December 13, 2006
My Own Worst Enemy
I've been chewing on this post now for almost a week. I wasn't going to put it out here, as I didn't want anyone to misunderstand. But you know how you get something in your head and it just won't shut up until you write about it? Yeah, I think about this all the time.
Harvey put up a couple of pictures back on the 7th. Talking about women and what's hot and what's not. If you haven't seen it, click here and just take a look. Then read the comments.
Now, let me tell you what I thought when I saw that. The 2nd picture? Yeah, I didn't see a damned thing wrong with it. Nothing. That was what I saw in the mirror every day for longer than anyone realizes. And I liked it. It was what I went to the gym for. It was the way I WANTED to look.
And now, a few years later? I looked at that and thought how much I wish I looked like that still. Given the chance I'd look like that again. In a heart beat.
Then I read the comments. I was floored. Amazed. Confused. I couldn't believe I was in the minority.
Now - I do NOT want any comments on how I look healthier now, or anything. This post isn't about that. It's about how common sense is often times over ruled. It's about how self persception is difficult to change.
I haven't indulged in any "eatting issues" for well over 3 years. And have been at what the doctors refer to as a healthier weight for about 5 years now. But it's like with an Alcoholic. The thought doesn't leave. The craving to be perfect is still a daily struggle. And yes, I did say the craving to be perfect. No matter what YOU saw when you looked at that photo, I saw perfection. No body fat. No lumps. Perfect. That's why I was so suprised by reading what other people saw.
Old habits die hard. Sometimes a reminder is good.
Posted by Tammi at December 13, 2006 05:45 AM | TrackBackwell, girl, i'm of the, how do you say? lumpy variety so i have to talk smack about the twigs. but i tell you, perception is a horrid bitch. we suffer alike on that.
Posted by: shoe at December 13, 2006 09:15 AMGood to hear. Maybe we'll have to post reminders for you a bit more often...
Posted by: Ogre at December 13, 2006 10:53 AMYanno, Tammi, it probably won't help you a lot to worry about what Harvey, or I, find sexy. You would then have to fight our wives, anyhow.
All I know is that I have loved Linda Lou through several weight cycles, she's been down and up and down and up. After five births and nursing the four babies that lived I watched her go from 44D to 44 extra long.
You know what? I love her, not her breast or butt. Worry about how you feel.
Posted by: Peter at December 13, 2006 01:36 PMI wrote a long comment describing that second picture but in the end, it's not worth it. Suffice to say, I'm with Harvey on this one.
Posted by: zonker at December 13, 2006 09:57 PMOld habits die hard, indeed. That's why it is good to create *new* ones...
You can sit by me.
Posted by: Richmond at December 13, 2006 10:03 PM*pats the couch*..Come sit by me gal. I am 5', 97 lbs. Let's talk.
I want your height (can we compromise?), i have no eating disorder but my metaboulism is off the chart. I constantly get slurred by gals that say they wish they were my weight. I look at them and wish i had some of their curves. I would trade in a heartbeat for some of what they have. It seems they would trade with me as well.
I think it is all in the perspective. Curley heads want straight, straights hairs want curley...why is that ya reckon?...cuz' i sure dont know.
I just wanna be the best me and hope that it's good enough. It's all i can do. And it's all you can do too.
You are an amazing woman.
Posted by: imp at December 14, 2006 10:21 PMTammi - yeah, this doesn't help, but I'll say it anyway.
You're huggable and adorable and I love you because you make me happy.