… I was born a small, white child… and for most of my life, I have remained a fairly young man… and as such, I have been cocooned from the vague plagues and frailties of middle-agedom.. woefully uneducated in the ways of the aging.. gazing from afar at the slow-moving crumblies I pass in their Mercury Grand Marquis… with their hairy ears and busy eyebrows… scowls on their wizened faces as I thunder by in my fast car…
.. well, over this past weekend, I learned a lesson of old-age the hard way… see, I had been gifted one of those “male grooming” devices.. a miniature, battery-powered nose-hair trimmer… I was shocked at first, since the person who bought it only sees me occasionally… and then, a sense of dread settled in as I looked at the shiny-boxed device… damn… one must have a veritable forest of nasal hair if, on meeting someone once or twice a year, you decide to purchase them such a personal Christmas Gift.. I must say that I laughed… but on one level, I was a bit offended… Hell, I take pretty good care of myself…
… anyway, I used the little trimmers the other day… snipped clean all of the nose-hairs… all was well in the World, I thought… until the next day, that is… people, I am here to tell you… don’t ever clip your nostril hair.. I’m not sue that tweezers are the answer either, but clippers are definitely out… and the reason is two-fold…
… firstly, up to one week after buzzing the hairs, when blowing your nose, casually scratching it, or even just looking at it in the mirror, those tiny little stubbles that line one side of your nostril will stab the other side… stab, people… STAB…
… and as if that wasn’t enough, the second reason is even worse… see, were you to develop an illness that involved snot while your nose-hair is recovering, you are doomed… not only will you get the stabbing effect every time you sneeze or wipe… but it will be physically impossible to remove and dried boogers with one’s fingers…
… lookit, we’re all getting old… and there is no manual on the do’s and don’t’s of how to do it gracefully… I’ll be the first to admit that… but take it from me… no matter how desperate you become.. beware trimming your nose hair… like I said before, I’m not sure what the answer to long, flowing-in-the-breeze nostril hair is… but it definitely isn’t trimming…
…. You all have been warned…
- Eric of SWG
Posted by Redneck at January 4, 2006 10:33 AMOh.dear.lord!
Posted by: oddybobo at January 4, 2006 10:44 AMOH... My... God.
I think you're supposed to let your nostril hair get long enough so you can just comb it over your head. Oh wait. That's eyebrow hair. Nevermind.
Next time I see you, I'll have to focus on your nostrils. I have to say, I never noticed them before. It's not something I tend to focus upon...
Posted by: Bou at January 4, 2006 11:15 AMHey, I hear snortin' Nair works? I ain't tried it yet, but it sounds like it might work.
Posted by: RedNeck at January 4, 2006 12:02 PMOh.my.goodness. Being of the female persuasion, this is not a malady that I have any familiarity with. That being said, the aforementioned story, while proving to be quite humorous, does explain why Darling Hubby prefers to yank out stray rascals versus my, albeit thoughtful, attempt to purchase said device for him. I know understand the error of my ways. Thank you Mr. Redneck.
(BTW, was that southern enough?!) ;)
Posted by: Lee Ann at January 4, 2006 12:20 PMThis place is soooo cozy. I just love what you've done with it -- especially the "nose-hair-&-booger" topic. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: Bob at January 4, 2006 02:54 PMHmmm...well DH does not seem to have a problem with his little device...other than the fact that he forgets to use it until someone (normally me) mentions that his nose and go-tee have become one.
Posted by: Emily at January 4, 2006 02:54 PMThat's why I have facial hair, I just let my nose hair grow out and then comb it into my mustache.
Posted by: Contagion at January 4, 2006 04:33 PMNeedle nose pliers... a good pair work wonders. Clear out the tear ducts, too.
Posted by: That 1 Guy at January 4, 2006 05:26 PMTMI.... just TMI....
Posted by: Richmond at January 4, 2006 05:43 PMAHHHHHH!!!! OMG!!
**picture Tammi, sitting at desk - absolutely speechless.**
I think it's a first.
;-)
Posted by: Tammi at January 4, 2006 07:25 PM