Tammi's World

What A Girl Wants

I've been thinking about this post for a while now. It actually started with this piece over at Boudicca's Voice about Relationships and why woman gravitate to bad boys so often as well as a comment I left there. My blogfather, Harvey, suggested I do a post over here in response to that. Then I see this post at his place talking about the length of time between when you meet someone and make that matrimonial leap. Got me to thinking.....

I'm divorced. Have been for almost 9 years now. I'll be very honest, when I decided to leave my husband I truly believed I would be single for the rest of my life. Why? Because I will NEVER settle again. Never. And, despite what anyone may think, I don't do "social" real well. Oh, I'm fine in a work environment, but I can be a bit standoffish out in the real world. The reason for that - trust. Or lack there of. But that's another post. I also realized that what I am looking for, actually what I need in a partner is very difficult to find.

Let's be base and talk about the physical first. I'm 6'2" tall. I wear heels. I don't want to feel like a giant. I want to feel "normal". So I have a 6' minimum. Seriously. I know that limits the field, and I'm alright with that. My ex was shorter than 6' and I've dated a couple of guys that were also. After a while it became an issue for THEM! Now let's be serious, I haven't grown since I was in college - way long time ago. I've been this height for many years. I wear heels and don't make any secret of it. So the fact that my height becomes an issue to them after a while tells me that they have other issues to deal with, and that just happens to be the one they can articulate.

That leads to other, more personal criterias. I am looking for a man that is secure in himself. Has opinions and is not afraid to express them. Has lived life and has learned the lessons. I am a strong woman. I have strong opinions and yes, I do express them. I want someone that will not be afraid to disagree with me. I want someone who wants things as badly as I do. And is willing to go after them. I don't want a victim, I don't want another child. I want a Man.

BUT, that being said, there is a difference between strength and brutality. There is a difference between wanting things and wanting to control things. That is where so many woman inadvertantly fall for those "bad boys". I know I did. A couple of times. The first one took a while to see clearly, the second I cut and run in short order.

Now, I don't believe I'm being shallow, but it's highly possible that I'm wrong. There are reasons I feel the way I do, things I've experienced that I don't want to experience again.

I enjoy conversations. Very much. Especially intelligent, thought provoking conversations. To have those, one must be talking to an intelligent person. Don't you agree? I enjoy humor. Hell, if you talk to someone that knows me well, the first thing they'll comment on is my sense of humor. I need to laugh, I need to hear others laugh. Humor requires intelligence (at least the humor I enjoy). I have social engagements. Yeah, times when I am forced to mix socially with my customers and other professionals. I need a partner that can hold his own. I want to know that, if we get seperated, I don't have to worry. They can carry-on without me and do just fine. Sounds silly? Well than obviously you've never been in the reverse situation!

I need someone that I can trust. Someone that keeps their word, and says what he'll do and do what he says. Pretty simple. But hard to find.

I want somone that has a life of their own. That I can share, not dominate. I love little calls during the day just saying "hi" or "love you" or "how's your day". Not those calls that accuse or belittle. I want someone who cares about my life but doesn't want to run it.

I've lived alone for 9 years now. When I was married I was not allowed an opinion or a life. I like having my independence. I like saying what I think and feel. I want someone in my life that understands and respects that, but also insists on the same treatment. That's called partnership, that's respect. I bring a lot of living to the table, and I want to continue to grow and learn. Sometimes that is best done seperately. Girls nites out are a good thing. So are boys nites out. It keeps things fresh, it keeps things real. You can't live each other's lives. At least I wouldn't want to.

I don't pretend to speak for anyone else. This is what I'm looking for, this is what I need. I have a good life. I'm just fine by myself. I'd love a partner to share it with, to add sunshine and such, someone to hold during the rough times, someone to dance with in the good times. But I won't settle. I don't need to.

Posted by Tammi at August 27, 2004 08:07 AM | TrackBack