December 11, 2007
It's So Easy......
This past weekend, doing all the cooking and baking, I really missed my family. We've always done that sort of thing together. In fact, this was my first attempt at flying solo. The only saving grace was Ktreva comin' by on Sunday....there's just something about another person, in the kitchen, making goodies that makes things seem more normal.
I was talking with Mama Vi last night, checking on HER weekend. See, her sister come out for the weekend and they had a HIGH time. As many questions as I had, I just didn't feel right calling and bugging them while they were having some "sister time".
While Mama and I were talking, I told her how many questions I had and she gave me grief for not calling. Once I explained my reasoning, she understood, she just wasn't happy about it. You see, Mama Vi is one of those that needs to be needed.
Then I just flat out told her....."I couldn't have missed you more this weekend if you were "gone"."
You could HEAR the smile across the phone. That was EXACTLY what she needed to hear.
And it served as a huge wake-up all for me. See, Mama knows I love her. Oh, I don't say it "easy", not even to my family. You will NEVER hear me say "love you bye". When I say it, I want you to know I mean it. I want you to know it's not a knee-jerk reaction.
But what I'm bad at is admitting I NEED someone. Need their help, their presence. That? I don't do so well.
And here's the kicker. I'm one of those folks that need to know I'm appreciated. Need to know I make a difference. Need to be needed.
And I come by that honest. I get it from Mama.
For the past few years, with everything going on, we've been so focused on helping HER we forgot that she still needs to be needed. That she still contributes. We were so busy making sure she took care of herself, we didn't let her take care of us.
So when I told her that last night it was the EXACT thing she needed to hear. And I'm ashamed to admit I don't remember the last time I gave her that.
Well then, I couldn't get her off the phone. She should have been sleeping, but we talked for over an hour. She was sharing secrets about our holiday yummies. Laughing about incidents from candy weekends past. You could just hear the energy in her voice.
After I hung up the phone I just sat and thought about all that. What an easy thing it is to say I miss you. I need you. And why it's just so hard to do.
Then I made myself a promise. I really need to get better at that. Because the day will come when I can't tell them, either face to face or over the phone. It'll be too late. And I just don't want to live with those regrets.....
Posted by Tammi at December 11, 2007 04:57 AM | TrackBack