Kate, over at Electric Venom, has a piece up that, at first glance kinda pissed me off. Then as I chewed it over I had to laugh.
According to the article she sites, men prefer for their Significant Others to be, well...how do you say this....dumber than them. As expected Kate has some fun with this, and let's 'em have it.
But it made me think. They may be right.......damn. Not that I'm going to change anything because of it, but looking at some of the real life examples I've witnessed, this may actually be the first almost accurate relationship poll/article I've seen in a long time. And I don't like it.
Looking back, it was well known that I was not as bright as my ex-husband. HA! Fooled Them! But in order to "get along" I found out early on that it was just easier to play the damsal in distress and ask those "hard" questions. Showing too much thought initative didn't work too well in that situation. I HATE THAT!!!!!
I used to think it was a generational thing. That thought got squashed when I saw many of the women my age doing the same thing. Then it happened to me. I now firmly believe it is a combination of a generational thing and geographical. I don't see it so much outside of the midwest and very rural south. But you do see it. All I can say is STOP IT! Stop It Right Now!!!!!!!
Be who you are. Truly. If you have a twisted sense of humor, don't supress it, let it flow in all it's richness. If you are smart - let it shine! Share that intellegence. Be Who You Are! Be True To Youself. If someone doesn't appreciate you for those things that make you unique then, honestly they don't appreciate you at all.
I do know that I've had relationships end because the men I was dating had a hard time that I didn't need them to solve all my problems FOR me. I guess they were looking to be heros. To bad they didn't realize that to me, a hero is someone who is sure in themselves and willing to take on a bit of a challenge. Hrmph....it's their loss.
Posted by Tammi at January 5, 2005 09:51 AMPersonally, I prefer women right around my own IQ. Too dumb, and all my jokes go over her head. Too smart, and I start feeling inept when I'm with her (which is why I didn't date much in law school :-)
I want her bright enough to appreciate my witticisms and to be able to occasionally surprise me with flashes of her brilliant insights.
I really don't know what guys see in dim women. I dated one of those in high school. She was easy on the eyes, but kinda painful to talk to :-/
Posted by: Harvey at January 5, 2005 10:12 AMI wouldn't say my hubby is dumb at all, but I am the smarter one and have a lot more education then him.
He thinks nothing of it, I don't know if it has even ever crossed his mind. Actually he keeps telling people that when I make Vice-president of some Auto company he will retire.
I actually know quite a few couples in which the women has a lot more eduction then the man and none think anything of it.
Posted by: Machelle at January 5, 2005 12:11 PMHey, as long as she's bringing the beer when mine is empty, she can be as smart as she wants to be. :)
Posted by: Ogre at January 5, 2005 01:16 PMMy husband always tells people, "My wife is smarter than I", but it's not true. We are the same, we just think differently. I could never date a guy dumber than I. He has to be on the same wave length. Like Harvey, I don't like to feel inept, but I don't like to feel superior either. That's a crappy feeling too.
Posted by: Bou at January 5, 2005 05:42 PMTammi, from what I've observed over my lifetime is that what the guy prefers really doesn't matter. I believe the illusion is that guys want to marry a woman dumber than them, but the reality is women want a man that at least puts on a public face that he smarter than her. Education can have little to do with it, but mostly it is the social perception of a capacity to succeed at life that floats most gals boats.
Street smarts, common sense, or the capacity to learn from others mistakes often make up for lack of book time. One of my best friends can barely write a complete sentence, but his reputation as a shrewd businessman is well deserved. His wife has two masters degrees and she'll tell you he is the one that makes their marriage work.
There are a lot of examples of both kind of relationships, but we all know that when it comes down to it, all the guy can do is propose, the decision is all on the other side. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever objected to that when I was pursuing my wife.
Posted by: Dougrc at January 5, 2005 10:11 PM"Wherever you go, there you are." -B. Banzai.
If you're finding a recurring pattern in your dating, the one most likely constant is yourself. Maybe it works for you to date guys who are that way. Perhaps something you actively seek in a man is associated with the personality trait you've said you dislike.
There's a woman in the news right now who seems to have a preference for men likely to commit violent felonies. No accounting for taste on that one.
It's also possible that you want a man who is not as smart as you, but thinks himself smarter, perhaps just so you can feel smug. If this is the case you might want to reevaluate that.
For myself, my preferences on intelligence are all "minimum requirements". Harvey's comment about appreciating witticisms is particularly relevant. At the other extreme, while I might feel inadequate with someone like Dr. Rice, I wouldn't let that get in the way. I'd do whatever I had to in order to keep up, and be happy for it.
Posted by: Dishman at January 7, 2005 02:33 AM