March 11, 2007
Dual Identity
Sometimes it seems like there are Two Tammis. (scarey thought, isn't it?) The Work Tammi and the Other Tammi.
Work, I do what I need to. I'm focused on a goal, take pride in every part of my job and have little trouble verbalizing what I need or want.
Other? Well, that's kind of, well, actually pretty much, ok it's exactly the opposite.
I'm sitting here this morning looking around and just pissed off at myself. I'm living like a flippin' college student in a dorm. I got piles, I got stuff, I'm cluttered. Hell, one side of my bed is piled with books. I don't "treat myself" or do the things I know make me happy - not like that......sickos.
It boils down to the fact that I won't do anything Just For Me. Best example I can think of - if you come to my home I want you to feel relaxed, comfortable and welcome. And I do NOT want you to leave hungry. I'll try to make your favorites, be sure there are little "treats" for you. But if it's just me? Yeah, I'll go entire weekend without eating just because it's not worth cooking. That folks, is just wrong.
I have a very difficult time verbalizing in my personal life. Surprising to hear that, isn't it. But I'm not so good at telling you how I feel, discussing the "difficult things", asking for help.
Seriously, it's like there are two of me. I often joke about my "evil twin, Tanya" but honest to goodness, this is just wrong.
Why is it we do this? Why is it we live like this? Or is it just me?
Posted by Tammi at March 11, 2007 06:46 AM | TrackBackWell it's certainly not just you.
I suspect it is based upon "need to do".
Some people's personality is motivated by a goal, a deadline, and a driver. If you don't have those (e.g. a paycheck or co-worker approval, an upcoming product, and a boss), then you will not be motivated to accomplish what you can do.
And it's not all bad. You may feel bad for not "living up to your potential", but you still get done in one morning more than most people in other places in the world get done in their entire week.
Compare yourself (and your productivity) to someone in a poor country - you are a heck of a lot more productive and you help a heck of a lot more other people than they do.
Just accept yourself.
But if you really wanna accomplish more in your life, start making lists with goals and dates.
Posted by: _Jon at March 11, 2007 10:58 AMI agree with Jon... But watch those lists. They can become a goal unto themselves, and not worth the paper they are written on. Maybe you could try to think of yourself in the third person - not in front of others - and then treat yourself the way you treat those around you. I am pretty dang sure you are deserving, so why not try it out?
And that verbalizing thing? Check. I know most people I work with would have no idea that my other side even exists. But it does.
well there are 2 Tammis, ur a gemini after all!
Posted by: lettersfromnyc at March 12, 2007 08:48 AMummm no Michele, I'm actually a Leo - which is even scarier if there ARE 2 of me!!!
Posted by: Tammi at March 12, 2007 09:22 AM