People are funny. Feelings are confusing. And fear, well fear is just a damned pain in the ass.
I was over at Trying to Grok this morning - catching up on what's going on in the delighful mind of Sarah's - and WHAM! I ran right into a brick wall. She does that to me a lot with her posts.
Here's she talking about a lesson learned while she was young. A lesson about feelings, fears, regrets and taking that chance.
That situation seems to be my "Groundhog's Day". It happens over and over and over again for me. Not on all levels, but I've never fully conqured the fear.
I did learn early in life never to take anyone for granted. I lost my favorite aunt when I was 6. I fully understood what had happened, and I fully understood that I would never again have the opportunity to eat her chocolate chip cookies (hey - I was 6!) or to tell her I love her. Lesson Learned.
Losing Daddy at the ripe age of 10 - I can truely say I KNOW that he knew I loved him. I told him almost daily that he was my hero! There were lots of hugs and kisses ALWAYS. And while I still hurt that he is gone, I have peace in knowing that he KNEW he was honored, loved and needed.
But the main lesson I learned from Daddy is that "the worst thing you can say at the end of the day is I wonder if, and I wish I had." That doesn't just go with goals and events - it fits for everything. That's the part I struggle with.
I don't do so well............I have no problem letting those I care about know that. It's a given. If I say I love you....I mean it. If I say You Matter To Me.....I mean it. If I call you friend, it is much more than that, you are family of my choice.
BUT....and here's the tricky part.......I suck at relationships of the romantic persuasion. (and NO, not the way you gutter balls are thinking! LOL) I'm not good at those. Well, let me clarify that. I'm not good at the beginning of those. I like the middle. After the whole, Do They - Don't They thing. After the - I really care about you thing. I like the middle, where those things are established and known (and appreciated). I hate the beginnings and I loathe the endings.
So...how do you get the nerve to say, Hey-you're really cool, I'm interested in you, on a different level? How do you squish that fear of them running for the hills screaming? How does a woman (especially) express interest without coming across as a slut or a sicko? Huh? Huh?
That is the one part of Daddy's lesson I haven't mastered. And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone on this one. And no....I don't expect an answer to this. It's a personal journey that each of us must take. It's not something you can apply a formula or action plan to. It just happens. One day you wake up , and realize the Never Knowing is much worse than the I'm Sorry, But No.
Posted by Tammi at February 16, 2005 08:36 AM | TrackBackI don't have an answer for that. I just wanted to mention that that post made me think of the "no regrets" thing that I do.
Beloved Wife is NOT allowed to get into her car and drive somewhere by herself unless I get a chance to kiss her goodbye and tell her I love her.
There are bad drivers. Accidents happen. I will NOT have that regret on my head. No way.
Posted by: Harvey at February 16, 2005 11:59 AMHey Harvey, me too. No, I don't want to kiss your wife ... well maybe if there is enough alcohol involved .. but I digress ...
Hubby or I are not allowed to leave the house without the kiss and I love you.
Cause really, you just never know. I found that out the hard way with my dad. Never got to say that final, hey I love you.
Posted by: Machelle at February 16, 2005 12:21 PMMost people go to great lengths to give a good impression at the beginning of a relationship. They do things and say things that they might normally not do or say in order to "impress" the other person. If they make a connection they then go back to their normal, "comfortable" self. Problem is that sometimes the "normal" is not the impression that came out in the begining. Be yourself. Speak your heart and your mind. Were you paying attention in class during Guy School 101? Guys suck at reading between the lines.Come on over for a beer and some brauts and we'll discuss this in detail. Wait...last time I made a comment about "girl" stuff I was bombarded with comments about periods,cramps, etc. etc. Just come on over for beer and brauts and we'll talk about football,guns and classic cars instead.
Posted by: Koolaid at February 16, 2005 01:11 PMLOL - that still cracks me up Koolaid! I could just picture you sitting the shaking your head wondering how THAT turn was made!
Hmmmm...beer, brauts, football and cars! WooHoo. I'm just learning about the guns so....sounds good.
And BTW - I love your "guy school" series!!
Posted by: Tammi at February 16, 2005 01:38 PMWell, first thing you do is head over to the swinging singles bars and look for the girls with the dog-poopy on their shoes... ;)
Posted by: Ogre at February 16, 2005 01:46 PMTrust me, it was shocking when my now-husband turned me down. Over and over. (I should send you the email I sent him when I finally gave up, and he finally gave in.) But now I get to tease him and say things like "aren't you glad I was the smart one and forced you to like me?"
Posted by: Sarah at February 16, 2005 03:13 PMYou know they say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince charming.
Funny, I had the same problems you (Tammi) mentioned. I hated first dates, I am very shy and gave off not great first impressions.
But I tell you, first date with hubby and it was like I knew him for years. By the third date I knew he was "the one".
I think it's true when they say "you'll know they are the one when you first meet them".
Posted by: Machelle at February 16, 2005 03:38 PMI sucked at the beginning of relationships. I tell people... I like that loafer feeling... that soft shoe worn in feeling. I don't the beginning of relationships, that new pinched shoe feeling. Does the shoe fit? Is it too tight? Blech.
I sucked at it. That is yet ANOTHER reason I say that if something happened to my husband, I would be doomed to walk the Earth alone forever. I could never date again. It took too much out of me.
On that note... I did not help your situation... but I DO empathize!
Posted by: Bou at February 16, 2005 05:36 PMWell it's comforting to know I'm not the only one. And Bou - I love the loafer corralation! Perfect.
There are no answers, it's all in the person. It's just Sarah's post made me look at that part of me again, and well....you know me.....I think it, I blog it!
Posted by: Tammi at February 16, 2005 07:09 PM