September 06, 2006

The Face in the Mirror

There is nothing satisfying or easy about getting old(er). I don't care what anyone says.

Years ago (oy, that's a telling phrase) I just took everything for granted. And now? Now I'm paying the price, just like those wise adults tried to warn me about so often.

I'm going to the dentist. To repair damage I did half a life time ago because I was more worried about the size I wore than the fuel I was putting into my body. Some of it can be fixed. Some? No, the damage is too far gone.

I'm spending a fortune on products for my skin. There was a time I had a perfect complexion. People used to constantly comment on it. But I'd just smile and ignore them. Never took the time to do those little things that make that complexion last.

I was constantly stopped because of my hair. Beautiful dark, long, wavy hair. Smooth as silk, shiny. So very healthy. Did I appreciate what I had? No. I colored and curled and straightened. Now I'm in a conditioning cycle that is relentless and the gray is coming in faster than I can deal with it.

I've always had good posture. Despite of, or maybe because of my height. I hate seeing a tall woman stooped over. It only draws attention to her height, and not in a good way. Stand tall. Enjoy your femininity. But you see - I was sick about 14 years ago. And I had to have surgery. I knew I needed to do something to take care of myself. But I refused hormones. I didn't take vitamins regularly. I didn't eat all that healthy. I smoked. A lot.

Now? Now I have to face my limits. The doctor is 99% sure I have ostioporosis. I know, I know - millions of women deal with that every day. But it's like the day the eye doctored told me I needed bifocals. That CAN'T be right!! I'm not old enough. But you know what? I am. I am old enough. And I'm also old enough to know I have got to start taking care of myself before it's too late.

So - yesterday I went to the doctor. I got a lecture. Yes, yes I did. And we put together a plan/program to quit smoking. I love smoking. I've smoked all but 9 years of my life. This will be hard. But I cannot NOT do it. There's a hitch. I may not be able to take the medication. Seems that they have found people who have HAD eating disorders tend to have seizures on these meds. Yeah - it's been 10 years since I've had a real issue but I'm still a risk. The sins of my youth catch up with me again.....We're waiting to see....

I've also started excersizing regularly. Nothing fancy. No marathons or gyms. Just what I need to fight off this disease.

I've been eating better. At times. Now, I just need to be consistent with that.

None of this is about vanity. NONE of it. It's about quality of life. MY life.

The hardest part of all this? Yesterday I lost a bit of my identity. I've always been know (for the last 15 years at least) as that really really tall red head. OK - so as I've gotten older I've toned down the red. Now you only see it in the sun. But the other? I'll be honest. It kicked me in the gut. As the nurse measured me she said "Ohhh you're a tall one. 5'11 1/2"." WTF?!?!?! You're gonna wanna do that again. It's off somehow. She measured again, and again it was 5'11 1/2". Not. Even. 6'. Not even 72". I'm shorter right now than I was at 13 years of age. Hell - I'm almost NORMAL!!!!! This is gonna take some adjustment.

Yeah - the face in the mirror is different today. Different than yesterday. VERY different than 10 years ago. I guess it's time to admit that. And step up to the plate.

The good news is I can get those higher heels now......

Posted by Tammi at September 6, 2006 05:00 AM | TrackBack

This should make you feel better ...

I had bifocals at age 28.

Well ok, I didn't go with the bifocals since I have contacts but I use reading glasses on top of my contacts.

I will send a little prayer for strength your way for quitting smoking.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at September 6, 2006 08:02 AM

Whoa. That one's serious. But knowing you've found the problem is half the battle (whether it feels like it or not!)

Posted by: Ogre at September 6, 2006 08:37 AM

I think this requires a blog post... why is it that the day my blog is gone is the day I find so much to blog about... Sheesh! Oh well, when it comes back... then I have things to say. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at September 6, 2006 10:46 AM

BTW - I'd get a yardstick and someone to help and measure yourself. I had a nurse in a doctor's office try to tell me I was 5'6" one time (yes she really believed it) I stepped off the scale... looked DOWN at her, and

I said, "How tall are you?"
She said, "5'4"..."
I said, "Now think about this for one moment - look at me standing next to you... do you REALLY think I'm 5'6"?"

My chart entry said 5'9"... So their measure may be incorrect - I'd check it out if I were you.

Posted by: Teresa at September 6, 2006 03:01 PM

She's full of shit. You aren't 5'11 1/2. When I see you in October, we're measuring you with everyone. I KNOW what its' like to look up to 5'11 1/2 and you ain't it. Trust me.

Weight lifting, girlie. Next year, that is my goal, to get you into lifting. I increased by bone density by 4%. No drugs. No calcium. Just weights.

Posted by: Bou at September 6, 2006 08:46 PM

I quit smoking after forty-five years. Multipacks a day of non filters for all that time. Do try the patch, they worked for me. Not that I know anything about eating disorders.
Of course, that week in the hospital, all groggy from the stroke and the surgery may have helped the patches with my smoking.
Make sure that a stroke is your very last resort for quitting smoking, though.

Posted by: Peter at September 7, 2006 11:32 AM
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