Mama and I had to run to Wal-Mart today. I need a dish strainer and some real dish towels. The towels I have now don't dry - they just look pretty. So...we're wandering around and of course my phone rings. I'm talking to a girl I used to work with when I turn the corner and WHAM. (No, I didn't hit anyone.) It was my youngest stepson. I haven't seen him in 10 years. He has a little boy with him that looks exactly like he did at that age. I interrupted my friend and told her I had to call her back. I had to talk to my youngest stepson.
He hasn't changed a bit. Still big. 6'1" 240lbs. Same onery smile. He looked up at me and asked me how I was. It was awkward. I wanted to hug him. But I didn't.
I know parents are not supposed to have favorites - but I was just the stepmom. He was the one that spent all his time with us. He had the most twisted, dry sense of humor - and what a clown. You never knew what that kid would do for a laugh. He was the one that always came to get me to help track his deer. He was the reason I stayed for as long as I did.
I had a million questions - but the middle of the Health and Beauty Aids at the local Wal-Mart wasn't the right place to ask them. I just asked if he were doing alright. Told him how beautiful his son was. He asked if I still lived in Chicago - I said I'd been in Florida 10 years and was moving back to the midwest. Then I put my hand on his shoulder and told him I bet he was a good daddy. He smiled and said yeah, he thinks he is. Then we moved on.
Now the vain side of me could have crept into a hole. There I stood in an old pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt. My Air Force hat and no makeup. I told Mama it was one of those moments I wished I'd have had on my killer red dress, hair to perfection and make up to cover these wrinkles. But - hey. No sense being vain. Doesn't accomplish anything.
But it was a kick in the gut to see him. I was surprised he spoke. The kids were all very angry when I left. But he was always my favorite.
Posted by Tammi at April 25, 2005 05:45 PMWow...just crazy!
Posted by: Sissy at April 25, 2005 07:55 PMThink about it this way, now you know he's ok, and that's a blessing. Maybe you'll see him again soon.
Posted by: caltechgirl at April 25, 2005 08:39 PMIt was going to happen. He knows why you left now. He understands.
Posted by: Bou at April 25, 2005 08:43 PMCrazy, but cool. And like Bou says, he's probably got an understanding of the situation.
Posted by: That 1 Guy at April 25, 2005 09:40 PMI didn't understand a lot of the things my step-parents did as I was growing up.
When I grew up and now that I have kids of my own - I understand tons.
I'm sure he does now too.
(unfortunately, your ex now knows you are around.)
Posted by: _Jon at April 26, 2005 07:45 AMTammi, gosh I felt that kick in the gut as I read your post.
Be assured that as a parent he now understands and has insight into what happened and the choices you made.
You're also a much stronger woman than you were 10 years ago, so the fact that jerkface may/may not know you're around is irrelevant. The residual feelings you have will be resolved in time. For stuff like where I've never had the opportunity to have my say I've usually written a letter with everything I've wanted to say then as I burn it I say a long prayer, of forgiveness and for release of the anger. Boy is it a freeing feeling.
Posted by: michele at April 26, 2005 08:10 AMTammi, be proud that he is a good parent. Some of you rubbed off on him when he was younger and you can take pride that you had a hand in it.
Posted by: oddybobo at April 26, 2005 08:12 AM