Lex has a post up from last night that highlights a little incident that occured while he and his family were enjoying the fireworks. Seems some guy, not a friend of his familys - someone they had just met, a friend of a friend - decided to lay hands on The Hobbit while she was in a somewhat vulnerable position. That a bit vauge for you - well let me spell it out. While she was bending over picking something up, this jerk decided to slap her on the ass. Lex let him know that wasn't acceptable on any level. Not one bit. AND he did it with class. I like that. A Lot.
So - it begs the question, is this something that happens a lot? What's the best way to handle it?
First, yes, it does happen a lot. Too Much. Now, I will not even attempt to know what is going on in the minds of those that believe it is alright to lay their hands on a woman, ANYONE for that matter, that they do not know and in a way that is, shall we say discourteous. I can, however, tell you what goes on in MY mind when it happens to me.
STOP TOUCHING ME!!! I DON'T KNOW YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU TOUCHING ME. Usually, if that doesn't work (and believe me, sometimes it doesn't) Stop Touching Me will be accompanied by the Look Of Death.
But here's the real question. WHY?? Why do I even have to do this? Why does any one, man or woman, have to actually say out loud to strangers or those that they don't know so well that they do not want them touching them?
I know all about the fact that there are some people out there that just don't think. Yada Yada Yada. What I want to know is a real REASON. What is going through someone's mind when a woman walks by or bends over and they take their hand and apply it to their most vulnerable person?
Next - I've never had anyone step in and deflect any of these types of incidents. I've always had to handle them myself. (Reminds me of the time a biker got a bit out of line at my ex's favorite watering hole, in front of him and 10 of his favorite drunks and I had to physically defend myself, but anyway..) What do YOU think is the best way to handle these situations? Would you step in if it happened to someone you were with?
Just curious. Lex got me to thinkin' again!!!
Posted by Tammi at July 7, 2004 07:56 AMhmmm... Can't say I've had that happen to any of the women I dated while I was around... On the other hand, some guy tried it with me about 3 weeks ago, and he got an up close view of my elbow to his nose... I imagine he'll think twice before trying that again in a men's room... Was that the"right" way to handle it?... I doubt it... I could have simply torn him up verbally, but it was just the reaction of the moment given the location...
Posted by: Tim at July 7, 2004 10:48 AMI think the way Lex handled it was perfect. It showed him to be a gentleman and one who, hello?, "HONORS" his wife. He defended her without blood or violence. He made sure the point got across to this jerk that what he did was unacceptable and intolerable. I am sorry that Jerk didn't profer an apology due to the Hobbit for taking liberties that weren't his.
Well done! I expect the same from my husband as I would do for him. (And have!)
Posted by: Lee Ann at July 7, 2004 01:05 PMTammi - I think it's awful that these sorts of things go on at all. I was raised in old Virginia, and raised to be a gentleman. Which my father told me meant never intentionally doing anything which would hurt anyone, and standing up for those would be hurt by others. Sure, I can't tell you what goes through someone's mind when they do something like this. It's just so alien to my way of thinking.
Posted by: lex at July 7, 2004 01:37 PMI've been lucky and had gentlemen step in and give a jerk a friendly heads up....but I don't mind doing it myself if that's what it takes.
Of course, now that I'm a fat broad, I don't have that happen all that much.
Seriously though, the one incident that left me shaken more than any other was the time I was 15, just started working at Baskin-Robbins, and the owner decided I needed help pinning my nametag on. His hand snaked down my uniform and grabbed my breast. My boyfriend later went back and threatened him....but the damage was done.
Posted by: Da Goddess at July 7, 2004 01:54 PMFunny (well, not really funny) but I had a similar incident at the same age. Working in a steak house as a cashier. I'm tall and the uniform they gave me all but showed my ass. I complained that the dresses were too short, but they said it was standard issue, nothing they could do. Every night as it came time to close out the draw, I had to put up with that jerk messing with my legs. Mom went back and talked to him, but as you said damage done. BTW - I only lasted in that job 2 weeks, it wouldn't have been that long, but I didn't know I could just quit.
Posted by: Tammi at July 7, 2004 01:59 PM