Tammi's World

Good Medicine

What a good weekend. I needed that more than I can tell you. Just a bit of letting my hair down and laughing with friends. Perfect!

And I really did just relax. I can't tell you how SELDOM that happens. I am almost always "on alert". When I do a dinner and have folks over, oh - that is something I enjoy more than I can say, but I'm always watchin'. Do you need more to drink? Is there enough food? Are you enjoying yourself?

Yeah, I love hostessing, but I don't really exhale.

When I go out? I'm kind of a freak about knowing someone has my back. I've been burnt more times than I can tell you, so I don't really cut loose. I'm going out on a limb and say Saturday night I was more myself than I have been in YEARS.

I laughed, I joked, I did the happy dance. I had a few zingers (usually I leave them unsaid as I don't want to take the chance of hurting someone). I was with a group of people that I *knew* liked ME. Tammi. So I just had fun.

And I didn't realize how much of that I had been holding in these past few years. Oh, I know I'm aggravating as hell. I'm loud. I'm bossy. I know all that. And I guess I need to admit that I didn't really believe that people would accept me even with all my faults. Silly, I know. But the truth none the less.

I also realized that I've been holding that out of my writing here. I don't post from the hip as much. And I'm not gonna say that will change. I'm still a little nervous about how I'm perceived.

But it was nice to just BE. It felt good to make people laugh. If felt WONDERFUL to laugh back.

Yeah, it was a good weekend. Just exactly what I needed.

Posted by Tammi at October 1, 2007 08:18 AM | TrackBack