It's kinda funny how things all tie together. I was sitting at a local restaurant the other day listening to a couple of women talking during lunch. Now these weren't young college girls. These ladies were in their 30's - at least. I bring this up only so you realize they really should have known better.
From what I could gather the one girl was getting ready to move in with her boyfriend (or vis versa, whatever). She was going on and on about how *this* bothers her and *that* bothers her. But that'll all change once they are living together.
Now folks she wasn't talkin' about little things, like leaving a glass on the table or his clothes in the bathroom. She was talking traits, long term habits, preferences. I just wanted to turn around and tell her to GROW UP. Those things ain't goin' away. And trying to change those will only hurt/piss off everyone involved.
In my list of lessons below I mention I never get that people change. By that I mean we grow, we evolve. But in essence we stay WHO WE ARE. I will always laugh the way I do. If it bothers you then you probably don't want to hang around me. I talk. A lot. You don't like it? Stay away. I am a creature of habit. Oh-I change those habits/routines, but it's not easy. I like routine. Get on your nerves? Sorry, but it is what it is.
Harvey brought up this very point in his post the other day. If you love someone you love them for who they ARE, not who they COULD BE. Not everyone is perfect - thank GOODNESS. So when you choose those you want to be with, friends or other, you should choose based on how you fit together. How you compliment each other. Shame on you if you go into any relationship thinking You are the savior. You can make them happy. You can fix their lives.
I did that once. Yeah - didn't work out so well for me. THAT is one lesson I learned - the hard way.
I like you just the way you are.
Posted by Tammi at February 9, 2006 07:12 AMI've learned the hard way too....a couple of times. And sometimes I still don't learn and don't realize I'm doing it. I want to help everyone! It'll be the demise of me!
Posted by: Sissy at February 9, 2006 08:32 AM"But that'll all change once they are living together"
I laughed out loud when I read that line, because I know how true it's not :-)
Posted by: Harvey at February 9, 2006 08:39 AMI don't expect to be able to change anyone. I do however, expect not to be lied to, repeatedly.
Posted by: Deathknyte at February 9, 2006 09:01 AMHow people can delude themselves [probably time and time again] is beyond me. I know it comes from hope for a relationship, and maybe desperation... but it's just sad.
The only thing I tried to change about my husband was his clothes. That was easy; I threw everything out and replaced it! He never noticed. I think he's perfect... for me.
I like YOU just the way you are. ;)
Posted by: pam at February 9, 2006 09:03 AMIt's impossible to change someone unless they are wanting to change themself. Then it's not really you changing them it's them changing themself.
Posted by: Machelle at February 9, 2006 12:09 PMI married knowing full well that there was nothing I could change. We are who we are. In the end, you just kind of hope it wall works out, but people dont' change and women who think they can change men or vice versa, are in for a rude awakening.
Posted by: Bou at February 10, 2006 06:38 AM