I've got a tough decision to make. Oh, I've been chewin' on it for years now...but the time is coming when I'll have to either shit or get off the pot.
I've mentioned that I'm adopted. But I don't know that I've talked about the fact that I'm thinking about finding my birth mother. Let me see if I can explain.
I've always been fine with the fact that I was adopted. I have great parents and am very happy with my life. But that did not prevent me from opening my file when I was 18.
My caseworker was always close with our family. I guess Mama called her as my 18th B day approached and asked for her advice about me looking into things.
MaryJo (my caseworker) remembered my B-mom very well and said that she had been reviewing the file and thought it might be a good idea.
It doesn't work well for everyone. I had a friend kill herself after finding out the details surrounding her birth. Others just don't want to know.
But I was curious. And I'm glad I read it. While I felt loved before - I KNOW how loved I am now. By both the wonderful parents that raised me and the woman that gave birth to me.
She left me a note. Hand written, explaining everything. She called MaryJo every year on my Bday - for no other reason than to tell SOMEONE that she remembered. That she wished me a happy day.
So.....everyone has been encouraging me to find her. Not as a mother - as a person who knows where I come from. Someone who can answer some questions. A friend (if luck would have it). Mama Vi is one of the biggest supporters of this.
MaryJo always said I am very like Charlotte. (My b-mom) Physically and other. She was a bit more laid-back than I am but overall-we have much in common.
I've delayed things long enough that MaryJo has since passed away. I'd have to do an all out search. Oh, I have more information than most concerning Charlotte. It wouldn't be hard to find her. Just cost money.
I do have so many questions. Questions about my heritage. And to see someone who looks like me (or rather that I look like). To let her know it's ok. That I have a wondeful life. That I understand. I think that's important for both of us.
And Mama Vi wants to meet her. She wants to thank her.
So.....with Mama Vi's health what it is, me getting older and Charlotte would be 62 now. None of us spring chickens. I need to make up my mind and then ACT.
But for some reason.....I just haven't done it. And I honestly don't know why.
Posted by Tammi at September 23, 2005 06:08 AMWill you regret it more if you dont?
That is the question.
Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at September 23, 2005 08:32 AMWill you regret it more if you dont?
That is the question.
Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at September 23, 2005 08:33 AMWill you regret it more if you dont?
That is the question.
Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at September 23, 2005 08:34 AMAW said it. All three times. ;)
Posted by: That 1 Guy at September 23, 2005 10:25 AMLike you said, not as a Mother, but as a friend. And the opportunity to let her know that you are, have been and continue to be okay and fulfilled with your life as it is. No matter what, any parent would want to know that not only did they make the right decision at the time, but that their child can tell them they made the right decision.
And like AW said, I think you would be regretful (to a degree) if you didn't. And Momma Vi wants the opportunity to say thank you to this woman herself.
Again, not everyone is as fortunate to have such a wonderful start or such wonderful parents to grow up with. The word needs to be continued that adoption is and can be a good experience for everyone. And I think you'd make a fine spokesfigure for it. (You've got the figure and you know how to 'spoke'!)
And if you need support, there is a world of people who will hang in the background whether you need it or not.
Posted by: Lee Ann at September 23, 2005 11:33 AMThat's a tough one. Perhaps you are dragging your feet because YOU have the closure YOU needed. You appear to be at peace with everything. You feel loved by both. There don't appear to be any real pressing questions. MaryJo allowed them all to be answered... in particular with the note.
I obviously have no concrete 'been there done that' advice. I have not walked in your shoes... but I do think it ultimately comes down to what AWTM said, will you regret it if you don't? Not for you, but for Mama Vi?
Posted by: Bou at September 23, 2005 02:25 PMTammi, I was gunna ask you about this the other day in your appartment. I don't know why it just popped in my head. I hope your mom has many more years with you, but I also think meeting you bmother would be good for you. Good luck in what ever you decide.
Posted by: Emily at September 24, 2005 11:19 PMOn a cold and logical note, finding out your genetic history for medical reasons is probably a good idea, if that helps tip the scales.
Posted by: Graumagus at September 25, 2005 09:45 AMIt's partly fear, Tammi. Same reason I haven't really searched - though I've posted contact and birthdate here and there.
BUT. You are in a much better state than I - you know a good bit more already, and you have the support of Mama Vi.
It's up to you - look when you are ready.
Posted by: Kathy K at September 25, 2005 11:32 AMOnly you know best whether it's a good idea for you or not, honey. . .but. . .
As a daughter born from a "birth mother" (her first was given for adoption) I think you might be surprised and delighted at how many people love you and only want the best for you.
Posted by: Margi at September 26, 2005 08:33 AM