January 31, 2008
Compare and Contrast
I had a wonderful surprise yesterday. Lunch with a very good friend that I used to work with. We were both surprised to learn that her office is only 2 blocks from my Corp office down here....all that wasted time....
So we met for lunch. Me, lookin' like that some scary guard from a WWII movie and her.....looking amazing.
She married a good friend of mine. They are doing....well. Very well. And it shows.
I was embarrassed. Seriously. I felt dowdy and, after catching up on each others' lives, a bit like a loser.
I don't like feeling like that. So....I had to talk myself through that.
OK....I'm not a raving beauty but I don't scare small children so I need to get over that.
In my field I am respected. I do a GREAT job and I know it. AND I have earned every award, kudo, prize, whatever that I have received.
No...I don't own my home and no it's not worth +1million dollars, but I love it. I'm comfortable.
And most importantly when I wake up in the morning I am pretty much guilt free. I can look myself in the mirror and have few regrets. THAT matters. A lot.
So yet *AGAIN* I had to remind myself that you just cannot compare. You can't. It's futile and well, just flat out a waste of time.
We all have our own paths. Our own ways. Two people who start out at the same place, at the same time can have two vastly different views of success. And both can be right.
It's terrible to judge people. It's cruel to judge other people. And it's just down right ridiculous to judge yourself by other peoples standards.
Eventually I'll learn that lesson........
Posted by Tammi at January 31, 2008 07:03 AM | TrackBackI know of what you write because I'm guilty of judging myself against other people and I usually always come up short.
It IS ridiculous to judge yourself by other's standards. I believe that, but won't remember it.
YOU feeling that way astounds me because you are model beautiful and have a fabulous personality. We've all got to work on it, I guess.
Posted by: pam at January 31, 2008 08:39 AMI've been battling irrational comparisons lately myself.
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at January 31, 2008 11:07 AMJust remember, you don't know everything about these people. You don't know what other issues they have in their lives, you don't know what demons haunt them, you don't know how they feel about themselves.
I am not trying to run your friends down, far from it! My point is just that outside appearances usually have little to do with what is really going on in people's lives. I have had mumblemumblemumble years to get used to being inside my own head and dealing with my own issues. I don't think I want to try to fit inside anyone else's.
David
PS. Although if you are reading this Lord, I suppose I could try dealing with the burden of being rich. Someone has to do it.
Posted by: David at January 31, 2008 12:28 PMI have a life rule never compare your life to someone else's outsides because you never really know what's going on behind closed doors. Our lots in life are all different. Recently someone told me they envied me & the life I had. I smiled & shared w/them a few of the challenges I've had to endure which they didn't know about such as: childhood abuse, marriage to my soon 2b ex who was a former diplomat but became a philanderer who committed fraud while working in his best friend's firm to support a lifestyle he could no longer have.
I've endured cancer twice, my young son has had 2major surgeries in the last 3yrs. As a single parent I get no childsupport nor any parental support. Last year my dept was downsized 2x, I had a major accident which has cost me in the thousands in terms of medical care to recover from (wiping out my savings) and I lost my dad & step dad in a space of 5months.
Right about now even the coffee guy's life looks good to me. So my nice tailored clothes (which is my work uniform) and my "refined demeanor" (as this person said), come from being sent to live in a convent as a teen. Its all a result of packaging & training, nothin else. & yet with all that I've learned to live in the moment & for the simple joys of loving & watching my son grow.
Lesson: A life lived simply is its own reward.
Posted by: Journey at January 31, 2008 08:56 PM