Tammi's World

Tough Weekend

Back into the regular routine. What a draining weekend. I don't know how folks do it on a regular basis.

I have to be honest. It really wasn't the best of weekends. Mama's kinda cranky - understandably. She's still in a lot of pain. Plus some other things have come up that could be issues. She's back to the doctor this morning.

She told me her Christmas wish is to NOT be here for her next birthday. My response was to ask "Where the hell do you plan on being? Arizona?"

Probably not the best way to handle that little issue. She painstakingly explained that she is tired. She's done fighting (with everyone and everything but me so it seems!). She wants to go "home". We then spent a large portion of the evening Saturday making a list of who she wants to have what when she's gone. This is about the 9th time we've made this list, BTW.

At one point she told me she'd like for me to take Cuz a certain plant and holder that she has been wanting. By then, I just about couldn't take anymore. So....smart ass Tammi says..."Oh, she can just get it when she comes up for the funeral".

Nice. Nice one.

We're scaling back Christmas. Mama informed me that she had to cancel my present. I'm alright with that, really. Especially when she told me it was a portion of the NutriSystem program. Yes, NutriSystem, the weight loss folks.

Wonderful. That REALLY made me feel good.

I cooked. I cleaned. I didn't sleep because I was so afraid of oversleeping and her missing her medicine.

I cried. When I could sneak away so she didn't see.

She tried to show me where she fell. That's a big thing in our family - showing off your wounds. I'm not real good with that. I feel too much empathy. It makes my stomach cringe. It's almost like I can actually feel the pain. So, as she was showing me the many horrible bruises she has I had to turn away. I hate to think of her hurting that bad. Yeah, not the right kind of reaction, just so you know. It was decided that I'm pretty much worthless. Well, except for the cooking and cleaning part.

And today....today I'm exhausted. Like I said, I don't know how anyone could do that on a regular basis. I don't have it in me. Not at all.

So yeah, that was my weekend. This week is all about closing out the year here at work and getting ready for that drive south this weekend.

But today I may just curl up on the floor here under my desk and sleep. I figure I've earned it.

Posted by Tammi at December 18, 2006 09:28 AM | TrackBack