Tammi's World

Gotta Vent

If you could see me, here in Paradise right this minute you'd have yourself a pretty good belly laugh.

Holy Moley. Talk about a deer in the headlights........

I'm not very good at creating a visual, but let me give this a try.

This place looks like it was hit by a tornado. I moved in Thursday and there is stuff EVERYWHERE!! I can't see the kitchen counter and can barely walk through from the sun porch.

The living room is sorta kinda pulled together with my "desk" at one end. Papers EVERYWHERE! Piles and piles of papers. Oh, and don't forget the TV Trays that I'm using to expand my work space. While they help a little - with the projects I'm doing right now I need a flippin' counter.

And everything needs to be done NOW. The house? I cannot FUNCTION with all this crap everywhere. I lived like that - sorta - in The Belfry. But that was because there was just no place to put anything. But here? I got closets and counters and a whole empty finished basement! I just need time to put it all away.

Work? Faxes constantly. Phone ringing off the hook. Where's my forms? How do I place an order? What's this? How's that? Everyone wants everything RIGHT NOW!

So.....this morning I pulled myself out of bed after a very poor nights sleep. First thing I noticed is how cramped my hands are. I'm typing in my sleep. Not good. Not good at all. As I stand in the hallway looking at the mess I decide it's time to just put EVERYTHING on hold and put some order to this.

Yeah. Right. What was I thinking?

First priority is work. It has to be. This past weekend I did something I have never done in my professional career. I put personal before work. My region is in tatters, I knew that Friday morning. But I also knew I couldn't fix it right away. So......I went to Og Fest. Dealt with the mess on Monday. (Doesn't mean it wasn't chewin' at me all weekend - the worry. The guilt. Just means I didn't DO it.)

Anyway - I try to start organizing. Files. I need files made up. I bought this rack thingy for hanging file folders. I try to put that together. Yeah, not so much. It just now collapsed on the living room floor. My patience is shot. It's gonna sit there for a while.

I sorta feel like I'm having an asthma attack. As I look around I feel my chest start to contract. I feel my eyes start to bug out of my head. I get a little light headed.

So what do I do? I avoid it. I step out "to gain perspective" IOW have a cigarette. I leave. Just walk away. Problem there is the guilt grows and the mess is still here with deadlines even uglier.

With power comes responsibility. That's what they say. Gotta tell you - right now? Right here? Power sucks.

It'll be fine. I know that. It's just DAMN!!! I'm so overwhelmed at this instant. I'm halfway through the maze. I just want it done. And I'm not at my most patient in these circumstances.

It's a good thing I love this job. It's a DAMN good thing I know that once this is cleared up it will all be GREAT. And Paradise will be just that.....in a few months. Patience. It's all about the patience.

Ok - enough stalling. I got's things to do. There are mattresses that must be sold!!!

Posted by Tammi at July 11, 2007 09:21 AM | TrackBack