February 01, 2006


On the way to work this morning I heard something that just really caught my attention.

They were talking about a couple of newlyweds. The woman had called in and complained because her husband was going out three nights a week with his friends and leaving her home alone. He and his friends even bought season tickets for some sporting team that didn't include any of the wives.

Seems she was a bit pissed off about the situation.

The question they put forth to the "radio audience" was "How many times a week should a man be allowed to go out with his friends?"

Ok - I got soooo many issues with this.

1) I would think they would want to spend time together. If he's goin' out so much then somethin' ain't clickin' at home. I'm just sayin'.

2) ALLOWED? ALLOWED????? I may be divorced, but I do have a few ideas about relationships and what works and what doesn't. Permission is not something that needs to be granted in a relationship. Clearing schedules, communication? YES. Permission? No. I cannot imagine asking or granting permission for anything in an adult relationship. Period.

Oh, let's talk about it - to make sure things don't get crossed and everyone knows what is going on. But if you wanna go - GO.

I so believe it is important that partners have seperate lives. You come into a relationship as two whole people. Being together creates a great TEAM. No one should lose their individuality or independence. Go out. Have a good time. But sometimes, go out together. Surely you have mutual friends? Right? Geez folks!!!

Anyway - that just tripped my wire and I thought I'd share it. What are your thoughts????

Posted by Tammi at February 1, 2006 06:34 PM

My thoughts are this: It shouldn't ahve to be about permission, but I gotta wonder why he married her if it's more important to spend time with his buds.

And why can't he include her once in a while? Surely some of the other guys have SO's they'd like to include once in a while.

Maybe if she was friends with the other girls, they could get together while the boys are out....

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 1, 2006 07:55 PM

When it comes down to it there is no "permission" within the parameters of a loving and faithful (adult) relationship.

My hubby does not dictate what I can and/or cannot do. It is all about mutual respect, and taking into consideration the needs of the others within our household while considering our own wants and needs.

Granting "permission"?? I don't think so.....

Posted by: Richmond at February 1, 2006 09:35 PM

They should just cut to the chase and get a divorce. Sounds like there's no real marriage there at all. 10 to 1 she railroaded him into marrying her and now is ticked off because he isn't being the nice lapdog she thought she was getting.

As for "permission" - what is he... 6 years old? If she wants a kid - she should have a baby - but don't treat your spouse like a child - nothing is more fatal to any relationship.

Or maybe we should turn the question around and ask her... do you ask HIS permission before you go out with your girlfriends?

It occurs to me this is one of several scenarios...the chickie is a manipulator - she wants everything her way - period - and he's doing his best to escape short of walking out. Or he was never ready to get married, but was wussie enough to let her talk him into it. OR the entire thing could've been made up by her because she's ticked about him going out with his buddies last night.

Ya never know. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at February 1, 2006 11:20 PM

Permission? Oh, I so do not think so. If my husband ever told me I needed his permission to do anything he would so regret that for the rest of his life.

Nobody and I mean nobody in my life will ever make me get their permission to do anything ever again.

I had enough of that while living at home. My mother was a master manipulator and even at the age of 28 she forced me to get her permission to do anything or she threatened to throw me out and she knew I didn't make enough money to live on my own.

Posted by: Machelle at February 2, 2006 07:38 AM

All you women are making me laugh. Every married guy I know, and I mean EVERY, has to check with the wife before going out. Say what you will about your husbands, but I'm pretty sure they do it to. If I want to go out and hang with some friends I have to check to see if it's okay which usually leads to a list of criteria I have to meet before I can go. Again thisis pretty common.

Yes, married men have to get permision to go out with thier friends. If they don't have it, what they come home to is a headache.

My question is this: What is so wrong with a guy going and hanging out with his friends 2-3 times a week? Is he in a bowling, dart or pool league? Has he been in it for years? Are you women saying that once he gets married he has to give up his normal social life?

I go out with out my wife maybe 2 times a month. I'm not complaining, it's just the way it is. But it's the mentality that guys can't go out that leads to the "ol' ball and chain" joke.

Posted by: Contagion at February 2, 2006 08:08 AM

Seconding Contagion. I need permission to go out.

Don't recall it ever being denied unless there was a scheduling conflict I'd forgotten about, but still, asking is a requirement for a happy marriage.

And it MUST be in the form of a question - "Can I go out?". Making it a declarative informational statement would bring trouble.

Posted by: Harvey at February 2, 2006 08:26 AM

Um sorry Harvey and Contagion... my husband doesn't need permission to do anything - as he's an adult I figure he can do what he wants.

Case in point - he stopped for a beer with the guys the other night before coming home from work. (this made me very happy - I worry about him not socializing enough) So he was late getting home. I figured it was a late call to Japan... but didn't worry about it. He knew we weren't doing anything special - we never do on weeknights. And I start dinner when I get around to it - if he's there we eat together. If not, I'll eat alone if I'm hungry or wait if I'm not.

If he's going out to dinner for business or with the guys from work, he tells me so I don't fix dinner for him too - then he'll call to remind me because he knows I'll forget... this happened a couple of weeks ago. *grin*

Now if he went out with the guys and was out til 2 in the morning without letting me know he'd be late - I'd likely be frantic thinking he had a car accident or something. But letting someone know your schedule is NOT the same as getting permission to do something. I'm just sayin'...

Posted by: Teresa at February 2, 2006 11:17 AM

Heh. I'm gonna have to roll with Harvey and Contagion on this one

I do nothing without informing my Chief Financial/Commanding Officer first.

Then when I make said request its usually followed with a "Why?" "How long?" "How much?" "Where?" "Whose going?"

Failure to aplly the appropriate responses will end with me babysitting the rest of the evening instead of bowling.

On the flip side of that, however, she understands that I have to have some time off for bad behavior, and as long she knows the where's, whose and etc's she rarely says no, much like Harvey said.

But boy, I feel like I'm going thru interogation training until then!

Posted by: BloodSpite at February 2, 2006 11:40 AM

Teresa, You pretty much just confirmed that your husband asks permission. He may not say, "Honey, is it all right if I go out with John and Tom tomorrow?" But he has to inform you. Stopping someplace on the way home from work if you expect him to be late is one thing, coming home and then going out is another.

Posted by: Contagion at February 2, 2006 12:19 PM