My Mom stopped reading this site back in June. She doesn't approve of my language. Thinks it makes me sound ignorant. I told her, I write almost exactly how I talk, except I don't curse as much. (BTW - that didn't go over so well.)
As you know if you've been reading this for the last while, I grew up in a very small town in Northern Indiana. This town is made up mostly of transplanted Kentuckians from when many of the coal mines closed down. They went up there to work in the trailer factories. While I spent much of my youth in music lessons, dance class and with my nose in a book - I did socialize a bit. I learned to defend myself in a fight (and yes I fight dirty) I learned how to hold my liquor. I learned that it's just fine to get dirty, especially if it's due to lot's of hard work or hard play.
Yeah, I'm a bit rough around the edges. But......you can still clean me up and take me out, I do just fine in "proper society", well - most of the time.
Sometimes I've just got to let it out. You know, sometimes you just gotta say something that you know isn't the polite thing. Yeah, that's me.
The Open Letter to Tourists is what happened to me the other night when I went to the grocery store to pick up dinner. What I left out was my response to the person in front of me demanding not to pay sales tax. We kinda bickered back and forth and I shot out with...
"You know, when President Bush was here to observe the damage from the hurricanes, if he stopped to buy something he had to pay sales tax. While you may be a visitor, you really aren't anything special, and you sure aren't as special as the President of the United States, so shut up and pay the tax or leave."
In my defense I had already dealt with many moonbats just geting to the checkout line, and I was very hungry.
Not nice? No, not really. Necessary. No, not at all. Did it feel good? Yeah. Yeah it did.
So, Sunday morning I'm doing yet another sales training course. This group started out a bit rough. Couldn't even get them to smile, let alone laugh. So finally I finish my presentaton and sit down on one of the beds and ask if they have any questions.
One gentleman, that had been just short of heckeling me, asks me what the density is of my mattresses.
What? Did you ask what the DENSITY is of the mattresses?
Yeah - how dense are they?
Well, they aren't the smartest beds on the floor but they certainly aren't dumb.
Nothing. Not a snicker.
I looked at him and said sorry, guess my humor doesn't translate well to the spoken word. Then I went on to tell him I didn't know and it wasn't something I would be likely to know as it didn't aid the sleep process at all. We eventually called a truce, and the morning ended up a roaring success.
But damn, sometimes I just can't hold back the smart ass remarks. It's just too tempting.
Posted by Tammi at October 17, 2004 11:20 PMI can identify with the "rough around the edges. But......you can still clean me up and take me out, I do just fine in "proper society" comment.
I once put this in a personals ad, when describing myself (and it's 100% true):
"Equally comfortable in boots and jeans at an old fashioned dirt-floor barn hoe-down, or in a tuxedo to MC the grand opening of a new fine arts center."
Posted by: Jeff at October 18, 2004 07:22 AMHey I thought the answer to the mattress density questions was hilerious.
Some people just have no sense of humor.
Posted by: Machelle at October 18, 2004 08:34 AMI have the most difficult time dealing with people that have no sense of humor. It's strange when you crack a joke and they sit there looking at you with a bewildered look on their face. Makes conversation a real struggle.
May I suggest that if he is worried about the density of the mattress - he can find a really big pool (you ARE in Florida) and measure the specific gravity. Might be a bit tricky, but I'm sure anyone who is worried about such things will be delighted to conduct the experiment.
Posted by: Teresa at October 18, 2004 09:13 AMI wonder if dense man was a former engineer. Engineers come up with the most whacked questions. (Before I get nailed by all the engineers in you readers, I am one.)
I'm like Jeff. I prefer the jeans and t-shirts, but I clean up and can present at big functions using the finest English. But, for once, I would just LOVE for one of those invites to read, "Jeans and T-shirts... bra optional." :)
Posted by: Boudicca at October 18, 2004 10:04 AMSounds like an invitation to one of our comment parties ;-)
Bra optional. Firemen essential.
Posted by: Sally at October 18, 2004 10:31 AMSometimes you've got to blow off a little steam, especially when you're dealing with idiots all day long. I'll just bet that the cashier was really good to you after you'd said what they wanted to.
Density jokes! Gotta love 'em!
Posted by: Johnny - Oh at October 18, 2004 07:32 PMAll too often when I crack a joke I not only get silence, I get looks of horror....
After reading your post I can't really say I miss dealing with the general pubic.. errr public... :)
WOOF! BOU!
First the pic at the beach at Harv's Carnival, where the wind is just threatening to blow your blouse open, and then comments like:
"...for once, I would just LOVE for one of those invites to read, "Jeans and T-shirts... bra optional." :)"
Don't blame ME if I have dreams about ya where "No" means "YES!" tonight...
Posted by: Jeff at October 19, 2004 08:29 PMWish I'd been there... the asshole was just trying to show off he thinks he knows something, and doing a bad job of it. I'd've "out-showoff-assholed" him something like this:
"Well, sir, that is a rather pointless question, given the mattress as a whole, as its density is not heteromorphic. Perhaps you'd care to define the coordinates of an axial slice and thickness so I can give you a proper answer without making you look like a total fool? Or is it just too late?"
Posted by: Jeff at October 19, 2004 08:37 PM