January 01, 2008

My New Year

I'm pretty sure, if you stop by over here, you know I'm sorta mushy. At times. And that every now and again I get rather introspective. Occasionally.

Well, New Years seems to me, to be the perfect time for that. In fact, it's all I've been able to do since I woke up this morning.

And yes, since I have a blog, looks like I'm gonna drag you down that lane with me. :-)

Hey now, you can't complain. You stopped by, after all.....

Last year this time I was in Florida. Just bought Lana and spent New Years with a good friend. A good drinking friend.

Holy Cow. Our New Years Eve was....ummm.....ahhhh.....potent. Yeah, potent. The first day of the year dawned, I was hung over to beat the band, and had to meet two of my favorite guys for breakfast. T1G & Zonker. Great guys - but between us? Yeah, you really don't want to show up for breakfast being the only one with a hangover. They can be sorta merciless.

Anyway.....the job at that time was good. Except I just seemed to always be on a plane, or driving. Never home. I've been trying to get OUT of that cycle for the last 5 years. I'm tired. Hell, I'll be honest, I'm lonely. And most often you don't get a life if you're never standing still.

But it goes farther back than even last year. I've been looking for "Balance" for most of my adult life. I just want balance and continuity. For someone who craves security like I do, I'm in the wrong damned profession. It would be funny if it weren't so true.

So.....last year I was living in an attic, on the road 75% of the time, and just kind of moving through life. Waiting. I was simply waiting.

Then, out of the blue I get this incredible job offer. Vice President. Mattresses. More money than I ever thought I would make.

I didn't make the jump easy. Hell, I played hard to get. VERY hard to get. And they met every demand I put out there. So....yet again, I changed jobs.

And I found Paradise. Now...I've told y'all often enough that I fell in love with this house the first time I drove into this valley from the Postage Stamp. No reason, I just spotted it, sitting on the corner, with it's pretty black shutters and thought...Wow. I love that little house.

So to actually live here? Yeah. Most of the time it makes me very happy. Even right now, with the leaky roof and the empty rooms, I love this place. It feels......like home.

And speaking of THE Valley....I'm starting to make friends. Oh, some folks knew OF me before, but the last few months I've really TRIED to step out a bit. Now, people actually know my NAME. And not JUST because I'm new. Or different. It's nice. Hell, it's more than nice.

With the job, I won't kid you. Many mornings I still wake up so angry. I feel betrayed and used. To be honest, my ego took a huge beating the last few weeks. And I haven't totally forgiven them for that.

And lately, I've missed my friends. Very much. Oh, I *am* making new ones, and have some wonderful people up here.....but there are just some people in our lives that....well, when they aren't around, things just aren't RIGHT.

So here comes 2008. And I'm no where near where I was last year this time. And I know, that things will be different when I look back next year this time.

I don't know what's coming, I just know I need to be ready. Ready for anything and everything.

I don't do "New Years Resolutions". No...just realizations.

I realized I want to be RIGHT HERE next year. Here in THE Valley, living in Paradise, doing what I'm going to be doing. Selling mattresses. Gotta tell you, that one kind of surprised me.

I realized that hope does not die easily in me. I try and try to be practical. But....I'm just about the most hopeful person I know. And honestly? That's not really a bad thing, to my way of thinking.

I realized I have a bit too much pride. Ego as it were. And THAT I need to work on. I've always believed that we go through rough spots to teach us a lesson. And we'll KEEP going through those rough spots until we learn them. I don't want to go through the month I've just been through again. It's NOT all about me. Like I said....I've got to work on that.

I realized blogging is actually pretty important to me. I was on the verge of quitting a couple of times this year. But just about the time I was ready to walk away I'd get an email, thanking me. Or just saying they enjoy reading over here. Whatever. I'm just all drivel and nonsense, but it is who I am, and I do enjoy the writing. And it touches me more than I can say to know that sometimes it actually does some good. So there's no plans of stopping. Consider that a warning.....

So....this is my annual review. My looking back, my taking stock. I really do love new beginnings. ESPECIALLY when I have a good foundation.

And that would be my New Years wish for you. A year full of love, laughter and good things. All based off the firm foundation of knowing......anything is possible.

Posted by Tammi at January 1, 2008 08:48 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Happy New Year Tammi! I hope 2008 is better than ever. :-)

Posted by: Teresa at January 1, 2008 12:06 PM

Tammi,
I'm glad you plan on staying in the Valley. You do realize that you are in my 4-hour weekend getaway zone.

I enjoy reading your blog too. It's always very upbeat and, dare I say it, Perky. It's so much better than listening to someone bitch, which I do from time to time. Keep the blog.

And I want to thank you. For being there for all of us to stop in (either in person, or virtually) to have a chat. And a big thank you for not playing Psychostick on your first post of the year (damn T1G).

Posted by: Jerry at January 1, 2008 01:18 PM

Merry New Year! Oh... and calling me and Z merciless is a bit uncalled for.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at January 1, 2008 01:20 PM

Thanks y'all.

Oh, and T1G? Yeah, I was practicing being "Politically Correct". I was trying to be nice.........

Posted by: Tammi at January 1, 2008 01:26 PM

We... could be sisters. But you know that already! Everything you wrote -sans the job, but even there I've dug in at some level- resonated.

Can't wait to meet cha IRL! :)

Posted by: pam at January 1, 2008 02:31 PM

I'd like to wish you a very happy and prosperous New Year.

I love your blog, in fact, among a few others, your blog got me started.

Thanks, and once again,
Happy New Year.

Posted by: bx19 at January 1, 2008 03:35 PM
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