I am an overly focused person. No doubt about it. I see the trees. Lots and lots of trees - but have to really work at seeing the forest. It really frustrates me sometimes, and I know it makes me a somewhat boring person to be around. And to make it worse, that is VERY evident in my blogging.
So - I just want to apologize, up front, for the lack of content. I can't seem to think about much other than this new opportunity.
I didn't sleep so well last night. Not because I was excited. No, because I was angry. No, not just angry. Scared too. Angry and scared. The perfect formula for insomnia.
I'm angry because I had just come to terms with my life. I had FINALLY worked through the fact that I wasn't going to have a job I loved. I wasn't going to have a career anymore. I acknowledged the fact that what I do from 8-5 does not define who I am as a person. Now - I'm not satisfied. I want more. I want it NOW.
I'm scared because I have hope. I see an opportunity - a light. And I want it. AND I know I stand a chance. But I just don't think I can take the rejection again. The loss.
And that's what it would be. Loss. I just hate that word.
Let's just take it a step further. They have continually stressed that a big part of their decision will be based on how the winner's personality fits into the teams. Personality. Personal. Yep - now it's personal. Have I ever mentioned how I really don't handle rejection very well?!? Yeah, well, I don't.
So.....I just keep rolling this around and around in my mind. And, knowing me I'll continue to do just that for the next 6 days.
Damn.
But I do promise you this - I will not continue to write about it. This WILL be the last post on this subject until I hear their decision.
But damn.
Posted by Tammi at October 12, 2005 06:01 AMThe waiting is the hardest part isn't it? No one likes rejection in any form, but especially when you've poured your heart and soul into something that you really want.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers. Like in my situation, I know you and I will be guided to a better place and it will happen in time. Here's hoping we receive the patience and strength we need for the wait in the hallway!
Posted by: Michele at October 12, 2005 07:19 AMfingers crossed toes crossed, prayers and well wishes said........
Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at October 12, 2005 08:05 AM"This WILL be the last post on this subject until I hear their decision."
I'm calling bullshit :-)
Besides, it's you're damn blog. You post whatever strikes your fancy.
And I have a feeling this topic will be a fancy-striking bear over the next few days.
Posted by: Harvey at October 12, 2005 09:22 AMI don't know a single person who takes rejection well, m'dear.
But I don't think you're going to feel that feeling with this. You nailed it! Remember?!
Keep up the good thoughts, gal. And we'll keep sending prayers and warm thoughts, too.
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at October 12, 2005 11:02 AMI'm with Herby.
It's your blog, if you can't talk / dwell about something here then we'll get you a log in to Herby's place?
Really if you can't depend up us, the half-baked, half-drunk psycho's of the blogidohexiweb who can you depend on (don't answer that)? Sure Cody provides a bit of comfort and all, but is he really going to offer the snide comments you've come to expect?
Posted by: phin at October 12, 2005 11:17 AMYou're only half-drunk, Phin? You're doing something wrong...
But yup, Tammi, if you want to blog every day about how much you're waiting to hear, go ahead. I'm not sure that's healthy for you to be so obsessed, but it's a free country (mostly).
Posted by: Ogre at October 12, 2005 12:49 PMgirl you cant give up no matter what!! im counting on you, hehe. Btw... RED DEVIL is about the very subject. We have to keep fighting for ourselves, we have to stay free. All will be well, Tammi.
Posted by: talulazephyr at October 12, 2005 06:50 PMI agree. Talk about it all you want. It sounds like you have a good chance to get it, but remember that it won't be the end of the world if you don't. Nobody likes rejection, but sometimes it can lead to something better. Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes. You know we're all pulling for you because you deserve to be happy.
Posted by: Dash at October 12, 2005 07:01 PMWait a minute, Harvey is a demented VW? Hmmmmm. That explains a few things...
Talk away, and good wishes are headed towards you (and Michele).
Posted by: Laughing Wolf at October 12, 2005 08:10 PMPraying
Posted by: Emily at October 12, 2005 11:02 PMJersey fingers crossed!
Posted by: Jim - PRS at October 13, 2005 01:44 AM