So I went out the other night. Yes, on a date. Of sorts.
See, I go to Borders every week. I'm addicted to the John Sanford Prey series (Damn you T1G) and end up buying 2 every week.
Anyway - this guy is in there just about everytime I am. Being the shy wallflower I am, I start making jokes. Nothing major, no flirting. Just smart ass remarks during lunch. So the other day he asks if I want to go for drinks after work.
Ummmm....how do you say "not really" and not seem rude? Plus, I had no real reason NOT to go. A plus was a group from work was getting together that evening too - so if it was a real bomb I had a reason to leave. (I'm not a good liar and I really try to be nice. Honest - So it's easier when I have a real excuse and not something I just made up.)
He's nice. But....nothing. Not a damn thing. Brace yourselves....I struggled to make conversation. Me. Tammi. Couldn't think of anything to ask, discuss, joke. Nada.
So we had a drink....pleasant. And I left. I met my friends. I drank. Heavily. I forgot I hadn't eaten.
I hate dating. I don't think I'll be doing that again in the near future.
It's just I like comfortable. I like easy. Every guy I've dated seriously has STARTED out that way. No awkardness. Just us. I felt comfortable instantly. THAT is what I want.
Let's face it. I've been alone a long time. I talk too much (usually) but I also go spells where I won't talk at all. I come across as bossy - but it's never meant that way. In my heart I would never tell someone what to do. I just say it without thinking how it comes across. I can be vain. I can be proud. While not a dumb girl, some of the things I say make me shake my head in wonder. Yes, they can be that bad.
But I don't want to worry about that. I want to be accepted for who I am. I don't want to change people. Never have. If I like you I like you for a reason - for the person you are. What some people see as flaws I see as gems. I want that same kind of acceptance. But I guess I just don't have the energy anymore to go through that learning curve. That time when someone gets to know me, and vis versa.
I hate dating. I'm thinking after this week Cody and I are just fine the way we are.
Posted by Tammi at September 30, 2005 07:26 PMI'm like you. I hated dated. Truly hated it. If something were to happen to my husband, I would remain alone... the thought of dating again nauseates me.
So... you have my sympathy. :(
Posted by: Bou at September 30, 2005 09:04 PMPlease tell me that his nombre wan't Mark, and that he didn't wear a tam.
:)
Posted by: That 1 Guy at October 1, 2005 04:06 AMHere is hoping he does not call. Ick dating....I hated it too.
Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at October 1, 2005 07:31 AMPU, dating stinks. I hear ya all the way gf!! I hate being single, it makes me want to run and hide under a big blankie.
Posted by: talulazephyr at October 1, 2005 06:14 PMagreed, dating sucks. after i left the Psycho X, i told my friend Sarah H that i was going to date a lot for a while. she looked at me and said, "No you're not. You'll find one guy you like and get married. You're like me."
she was so right. i knew i really liked Frank and was fairly sure he really liked me before we went on our Grand Canyon date, or i wouldn't have asked him to go. after that wonderful 5 days, i didn't even look at another man. found the one i wanted.
Posted by: sarahk at October 2, 2005 07:46 AM