Tammi's World

Stress

I forgot how much stress can just kick your ass. Seriously.

The bags under my eyes are so big they literally hurt. All I wanted last night was a good night sleep. I wanted it so bad I could taste it.

However.........

I was still awake at 10:00. Awake at 12:00. Awake at 2:00. Awake at 3:30. Stop fighting it at 5:00. Tired does not begin to cover it.

I didn't sleep well the two nights before that either. My head is just too crowded. Seriously - being unemployed is difficult. Interviewing is very difficult. ESPECIALLY for a Sales Position. Sales is 90% personality. If they turn you down - it's cause they don't like you. Really. I don't care what anyone says that's how it pans out. I've been on the other side of the table too many times to try and tell myself anything different.

And I have this thing about being liked. Usually folks do. Like me that is. Hell - I can be very charming. But part of that charm is because I can focus on something other than myself. When you are in survival mode the only thing you think about is how YOU are going to SURVIVE. So - part of my preperation is going out and catching up on what is going on in the world outside. Kicker is......it's so hard to focus. So there is pressure.

Not to mention if I get overly tired, I'm not all that...ummm, shall we say NICE. Yeah. I'm not. My patience is shot. And they like to push your buttons in these interviews just to see how you handle pressure. The only way to combat that is be prepared for it. Yeah, lovely.

Now - add in the homeless aspect. Shall we. I've got to be out of this house. Soon. I'll admit going to Florida will be the easy thing. Seriously. I'll have a place to live and an instant family. If I get this job and stay here I've still got to finish packing and figure out what I'm doing. I have a sudo plan of sorts. I think it'll be my only option. Short term it'll suck. BIG TIME. But in the long run (July) it'll be the best thing. But still - ouch.

Put all that together and then try and get some sleep. Try and deal with the normal every day shit that comes along. Try and maintain as much consistency as possible. Yeah - it don't work so well.

So......here I sit. Surrounded by chaos. Waiting for a phone call to figure out which plan to impliment. Here I sit so tired I ache. Here I sit, actually kinda pissed about the whole thing.

I've always dealt with stress pretty well, but this time.....this time I'm hittin' a brick wall. I'd just really like to know what the next week will hold.

Have I ever mentioned how much I *HATE* soap operas?!?!?!?!

Posted by Tammi at May 18, 2006 06:52 AM | TrackBack