Back to lighter things now. I've got a fresh brewed cup (HUGE CUP) of coffee and a new pack of cigarettes and things are looking a bit better now. I probably should explain.
I ran out of cigarettes late yesterday afternoon. I was in the middle of a couple projects and didn't really want to leave the house so I figured I would see how long I could go without. You know, another trial on the quitting thing.
I went 11 hours. 11 whole hours. I know what some of you are thinking, "Well, you were sleeping for part of that time". And I'll give you that - but only 3 hours of that time. So I went 8 hours without a cigarette.
I just got out of my jammies and went and bought a pack. I couldn't take it anymore.
Remember about 6 months ago I was trying to quit. I was serious. Very serious. And I still want to. But I'm really having trouble with it. The medications don't help, the patch is a joke and that gum just works if I chew it with a cigarette for a good (and legal) buzz. I don't want a miracle drug (well, yeah, I really do) I just need to find something that will help me get through the first 3 weeks of cravings.
I started smoking when I was 9 years old. Mama came out to the kitchen one day and found me sitting at the table smoking a cigarette and drinking a cup of coffee. When asked what I was doing, I responded that I was trying to stop growing and everyone said if I did these things that is what would happen. By the age of 10, despite all of my mother's efforts I was up to a pack a day. That is the least amount I have smoked in the past 32 years.
I hate the way it makes my house smell, my car smell - hell I hate the way it makes ME smell. I'm ashamed when I'm in public to be seen smoking, but I can't stop. I've been told that getting off cigarettes is as tough as getting off heroin.
I heard people's stories of stopping cold turkey, it's a matter of mind control, Just Do It, yeah, I've heard it all. And I admire the hell out of anyone that has quit. They say you can't until you really really want to. I thought I did - so what's that say about me?
Anyway - just thought I should explain why I've been a tad bit testy. (OK, you probably only REALLY pick up on that if you've had an actual conversation with me). But it's better now.
I'm not gonna worry about not smoking for a while. Obviously it's not the right time yet, I'll just work on slowing down. Baby Steps.
Posted by Tammi at September 22, 2004 08:04 AMThis book was very good for me. The approach takes a month, is incremental, and relatively painless.
I read the book all the way through (sometimes smoking while reading it), then tried it out. By the time quit-day rolled around, the final step was so tiny, I barely even noticed it.
Posted by: Harvey at September 22, 2004 09:26 AMI've been on commit and it seems to be working out alright, I was just about to pull one out of my pocket and realized I forgot to bring them!!!!! AAhhhhh!
Okay stay calm, everyone back away slowly, heh heh, lets see how I can do without the crutch for a day. Take care!
Posted by: Sean at September 22, 2004 10:07 AMYou'll get there! The memory of how hard it was to quit is the only reason I don't have a fresh pack waiting by the door for when I get back from having this baby. And I have to say that I hate it when people tell you it's as tough as heroin and then wonder why you haven't quit yet...*sigh* :)
Sooner or later you'll find a way to quit that works for you. I had been trying on and off before I got pregnant...I think the one that finally worked was the fourth or fifth attempt in six months or so...and what finally worked was easing off slowly, cutting back over a period of weeks until I finally had that "why am I bothering?" moment. There are as many ways to quit as there are smokers, though.
Which is a really long and rambling way of saying, "hang in there." :)
Posted by: Deb at September 22, 2004 10:41 AMWe are here to support you. I cannot imagine trying to give up something like that. I am a chocoholic. Seriously. I went through withdrawals when I didn't have something chocolate for a 24 hour period and was the bitch from hell. While definitely not the same, what you are doing is much HARDER, I can understand to a small degree. Good luck and you will succeed when you are ready.
Posted by: vw bug at September 22, 2004 10:50 AMJust an fYI...tried to quit 3 times this year. didn't make it past a week. I agree with you. I am always self concious if I smoke to much in my house or the car. or if my hair smells.
I am going to try again this fall. Getting some things organized. Replacing smoking with an exercise regime now that I am in town more.
Maybe we can form a bloggers support group for quitting smoking?
Posted by: kat-missouri at September 22, 2004 11:56 AMI like Kat's idea...there are enough of us to be able to be a support group!
My darling hubby is a smoker. He's quit 3 times since we've been together. Once cold turkey, once using Wellbutrin and most recently trying the gum (which caused bad side effects for him). I know how hard it is and what a commitment it is to make. It can't be done until you're ready to do it, period.
But if you want to try tappering back the amount you smoke...set a goal of 1 pack per day or 1 1/2 packs per day (depending on how much you smoke), that's a great way to start. Each week, try to smoke 1 less cigarette and see how it feels. If you need 2 weeks, take 2!
The point is you want to try, so give it a shot. But bottom line we're all here for you!
Posted by: Lee Ann at September 22, 2004 12:41 PMI'm a two and a half pack a day smoker, so I feel your pain. I've seen this type of thing so many times that it is now not even an event. I believe that you will quit when you want to, and by that I mean when you REALLY WANT TO. No equivocation, no excuses, no crutches, just "I'm done". I'm sure you'll get there, just hang in.
I'll tell you what though. The last time that I quit smoking was in Boot Camp. I'm still kicking myself for starting back up after I got out. That was 1989.
Posted by: Johnny - Oh at September 22, 2004 08:44 PM