Tammi's World

No Hollywood Endings

This is a part of the series I am doing to try and help raise awareness of Domestic Abuse.

Other posts from this series can be found here:
Explaination
I'm Sorry
Don't Ignore It
Buddy's Hiding Place
Independence Day

I want to make something clear. This series on Domestic Abuse has been about a few things. Making people aware of the problem. Making it a bit more personal. Smashing some of the stereotypes out there.

You see Domestic Abuse is NOT just a "trailer trash" problem. When I met my ex I was 21 years old, feisty as all get out, strong, full of laughter. But he found my "soft spot". I got sucked in. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.

And I didn't share this stuff to garner any sympathy. It was what it was. It is what it is. I'm NOT a victim. I'm a survivor. Plain and simple, and there is a big difference.

But you also need to know there are no happy endings when it comes to abuse. Disagree if you must, but I'm tellin' you I'm right on this.

There are only three outcomes.

The victim leaves. That can sound like a happy ending, but it's HARD. You deal with baggage. And nightmares. You're scared - both physically and emotionally. I am finally past most of the nightmares. They are rare. Thank God. But I don't do relationships well at all. I am PICKY. And stand-offish. And when I do finally give my heart, I'm miserable. It's like showin' your belly. I'm vulnerable and I hate that feeling. But....I'm getting better at it. Every day. However it isn't easy or natural....and that is part and parcel of where I come from.

Another option is death. Death of the victim or, sometimes of the abuser. Neither of those are good. No matter the circumstances or what we say - death is NOT the answer.

Last but not least, a lot of folks just stay put. Ride the storm out as it were. Decades of pain, physically and emotionally. Not good. What a horrible way to live. And, just so you know - never an option for me.

But there are no "Hollywood Endings". Once the cycle starts it's there. Always. And that SUCKS. I wish I could say otherwise, but it is what it is.

The secret is in how you deal with it. You can wallow, use it all as an excuse, or you can use it as a building block. You can acknowledge it's there, find a way to USE that as a way to help.

I spent time for a while going around speaking to raise awareness and money to fight Domestic Violence. In fact, this series contains much of what I used to talk about. It's taking something that is evil, bad, painful and making it a life raft. Using that to save someone else.

Personally speaking, that's the only option I ever considered. I'm not special because of that, doesn't make me an especially good person - it's just my way of fighting off the demons.

Now here's my question for you. What are you going to do? Are you going to keep your head buried in the sand, pretend it's not YOUR problem or are you going to open your damned eyes and see what happens around you? Pick up the phone, call someone out? You don't have to run a shelter to make a difference. A kind word, a place to stay, calling the cops. It all helps.

But just remember - it can happen to anyone. And it doesn't make 'em a bad person.

Posted by Tammi at October 16, 2007 05:03 AM | TrackBack