Tammi's World

Buddy's Hiding Place

This is a part of the series I am doing to try and help raise awareness of Domestic Abuse.

Other posts from this series can be found here:
Explaination
I'm Sorry
Don't Ignore It

I was 22 when I got married. I went from traveling around in a rock band, singin', partyin' my way around the midwest to suddenly being a Stay At Home Mom to three boys, 12, 10 and 7, and a nephew who was 3. Talk about a culture shock.

And I didn't know anything about Abuse. Didn't know what to look for, didn't even know there were people out there that treated other people like that. Especially people they said they loved.

Boy. Was I in for a lesson.

The two older boys weren't so happy about havin' a Step Mom. They were rather.....um, let's just say they resented the fact a bit. A whole lotta bits.

But the 7 and 3 year old just rolled with it. As is not that unusual with younger children.

The 7 year old - we'll call him Buddy - and I really bonded. He was, and still is from what I hear, one of the most naturally funny people I have ever known. He made us laugh more times than not. But that humor was mostly a shield to hide his oh so tender heart.

Over the years we developed a system. An early warning system you could say. It wasn't fool proof, but it worked for us.

Now, I need to say right here and now that my ex NEVER raised a hand to those children. Ever. Not even when they needed discipline. He was neglectful, disrespectful and mean - but he never physically hurt any of the boys. Not that makes it alright - I just want you to know that the boys were never PHYSICALLY afraid of him.....

But they saw. They saw the way he treated me. And it really bothered Buddy.

One night in the middle of a particularly violent time, I saw just how MUCH it bothered Buddy.

My ex wasn't supposed to drive during many years of our marriage. He lost his license for DUI. So in the morning I usually had to drive him to work and in the afternoon I'd usually have to pick him up. And take him to the bar. And wait for him. Sometimes for hours on end. This wasn't always, but enough.....

If the boys were at the house, I'd try to make sure there was something for them to eat for dinner or at least money to order a pizza. If I was lucky, we'd be home in time to take care of all that for them, but you couldn't count on that, so I tried to make sure we had a contingency plan.

Anyway - one night, Buddy was about 10, it was not good. Not good at all. There had been a horrible accident at the job site my ex was supervising and a man was in the hospital, badly burned. They weren't sure he was going to make it. The ex was drinkin' especially heavy that day to try and deal with that.

As we were finally making it home, at around 10:30 that night, I saw that Buddy was still awake in the living room watching TV. I always made sure I walked in the door first - that system we set up, remember?

I walked in the living room and gave him The Look. And tried to get him to go to his room by rolling my eyes. His daddy was about 6 steps behind me, wrestling with the storm door (which he ended up tearing off the frame in frustration).

Buddy heard that commotion, saw my eyes and ran. Now, due to Mr. Pissed Off and Drunk, I was a little busy tryin' to keep things sorta calm, and didn't see WHERE Buddy ran off too. Until Asshole finally passed out and I could make my way to the bathroom.

There I saw this sweet, beautiful, tough 10 year old boy, cowering in an empty bathtub, hiding beneath a blanket he had pulled from his bed.

As I pulled him from his hiding place and wrapped my arms around him, he just kept saying how sorry he was.

Huh. HE was sorry.

I got him calmed down and tucked into bed. We never talked about that night again. Hell, we never talked about ANY of those nights after the sun came up.

But that night is when the truth that is obvious to so many people, and more than obvious to me now, really hit home.

There doesn't have to be any bruises or broken bones for there to be damage. For there to be pain.

No....abuse seeps through-OUT a home, a family. No one is immune and NO one is truly safe....

Posted by Tammi at October 8, 2007 05:01 AM | TrackBack