February 18, 2005

Just One Decision Changed It All

Do you get over to Christina's place every day? You know - Feisty Repartee? If not......shame on you. I've got to get her on my blogroll tonite, been meaning to do that for a while now and I have no excuse anymore.

Anyway - she has been really on a roll. Today she asks the question:

If given an opportunity, how many of us would actually take a mulligan or "do over" regarding a decision we have made at some point in our lives.

There are a lot of small, seemingly inconsequential, things I'd like to take back mostly because of hurt feelings over things that really did not need to be said, but few of those things are actually "life altering."

What if we were granted one opportunity to go back and take that other path?

What a GREAT question....and believe it or not one I grapple with often. My first thought is I wouldn't have married my ex. Ok......but look back a bit farther.......I would have moved out of Mishawaka as soon as I got out of school (hence preventing me from even meeting Asshole). But keep thinking.......I'd have finished college. Yep. That's the ticket. And that's what I said in my comments at Christina's.

But it doesn't really stop there. If I'm honest it goes a step farther and would settle on "I'd have gone to a DIFFERENT college".

I've mentioned that I had a music scholarship. To be honest I didn't know what the hell I was going to do with it. I knew I didn't want to teach it. I didn't have the patience. I knew that trying to support yourself in performing is to "iffy". So I threw it away. But the main reason I threw it away was because of the environment I was in.

I went to a private Mennonite college. It was known for 2 things. Their nursing program and their music program. Plus.....it was where almost every member of my family had attended. I didn't want to go there. It was (and is) very very liberal, very very strict, very very close minded. I had to take Old and New Testament I & II. I had to take the history of the Amish & Mennonite churches. When I took Econ and Business Management I found more religion than basic logic. You can only begin to imagine how much trouble I caused there - just asking questions.

Hell......I got put on probation my first day on campus because they found a pack of cigarettes in my purse! I was so worried about the external shit I never had a chance to enjoy my education. There were activities - hell, I also got in trouble for teaching an aerobic class, too close to dancing.

Too Many Rules and I Couldn't Focus. That led to me leaving in my junior year. I've not been able to finish. For several reasons, but it boils down to that. I had to move back to Mishawaka - I had nothing better to do. I ended up meeting the ex and getting married. NOW......every time I try to look for a job, it's a slap in the face that I didn't finish.

If I could change anything I'd have gone to a different college. I can't imagine where my life would be now.

Posted by Tammi at February 18, 2005 06:58 AM

I have thought about that a lot too.

But you know, I wouldn't change a thing because every mistake/regret I have made lead me to something different. Something I wouldn't have done if that mistake/regret wasn't made. I also wouldn't be the person I am today without those mistakes/regrets.

I believe in making lemonade out of lemons everytime.

Posted by: Machelle at February 18, 2005 08:50 AM

And you are exactly right Machelle. I guess I can't help but think how much EASIER things would be.

Hell, I can't imagine not blogging, not living in Florida....ect. ect.

I just have to wonder what if........

Posted by: Tammi at February 18, 2005 09:08 AM

I'd have shaken one more time before using the urinal yesterday...

Posted by: Ogre at February 18, 2005 01:29 PM