requested her company out back the building so she wandered off.

I looked over at the city worker guy that was filling his truck and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't what she thought was gonna happen here". He chuckled and shook his head.

'Bout that time a, umm, well, ahhhh skin head (and yes - he qualified) walked out of the gas station and over to me as I was pumping gas.

SH: "So, 50 bucks?"
ME: "What? To fill up my tank?"
SH: "No. What's 50 bucks get me?"
ME: "A swift kick in the ass - get the F*ck away from me!"

Yes, I was mistaken for a saleswoman of a different sort this evening.

That hasn't happened in about 15 years. Damn........do you think it was the flip flops?!?!

UPDATE My cousin has come up with the PERFECT response....We figure some one told him there was a hooker hangin' out there, he saw me and put 2 + 2 together and got 69....S says I should have told him that NO I'm not who you're looking for. Pay me the $50 and she'sright around THAT corner. HA......I'da got the money and the last laugh!!!

Posted by Tammi at 06:11 PM | Comments (14)

It's Was SOOOO Nice...

I got to have breakfast with Bou Saturday morning! And it was wonderful! The whole damn morning was wonderful.

We started out sayin' we'd meet at 8:00am on Saturday. What the hell were we thinking? Neither one of us LOVES mornings. Well I do...but I love being UP and ABOUT in the morning...not leaving my house. Shoot. So - as luck would have it I over slept and had to call and tell her I was running late. Thank Goodness....so was she.

So....we met up before 9:00am and had a wonderful breakfast. (name of resturant withheld as the boys would never forgive us.) And folks - let me tell you - both of us LOVE breakfast food. And it's obvious. We did good...pancakes, omeletes, bacon, french toast - I requested an IV for the coffee but they were fresh out. LOL

And we talked. And talked. And talked. I LOVE having a conversation with her. I told her - no matter how much I talk with her - I can't get enough actual conversation. You know, eye contact, smiles, grimaces. Yeah - a conversation.

Anyway - we had time left and hit the mall. And what amazed me is that we like the same things. And folks - you don't get much more opposite in appearance than Bou and I. She's petite, fair and well, just beautiful. I'm tall, older and kinda flashy. And we were drawn to the same stuff - pretty much. Oh, for different reasons LOL.

But what a great way to start my weekend. What a wonderful morning. I just wish we would have had more time.

Thanks sweetie! You Rock!!!!

Posted by Tammi at 09:16 AM | Comments (2)

Shhh....I'm still hiding....

Hee....I slept in today. I got morning hugs. How cool is that! J is my free spirited friend. I just adore her. Her boyfriend, and my very good friend, is, well let's put it nicely and say he is a creature of habit! LOL Anyway - he had the coffee set for early this morning.

Now folks - I'm a pretty easy girl to make happy. Make me coffee (or at least set it so I don't have to) and give me a hug - yeah - I'm yours. Throw in a good meal, and well...damn, I'll follow you anywhere! LOL

So....up at 6:00am and THERE WAS COFFEE WAITING. I went back out to the lania and settled on the couch with my FOX News and a book. I slept out there last night and it rocked. All the windows were open and the breeze was strong. I could hear the crickets and critters and well, let's just say I slept very well. Then the coffee...what a way to start the day. To make things even better there were smiles and hugs. I love hugs. I used to be a big hugger, but you kinda need someone to hug for it to really work, ya know.

So....they are all at work or school. No tears in this good bye. Of course they know I'll be down in May to finish everything up and meet with the landlords. Plus J knows....when I focus and say I'll do something....I'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. So yeah - I'll be back to visit. Lots.

I did get some great pictures yesterday. The bad part is as we walked the island I realized I didn't bring the camera for that. How Stupid! I was just so mellow and happy I guess I just didn't want to admit I'll even need pictures.

The storms did one hell of a number on the beaches. Well, what's left of them. We were in shock over how much is gone. J's daughter was almost distraught. I gently explained that Mother Nature gave us this beautiful place during a storm, we were lucky to have it this long. Oh, it'll never go away but it's not the same. Hmmm......changes and loss. Kinda life in general wouldn't you say?!?!

Anyway - need to get my butt out the door. But just wanted to share what a great morning it's been. Tonight? My family. :-) Oh, and my favorite - pie!

Posted by Tammi at 09:05 AM | Comments (3)

April 10, 2005


That's about all I can say right now. Wow.

Let me bring you up to speed on what I've been doing the past day and a half.

I had to go to a baby shower last night. I usually don't really enjoy them...and to be honest, I figured at my age, I was pretty much done with them. Well....I guess I'm either going to need to learn to enjoy them or make friends my age! Anyway - this was a unisex shower and more for the groom than anyone. This is his first child and I was HONORED to be invited. Plus...I got to see a lot of people I used to work with. Oh, and it was the first of the official "good-byes".

Yep - you got it. There were tears. But as I left I continued to repeat...don't worry - I'll be back. And I promise, I will certainly try.

Then down to Bradenton. A nice evening of conversation and then sleepy time. This morning dawned just beautiful and we girls hussled to get our bathing suits on. 3 1/2 hours of sun. Perfect day - and yes I did get pictures. I'll get them all up and posted when I get back to the house Tuesday.

Meanwhile - perfect day. Just perfect.

Came home and made some fresh Maui-Maui with a wonderful ginger marinade, grilled to perfection. A few fresh sides and a couple appletini's and this girl is hitting the sack. It's only 10:20 and I'm exhausted.

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend as much as I have.

Tomorrow I make my last calls in Sarasota and St. Pete. Tuesday is good bye to Tampa and Brandon. Wednesday is clean up and Thursday is it.

I'm hoping to get another beach day on Friday.

Damn....I feel good right now!!

Posted by Tammi at 09:25 PM | Comments (3)

April 09, 2005

I know it's Saturday...

and I usually don't do too much that is overly serious on Saturdays BUT.....well I'm not real happy/content/pleased with a situation and I wanna talk about it.

Ever since Greyhawk posted on the CBS cameraman issue I've flipped back and read - reread his post. Over and over. I've followed the links. I've read the comments. I don't like it. I don't like it one little bit.

Bear with me as I work this through my mind.

His title really catches it all for me. "Crossing the Line? Media and The Public's Right to Know"

The public's right to know.


Back in the beginning of OIF we saw many inbedded reporters. Now, as a civilian that was desperate for news/info on what was going on over there....I was thrilled with this idea. However, my hope was that those journalists went through a rigorous screening process and that seemed to be the fact. Remember when Heraldo Rivera got in trouble for drawing that infamous map in the sand? He had to leave. As it should be. Stupid thing to do. But that's not my point. The point is there was screening, there were boundaries, you screw up - you're outta there.

Now...they are saying this CBS cameraman was a freelancer - but he still had press creditials. From CBS. He had access to places that could put the lives of our Military men and women in jepordy. That is not acceptable to me.

But...I'm going back to the "right to know" thing. We have a right to know that which will not put someone else in danger. How 'bout that?! We have a right to know the truth....but we don't need to know everything. I know there are those that will disagree with me on this, and that's your choice. But take a hint here - you won't change my mind. Ever.

Go back 30 years ago. I don't know about you, but my parents didn't talk about certain things in front of us kids. Money issues were never discussed. Family business (outside the immediate family) were never discussed. Was it our right to know that we had no money? Yeah, you could say it was. Did we NEED TO KNOW? No. Not really. Did we NEED TO KNOW that my aunt was in a dryout clinic due to alcoholism? No, no we didn't. We knew she was ill, she is family and that was our right - but we didn't need to know the details.

Where do we draw the line in regards to our Military? To this war?

I'm greedy. I want to know all that I can. I want to know because I care. I care about the outcome. I care about our Military. But I don't want anyone hurt or killed because of my greed. I can wait for the information. I may not like it, but I can do that. The outcome of this is too important. Too many lives are at stake.

So.....my hope is that if this cameraman is found to have been in cohoots with the enemy both he and CBS should be reprimanded. And.....I can't believe I'm going to type this out loud......I think we need to rethink the inbedded journalist program. And I think the MSM needs to stop and think about whats REALLY important.

We have a right to know the truth.......

Posted by Tammi at 04:47 PM | Comments (4)

The Long Good-Bye VI

Parts I, II, III, IV, V

Tomorrow I am going to the beach with my very good friend J. And we are going to my very favorite beach. As you will see if you follow the link - this is my favorite beach in Florida. And yes - I've been to more than you would ever believe. I. Love. This. One.

I still remember the first time I went there. It was via boat. We had been out hopping around sand bars and it was almost sunset. We were all starving, but still wanted to see the sunset at it's best. So we head through Sarasota Bay, down the inner-costal and out the channel. I see Cocina Beach on my right but wait....what's this? A beautiful stretch of white sand, calm waters and very few people!

It was Beer Can Island. We anchored off the sand bar just off the coast and slipped into the water. Warm, salty, smooth water. It felt like silk on my sun kissed skin. We wade up to the sand and settle down for the experience. It was amazing. As the sun drifted into the water we strolled down the beach and I learned the history of this piece of paradise. I swore I would return.

I did....but it took at least a month of driving up and down the coast to find it. It's semi private and off the main road. But I found it....I am nothing if not determined.

For 10 years this has been my get away. My haven. I watched my first tropical storm roll in, angry and violent, from those sandy beaches. I have spend days laying on that soft white sand, working through a broken heart, or figuring out a particular issue with work. Everything is clearer there. Everything is as it should be.

So....tomorrow I return. I haven't been there in over a year. It's been a long year. I'm not the same woman I was last time I visited there. I'm sadder, I'm stronger. But I know that a few hours of feeling that sand, hearing the birds, strolling out to the sand bar and good conversation will make it all right.

You see - I'm going home tomorrow. I'm going to Tammi's World.

Posted by Tammi at 01:34 PM | Comments (4)

Saturday Question of the Day

Every Saturday I'll try to come up with some "out there" question that just makes you stop and think about something not so important. Think of it as a mini vacation. If you have any ideas drop me a line and we'll throw it in here. Who knows, it might be fun.

OK - Here goes:

With all the talk of love and anniversarys let's just stay with that theme shall we?!? What is you're favorite little way of saying "I Love You". Hmmm.....not that doesn't have to be just "romantically". There are many forms of love....family, friends, romance....

For me - it's all about sharing. Yeah......I will cook for you. I love to cook, and it's something I do fairly well. But that actually feeds into my "coddling". Probably the best example is from the Bad Example Family (& Friends) Reunion. I had some of my favorite people in the world at my home. I cooked, I got drinks, I made things as cozy as possible. I wanted everything to be perfect, everyone to be happy. Because. I. Love. Them. It was the easiest way to say it.....without really saying it.

Nothing gives me as much pleasure as seeing the happiness on those that I care about's faces when they realize that it's all about them. That they are special to me. That I care.

Yeah - that's how I say I Love You. What about you?

Posted by Tammi at 12:03 PM | Comments (3)

A Wonder to Behold

Have you ever seen a living miracle? I have. Yes, I have. And it is beautiful.

It's a marriage. A partnership. A friendship so true it's breath taking.

I want to take this opportunity to wish my dear friends TNT & Harvey Happy 6th Anniversary.

It's funny - I've been thinking all week about what to do, what to say on this special day. I looked at poetry but couldn't find anything that was "just right". Nothing expresses my joy at the love they have found. My admiration for the relationship they have established. The hope they give that a marriage such as they have is possible.

So...I will simply say Congratulations my friends. I am so happy for all you have, and smile with joy over what is yet to come. I pray for many more years even better than the 6 that we celebrate today.

Happy Anniversary.

Posted by Tammi at 11:50 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

She's Home!

Mrs. Smash is home.

Smash reports they expect a full recovery but still, keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Posted by Tammi at 06:43 AM | Comments (0)

There is nothing more to say....

This is, hands down, the best response I have EVER read/saw/heard to those beatnics here in the states, staging their "die-ins" and such.

Marc Fencil is a Senior at Ohio University, currently serving in Iraq - and MAN, does he let 'em have it!!

Hat Tip Blackfive that leads to Arthur Chrenkoff

Posted by Tammi at 06:40 AM | Comments (2)

April 08, 2005

I Wanna Go

MacDill Air Fest 2005.

It's this weekend.

I wanna play.....................

Posted by Tammi at 09:54 PM | Comments (0)

Friday Night

So....what does this say......


Stove Top Stuffing w/gravy
Peppermint ice cream w/chocolate sauce (directly out of the container)

I think I'm a tad bit stressed.

Tomorrow will be better. Do ya wanna know why?!?!

I'm having breakfast with Bou!!!!!!!

Posted by Tammi at 09:44 PM | Comments (4)

Teresa Has News

Teresa has finally heard....Young Son is alright.

I'm so relieved for her and her family.

My heart breaks for those who did not receive the same news.

Posted by Tammi at 11:50 AM | Comments (0)

The Long Goodbye V

Parts I, II, III, IV

My best friend Sharon. She has been closer than a sister since I was a senior in high school. 26 years now.....more than half my life.

Believe it or not I can't remember exactly how it happened, but she drove down with me and stayed for a couple of weeks. It was our version of Thelma and Louise. Damn - we did love our adventures.

We had arranged that I would pick her up at her house in N. Indiana around 5:00am the morning of April 19. I was late. I finally got away from Mama's house and got to her place around 5:15/5:30. Anyway - I let her drive first. I cried the entire way through Indiana. Not because I love Indiana - oh, hell no. I was moving across the country, away from my family and friends....took a huge pay cut, in the middle of a divorce. I can still feel the way my stomach clenched. Damn scarey times.

What I didn't realize at that time was that Sharon is deathly afraid of bridges. (not a lot of bridges in Indiana) Yeah - terrified. So, of course I had her drive across the Ohio river between Indiana and Kentucky. When we got over the bridge, she took the next exit and made me take over. Well, it is my move - guess I ought to do something constructive. This cryin thing wasn't really gonna cut it.

It was a 21 hour drive total. When we hit Georgia, we had been warned about Cobb County. We knew that we had to watch our speed. What Sharon - who is miss Must Have Insurance, Must Be Legally Plated - didn't know was I had let my insurance lapse and my plates were expired. I just figured I'd take care of all that when I got to my new home. (no lectures - I know, I know. and when I 'fessed up SHE WAS PISSED!) So as I'm driving into Cobb County I tell her it's time to start paying attention. We were cruising down I75 just 4 mph over the limit - I set the cruise control just to avoid the temptation. Cars are passing us like we were still. One car in particular was just being an ass. I was soo pissed off - jutting in and out of traffic, cutting people off - just being an ass. I had just said to her "Where are the cops when you need 'em?" when IT happened. Like a swarm of bees they came. Out of the mountains - Georgia State Patrol cars. Every where. And you got it....the first car pulled over was our little asshole. You know - it's not often enough in life that we get the chance to see that whole "what comes around, goes around" thing. We got a good laugh out of that one!

We get through Atlanta in early evening. It was raining (of course) and traffic was non-existant. I remember telling her I didn't understand why everyone always complained about Atlanta traffic - this was a breeze. Yeah - well, I know better now.

By the time we hit north Florida we were exhausted. I had gotten very little sleep the night before and the week before the move had been incredibly hectic. Of course, now I know what to expect - but man, the construction kicked my ass. I remember gripping the steering wheel with both hands and just screaming....I can't take anymore. I can't go on. We Have To Stop. Being the good, understanding, loving friend that she is, Sharon looked at me and said "Oh, shut the f*ck up and drive damnit." Me? "OK"

Finally, finally, finally we hit Tampa. Only a little more to go. It's midnight and damn, there was traffic. As we are tooling down I275 I sit up a little straighter in the drivers seat and say - I better get into Chicago Driving Mode. This is busy shit. She, again looked over, so understanding, so sweet and said "WTF? No...just get in the middle lane and head south. This is not a race, and you can't keep up right now." Me? "OK"

We got lost trying to find my cousins house, but finally pulled in around 1:30am Monday morning. Thank Goodness. Now....the moving truck was to arrive on Tuesday - so no furniture, no dishes - well, except for my coffee pot and mug that I brought in the car with me (don't tell me you're surprised!). But that was fine. I had an appointment in Atlanta on Tuesday, but the rest of the week was all about the beaches.

The trip to Atlanta was to meet with the Sr. VP of the steel company. You remember, we had just bought them, but their corporate office was actually in Atlanta. He wanted to talk with me. What I didn't know at the time was that I didn't have the job yet. Oh.....thanks to the pressure that my employer put on them, they said I did - but only later did my new boss admit that it wasn't til that trip to Atlanta that I was actually hired. Holy Shit...if I'd have known that I'd have been more nervous than I was.

Well....while I was up in Atlanta, being wined and dined (at Chick Fillet - a whole 'nother story) the movers arrived at my house. Sharon wasn't exactly domestic at that time. But she made sure everything got moved in, then proceeded to unpack every single box. When I got back that evening I walked into my new home - every picture hung where I wanted, everything put away and CABLE HOOKED UP!! WooHoo....what a great surprise.

We took the rest of our time and just hung out at the beach. There was the attempt to video tape the sunset. I got us there about 2 hours early - but that was alright. We found plenty to tape (damn that one runner was fiiiiiiinnnnnnnneeeee) and despite the freezing wind, we did just fine. We took little tours of the different sub divisions. There are some beautiful areas in St. Pete. And we drove through most of them.

The funniest thing was our first trip to Sarasota. We had to "bomb" the house for bugs. Icky. That meant we needed to leave the house for a few hours. So...we head south. As we get onto I275 I remember about the Sunshine Skyway Bridge. Remember - she is afraid of bridges. Well, shit - I probably ought to mention this one.

So I tell her a bit about it. I did NOT tell her the history - how the old one was hit by a ship and collapsed...no didn't think that was good timing on my part. She took the news better than I expected. As we come around the final curve at St. Pete she looks at the long flat expanse of bridge in front of us and says "is that it? no problem!". I say....uhhhh no sweetie. That's the on ramp.....the bridge is up around the curve.

Holy Shit.

Next thing I know she has stuffed herself down onto the floorboard of the car. I look over and she was gone. I then realize how scared she really is. So...in a soft, soothing voice I just start talking. About anything. Glancing over at her, just to make sure she was ok. Finally as we are almost over the far side, she looks up at me and says "I know what you're doing, and Thank You. But Shut the hell up and get us off the damned bridge NOW!" I figured this wasn't the time to remind her that we did have to come BACK over that same bridge to get home. Yeah - not the thing to say at that point.

But overall....we had the best time. She got to see a wild dolphin up close and personal - which was great as soon as she realized that it wasn't a shark! Damn that was funny.

We got a chance to really spend time together. To remember why we were friends, cement that friendship even more. We had drifted apart during my marriage and this was perfect timing for us.

The day she left the house was so quiet. Neither one of us wanted to acknowledge what day it was.

We get to the airport - and back then I could go all the way to the terminal with her. I am a hugger. I am very emotional. She is not a hugger, and while emotional - prides herself on her self control. I had never seen her cry - until that moment.

She turned away from me and got in line to board. She stood there with her back to me and I could see her shoulders shutter. I stood there, in the terminal with the tears pouring down my face. Oh. My. Goodness. I'm alone. I'm really alone. She tells me now that leaving me there by myself was one of the hardest things she had done.

As you are more than aware - things turned out just fine. Being on my own down here, making mistakes, growing and changing.....that was the best thing I have ever done. But in those few minutes in that airport - damn, I'd never felt so alone.

Posted by Tammi at 07:37 AM | Comments (7)

April 07, 2005

I Can't Find The Camera

Damnit Damnit Damnit.

I wish you could see the sky I'm looking at right now.

We are on the very edge of a pretty "hefty" storm. I see the edge clouds out my sliding glass door - faces west.

Just beyond the clouds is the most beautiful, violent red sky I have ever seen. The clouds are in waves with different shades of red. The black of the storm clouds frame this glorious color. Around my home the lightening flashes, thunder rolls and rattles the windows.

I'm drawn outside, but I don't dare. Lightening strikes are nothing to ignore around here.

The wind is whipping the trees - back and forth - back and forth.

The sillouettes of the tree line is black against the red sky - dancing in that wind.

It's beautiful. It's the most beautiful sunset I've seen in a very long while.

I wish I could share it with you.

Posted by Tammi at 07:02 PM | Comments (4)

That Silver Lining....

I've been telling Teresa I will be in charge of finding a silver lining....but she doesn't need me for that.

As she says here, at this point we are taking no news as good news. She has not heard anything official regarding Young Son, however, as noted, CaliValleyGirl has heard that her Boyfriend is alright so we are hoping that means that Teresa and her family can breath a sigh of relief.

My heart still breaks for those that are not as lucky. My prayers continue.

Posted by Tammi at 06:42 PM | Comments (0)

Some News

CaliValleyGirl has heard....her boyfriend is ok.

Still waiting news from Teresa.

Posted by Tammi at 02:31 PM | Comments (0)

Another Long Day...

Today is gonna be a long one.

Still waiting with Teresa to hear anything about Young Son. Also - I've been very neglectful in not mentioning CaliValleyGirl is in the same boat...waiting to hear.

Also - LeeAnn and Dogger get an update on how he's doing this afternoon.

So be sure and check in with all of them. Drop them comments. Let them know you are thinking of them.

This is the time that people really matter. A few kind words, a cyber hug, they all count. They make a difference.

Posted by Tammi at 09:48 AM | Comments (0)

The Long Good-Bye IV

Part I, II, and III

It's funny, really. I talk about how stuffy and uptight I was when I came down here. All corporate and focused and such. Heh. Pretty far from where I am now.

The first thing that happened is I learned how to make friends. Sounds kinda silly, doesn't it. But honestly - that's been a skill (and it is a skill) I had somehow lost during my marriage. My husband only liked his friends. His people. Anyone that I liked or enjoyed were just 'not good people'. (probably because they had never done time, and actually had functioning brains, but that's a whole 'nother story)

I've always been kind of shy. I've always struggled with "small talk". I don't ask a lot of questions when I meet people, I feel that's kinda nosey. I just figure if you want to share something you will. Asking puts you into an awkward position of answering or telling me it's none of my business.

So here I was - 1741 miles from my family and what friends I had. Oh, a couple of my cousins are both here, but that's different. I love my family, but remember - they are kinda religious so not a place I can let my hair down and have a bit of fun. So....making friends was gonna be important.

I did. A few. A few boaters - who gave me the gift of joy. The first few times I was on the boat I enjoyed the hell out of it, but still stayed a bit reserved. After time, and realizing I could just be me.....I started to cut loose. There were songs belted out over a quiet bay....echoing in the night. Some serious love songs or hymns (probably not appropriate when one is drunk, but there you have it). There was the "fake orgasim" contest (When Harry Met Sally knockoff) that I won.

Heh. That was kinda funny.

There were four boats out for a sunset sail. We were all drifting together, talking, sharing drinks and just having a good time. Someone was talking about sex - there's a surprise. One thing led to another and the subject of "faking it" came up. Now....I hadn't dated much, and they all knew it. To them I was a work alcoholic that LOVED to boat. Not much in the "relationship" world. So....when out of the blue I pipe up with - oh, hell, y'all don't know anything about that stuff. I can fake it better than anyone here" they got a good laugh. Someone called me on it. So......I showed them. ;-) As the last Ahhh echo'd across the bay - there was not another sound. Finally one of the guys say's - "where the hell did you learn to do that?!?" My response...."married for 11 years to an alcoholic egomaniac. 'nuff said."

Heh - guess you had to be there....but it was pretty funny. Hell - they STILL talk about it - 8 years later.

But that was a huge step for me, as silly as that sounds. It was the first I really let my guard down. The first I let anyone see this twisted sense of humor I have. The first time in a very, very long time.

And I know you are probably sick and tired of hearing about clothes and such. But that is the quickest way to describe the whole change over. I remember, I had a date......it was a first date and it was MY FIRST DATE so it was kinda important. I wanted a denim dress. I thought that would be perfect. Nice, but not too dressy. So I went on the hunt. I ended up with this. Now...if I were in the same position - it would be more like this. Bit of a difference, don't ya think?

Anyway - I digress......making friends was not an easy thing for me. One thing that EVERYONE got onto me about was "I'm Sorry". I. Said. It. All. The. Time.

And that sad thing was I meant it. How arrogant is that? To think that I actually had that much of an impact on other's. Now....I do still apologize. If you tell me you are sick, I'll say I'm sorry. Meaning I'm so sorry to hear that, wish it weren't so. But back then......I was sorry because I felt I should have stopped it or possibly caused it.

I was one sorry lady. It took years to get over that. Years. Many miles of sand under my feet. Many storms blowing over me as I sat on the shores of the Gulf of Mexico. But I've finally realized I am only responsible for myself. My life. Oh, I screw up, and when I do - you got it - I'm sorry. But I don't beat myself up anymore when something goes wrong.

And believe it or not all of this does go into the skill of making friends. If you are "all about me" you can't see beyond yourself, your own pain, to reach out to anyone else. You bring no value to the relationship - and hence you won't make friends. If you are not able to know or be who you are, again - you won't make real friends. When you are so worried about hiding parts of yourself, you never relax your guard and then when you slip.....people are surprised. They say "you've changed". That may not always be a good thing. It's important to be WHO YOU ARE...Be Yourself - if people like it, great. If not....then it just wasn't a friendship that was meant to be.

But most importantly I've reinforced my one belief in man-kind. It's all about quality, not quantity. I'll take a few true blue friends over a crowd of people that don't know me any day of the year.

Posted by Tammi at 06:23 AM | Comments (7)

April 06, 2005

A WEEK?!?!?

Holy Shit! I leave next weekend!

Holy Shit!!!

I leave next weekend!

It's Wednesday evening. I'm working tomorrow and Friday....Sat & Sun off and then 4 days and I'm all done. I'm taking Friday the 15th off.....and then I head back up to Indiana.

Holy Shit.

I leave next weekend.

I've got bunches of stuff to do.

People to spend time with.

Holy Shit.

I'm leaving next weekend.

Damn.....I really need to start looking at a calendar every now and again! Keeps one from getting totally blind sided!

Posted by Tammi at 09:23 PM | Comments (6)

Have You Ever Wondered....

what it's like to be in dogfight?

Well, Lex does it again. Damn! Just head on over there and read it. It's Personal. It's Riviting. It takes your breath away.

Posted by Tammi at 08:08 AM | Comments (2)

The Long Good-Bye III

Parts I and II

"No Shirt No Shoes No Service"

I don't see that sign much down here. And I LIKE it. It's a more laid back world - well at least where I hang out. Oh yeah, you have your "corporate" patches, but even there, things are not as "rigid" as what I found in Chicago.

When I first moved down here I had over 40 suits. That was it. 40 suits, and shit load of tops and 3 pairs of jeans. 40 suits. That's just wrong.

My first summer I was working as an inside/outside sales rep. Holy Shit. Try making sales calls in a suit, panty hose, heels and full make-up in that heat and humidity. I was fine when I'd start in the morning, but by 10:00 I looked the like wicked witch of the west. Melting Melting Melting. And it only got worse. I finally realized I had to make a change.

I threw out the panty hose. Only wear them when I have to. I got rid of most of the suits....ok, I kept them but put them in the back of the closet. I bought skirts and sleeveless dresses with light jackets. Open toed shoes. Make-up?! Huh. A good tan, some mascara and a splash of lipstick and all done!

I was so uptight when I first got down here. All proper and buttoned down. I look back and just laugh at myself. I remember wearing my hair long and thinking I had to keep it pulled back/up. It looked terrible but it was "proper". And I was all about being "proper". Now.....well, things have changed a bit.

I still have suits...I'm in business, I have to. But I don't wear make-up every day. No matter where I'm at. I need to give my skin a break. I don't wear shoes. I carry them with me, but usually I am doing just that....carrying them.

And I LOVE walking barefoot. I love the feel of the earth beneath my feet. It changes the way I walk. It changes the way I feel. Sound Silly? I can't explain it.......it's just a part of changes I've seen in myself.

I told someone the other day, my biggest fear is that I'll become that person I was 10 years ago. That rigid, angry woman that was so worried about what was expected that she had no expectations of herself. I don't think it will happen. I'm going to do everything I can to keep it from happening. But.....

And honestly - it's all a part of the "Florida Experience". It's really hard to sit all proper and such on a boat flying through the bay. It kinda tough pulling off serious "look" when you have sand all over your feet.

I like the fact that I can throw on a hat and a big denim shirt over my bathing suit and run to the grocery store.

I love that all of my dinner and cocktail dresses are slinky and silky and not practical at all. I enjoy getting all gussied up and doing the dinner/theater thing then kicking off the shoes and walking barefoot on the beach.

Now I'm fully aware that people all over do these things, but I didn't. I couldn't. I didn't know how to relax. I learned that here. That's why, to me, it's Florida.

No Shirt No Shoes No Service........no fun. Sorry that doesn't work for me anymore.

Posted by Tammi at 08:04 AM | Comments (6)

Mrs. Smash Update

Smash shares an update on how his Lovely Wife is doing.

It looks like she may be able to leave the hospital today.

Please continue to keep the Smash Family in your thoughts and prayers, as they are looking at about a 12 week recovery.

But this is WONDERFUL news!

Posted by Tammi at 06:43 AM | Comments (1)

April 05, 2005

Funny Link

BlogBro GEBIV has one of the funniest spin offs on Abbott and Costello I've read in a long time.

Do yourself a favor. Head on over there. It's long, but sooooo worth it!!!

Posted by Tammi at 05:38 PM | Comments (0)

Holy Cow Part II

OK....this is getting scary.

Really scary.

I told the pool guy and the lawn guy today that I was leaving and why. I told them to give me their bills through the end of May and that way I can assure the landlords that everything is alright for that length of time.

About 2 hours later the pool guy shows up. Would I be interested in subleasing? Nothing in the lease that I can't do that. OK.

An hour later he's back with new tennent in tow.

Yep - that's right. I've just subleased the house. Holy Cow. AND it takes a lot of pressure off. He can't move in until the 4th of June. That gives me the entire month of May to find a job (if the other doesn't work) and then just move everything up here instead of putting it all into storage. (something I didn't want to do as they are predicting a rough hurricane season)

They say when you are doing the right thing everything just falls into place. I've been fighting this move for 5 years. 5 years. I've turned down jobs, opportunities for someone else to pay for this relocation. I wasn't going, nope, now way no how. Yeah right. I stop fighting and WHAM. Things fall into place.

I'm in shock. Complete shock. It's amazing to me.

Gee....I wonder what's gonna happen next........

Posted by Tammi at 02:16 PM | Comments (8)

Holy Cow

I mentioned in an appointment when I was up north last week. Well....it was an interview. I was actually kinda nervous about it. Back in the metals world. Easy selling for me. And NOT consumer products. (that tends to consume me)

Let's be honest folks. It was a late night the night before. Little sleep. To make matters worse - they moved the interview from one location to another and I was late for the meeting. Damn it. I hate when that happens.

The first part of the interview went pretty well. Then I met with the sales manager. Yikes. If I had known he was an engineer I'd have handled things differently. But....live and learn. I didn't really expect to hear back from them.

They just contacted me asking for a second interview. They liked me. They really liked me.

Folks - this is a job. NOT a career. This is 8-5. No weekends. Minimal OT. This is not personal. This is selling metal. No consumers to coddle. Of course - no training, no presentations. But....it's a job. A regular job. One that allows for a life.

Did I mention it's only about an hour from Teresa?!?! And about close to Harvey, TNT, T1G, Grau, Contagion and his lovely wife?!?! Holy Cow! I would actually have people I like around me! I'd have things to do! I'd have a flippin' life!!!!!!!!! HELL....I'd have people to cook for!!!!!!!!!

So, anyway - I meet with them again the week of April 18. Then we talk money. They know what I'm making now. It didn't bother them. We'll see.

But meanwhile....it's kinda nice to know someone is interested. Let's just see where this leads.

Posted by Tammi at 10:56 AM | Comments (11)

The Long Good-Bye II

Here is the first part of this tale.

So here I was. Living in St. Pete wearing shorts and tee shirts, little dresses and runnin' around barefoot. I'd have given the Coppertone Girl a run for her money with my tan. My long, wild, messy hair was gone. Replaced with a shorter, curlier version that went well with my new lifestyle.

I worked at the Distribution Center during the week. It was alright. A small office and they weren't happy to have a new girl, from Corporate, messin' up their deal. I didn't really give a rats ass. I wasn't in it for the friends. I had a goal. Job that I can enjoy and make money at. Fun on the weekends, and occassionaly during the week. I had met some people that had me on their boat every Sunday and I was loving my Tammi Time. What those petty women thought at work, I didn't really care.

At 5:00 I'd take off and head to the beach. Every chance I got I watched the sunset over the water. I walked the beach at twilight until it was just to dark to be safe. Then to a little beach bar that looked interesting for a nice blackened grouper sandwich, a little live music and a couple of drinks. Yeah life was good.

I did have one friend at the office. L. She rocked. She was 10 years younger than me, and 10x crazier. We would go out and dance til our heels broke off of our shoes. We drank and laughed and well, did all the things I hadn't done for 11 years. And got into more than our fair share of trouble. Holy Shit. In fact, our boss forbade us from going out together from Sunday through Thursdays. Oh, I always made it to work, it's just sometimes it was a little, well, interesting at the office in the mornings.

So....let's recap - boating, sun, sunsets, drinking, beach bars. Yeah.....life was pretty good.

Oh, and I was dating. That was a very big deal. NO ONE expected that. And it was good. Yeah, really good. But alas, not to be. He disappeared. Just. Disappeared. My first heart break. L helped me through. Well, that and the tequila. I lost about 50 lbs. Skinny isn't the word. I spent a lot of time at the beach. I walked the shore. I sat. I thought. I walked some more. Pretty soon it was like the water reflected my soul.

Soon after the break-up my friends bought a sail boat. I had never been sailing. Hell, I'd never been on a boat before I moved to Florida and went on their speed boat. I liked the "go fast". I liked wind in my hair, the feel of the spray as we turned sharply to go into a cove. I didn't think I'd like the slow lazy sail boat.

Boy was I wrong. That first day I arrived at the marina and thought to myself that I had surely lost my mind. Ok Ok Ok....I'll go this one time, and then just bow out gracefully.

As we got the boat ready to head into the canal they started showing me how to help. Before I knew it I was climbing all over that deck like I had done it all my life. As we head out to Sarasota Bay we caught a wind. We were flying across the water. No motor. Just wind. It was a few moments before I realized I was crying as I was laughing. The laughter and tears were just pure joy. Absolute Joy.

I was hooked. I began crewing for the small races. Hell.....I almost bought one instead of my Condo. I still sort of wish I had done that.

I spent every moment that I could on a sail boat. In fact - once I left the steel business and started at Tropicana, the only way to really get me out of the office was to call and say "meet me at the marina. sunset cruise in 20 mins." I carried a swimsuit, oversized denim shirt and towel in my car......I was always there, changed and waiting within the 20 mins.

Being on the water gave me a feeling I cannot put into words. It didn't matter if it was rough or smooth as silk. Just the feel of the wind, the frangrance of the salt water, the feel of the sun or the sight of the night time sky. It all just took me to a place where nothing else matter. It brought balance. For the first time in my life. Balance.

And then I had to move.....away from the water, away from the sand.

Posted by Tammi at 09:22 AM | Comments (6)

Mrs. Smash

Mrs. Smash is in the hospital. She was thrown from a horse and looks at a long and painful recovery.

As I read Smash's account I find myself with tears in my eyes. Damn scary stuff. And difficult. It is always hard to watch someone you love in pain. The recovery for these types of injuries is long and difficult. And scary. Very scary.

Stop over - yes there will be hundreds of comments. But let them know you are thinking of them, wishing them well. It helps. Really it does.

Posted by Tammi at 07:30 AM | Comments (0)

April 04, 2005

The Long Good-Bye

So you know I'm leaving Florida. I've got so many mixed emotions. And I'll be saying good-bye (in person) to many of my near and dear family/frlends. But I'm also going to miss Florida. And I thought I'd kind of work this out via my blog and a series of posts. Some will be repeats of stories told, but as the memories work their way through my mind, I think writing them out will be good for me. As well as kinda fun!

I left my husband on Sept. 28, 1995. I was working in Downtown Chicago and decided to move closer to work....East Chicago. Oh. My. Goodness. What the hell was I thinking! I had an upstairs apartment on a corner. I could hear the wind whip around and just the thought of how cold it was out there made my stomach hurt. **I've never been real good with cold weather.**

My husband had decided that the best way to get me back was to take all my money. I, being the type of person who never thinks like that, was completely blind sided. So....there I was. East Chicago (dirty, dirty place) alone for the first time in 11 years, broke and well....just really suffering from a wacked out self image.

The winter before I left him I had taken a vacation to St. Petersburg FL to visit my cousin. I spent the entire week sitting on the beach - all day, every day. I didn't take any books, I didn't take any music. I spent the entire time thinking. I knew I was unhappy and I was tired of living that way. So I did what I do so well, broke everything down and analyzed it. I realized that I needed to leave my husband. That - to me - would solve everything.

So....fast forward to the February after I left him. Hmmmmm still not so happy. On February 12th (I have a scary memory) I was walking from the Randolph St. station to our office on Dearborn and Monroe. With the windchill it was 65 below zero. Cold does not begin to cover it. I stumbled into the office and started peeling off the layers of clothes, bitchin' the entire time. If I can find steel in Florida - I'm Outta Here!! **I said that every morning from November through March.** That morning my friend told me to shut up and read my email. WooHoo. We had bought a steel distribution company in Tampa Florida.

I was dialing the phone before I could think. I ordered a ticked to Tampa for the next day. I was gonna stay a week. Told my boss I needed to get away and he had no problem with it (there really wasn't an option there!). I then called the distrubition center and scheduled a tour/visit. The next afternoon I stepped off the plane in Tampa. Driving across the Howard Franklin that goes over Tampa Bay between Tampa and St. Pete I couldn't control my happiness. It felt like home.

As it happens I got the job in Tampa. I moved within 6 weeks. My first month was "Tammi Time". First on my list of things to do was purchase a bathing suit - and damnit I wanted a bikini. I was only 32 years old......I wanted to "live" a little. Oh and shorts. I needed lots of shorts. And tee shirts. Yeah....that's what I need. And little sun dresses. You see, when I was married my husband insisted on "house dresses", you know like what you see in the old 50's movies. Yeah. If I wasn't working that's what I wore. I look at pictures from that time and I looked older than I do now. So yeah - I wanted fun and comfortable clothes.

I got a tan. I went bare foot. I cut all my hair off. I came to life.

Yeah - that was the beginning of a long, sometimes challenging journey. And truth be told.....I loved every minute of it.

more to follow

Posted by Tammi at 04:58 PM | Comments (2)

Changes beget Changes

You know I had to laugh at myself this morning. I just can't do anything the easy way. I've just got to add stress upon stress upon stress.

Last year when my company moved me....I choose that time to move to this site. Thank GOODNESS I had help.

Well....as if unemployement and moving cross country isn't enough.....I've decided since my host and domain are coming up for renewal......and the title of this won't be so appropriate after this month......let's change the blog too!! Oh, hell. Why not?!?!?

So.....be watching. I've got some ideas and some things in the works. The plan is to have the new site up before everything renewals for easy cross reference. Don't want to lose any of you guys!!!

Ha. Sometimes I realize....all this gray hair is my own damned fault!

Posted by Tammi at 10:16 AM | Comments (8)

Stop. Catch Up.

Ahhh....a little conversation, a little laughter, a lotta sleep - oh and a couple of waffles - and I feel much better. Of course I still have to get to Orlando, but after the last couple of days - walk. in. the. park.

What an adventure. Last night my cousin was saying that her "other" family has their reunion this summer in No. Ohio. Since I'm going to be making freezer jam around that time (yes, I schedule that sort of shit) I told her to drive over and see Mama and pick some up. She looked at me like I had grown a 3rd head. "WHAT! That's too far!" I simply gave her the infamous Tammi Stare. Too Far?!?! Who the hell are you talkin' too?!? Get your ass over there and don't give me any grief.

Yeah - we'll be seeing her in August. ;-)

I just finished typing the official resignation letter. Believe it or not, I've never written one of those before. When I left the steel company it was in the heat of the moment. My boss was being an ass.......and I just snapped. I looked down at him (short, short man) and simply said "F*ck You". And walked out. Under guard. Hmmm...that was a first.

The only other job I've quit, I wrote something up but they never took it. It was all verbal. So.....this was something new for me. You'd think as much as I write it would have been easy. Not so much.

But...it's done. Sent. Finished. Over.

I'm waiting to see if they still want me to work out the 2 weeks and that will determine my schedule before I leave. I do know one thing. I need to pull my house together. And most important.....I have to say my good byes. I need time with my family. J & M. And of course Lee Ann and Dogger. Along with that I want serious beach time. I mean serious. We're talking on the sand by 8:00 and off just before dinner. I need to hear that water (still to cold to swim). I need to feel the sand. For just a little bit I want to feel the sun in my bones.

Last night as I was going over the Howard Franklin Bridge it was sunset. I was on the phone with Teresa telling her what I was seeing. You'd think after the mountains that I drove through I'd be all "touched" out. Nope. It took my breath away. But then my very good friend reminded me that I don't get to see that now. I'm landlocked. It's still a special occasion when I get near the water. That helped. Thanks Teresa!

Oh - and while I'm at it.....I just want to thank everyone that called during that long ass drive. The biggest surprise was when I heard from Michele, blogsister at Letters from New York. You see - I hadn't seen the comment where she was going to call. You couldn't have slapped the smile off my face while we were talking. Then, funny thing was, she called again on Sunday. Left a message - something about "are we there yet? I gotta pee!". Yeah - well Michele - that's exactly where I was too. I had to laugh over that one!!

My family was just amazed at what good care ya'll took of me. I just smiled and reminded them just how special you all are!!! I wasn't surprised one bit. Grateful? Yep. Humbled? Oh Yeah. Surprised? No....I know you guys!

Anyway - I've got to get caught up on what has been going on with all of you guys! I do know one of my favorite people is having a birthday month and I've got to get to plannin'. But other than that I feel like I've been in a foreign country!! Damned dial-up anyway!!

More soon!!!!

Posted by Tammi at 09:10 AM | Comments (1)

I Think it's Obvious

....that I was a bit overly tired when I decided on the title of my post from last night.

Son of a Gun. Sometimes I just don't THINK! LOL

NO....it does NOT mean what you think it means!

Posted by Tammi at 07:08 AM | Comments (5)

April 03, 2005

Oh My Achin' Ass!!!

Hmmmmm......palm trees, flat, the smell of salt water...yep! I'm back in Florida. Actually I'm in St Pete tonight with my cousin and her family. Starting the long goodbyes.....

BUT she's got wireless highspeed. WooHoo!! And since I'm overly tired I'll be a bloggin' up a storm. ;-)

Ahh the drive home. Very nice. Stop in Knoxville again and had dinner with Johnny_Oh and Sarah the Penguin. WOW. What a good time. Sarah ROCKS! And quality time with my blogbro is always good. Thanks Dude - again. (more details tomorrow!)

Woke up Sunday morning and started off. Ahh Motzart and the mountains in the morning. Outstanding.

Did a lot of thinking during the trip back. Wondering what's gonna happen next. What surprises are in store for me. hmmmmm

So anyway - I'm here. Spending some time with my family and a getting a good nights sleep. I've got a lot more to say (there's a surprise) but it'll have to wait. Family and sleep are really important right now.

I'll talk to ya all in the morning!!

Posted by Tammi at 10:31 PM | Comments (5)

April 02, 2005


Tuesday - March 29th.



What a great flippin' night. Chicago. Bars. Some of my favorite people.


I stayed with Teresa Tuesday night, as I had an appointment the next morning and it is easier to get there from her place. Anyway - we were talking at breakfast about how in the hell we were going to describe that evening.


I've tried to write this post a couple of times and keep going back and deleting. Can't do it justice, can't convey the right feelings. It. Was. Fantastic. Pure and simple.

I got to meet Eric face to face, I liked him before......damn folks - what an incredible human being he is. Oh, and he can make me laugh. Let me tell you - great stories....I could go on and on! I spent some time with one of my personal hero's, Blackfive. I don't use the HERO term lightly here. Truly - this is a man I have admired for a while now....and the opportunity to meet him and talk (however briefly) was something I treasure. I met Grau and confirmed that he is just as I suspected, pretty great. I finally met That 1 Guy - didn't recognize him at first (damn I'm still kickin' myself over that one) but he's since gotten a hair cut so he looks more like his picture. I've had the pleasure of getting to know him via phone conversations the past few months - so face time was wonderful! In fact......I even stole a few hours of his free time Wednesday for dinner. See - I am very greedy. Thank you T1G - for waiting and for you company! Throw in quality time with Harvey and TNT, Laughing Wolf,and of course my beloved blogsister Teresa and it was bound to be a great time.

Food, Drink, Laughter - just what this girl needed about now. The evening wasn't long enough but then again, I think we've established that I can be somewhat greedy when it comes to quality time with quality people.

Due to so many other things going on right now, I can't do the evening justice - but I will. You just wait. Once things settle in the next couple of days, I'll be able to focus and write. Meanwhile - follow the links. There are stories to enjoy!

Posted by Tammi at 12:43 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

April 01, 2005

Pope John Paul II

I am not Catholic. BUT.....as FOX News covers the passing of the Pope, it makes me sad. He is a figure. A figure of hope, peace and continuity.

I wish him peace as he travels from this world to his heavenly home. He's done a lot of good in this life....for that he has my admiration.

God Speed Sir. God's blessing on you. May your suffering end with peace and love that you have shared with so many.

Posted by Tammi at 12:34 PM | Comments (1)


Well....life certainly has a way of changing on us, doesn't it.

Let me fill you in on what is going on.

First - I am still in Indiana. I also know I have a post to finish regarding Tuesday evening's social event and that will be coming soon.

Meanwhile - I've had a few things going on.

I resigned my job today. Yep....I'm unemployed. Son. Of. A. Bitch. I hate typing that, let alone saying it out loud.

I will be leaving to head back to Florida tomorrow morning - stopping half way - getting back to my humble obode Sunday evening. At that point I will pack up everything I own and figure out where to store it for now.

Looking for a job up here. Ouch. Luckily I've got a decent geographical range to watch so it shouldn't be too bad. And in the meantime I will temp so as to bring money in to make the house payment and buy food (always a good thing).

Road Warrior no more. Yikes. Oh, and no this is NOT an April Fool's joke.

Mama needs me. Plain and simple. I've had 10 years of doing what ever I wanted to when ever I wanted to do it. I've lived in paradise. I've learned to sail, discovered who I am again, and made changes so that I am more of a person I like than I was. Many miles to go. Many, many miles - but I need to focus on my family. I need to be within a decent driving range to Mama. It's important.

So....that's what has been going on. I am hoping to be able to finish up the post from Tuesday and get it posted tomorrow. Once I'm home again, I'll get caught up and packed. Then......well, we'll just see where the road leads.

Talk at ya soon!!!

Posted by Tammi at 11:34 AM | Comments (13)