Tammi's World

Well, this might be it...

Huh. It's Thursday. It is my last day at work. Huh.

That means I'm really leaving. Huh.

I sit here on the couch trying to figure out how I feel.

I'm unemployed as of tonight. Huh.

No.....no panic.

Looking around the house.....stuff to finish getting ready for Saturday's trip. Huh.

No....no panic.

You wanna know what's floating through this mind of mine right now? Get through today and you get to play. That's right...today is hitting some stores, pulling together the rest of my customer manuals and cleaning off this laptop. Meet with one of my teammates at lunch, turn that all in, hit a couple more stores and then I'm done.

I've got one day to play. One More Tammi Day. One Day of nothing more important than finding a parking space at the beach, making sure I have water and sunscreen.

Now - I will lose the laptop. Teresa was kind enough to provide a tower so that I can continue to look for a job (kinda important) and check emails (well, and of course blog) but here's the issue for the next couple of days. I won't be here. I won't be back here until late Friday night. Tonite........after calls.......heading to Sarasota. I have a cousin I need to spend some time with and then tomorrow is beach. Tomorrow night is my time with Lee Ann and Dogger. Saturday morning - it's D day. (d as in drive)

But I have one day - 1 - for just me. I've had 10 years. 10 good years. Well, let's just be honest - not all good....but the best I've ever had overall. Even the bad times were tempered by my surroundings and the people in my life. I have 1 day.

Now - please don't think that I believe my life is ending with this move. Oh HELL No. But I do know that it's gonna change - a lot. The good news is that I have many friends (family) that I adore and will be able to see on a regular basis. But I also have more responsibility than I have ever shouldered. There is Mama. There is the relationship with my sister. There are my nieces and nephew. There is the possibility that I run into my ex-husband - and that is somewhat bone chillingly frightening to me. There is finding a job that is all about the money. None of those are small matters - I just won't go into all the details (a girls gotta have some mystery).

I'm kinda pissed off about all this. I'm pissed off in a childish sort of way, and for that I'm ashamed. I was responsible when I was married. I was married when I was 22 and became an instant step-monster. I had a drunk husband, drunk in-laws, out of control stepsons, an abusive brother-in-law, very few friends, and a job that was VERY demanding. (hell, who had time for friends with all that) And I'll be honest. I ran away. I ran as fast as I could to someplace new, someplace different. Someplace where I could start over and just live. And that's exactly what I did. I was selfish and I'd do it all over again. But I've had 10 years of going where I want, when I want. Not worrying about tomorrow, just living in today. I've partied with "famous folks" and experienced things I would never have had the chance to do if I hadn't of run away. And I am kinda pissed off that I'm walking away from a lot of that.

So it's kinda like I had a 10 year vacation. And now it's time to get back to the real world.

I'm sure many of you are about sick and tired of reading about this move and all my angst. But....I appreciate the encouraging comments and emails.

And there are changes in the works. In the next week or so we will be unveiling a new website - with a new name. Afterall I won't be the Road Warrior anymore. But I think you'll like it. I know I'm very excited.

Again - if I owe you an email - just bear with me. I'll get to them I promise. I'm just being a little selfish for the next 48 hours. Right now - it's all about me.

Posted by Tammi at April 14, 2005 07:00 AM