Last night I got my widdle feewings hurt. Damn, I hate when I let that happen. Let me explain (like you've actually got a choice on that!)
I'm bustin' my ass right now. This new group of stores is very high priority and we are really slammin' to get everything out and all the training done. As I posted last weekend, there was much driving to do this week. That really sucks the life out of you. Add to that the fact that every day was a major training presentation of one type or another. That, while it being my favorite part of the job, is also very draining. Today is the 3rd large group meeting in a row. Tomorrow I get a bit of a break - that makes me smile.
However........there are some negatives going on. For these roll out - we really put on the ritz. To make it more interesting I like to really pay attention to all the details. I don't just show up with donuts and bagels. I (when possible) will bake coffee cakes to take. Too much right now - so thanks to Publix bakery I still look pretty good. Here comes Tammi with a huge tray of assorted coffee cakes, a couple dozen grourmet bagles, a variety of cream cheese and everyone is happy. I've done that 3x in 3 days. 3 more to go between the 26th and the 3rd.
Oh, and for this group - we have presents. We were supposed to do a "game" to reward people for participating. For every good question/comment you get a card. At the end of the meeting who ever has the best poker hand get's $60 gift cert for Best Buy. The next 2 best hands gets $40 and then, while discussing the 3rd, 4th and 5th - you "throw up your hands, pretends it's too complicated" and give everyone there $20 cert. A nice thought. However, I don't play games in my sessions. I don't need to. I always have great participation and a whole list of really good questions. So.....I just give them all $20 gift certs. They LOVE it and it's cheaper in the long run.
On top of that, I make up folders for every Sales Person. They have training info, spec sheets and other tidbits of info. Each folder is then labeled with the store name, our company name and the date. I have them hold on to them and add to the folders over the year. I always come up with some reference material for each month and they can just keep it in there.
All of that adds up. Oh it makes a great impression. Just costs a flippin' fortune. 20-25 people each store. I got 7 (new opening the end of Jan). Have I mentioned no Corporate credit card? Hell - I don't even have a credit card of my own. So Tammi dishes out the cash. The gift certs will total $2,400 for just the first 6 stores. That's $2,400 the week before Christmas. That's $2,400 after 3 hurricanes and sales that suck. That's $2,400 after losing my largest account a little over a month ago. That's $2,400.
Add in the other stuff and it's just under $2,700. Oh, I'll get reimbursed - but those come in the middle of January. Ouch.
Between being burnt out and bummed over no Christmas gifts for my loved ones - I've been a bit of a.....hmmm how should I put this......bitch. Yeah, that works. Oh, I love the training classes themselves, it's just there's so much work to do, so little time and I'm so flippin' broke.
Mama gave me the lecture last night. Telling me she never hears me say how grateful I am for my job. Never hears me talk with any joy of what I'm doing.
Gotta tell ya. I didn't respond in the sweet, Tammi way. I snapped. I highlighted all the stuff listed above. Mentioned how sick and tired I am of getting up at 4:00am to drive all over hell and back, constantly wearing the game face, and then turn around, prepare for the next day and not even have any money for pantyhose. THEN...because that wasn't enough venting....I tell her how sorry I am that she doubts my faith. That, yes I do pray. All the time. Yes, I do thank the good Lord for my blessings. I ask for patience and wisdom. I just don't stand on a mountain top and declare it.
Silence. Long, deep, dark silence.
Then I apologized. Oh, not for my feelings and thoughts - but for not being more vocal about the positive side of things. She apologized for doubting me.
Damn, this whole interaction thing is still just as complicated as ever. Maybe I'm just not so good at it. Probably better that I do live alone.
Posted by Tammi at December 19, 2004 05:37 AMYou always sound as if you really love your job, and under that is gratitude. So, you can tell Mama that she raised you right. ;)
Posted by: pam at December 19, 2004 10:57 AMHang in there Tammi. You'll make it. You obviously care about your job, and more important, you care about the people you work with. They may not appreciate the things you do, but I bet when you get up to go to work you feel good about the things you are doing. I think they call it "character."
Hell I'll hire you right now. I'm sick of the generation X, Y or whatever we're on now who don't give two shits how well they do at work. We're about to fire over half of our employees. Someone who CARES about their job?...someone who thinks ahead?...someone who actually makes some preperations?...someone willing to put some effort into their work?...shit...when can you start?
Posted by: Koolaid at December 19, 2004 12:59 PM*Hands Tammi a drink*
Christmas stress gets to us all. If you've had as tough a year as you have, it's got to be worse. It'll work out.
{Hug}
Posted by: Sally at December 19, 2004 03:17 PMSorry sweetie, I'd have flipped too. She's been there with you since Thanksgiving, she's seen everything you do and how hard you work...
To me it's like you are having your head bashed in by some big hulking maniac and she's standing next to you asking "how come you aren't thanking the nice man here?"
Nope - things are pretty bad for you right now... they won't always be, but they are now. You are entitled to be a bit "bitchy", cause I don't see your name posted anywhere as "Saint Tammi"...
Posted by: Teresa at December 19, 2004 08:56 PMTammi, just point her to your blog.
I believe I've mentioned here before that one of the MANY things I love about you is your cheerful optimism.
Posted by: Harvey at December 19, 2004 11:22 PM