Tammi's World

So, What's Different?

Wow. I'm actually having a pretty good week. Busier than a one armed paper-hanger, but pretty good.

I've talked to my boss several times - and it's gone very well! I've just about driven the tires off my car, will have given 4 major training classes in 6 days as of Friday. I've sent out my business Christmas cards, cooked, created training tools, dealt with shipping and manufacturing issues and STILL it's been a good week.

So it makes me wonder just what's so different? I know!! It's ME!!

With the new major account I've picked up, and the new independent I signed up last week, I'm feeling on my game. Also - for some reason, I've slipped back into my comfort zone. I've always been a smart ass, always spoke my mind, and there is a certain way I work with people that has always worked very well for me. I stopped doing that for a while. I'm Back.

I was discussing it with Mom, trying to figure out what had happened. The best analogy I could think of was the battered spouse one. I remember when I was dating this guy. He was very nice, but had a bit of a temper. One day, his cat really pissed him off and he just started screaming at it. I was standing about 5 ft. away and when he began yelling I actually flinched and ducked. I had been programmed.

Same thing with this job. I had been yelled and and put down and "beaten" (verbally) so often that I began flinching and diverting just to keep from putting myself in a place where that would happen. Now.....I push back. I actually told my boss the other day we were in the middle of a cluster f*ck and then asked just what the hell he was going to do about it. As soon as the words left my lips I stopped, eyes round, breath held, waiting for his reaction. Silence, then chuckle. I exhaled.

If I am who I AM, and do things My Way it usually works out. And if it doesn't I usually have a contingency plan. That makes me comfortable. That makes me happy.

So.....bottom line. I'm having a pretty good week - even with all the meetings and driving. All because I'm not afraid. I don't know when the switch flipped, don't know why. Don't even really care. It's just nice to be back in a Tammi State of Mind.

Posted by Tammi at December 17, 2004 06:33 AM