This post over at Bou's got me thinking. She talks about how much she loves her wedding band. And she mentions what she had wanted as an engagement ring and how she still loves what she has - because it's what her Husband wanted to give to her. I think that is very cool. That's how it's supposed to be (in my mind).
Took me back a few years. My ex and I were not what you would consider wealthy. And back in the beginning we didn't even hit middle class on most days. So when we decided to get married, it was a simple fare to say the least. No frills at all.
He had insisted that I quit modeling and stay home with the kids. So money was very tight and I was bored as hell. I started entering sweepstakes just to fill the hours when the kids were in school. Well guess what!! I won!! I won a "perfect" 1ct. CZ stone. Yes I did - and for $9 they would insure it when shipping. So I sent off my $9 and got my free perfect stone. My sister was selling jewlery at the time, so she had it set for me. Just a simple solitare and I wore it on the right hand. I love jewlery and especially rings, but didn't have any. I was tickled pink.
Fast forward to the week before the wedding. Hubby says to me that he can't afford an engagment ring so just switch the CZ to the left hand. No big deal.
Except that for every year of our marraige I had to hear about the 4 diamond rings he bought his ex wife, how much she enjoyed them, how much she "appreciated" him getting them for her. Over the years we pulled ourselves out of the economic hole we were in and ended up living pretty high on the hog. But still - never got that ring.
I never asked for a diamond. I never asked for a ring. But I would have liked one. To me, it would have been a symbol of his desire and respect for me.
To this day I still look at womens engagment rings. I don't care if they're flashy or subtle. (unless you're my friend and I can give you a good loving ribbing!) Yeah, there's a bit of envy. There's a bit of curiosity. I wonder what it's like to have someone think and care enough to go out and pick a ring that will mean that much.
When I got divorced I took off the rings. The very day it was final. They are in a chest in my wall unit. Every once in a while I take out that CZ and put it on. And remember again just why I am divorced. It's about respect.
Posted by Tammi at October 18, 2004 07:24 AMI went engagement ring shopping with Beloved... well, Fiance, at that point... after I popped the question. I figured she was going to be stuck with this thing for the rest of her life, and I wanted her to be perfectly happy with it.
Posted by: Harvey at October 18, 2004 09:27 AMI didn't want the ring or the wedding. :) I just wanted to get married and be together. The rest of the stuff was irrelevant to me. Kind of a role reversal there, huh? But it was all important to him and if he's happy, I'm cool. And I DO love my ring, as you said, but I'd have been cool with just my thin wedding band.
Posted by: Boudicca at October 18, 2004 09:59 AMI was re-reading my post, and I think it came out wrong. But being a good blogger won't take it down. I think my mind just wandered down the path to end up at how wonderful it is to see that, while it doesn't matter (bottom line) it's the thought that counts.
I think it's all this "wedding stuff" going on around here - has me all mushy. I just love hearing and reading stories the caring and honor involved in the good, strong unions. The rest is just icing - but sometimes, icing is kinda fun.
Posted by: Tammi at October 18, 2004 10:07 AMTammi -I LOVE this post...there was a lot here that I didn't know. You quit modelling to stay home with his kids?....You were a MODEL?! That's SO cool! I want to know more! LOL...
I didn't really care about rings...my diamond is small, but we had the rings made by a friend of ours who is a jewler and I LOVE them! I could care less that some of my friends have 2 ct. Wlima Flinstone rocks...I'd rather have mine:)
Harvey....+100 pts. for you for taking the woman...most men never consider the fact that she's the one that has to wear it forever....
Posted by: ALa71 at October 18, 2004 02:57 PMNo, nothing came out wrong! This is an awesome post! It is all about respect. On both ends for me... Respect from him to me that he wanted to show me how he felt and this was why he wanted me to have this ring. And respect from my end, that I didn't nag and say, "This is not what I wanted!". It is what made him happy, therefore I'm happy. And just to make sure people don't think I've got some gawd awful gaudy ring, I don't. He did keep it simple out of respect for me, single solitaire, round cut.
Posted by: Boudicca at October 18, 2004 03:56 PM