Tammi's World

Complicated

Rules. Every where. Rules Rules Rules.

And there are so many different kinds of rules. There's The Law. No slappin' someone around for no reason. You can't just walk into someones house without an invite. You can't take what doesn't belong to you. The basics.

I have no problem with those rules. They make sense and actually fall in line with what I consider good behavior. I get it. I understand.

Now, some of The Laws I'm still not so sure about. The gun laws here in Illinois, for one thing. Make no sense to me. Lucky for me I don't own a gun, or I'd probably be in big trouble. But that's a separate post for another day.

I had problems with the seat-belt law when it first went into play. I had an aunt killed BECAUSE she was wearin' her seat-belt. Plus, I always figured what I did in my own car that impacted my own safety and not anyone else's is my own business. It took a couple of accidents to make me understand. Now? I wear my seat belt.

Then there are rules we have to follow for society. Not laws per say, just rules. But if you don't follow them....well life is just a bit more difficult.

Here's where I tend to get into trouble.

No matter what anyone may believe, I really am a thinker. Oh, not a "all the time, deep meaning of life" thinker. An Understander, as it were.

You see, I am not a lemming. Not by any stretch of the imagination. You cannot tell me to just do or not do something and I blindly follow. I will ask why. And I will continue to ask why until it makes sense....To Me. I don't care if it makes sense to you. I'm glad for you, but I really don't care. *I* need to understand.

Now, again I'm kinda lucky because many of the rules in society fall into my own PERSONAL rules for life. Which is a good thing, because otherwise I'd be in serious trouble given my line of work.

But if you drill a little deeper, you start to get into the Personal Rules, THAT'S where I start to have real trouble.

Because I can't ask WHY. I truly believe I don't have the right. Hell, in my mind, my own personal rule is Don't Ask. So I can't understand. All I can do, is pay attention.

Let me see if I can explain. I have a few rules. Rules for those in my life. They may not make sense unless you know where I've been and what I've been through. And, as hypocritical as it is, I will slam the proverbial door in your face if you dare to ask why. Why I put up the barriers that I do.

But again, in my mind they are simple rules. Do Not Lie to me. Do not mess with those I love - in any way shape or form. Do Not Raise a hand to me in violence. Those make sense to most folks.

Then there are the "quirky" rules. Since I'm a blogger, I've adopted the rule that if it's not blogged, it's not a topic of conversation. I made that rule because I've developed friendships with other bloggers. Friends share things. Thoughts. Feelings. Situations. If I don't blog about it, I don't want it discussed. Period. End of sentence. When that happens I tend to get a little.....pissed.

And I don't like to be lectured. At all. Having a discussion, if I ask for advice, please give it to me. But tell me how I screwed up, where I went wrong? Without me asking for your opinion? No, we probably don't want to go there.

Now, I have always believed that we all can only hold someone accountable to what we hold ourselves accountable for. I also believe that we judge people and interpret situations based on our own "scale". So - I don't like to be put on the spot or asked questions. I don't do it to others. I figure, you want me to know, you'll tell me. Pretty simple. I don't want people to make assumptions on what I MEAN to say or do, so I don't do that to others. Talk about shootin' in the dark? You don't know if you don't ask - and I won't ask.

Catch 22 in the worst possible way!

But, I'm finding out my rules don't necessarily mesh with others. Hell, I'm finding out that many others don't even HAVE rules!! Talk about a mind blower. And boy oh boy oh boy does it make life complicated.

I just wish it were all written down somewhere. Like in a big museum. You go into the main room, and there are the laws. Walk down the corridor and there are the simple rules for society. A little deeper into it all you find smaller rooms, where you can read and learn about people.

I always thought I was a pretty good judge of character. Wouldn't it all be so much easier if we could just KNOW?

Posted by Tammi at July 19, 2007 05:58 AM | TrackBack