Tammi's World

A Bit of Perspective

First - thank you all for your comments, good thoughts, well wishes and Prayers for Mama. We'll know more after we meet with the doctor this morning.

I did manage to get a bit of sleep - enough to recharge the batteries. Have called/emailed to change my schedule for the next couple of days, until we know more what is going on.

This is new to me. Oh, Mama's been sick before, but not like this. This terrified HER. The worst part is it is my nightmare coming true.

Bare with me here, kinda need to work this through my system.

Daddy died when I was 10. It's been just "us three girls" since then. Oh, my sister and I have both been married, but to complete asswipes and when it all came down - it was still "just us three girls".

However - my sister and I don't get along all that well. Oh, we love each other, appreciate each other - we just don't get along well. No one is capable of pushing the other over the edge better than we are to each other.

That being said.......right now there is anger over inactivity when all this occured, guilt (over the same issue), bad communication and the list goes on. Usually I'm the "grown up". Since I work with the public so much and have had to rely on my "charm" for my living, it's usually me that plays peace keeper. I don't really have the strength or the focus to do that right now. I'm strung a bit tight at the moment. Also - my 14 year old neice is here. She's the one that had to get my sister for my mom when the pains started. She's a bit shook up and has some feelings of guilt to deal with also. I'm trying to work with her, so that she is able to cope with all that is going on.

Whew - to say you can cut the tension with a knife is putting it a bit mildly.

So.....I sit here in the quiet house, while they sleep. Trying to figure out what my next step is. Oh, I know we still need to hear from the doctor, but I'm one to make plans.....always be prepared.

I think I'm going to call my recuriter and see if I can find a new position closer to Mom. I'm thinking Chicago, as the money and opportunities would be better there. I'll get that ball rolling now. If you think I'm over reacting, you didn't see my Mother's face while she laid there. There are other things involved, that I won't go into right now, but I do believe it's what I need to do. That stuff takes serious time, so I don't want to wait until June.

Also - just so you all know.......be kind to those you love. remember that when you want to say something nasty or cruel. You never know what could happen. As my Daddy always said, the worst thing to think at the end of the day is "I wonder if, and I wish I had". Regret is a horrible thing.

Posted by Tammi at December 29, 2004 08:14 AM