Eric over at Straight White Guy really got me thinking this morning. He has a wonderful post up about his day yesterday, up in the mountains, with friends, making music. It's obvious if you read Eric's writing that he truly loves music, and he had the opportunity yesterday to hear a tune that he had created have words added to it and actually sung. What a wonderful gift. What a wonderful talent.
I've often mentioned that I also love music. Throughout my teen years, my entire life was music. I started out singing in public when I was 10 and by 13 was performing the local revival circuit in the Midwest. I stated playing the piano when I was 7. It was never something I loved, but I did enjoy being able to take the melodies in my head and hear them. In Jr. High I started playing the clarinet. But it wasn't enough, so I taught myself the sax and oboe. In High School I took every music theory class I could, and sang in both the Concert Choir and the Chamber Choir which traveled across the Midwest performing Broadway tunes, jazz and pop. I continued with the band, eventually ending up playing 13 instruments - including the piano - well enough that I could go to state contests and place very well. And throughout that I continued to sing every chance I got. I auditioined for an internationl group and made it for both voice and instrument. I took voice and piano lessons a couple of times every week along with tutoring for several instruments.
I received a full scholarship for my voice. I was shocked. But I was grateful. I started out knowing I didn't want to be a music teacher, I needed to perform. I didn't have the patience to teach someone the finer points, the true secrets and beauty found in the music if they didn't have the love. I didn't want to even try. So I majored in performance. I studied Opera and classical performance while still singing lighter music on the local radio and in any venue I could find. But I soon realized there is no stability in that, and my practical side won out. But the music was still there. It still defined so much of who I was.
What I'm trying to say is that music is a major part of my being. It's the largest section of my soul. I hear music in my head all the time. At least I used to.
Have you ever wondered why things change? What causes those subtle shifts that eventually change the entire make up of our personas'? Not many people - outside of this blog - know that I used to be a performer. Not many people that are a part of my life know how much a part of me is reflected in my music, and visa versa. That surprises me, but when I step back and look at that fact and see the person that I present to the world, it really shouldn't.
Somewhere over the years I somehow began thinking that performing was not something a "responsible young lady" should do. It could have begun when I left the band and started working at the bank. Most of my friends worked at the bank, and the first time they were at the house and saw a picture of us in full costume they were shocked. They thought it was a joke. The picture came down shortly after. Then I started struggling with my faith. I stopped singing in churches, as I didn't want to be a hypocrite. Then I discovered Karaoke, but didn't do so well with that. I'm not a good "parrot". Trying to sing with someone else's music, in a mimicking way just didn't work for me. I became obsessed with how it came across rather than the music itself. So I stopped that also.
Next month I'm singing in my friends' wedding. I'm not nervous. Really. I love the song, and I love them, and to me this will just be an extension of that love. What does surprise me is they've asked me to do this. How did they know how much this would mean to me? We never talked about it, but somehow they picked up on that tiny part of me that still LOVES the music, and communicates best in the venue.
I've said a couple of times to use and enjoy the gifts that you have. If you don't you lose them. Open the windows of your soul and cherish those things that give you joy. If you love to draw or paint, make time for that. If it's dance that touches your heart, then dance, dance until you find that spot of heaven that you and only you know. If it's writing that affords that release than write. Write what's in you, share those thoughts, those memories. But write.
We all have gifts. Each and every one of us. And trust me when I tell you they are GIFTS. And if we ignore them or put them aside because they aren't practical or timely we only hurt ourselves. Eventually we lose sight of them, we forget that they are there. When that happens we lose sight of a part of ourselves. The best part.
Posted by Tammi at October 3, 2004 10:10 AM