Tammi's World

Meet the Neighbors

Oh.
My.
Goodness.

I met my neighbors. I think the best way to set the stage for this little story is to add music. As I don't have my DSL set up yet and I don't have the brain power to know how to link a tune I'm gonna ask you to use your imagination. Close your eyes before you read the next paragraph. Do you hear the banjos? No? Listen closely. They're there. They're dualing. Get the picture?

Ok then.....let's go back to last Wednesday evening. I hear Cody out barking like crazy in the back yard. So, being the responsible owner that I am I went to see what was causing such a rukus.

ME: "WTF are you doing?!?! Damnit - shut up!!"

L (female type neighbor) yelling over fence: Hey! We're sittin' out back havin' a few beers - come join us!

Me: "Ok. Thanks - I'll be right there.

L: Bring Cody - he can play with our dog.

So I put Cody on his leash and start down the street. I was pretty nervous as Cody isn't the best behaved dog at this point and plus....new people! No backup! Yikes!!

I met L's better half S and everyone seemed very nice. We posted the dogs off the back of the deck and everyone was sharing stories. I was NOT drinking. New people.....don't know them....yeah - I'll stick to Diet Coke, thank you very much.

However - within an hour and a half L was slurring and having a hard time with that whole walking thing. S was out in the yard. I noticed the dogs chains were tangled so I went out to undo them. S is asking me a question so I look up to answer. There he was - standing with his back to me peeing next to the garage. Yes - I said peeing.

Let's get one thing straight. It is a man (or womans) God Given Right to pee on their garage if they want to. HOWEVER......if you have female company over, that you did not know, you might want to either walk to the other side and do it or maybe even restrain.

Folks - we were sitting on the deck - off the back of the house - the bathroom was closer than where he walked to piss. I'm sorry - call me a snob, but that's just bad form.

So...back to the party. L is planning long shopping trips together, fire pits, football games and holiday meals. No Lie. She was sitting there planning on what I could make for Thanksgiving dinner!! Whoa Nelly.

I stayed for about 2 hours total and then Cody and I came home. Holy Cow!

Fast forward to Friday evening. It had been a long week....my neck was bothering me and I had a migrane. So I heat up my little heating bag, put Cody out and hunker down for a nice quiet evening.

Bang, Bang, Bang.

Someone's at the door.

Oh Shit. It's L. And she is loaded!

L: Hey - come on down! We've got a bunch of people over and we want you to join us. We really like you - please come down.

Me: Tonite is just not good for me. I've got a pretty bad headache and it's just been a long week. Thank you - but I just can't.

L: Well, we really like you. If we're not your kind of people or you think we're not good enough.......

Me (who HATES when people play the guilt card): No. L! Really- I just don't feel well tonite. It's not that at all.

L: OK - We're having a cookout all day tomorrow. Bring a nice salad. Oh - and if your door is open, in this neighborhood it means it's alright to come visit.

Me: *blink blink* OK.

Damn.

Damn damn damn damn damn.

I didn't go Saturday. I made the salad - it was good. I didn't go.

I now sit in my home with the front door shut. All. The. Time. That kinda bites as it's the one window I can open to get fresh air in.

But I'm hiding. I'm hiding from the neighbors.

Now don't take this wrong. They're nice. I don't hate them. Yet.

But I don't want to be her long lost sister returned from abroad either.

So once I get the swing out in the yard and a nice table and chairs - I'll have them over, put a fire in the pit and be sociable.

Maybe.

Posted by Tammi at May 24, 2005 06:00 AM