Tammi's World

Somebody Catch Me!!!

I have a lot of pride. A LOT of pride. To my detriment.

Now, I'm not talkin' the whole "I'm so great, kiss my feet" kind of pride. I'm talking the "I'm doin' my very best" or "I'll do it myself" kind.

So in typical Tammi fashion I'm just killing myself.

I've now got 8 working days left in Craft Land. As I've stated more than a few times, I'm fighting some pretty big, tough battles in this time frame. And getting things done with my current employer is not a quick thing. Not. At. All. They've been in business for over 50 years and we've done things a certain way for that long. Why change now?

AND....add in you have some folks that just can't accept responsibility for problems. You've got a recipe for a bit of a conflict. Especially when I'm on a mission.

Now, in all honesty, I don't really care (especially at this juncture) who did what wrong. Seriously. Just fix it. Analyze it later for cryin' out loud. Yeah, can't seem to get that point across so well right now. Head? Meet brick wall.

So my days are made up of uncomfortable phone calls and meetings that usually end up with me saying, at least once, "THIS is what I'm gonna need for you to do....."

Now, I know when I leave I'm open game for at least 8-10 months. Intellectually I fully realize that. HOWEVER, and this is where the pride comes in, I do NOT want to give anyone any grounds to say anything bad. I want to leave things nice and clean and wrapped up in a pretty pink bow. THAT....will probably not happen.

I do this every time I leave a position. Hell, I did this in my divorce. I was NOT going to give anyone any room to say I "took my husband to the cleaners". So.....I actually paid him off. Yes, I paid my ex-husband a lot of money to just go away and shut up. I tied everything up in that pretty pink bow and they STILL said I took him to the cleaners. They STILL called me a whore and worse.

You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now.

Yeah, right.

So I spend my day tryin' to clear things up, reorganize files, put out fires and say good bye. I spend my drives trying to plan for the new job - office set up, equipment needs, timing. Planning out the entire month of June. My nights? I'm fighting my personal demons. Shit - I'm flippin' exhausted. And I've got a week and a half left of this schedule.

Now, don't take this post as complaining. I'm not really. I made this choice, and I stand by the belief that it's a good choice for Tammi. It's just....damn! I wish I didn't care so much.

I'm the living example of "Pride cometh before a fall". Only in my case, you can take that literally.

Posted by Tammi at May 16, 2007 06:18 AM | TrackBack