February 26, 2005

THINK before you speak...

OK - this is just a short story to make a point. Don't just say what ever pops into your brain! Sometimes you can do damage that is almost impossible to undo.

Let me share.

I've always been on the thin side. I never had to worry about my weight at all....until I had cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. At the age of 27. Since then my weight has been a concern. Usually I stay at around 145-150, a solid size 8. I'm happy with that, it's a bit less than the doctors recommend but they don't have to look at me in the mirror everyday - so screw 'em.

BUT....when I'm stressed I either don't eat at all, or eat all the wrong stuff at the wrong times in the wrong amounts. And then I put on weight.

I was dating a guy about 7 years ago. We were both very active - boating, swiming, hiking - you know. At least it was like that in the beginning. After the first bloom of romance wore off things kinda changed. We spent every weekend together. As time wore on he just wanted to hang out at the house. Not even go to the pool. Then one day he announces that he had something he had to tell me. He was a pot head. OK - well I don't do it, but it's your house, your life - whatever. Just don't bring it to my house or in my car. All of a sudden all we did was sit around the house he getting stoned and asking me to cook. Baking - lots and lots of cookies, cakes, pies - big huge meals, snacks. You get the picture.

About the same time I left my job. Stress!!! Add no activity and tons of food and that is a bad receipe for Tammi to put on weight. And I did - about 15 pounds.

One day in the spring I finally get him to agree to go to the pool. We put on our suites and head out. Keep in mind - I've been staying with him, in his one bedroom apartment - it's not like he hasn't seen me in a while.

We get to the pool and I take off my denim shirt and stretch out in the chair. He is standing there, staring and announces VERY LOUDLY - What the HELL have you done to yourself?!?!?

I got up, put on my shirt, went back to the apartment and got my stuff. All of it. I haven't seen or talked to him since.

BUT....in my head, when I put on weight, as I saunter past the mirror in the morning I still hear....."What the HELL have you done to yourself?!?!?

So.......be careful what you say. Be kind. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Everyone can be hurt.

Posted by Tammi at February 26, 2005 08:29 AM

I believe the correct answer to the "What the Hell have you done to yourself" would have bee a strong punch to the gut, where (if all things are fair) he should have had some extra fat accumulated that you could have driven your fist into.

And, Tammi, when you saunter past the mirror, you should see what your blog family does, a warm wonderful insight full person with one still very gorgeous body!

Posted by: TNT at February 26, 2005 08:36 AM

I'm not vision of health.
I'm a lot bigger than when I was a scrawny kid, but I've never had the body I wanted. Ever. But it is what it is, and I do what I can.

As for what is said, hmm, I think I'll write a post about that sometime.

Posted by: _Jon at February 26, 2005 10:11 AM

To the guy, TNT? I think she should have aimed just a little bit lower...

Posted by: Ogre at February 26, 2005 10:53 AM

what a jack[pinkytoe]. some men just don't understand that we women have to struggle with weight constantly and that any negative words stick with us forever.

everytime you walk by the mirror, you should hear SarahK in your head saying, "Tammi is so beautiful, [catcall], look at those legs!"

seriously, you've got a gorgeous bod. you and TNT with her amazing arms.

Posted by: sarahk at February 26, 2005 12:17 PM

He said that whilst being next to a pool? Boy, he got off lightly...

Posted by: Sally at February 26, 2005 01:04 PM

I see that the pot not only fried his brain, but his eyesight as well... what a moron! Honestly, I know you've told me you can't wear certain clothes that you have, but even though you say that... I'm trying to figure out where you put that "extra weight". I thought you looked great when I was down there. I know a number of overweight women... you aren't one of them! Now I know you want to lose weight to get into some of your favorite clothes - but please understand that you don't look the least bit overweight at all... period. So don't give the "potted plant" the satisfaction of making you feel like you look awful! He won't win that one.

Posted by: Teresa at February 26, 2005 01:45 PM

Okay, haven't met you, but from the pics I've seen, you've no worries, lady. And for a woman of your tiny stature, 15 pounds ain't much!

I know that can hurt, but the dude was a moron. Don't let it be something that rides with you forever.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at February 26, 2005 02:15 PM

"Well, what I have done is lost myself & cater to YOU!" Moron...

There are still plenty of hurtful things floating around my head, said by my mother (sorry, but she still rates #1); friends, lovers; and total strangers. They don't evaporate in the sun. I know you remember "the nose job incident".

Tammi - I have always had a chronic +/- poundage & at 5'2", it's a lot more obvious! Having a hysterectomy improved that situation - HA! Even with all the exercise I get in my day to day activities (today included solo calf wrestling) it doesn't quite do it. I have to watch my portions constantly. Sigh....

Posted by: Karen at February 26, 2005 05:36 PM

Well, as we all know, that boy was an idiot. And as the Happy Bunny would say, "Boys are stupid and they smell funny too!" What a loser he was!

Posted by: Lee Ann at February 26, 2005 07:02 PM

Thank God you got up an left. Frickin' loser...

Posted by: Bou at February 26, 2005 08:30 PM

I think a well-placed kick to the gonads might've been in order.

Posted by: Pammy at February 26, 2005 11:30 PM

Tammi, the word for someone like that (be it male or female) is "shallow". People like that are not worth your time. They will always find some reason to put people down. True love comes from the heart and it see with eyes of love and kindness. May you find that "one" who really loves you. David

Posted by: David Holtz at February 27, 2005 11:47 AM